You Were There
by harperpitt
Summary: Young and struggling actress Bella Swan has just moved from Seattle to NYC, where she meets hot doctor Edward Cullen, but it's not that easy, for both have some baggage to carry. AH/AU, canon couplings and rated M. Fluff, drama, and Edward in scrubs...
1. Stick a Pin in My Balloon

**Hey, this is my first time on FanFiction and I'm nervous as hell. Be gentle, will you? **

**This story will have about thirty chapters.**

**And here it comes: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Ace of Clubs")**

****

CHAPTER 1**: Would You Like to Stick a Pin in My Balloon?**

BELLA

Great. It's Friday night and I am at a party that Alice forced me to come to. I'm tired after a long day of rehearsing and frankly, I just want to sit on my couch, have a bowl of popcorn, watch an episode of _Mad Men_ and have my cat warm my feet. Well, running across the apartment and driving me nuts is more like it, but that's beside the point. I don't want to socialize. I mean, I've only _known_ Alice for three weeks, how could she coerce me into this? The answer to that is relatively easy: she's a scheming, evil little pixie with an unusual brand of charm, who convinced me that I need to meet people from the outside world, the 'real' world, as she put it.

"_There'll be quite a few, single, heterosexual guys, you know," she said, with that sugar-sweet and hopeful expression in her large, blue-green eyes._

"_Alice, really, I'm not up to meeting a man. I've been through enough shit during the past year…"_

"_You're not supposed to find someone to marry," she said, pouting. "Just, you know, have a little fun, Bella." She batted her eyelids. "Pu-lease?"_

_And I knew she wouldn't take no for an answer._

So here I am, wearing my favourite, navy-blue woollen dress and holding on to a glass of white wine.

"I'm so glad you came!" she squeals, almost jumping up and down. I wish I had her energy.

"Thanks for the invitation. Wow, your apartment is breathtaking. Did you decorate it yourself?'"

I turn around to take it all in. High ceilings and deep carpets, a big leather sofa and several lounging chairs. There are works of art on the wall facing the fireplace, and I can tell they're unique. Rows and rows of books, and plants and flowers – everywhere.

"Thank you! Well, I did it with my Mum's help. She's an interior designer, you know."

"Wow."

I take a large sip of my white wine, which, by the way, is delicious. Dry and juicy and invigorating.

Alice looks lovely, her spiky chestnut hair pointing in every which direction. She's tiny, but she exudes this enormous, vivaciousness and energy. Tonight, she's wearing a little black dress with white polka dots. No one but her could get away with that.

We chat a little and I feel really quite good in her company. A few minutes later, Jasper, her boyfriend, joins us. I like him as well, even though I've only met him two times prior to today. He's tall, which looks cute and funny in contrast to her. Everything about them is a contrast, really. He's rather quiet, and, I guess, about ten years older than she is. He's a writer and history professor. His eyes are grey, and he has this way of making you feel comfortable.

"How's the play doing?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. I can see, again, why Alice fell for him in the first place. I dig his Southern lilt, as well. He told me he was from Texas when we met the first time a couple of weeks ago.

"Quite okay." I shrug. "But considering it's low budget and an off-off thing, rehearsal times are a little overwhelming. We're at it six days a week. I'm almost glad I have this smallish part, otherwise I wouldn't know how to keep working at the bar."

"Bella!" Alice cries, "I told you, you _need_ to get an agent!"

"I know. But it's not that easy to find one. New York's full of actors, after all…"

I sigh. I've been trying to find an agent for the past six months, since the week I moved to New York in the first place, actually, but with work at the bar in order to earn a living, auditioning whenever the chance arose, and just trying to grab every acting job that presented itself, not much has come of it.

"Well, that's why you have to meet more people!" Alice's expression is a little frightening it's so decided. "If I have to personally schlep you to every party and function in my reach myself."

"I'm not a party-person, Alice."

Jasper chuckles while he takes a chug of his beer.

"I know another one of those, although I doubt he'll grace us with his presence tonight," he says.

Alice groans softly and runs a hand through her hair.

"My little brother, that old sourpuss."

"Did he even say he'd come?" Jasper asks.

"No. He'll probably call tomorrow and tell me he had to work. Like always."

For a second, a streak of deep sorrow breaks through Alice's eternal sunshine.

She then turns back to me.

"Hey, Bella, what do you think? Come shopping with me tomorrow?" Her eyes dance with anticipation. "We'll need to get you some dresses for the play, anyway."

Alice is a costume designer, and she's responsible for our clothes in the play. That's how I met her: she came to one of our rehearsals to introduce herself and take measurements of the lead characters. Not me, but we met, and I liked her instantly, her buoyant, naïve, carefree way with everyone. Even Riley, our somewhat creepy director seemingly didn't intimidate her.

Actually, I'm rather enjoying myself at Alice and Jasper's party. About forty people are cramming their apartment, and I do meet a number of people I'd actually like to see again. There's this guy, Raoul, who's been complimenting me on my huge dark eyes for about twenty minutes, and he's nice, and funny, and attractive, and he keeps asking about my acting career. Apparently, he thinks being an actor is glamorous, so I don't tell him about my job at the bar. It's just too nice to have a little attention, you know? He keeps showering me with sweet words, and I'm flattered.

Maybe, just maybe, I'm not the Cat Lady after all.

The party is in full swing, people are dancing, and the place looks like a madhouse. Everyone's drinking and laughing, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy myself, though I politely decline the joint that Raoul is offering me. Going to the kitchen, which is also crammed with people, I get myself another glass of wine. Everyone is laughing like banshees at a guy burping loudly. I quickly fill my glass with chilled white wine and make my way back to the living room. This really is a lovely and quite impressive apartment, either Jasper's books are selling extremely well or one of them must be loaded – Alice can't be making that sort of money by designing costumes for low budget productions such as our current one of Chekhov's _Three Sisters. _There are large bookshelves on the walls and I take the time to study some of the titles. History mostly, and costumes, and, well, costume history.

I can see Jasper across the room and he gives me a friendly smile before returning his attention to the guy he's talking to. I can only see his back, noticing the uncommon colour of his hair. It's like bronze, and quite wild. Artfully dishevelled probably describes it best. I see him run a hand through it, noticing his long fingers. Jasper nods in response to him, compassionately patting his back, then gesturing towards the kitchen, probably suggesting a drink. As they proceed, I chance a look at him, strangely intrigued by his presence. When I see his face, I gasp. This is quite possibly the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my entire life. And I mean _beautiful,_ not handsome or attractive. He looks as if he'd stepped out of a Botticelli painting, as if he'd been chiselled out of marble. A sharp jaw line, a long fine nose, full, sumptuous pink lips and long-lashed, almond shaped eyes. He's tall, well built, and broad-shouldered. All in all, he looks like an Armani model. I swallow and try to pick up my tongue from the floor, hurriedly busying myself with the bookshelf. I think my heartbeat just sped up a little, too. I think I've seen an apparition. A beautiful apparition. A couple of minutes later I scan the room as inconspicuously as I can until my eyes settle on him once more. This time, I see his profile, and I need to swallow again. Is he even real?

Raoul accosts me then, and I try and make small talk. He's a little stoned, and quite drunk, which suits me fine, since I can talk to him while continuing to ogle my Mysterious Stranger and hopefully won't get caught. He seems worried, or angry, or sad, I cannot decipher it, but clearly, he's not happy. Yet he still looks fabulous, wearing dark jeans and a pale blue button down with the sleeves rolled up, showing off some rather muscular forearms.

"And so I'm sayin', 'Get the fuck outta here'," Raoul rambles on. "But he's like, 'I sure will not, 'so I'm like, 'Dude you'd better listen to me…'"

I zone out, staring at my own McDreamy, who is running a hand through his already messy sex hair.

_I wonder how that would feel beneath my fingers…_

"And then, he punches me, so I punch him right back…"

He talks with his hands a lot, his beautiful, long fingers flying through the air. I see Alice walk up to him, and they hug closely, and for quite some time. McDreamy kisses her ear. Hm. Jasper sure is not the jealous kind. Not that he isn't handsome himself, but if it were _my_ girlfriend this obscenely hot guy was kissing, I'd be a little pissed.

Sexy shakes his head with a look of anguish, then says something to Alice to which she listens with a serious look on her face.

_I bet he smells nice._

"Isabella?" Raoul pulls me out of my reverie.

"Sorry, Raoul, what were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you wanted another glass of wine."

"Oh, um, yes please."

He takes my empty glass and scampers off to the kitchen, and I return to looking at the books so as not to be too obvious at checking out my Hot Guy.

"Bella!" Alice's happy girlish voice is behind me. "I want to introduce my cranky, party-poop of a brother to you."

I smile as I turn around to face her.

"Nice introduction, Alice. I'm sure he…"

_Fuck. Me. Hard._

"You're sure? What?" Alice's chirpy voice yanks me out of my stupor.

"Oh… erm… Nothing?"

_God since when does my voice sound like I'm on helium?_

"Hi." Hot Guy/McDreamy/Greek God smiles. A breathtaking, crooked, panty-dropping smile. "I'm Edward."

Green. His eyes are green. The greenest green I've ever seen. I stare at him. This close, he's even taller than I thought.

"Bella?" Alice says, "Are you okay?"

I nod numbly.

_AM I okay?_

"Hi," I say. "I'm Bella."

He takes my hand, and a shiver runs through me. His hand is large, and soft, and a little cool.

"I told Bella that you probably wouldn't show up, but now you're here, I'm glad for the two of you to meet. Edward, Bella's an actress, and a freakin' good one, too. She plays Natasha in the play I'm currently doing, you know, the one I told you about? _Three Sisters_?" She turns to me. "Edward _loves _Chekhov!"

He scratches the back of his neck in an almost shy manner. The upper buttons of his shirt are open, and I can see a smattering of hair peek out. He slowly licks his lower lip.

_God. Kill. Me. Now._

"You do?" I croak.

"Well, not in a scholarly way, but yes, I like him. I think he and Tennessee Williams among them wrote some of the greatest plays of the 20Th century."

And then, I get it. Of course. How could I be so stupid? Why would little Alice even introduce her gorgeous God of a brother to me? The hands, and the almost feminine way he uses them. The delicate beauty, Tennessee Williams, the artful mess of hair… Armani model is gay.

======oOo======

An hour later, we're side by side in a quiet corner of the room. After my initial klutziness we began talking, and we haven't stopped since. We started off on plays and authors, and then got to films and music. Edward asked me tons of things about acting, but never the obvious stuff, as Raoul did, never the "Oh, have I seen you on TV?" stuff. He wants to know what it is like, and why I wanted to go into acting in the first place. So I tell him about my childhood in Seattle, where my dad is a police officer, and also how my mother left us when I was nine years old to never return, and how I started taking ballet lessons and acting in school plays because my dad always thought I was too shy, and the child psychologist recommended I should get out more. As I have absolutely no talent in sports to this day, I chose an artistic outlet, and that's where I stayed hooked. Ten years and countless school plays later, when I told my dad that I was serious about becoming an actress, he wasn't exactly thrilled, but seeing that it was what made me happy, he promised to support me in every possible way when I applied to the University of Washington's Drama Section.

"How long have you been in New York?" Edward's eyes are mesmerizing, and I can feel that he is genuinely interested

"For six months only." I bite my lip, suddenly embarrassed that I'm going on and on about myself. I've been telling him about the plays I've been in and the low-budget films I've made, I even told him about my difficulty in finding an agent in New York, and my job at the bar.

"What?" He slightly cocks his head. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry. I don't normally talk this much about myself…"

It's just that I feel so damn relaxed with him. His presence makes me feel strangely peaceful and… yes, _secure._ Under any other circumstances, I would probably have tried to impress him, or ask him lots of questions about himself so I could then proceed to admire him and make him feel great. It does work with most men. It always worked with-

_No, don't go there. Not when you're having such a lovely evening._

I feel natural with Edward, and since he's playing for the other team, there's no need to pretend to be anything I'm not.

"Don't be sorry," he says softly. "I did ask you. And I did because it interests me."

"Well, you know quite a lot about me by now, and I know literally nothing about you, which is not fair. You never even told me what you do for a living."

_I bet he's a designer, or a painter. Or a hair stylist? That would explain the Miracle Hair._

"I'm a doctor."

_Or a doctor. See?_

"Wow. Where?"

"Lenox Hill. That's why I came so late, you know. I had to work. "

"Well, I guess you're quite the hit with the patients, be they male or female," I say and smile.

He gives me an odd stare, and takes a sip of his white wine.

I feel a little uncomfortable and play with my necklace.

"You have the most beautiful eyes," he says, his voice so soft I almost don't hear it. "But I guess about everyone tells you that, right?"

"Thank you…" I murmur.

His pocket rings.

_Moon River_. I smile.

"Sorry," he mumbles, taking out the phone and checking the caller ID. The expression on his face changes, becoming hard, his jaw tensening. He utters a tiny, heartbreaking sigh and slips the phone back into his pocket, where it continues ringing for some moments before it abruptly stops. I guess the answering machine will be picking up. From the look on his face, it's probably some stalkerish ex-lover. I refrain from commenting, and ask him if he wants another drink.

He nods, and together, we walk to the kitchen. I can feel his hand at the small of my back. It feels good, but I quickly chide myself.

_Get realistic, Bella. You've had enough shit in your love life to last for a long, long time. No need to fall for a super-humanly beautiful gay man._

We clink our glasses together and return to our quiet corner.

When I check my watch, it's after one a.m. and we're still sitting in our corner, talking about everything that comes to our heads, conversation never wearing short. He's incredibly funny, with a quirky, raunchy, and always self-deprecating sense of humour, his long fingers fluttering in the air when he describes something, or rumpling his hair when he's searching for words. I haven't laughed this much in a long time, and it's liberating. I'm a little tipsy as well, feeling so comfortable in his presence, feeling that I can tell him everything, and he won't judge. It is as if we'd known each other forever, not just a few hours.

I am still dumbfounded by his brilliant good looks, the beautiful high cheekbones, the soft pouty lips, the light trace of a two days' worth of stubble, and that heartbreaking, slightly lopsided smile. It's hard to guess at his age, and I can't decide whether he's closer to thirty or forty.

He tells me about his years at medical school, despite his initial wish to become a pianist.

"But my dad was completely against it. He just wanted me to follow in his footsteps. So I did, and went into cardiac surgery, like he did. He always told me it was too insecure a lifestyle as an artist."

"Well, maybe he was right," I smile sheepishly. "Look at me, working in a bar, rehearsing for an off off show…"

"Your day will come," he says with an odd certainty.

"You haven't even seen me act!"

"True enough. But I'm sure you're brilliant. And the seeing-you-act-part will be remedied soon. When's your first night again? Ali told me, but I forgot…"

"May 3rd."

"I'll be there." There's a soft smile on his lips. I get the impression he's about to say something when his cell rings again. Just like the first time, he sees who's calling and lets it ring.

"Sorry," he says.

Across the room, Alice is calling out shots.

"You're in?" He looks at me through long, long lashes.

"Sure."

He takes my hand as we cross the room, and once again, there's this warm tingle that goes from his palm into mine, going through my arm to my chest, ending in a warm ball at the bottom of my stomach.

The apartment is emptier. Alice's cheeks are reddish; she's plastered, standing on a chair holding a bottle of vodka above her head. Jasper is holding her by her legs; clearly worried she'll land on her ass.

"What are we drinking to?" Raoul slurs. Wow, he's still here, and he was wasted and stoned even four hours ago.

"To a fuck-tastic new year!" Alice sings.

"It's February, Ali," Edward reminds her.

"To a marvellous Valentine's Day, then!" she declares.

I can see Edward raise an eyebrow and sigh slightly. Well, whatever shit he's going through with his boyfriend or lover or whatever, I'm on the same page.

We down our shots, and I shudder. Edward chuckles, shaking his head in quiet amusement.

Second and third shots follow, and my head is starting to feel a little fuzzy. When Alice raises the bottle for a fourth round, I shake my head.

"Are you okay?" Edward is close to me, looking concerned.

"Yeah, I… I guess I just need a little air. I think I'll step outside for a moment." I turn for the direction of the balcony.

"Care for company?"

"Um… yes."

We step into the chilly night air. Six floors below, the New York traffic has slowed down. I shiver a little.

"Wait." He runs back inside and returns after a moment with an afghan, which he wraps around my shoulders. Such a caring, gentle gesture.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He gazes down on me. His eyes are dark and glistening from the light of the almost full moon above us. There's a slight smile around his lips.

"What?" I smile back. "Do I amuse you?"

He takes a moment to answer while the smile reaches his eyes as well.

"You seem so very young," he says. "I can't quite connect that with how worldly-wise and well read you are."

"I'm hardly worldly-wise," I snort, blushing a little. He never takes his eyes off of me.

"And so very, very…" He sighs a little, a shade of pain, or sorrow, crossing his eyes. "Beautiful."

I swallow, unsure what to make of this. Here is this obscenely beautiful man that I cannot have, telling me I'm beautiful.

"Did I say something wrong?" he inquires softly. "You seem… discontented."

"No… No. I'm just… confused, I guess…"

"About what?"

"You," I state sincerely.

"Why?"

"I don't quite know what to make of this-" I gesture between us. "Of you."

He brings his face closer to mine, so close that I can actually feel the breath on my face.

_Fuck he smells good._

"I like you, Isabella," he says softly. "And I think you're beautiful."

I swallow.

"And to be perfectly honest, I'd like to kiss you very, very badly right now."

At this moment, two things happen simultaneously. His phone starts ringing again, and Alice pops her head out on the balcony.

"You two must be freezing," she says. "Come in, we're playing charades!"

My heart is hammering away in my chest, and my knees are a little wobbly.

"Just a second, Ali," Edward says, checking his phone, and finally turning it off with an exasperated groan.

Could I have been mistaken? I had my assumption based on my observations earlier tonight but, truth be told, he never once mentioned anything that would lead to the conclusion that, indeed, he is gay.

_Oh my God. If he's straight..._

_Wait. He's interested in me?_

"Come on in, you two!" Alice whines.

"Just one _second_, okay?" he says in a clipped voice.

"Okay, okay…" Alice raises her hands. "Sorry."

She goes back inside, closing the door behind her.

"Well." Edward shrugs, his brow furrowed. "Way to kill a good moment, right?"

"Yeah…" I'm still too taken aback to form a coherent thought, incapable of saying anything remotely intelligent.

And then he does it again, bending his head so his face is close to mine.

"If I asked you if you'd care to have dinner with me sometime…" He does this lip-licking thing again and it makes my whole body tingle.

"Would you say yes?" His warm, sweet breath washes over my face.

"Yes…"

"Yes?"

His face lights up. I haven't seen him this happy all night.

"That makes me very, very happy," he says. And then, when I think thing can't get much better, he puts a soft, chaste kiss on my cheek, lingering there for a second longer than is appropriate to categorize as "chaste".

When we get back in, there's only a dozen or so people left, sitting on the couch or ambling on the carpet, playing a very inebriated version of Truth or Dare.

"I guess charades were beyond them," Edward whispers in my ear, snickering.

We never partake, sitting side by side in the loveseat, lost in our thoughts, our thighs touching lightly. I can still feel his warm lips on my cheek, and I can't get over his clean, manly, utterly stimulating smell.

Alice giggles about something and Raoul is passed out in an armchair with his legs dangling over the armrest. Everyone's arguing over the correct rules of Truth or Dare when the doorbell rings.

"Ooops," Alice cackles. "Are we being too loud? It's only like four in the morning…"

Jasper gets up.

"I'll go."

Everybody is silent for a few moments.

"You really think it's the neighbours?" I muse. "The music isn't loud anymore…"

That's when we hear a female voice from the hall, husky and hysterical.

"I don't fucking care what fucking time it is, Jasper! I need to see him. Now!"

I can positively feel the change in Edward's posture and expression, his hands balling into fists, his jaw line hard. He closes his eyes for a second, as if trying to summon his strength.

Alice's eyes are huge as she stares at him.

"Oh, no," she mouthes.

Edward gets up, and I miss his physical presence immediately.

"I'll go get her. No need for you to see the show." He grabs his coat, puts a kiss on top of his sister's head and vanishes towards the hall, where the woman is still yelling at Jasper. Then we hear her start crying, and Edward's low voice. A moment later, the front door closes, and it's silent.

"Wow," Alice says, shaking her head. "I think I'm sober now."

Jasper returns to the living room, a pained expression on his face. Alice gets up and wraps her arms round his slender waist.

"She _needs _to get treatment," he says. He looks so sad, his grey eyes hooded.

"I know," Alice whispers. A sole tear runs down her cheek "But_ she_ needs to want that", she sniffles.

By now, everyone but Raoul, who is blissfully drooling himself in the armchair, looks up at the two of them, waiting for an explanation. My heart is doing a crazy race.

"Sorry for that, guys," Alice says, wiping away a few more tears. "That was Tanya."

Jasper kisses her brow, lightly massaging her neck, and Alice utters a deep, heartfelt sigh.

"Edward's wife."

****

"**You Were There" – Noel Coward, "Tonight at 8.30"**

**Please leave a review if you liked it!**


	2. Hear Me  Hear Me

**I do not own Twilight or any of its sequels, prequels or whatever-quels. **

**Glad we have that out of the way.**

**Just a little lyric, and Edward will be right by your side.**

You were there

I saw you and my heart stopped beating

You were there

And in that first enchanted meeting

Life changed its tune

The stars, the moon

Came near to me,

Dreams that I dreamed, like magic it seemed

To be clear to me, dear to me.

You were there,

Your eyes looked into mine and faltered,

Everywhere

The colour of the whole world altered.

Life changed its tune

My universe tumbled in two

The earth became heaven, for

You were there.

(Noel Coward,_ Tonight at 8.30_)

**Chapter 2: Hear Me-Hear Me**

BELLA

„Oh my God, what _is_ it with men these days?"

Seth is taking a huge bite of his second super-sized muffin. It's gross, he's already had scrambled eggs with bacon and hash browns. How can that man eat and eat and never gain one pound?

"I have no idea," I shrug, and continue peeling the label off of my bottle of water. We're sitting side by side at our favourite coffee shop off Bleeker Street, facing the sidewalk, watching people go about their business. It's past noon, and I have told Seth every detail about last night. I'm miserable.

"The thing is," I say, biting my thumbnail, "he didn't _seem _like a manwhore at all. He seemed to be a little shy even…you know? And so very… I don't know… Gentlemanly? And _sweet_."

"Yeah," Seth munches. "He just asked you for a date, wanted to kiss you and_ forgot_ to mention he's married, oops."

He finishes the giant muffin and throws the napkin on his plate.

"Man, was that yummy."

"How can you stuff your face all the time like this?"

"Jealous, huh?" He grins; a large, white-toothed honest grin, and his eyes twinkle through black-rimmed Prada glasses. "I'm a big boy," he shrugs, then turns serious again. "So what did you do then?"

"What could I do? I left. After all, it was four a.m."

"And did Alice give any further explanation?"

"No. Or if she did, I wouldn't know. I left directly after them, I was so pissed."

"Strange." Seth slowly shakes his head. He's met Alice a couple of times by now, and they instantly hit it off when I invited her for cocktails at my place. Also, she was mighty impressed with Seth's works. It does come in handy, when you're an actor, to have a best friend who works as a photographer.

Seth has been my best friend for the best part of our lives.

Our families always were close, my dad and his being best friends for I don't know how long. Forever, to me. We grew up like siblings, even more so after my mother left. Seth's mom Sue became my substitute mother, and I spent literally all the time at their house, accepting his sister Leah as my role model and big sister for all intents and purpose. Seth and I always were close, and it grew even closer over the years. We were inseparable, dressing up and pretending, playing and living in our own, colourful, children's world. I ate dinner at their house all the time, and it only seemed natural that Charlie would be there, as well. We were family. Maybe we had this close connection because Seth and Leah had lost their dad early on, as Sue had her husband. Charlie and Harry had been quite close, and then Harry died from a heart attack at the age of 40, leaving his wife with two young kids. The hurt and pain of those years will always connect us and be with us, but it's also what made our friendship. A relationship that is stronger than the often-quoted blood-related ones. They're family. More so since Dad and Sue married four years ago after being close friends and then lovers for the longest time. These two had truly gotten their happily ever after, healing each other's wounds, their hearts mending after so much hurt in the past. It was more than I could ever wish for. They bought a cute little house only last year.

So, when Seth decided to move to New York to get along with his career, I was heartbroken. We'd phone and text all the time, and he came back for the holidays, but I still missed him terribly. After about two years, he started suggesting that I should follow him and come to New York, but at that time, my life in Seattle was great: I had a fantastic boyfriend who was successful with his own business, and a very promising career; I had Dad and Sue and my friends. Then, when things turned sour, aka my heart was ripped out of my chest and trampled upon, I decided that it was time to move on. I was sad at leaving Dad and Sue, but apart from that, it proved cathartic to leave all the bad memories behind and try a fresh start. I couldn't have made it without Seth, though. When I first arrived, I stayed at his place for weeks until I'd found an affordable apartment. He introduced me to his friends and acted as my guide and protector; always fiercely loyal and encouraging, helping me get auditions through his own contacts and unfaltering in his belief in me.

He even stopped talking to his cousin for a couple of moths after he broke up with me, and thus, broke my heart.

"Bells? Are you there? Hellooooo!" He snaps a finger in front of my eyes. "What's going on, babe?"

"Nothing." I smile and quickly kiss his cheek. "I love you to bits, Sethy."

"Awww. Now ain't that cute." He gives me a huge dimple-cheeked grin. "I love you, too." He puts a smacking kiss on my own cheek. " So are you ready to forget about your Greek God slash man whore?"

"Yep. No use moping. And the good thing is, I never need to see him again. Now tell me, what were you up to last night?"

He mentioned on the phone that he met someone "breathtakingly beautiful".

"Well", Seth gets quite excited. "I went to this club, Fat Black Pussycat, with Brady and Jared. Have you been there at all by now?" He raises one eyebrow, knowing full well that I haven't. "Really, Bells, you need to GO OUT more! Anyway, we had one hell of a time, and it was HILARIOUS when Brady jumped on one of the boxes and took his shirt off to show his new tattoo to – well, pretty much everyone… And then, when I went to the bar to get another drink, there was this _seething_ hot guy. You know, tall, and a little androgynous, and so fucking pretty. We started talking, and then we danced and we kissed on the middle of the dance floor and oh my God he's an amazing kisser! Brady and Jared left somewhere around four, but he and I stayed and I went home with him and we had sex, like, all night and you wouldn't believe the things he does with his –"

"Seth…" I look at him pleadingly.

"Cock."

Seth loves to share the gory details of his colourful love life with me, whether I want to hear them or not.

"Does he have a name?"

"His cock? I don't know. Wondercock? Superjunk?"

"The man attached to the cock. Jeez, Seth you're such a superficial little slut."

"I'm _not _little." He grins. "Collin."

"And are you going to see _Collin _again?"

We have this conversation every other week. While I am spending Saturday nights with my cat, Seth picks up one one-night stand after the other. Not that I mind, as long as he's being safe, but maybe we should both just steer a little bit more towards the middle of the road.

"Absolutely! He's really… sweet, you know."

"What does he do?"

"I'll find out, eventually." Seth smirks joyfully. "But I know what he is capable of doing…"

"Argh…" It's all I can do not to hit my forehead on the table.

"_And_ I'm meeting him tonight."

"That's nice!"

"Listen have you anything planned?"

"Besides work tonight? No."

"I'm meeting Leah at Bloomingdale's to get a birthday present for Ma, do you want to come along? We could get her something from all three of us."

"Oh, yes! Actually, I was thinking about what I should give her only the other day. I even called Dad, but you know how clueless he is with these things."

Seth chuckles, and tucks into his banana bread.

=====oOo=====

We meet Leah and Sam, her fiancé, half an hour later. It's a sweet reunion. Strolling through the departments of Bloomingdale's, we chat and catch up on each other's lives. Leah bears a strong resemblance to her brother (and mother), black hair and black eyes, reminders of their Native American ancestry. Which, of course, Jake has, as well.

After an hour or so we agree that the safest present is to make Sue have a nice time by giving her and Charlie two nights at a fancy New York hotel, complete with dinner and a Broadway show. They'll be able to see their kids and will be pampered a little.

We discuss this over coffee when Seth's cell rings and he answers it, a huge beaming smile on his face. He steps in front of the coffee shop and I watch him, all cooing and flirting and lovey-dovey. I'm happy for him.

Leah clears her throat. "Um, Bella, we should be asking Quil and Claire as well to take part, and I'm sure they'll go with it."

"Yeah," I agree. "That's great. We might include a spa trip or something…"

"But…" Leah scratches her neck in discomfort. "You know, that would mean we'd have to ask Jake as well…" She frowns a little, squinting her black eyes, which look so much like her brother's.

As always, my stomach cringes a little at the mention of his name, but I quickly compose myself.

"Sure. No prob."

"'Kay." Leah is visibly relieved.

We chat a bit more about the present and what hotel to choose and which show to pick, and then Sam asks me about the play I'm rehearsing. Even though I have the suspicion that he thinks that Chekhov is the name of an exotic disease. He and Leah fell in love a week after she moved to New York, meeting on a wildlife project protecting wolves or something.

When Seth returns he practically glows, but on checking my phone for the time, I realize it's time to get home and change for work. I kiss everyone goodbye and run to the subway.

EDWARD

I light a cigarette, nervously tapping my foot. It's the second one today. More than I had over the last fortnight. I don't really smoke, except when I'm nervous or agitated. At the moment, I am both, and I can't wait for my sister to appear after I called and begged her for an emergency meeting. Now, I'm waiting at our traditional bench near the Bethesda fountain. The sun is shining, and the temperature has risen a little, as well. Everybody seems to be outside to enjoy the warmer temperature, Central Park slowly awakening from it's winter sleep.

Taking another drag of my cigarette, I rest my elbows on my knees, going through last night's events for the umpteenth time.

I saw her after I'd been at Alice's for maybe fifteen minutes. She was standing by the bookshelf all by herself, her long, dark hair curling around her shoulders, and she was smiling at something she was reading. She turned round at some point, and I think my heart stopped for a second. She was extraordinarily beautiful.

When I was a small kid, my favourite fictional character used to be Snow White. (Yeah, growing up amongst women does shit to a boy.) I' d pester Mum no end to let me see the movie over and over and over again, for I was enthralled by this beautiful girl and her white skin and dark hair and rosy lips. And I adored her huge dark eyes. I imagined myself as her prince and I had a lunchbox in kindergarten with her picture. Well, that is, until the other boys started to make fun of me. Serious fun. So I exchanged it for the safer image of Donald Duck. I kept my lunchbox in my room, though, and used it to hold my crayons. I still got to see my dreamgirl every day.

I don't mean to say that Isabella looks like a Disney character, but, to me, she is the essence of my very first, childhood, love, the milky white of her soft, flawless skin contrasting the dark halo of hair, soft, full lips set in a cute little pout. She is slim but not skinny, luscious curves showing beneath her dress. There was a glow about her, a sparkle, that made me want to run to her and bury my face between those delectable breasts. So when Alice joined Jasper and me last night, I asked her to introduce us, and she agreed with a knowing smirk, murmuring something that sounded like, "I thought so."

"Edward, ugh. Put out that disgusting cancer stick. It stinks."

And here comes Alice.

She stands on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and takes the coffee I brought. She's dressed in a flaming red coat and a matching hat.

"Hey, Ali. Thanks for coming."

"Of course, brother dear. What is it? About last night? What happened?"

I shrug, suppressing my need to light another cigarette.

"I took her home, tried to calm her and ended up giving her some herbal sleeping shit."

Alice nods sadly.

"Fuck, Ali, I completely fucked up with Isabella, didn't I?"

"I was going to ask you, anyway. What _was _going on there between the two of you?"

"I like her, Ali. I really like her. What did she say after we left?"

"Nothing much. Everyone was quite flustered as to what was going on, so I just said that it was Tanya, and that she is having some problems."

"And Isabella?"

"She left almost directly after you did. Said she was really tired."

"Did she seem… distressed?"

"Yeah, she did, though I wouldn't…" Alice's eyes widen with shock. "Oh no, Edward I think I did something really bad…"

"What, Ali?" I say urgently.

"When everyone was staring at me and Jazz, waiting for some sort of explanation, I said she was Tanya – your _wife_…"

"Oh fuck…" I let my forehead drop to my hands.

"I'm so sorry, Edward…" Alice is stroking my back. "I didn't think. I was a little shocked, and a little drunk, too, I guess."

"So now Isabella probably thinks I'm the biggest asshole on earth, flirting with her, and asking her out for dinner, and… Oh, God." I groan into my hands.

"What?"

"I even told her that I wanted to kiss her, Ali. And then Tanya… _happens_, and I leave, not even telling Isabella goodbye, and she gets to know from you that Tanya is my wife. Great."

I get up, too restless to keep sitting. Alice is by my side a second later, slipping her arm through mine as we walk towards the Guggenheim.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mutter while Alice sweetly rubs my arm.

"What am I to do?"

"Obviously, tell her the truth."

"Do you think she'll even want to hear me? She'll think I'm just a stupid douche now."

"Mhm…" Alice runs a hand through her hair, a mannerism we have in common. Mom always says that, if it weren't for the fact that we are a year apart, we might be twins. Well, physically at least, although my little pixie of a sister is a foot shorter than I am.

"If even _you_ don't think she'll hear me…" I mutter despondently.

"Let me think," she snaps.

"Okay, okay."

We continue our walk in silence until we're almost at the museum, where I'm meeting our mother.

"So here's what," Alice finally announces.

I watch her intently, her red lips moving slowly as she speaks thoughtfully.

"Considering the devastated look on her face when she left last night, she might, indeed, not want to see you."

"What-"

"Let me finish!" Alice almost stomps her foot. "Which is why we need to _make _her see you. I know that she works at this bar most Saturday nights. You are going to go there and ask her nicely to give you a couple of minutes to explain everything."

"I cannot just show up at her workplace," I protest. "That'd be fucking embarrassing for her."

"Of course not, doofus. You go when her shift ends."

"Well, how do I get to know that? I can't call and ask her very well, can I? Do you even know where this place is?"

"Leave it to me, Edward." My sister smiles brightly. "Give Mom my love and have fun."

She kisses my cheek and skips away.

BELLA

The bar is crowded tonight, but it's fun. Actually, I'm all kinds of thankful I found this job. It's not far from my apartment, the pay is decent, and the tips are fantastic. The team is nice, as are ninety-five percent of the patrons, most of them around their thirties and wanting to grab a drink before or after movies or a show. It's also practical because I can work out my shifts with Mike, the owner, from week to week, so I can co-ordinate this job with rehearsals or any acting work that comes along.

Tyler, the bar tender, is currently showing off his skills, juggling with cocktail shakers and flirting shamelessly with two girls across from him at the bar. He's a ladies' man if ever there was one.

Well, not just him, apparently. I go to the kitchen to get my order, thinking of Edward again. How could somebody so beautiful, so charming, intelligent and funny be such a bloody asshole? And what might have happened had his _wife _not appeared? Would he have wined, dined, sixty-nined me and left in the wee morning hours? Or would he have tried starting an affair? I will _never_ be The Other Woman. Not after what happened. Never, ever.

"Bella, if you keep standing there staring like a cow the wings will be cold by the time you get them to the table, so get your ass going!"

I hate Valentino. He's the chef, and he hates me, too. I cannot do anything right in his eyes, and he doesn't miss a single opportunity to shout or yell at me. I've hidden numerous times by the trashcans in the back lot and cried. He's cruel and sadistic, and most days I just want to throw his shitty food in his face and tell him to suck it. He acts like it's haute cuisine he's producing, when in reality, he only heats things. Deep-frying them, mostly. I wonder when the day arrives that he starts deep-frying the salad, as well.

I get the order out to the table and make another round in my section, retrieving empty glasses and taking up orders, bringing people their checks and smiling at new patrons, while my mind is aeons away.

When I returned home from our shopping trip where no shopping was done, I changed my clothes and had a sandwich. While I ate, sitting in my small kitchen, I made the capital mistake of flipping open my laptop. Having checked my mails, I took a look on my facebook page, which convinced me once again, that everyone but me had an actual life. Thus depressed, I had the _fantastic _idea to google Edward Cullen. There were quite a lot of entries concerned with his position at Lenox Hill, and also some mention of a charity organisation, which seems to have been founded by his mother. Then I had another fuck-tastic idea: I clicked on Pictures. Yeah, I'm a glutton for punishment.

The window opened and there were some official-looking portraits, and newspaper things of him attending social functions. With his wife. That's what the captions said.

_Edward Cullen with his beautiful wife, model Tanya Denali-Cullen. Bla bla bla…_

Beautiful did not quite begin to cover it. She was _awesome._ Tall, blonde, skinny, with a face so extraordinary that I gasped. Edward was married to some sort of Gwyneth Paltrow lookalike, only that she was, like, what? Twenty?

Hrmpf. They sure had found their equals in the looks department. Why he'd even bother to talk to me was beyond me.

"Bella, sweetie, those margaritas won't get any better if you keep staring at 'em," Tyler informs me.

Business has slowed down a little and he's polishing glasses, raising one pierced eyebrow at me.

"You okay? You seem a little upset."

"Nah, it's okay…" I take the tray with my drinks.

"You want a shot?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Actually I think I do."

"Kay. Ask Jess if she wants one, too."

Jessica giggles as we toss back pour vodka. She's a nice one, in a simple, all American girl sort of way.

I return to my tables, cleaning those that are vacant, chatting with two guys who come here every week.

That's when I hear his voice. Great. Mike is back.

I do like him, that's not it. He owns this place and offered me the job and a very fair pay, but over the past six months, he hasn't stopped asking me to go out with him. He's nice, but he won't get it that I'm not remotely interested. He's round-cheeked and over-enthusiastic, with pale blue puppy-dog eyes.

"Hi Bella!" He beams at me.

"Hey, Mike. How's tricks?"

I'm glad my shift ends in an hour. We make a little small talk before he thankfully goes to his office at the back of the bar. Which leaves Tyler, Jess and me to another round of shots. Not that Mike's opposed to it, but well – no need to rub it in, you know?

The rest of the night passes quickly, and when I'm finished, I go to the changing room to get into more comfortable shoes, grabbing my purse and jacket. Once I'm out, Mike is back.

"Bella! Care for a night cap?"

"Uh, actually no, Mike, but thanks, anyway," I put my purse on a bar stool and look around. Jess will be okay closing up with Tyler, and I started work three hours prior to her. I struggle slightly with my coat and Mike fumbles to "help" me.

"Thanks."

"Bella, what d'you say? Grab a drink tomorrow night?"

He's too close. I hate my personal space being invaded. No, what I _hate_ is when guys I don't particularly like put their arms around my waist.

"Mike…" I try to be friendly.

"What?"

"You know… It's not gonna happen…"

"Think about it, honey," he whispers in my ear. "You don't know what you're missin'."

"Maybe, Mike, but _you_ don't know when to take NO for a NO!"

"Aw, Bella." He sloppily kisses my cheek, and I'm a second away from exploding.

EDWARD

The cab stops a block away from the bar. I thank the driver and hand him the fare. Walking in the direction of Mike's Honkey Tonk, I light a cigarette. Alice texted me an hour after we parted in front of the Guggenheim.

"_Her shift ends at eleven. The place is called Mike's Honkey Tonk. Yeah, original, right? It's on 64__th__, 3__rd__ Ave. Her fav place in the neighbourhood is this little bar called Chipmunk, take her there. BTW: she likes pink Gerber daisies. _

_Love you."_

So here I am with a single pink Gerber daisy, heart pounding in my chest. Even my Mum noticed I was fidgety as we strolled through the museum, but I put it down to being stressed over work.

"_Really, Edward", she stroked a strand of hair out of my forehead. "I think you need to go slower. This whole wretched business has taken its toll on you, and with that crazy work schedule…"_

_Her green eyes were filled with love and worry, as always lately when it came to me._

"_I'm fine, Mum." I took her hand and kissed it. It smelled of her rose hand cream, which always made me feel loved and secure. _

"_Are you? You need to do something for yourself one of these days. Do you even _play_ that piano of yours anymore?"_

"_Not really," I admitted. "I promise I will. You're even invited for a recital, okay?"_

_At that, she smiled happily, and let it go._

I check my watch. 10:58. Should I just wait here? I quickly pop a mint in my mouth so as not to gross her out by smelling like an ashtray. I really need to stop if I don't want to make it a habit. I'm a doctor, sue me. Slowly, I make my way to the front of the bar and peep in. Luckily, it's not a seedy hole-in-the-wall like I feared. It looks nice even, a rather small place but tastefully designed and cosy. There's a fair-haired guy standing by the bar and checking his phone, and another one behind it pouring liquor into a shaker. There are pretty pictures on the walls, framed movie posters featuring some classics. I smile to myself, remembering Isabella rambling on about her passion for old movies, especially British ones. She told me she had a "mild obsession" with Laurence Olivier, blushing cutely as she did so.

She's so different from Tanya, not only physically, but in every respect. Where Tanya is attention seeking, Isabella is rather shy and quiet. Where Tanya always craves ways of distracting herself, Bella has this depth, a love for her profession, for books, and art. Where Tanya is tall and bony, Isabella is small and soft and…

I gulp. There she is. She just came out from the back and now she's there, putting her purse on a bar stool. Her hair is in a ponytail, and she's wearing jeans and a fitted black shirt that accentuates her scrumptious curves. She's talking to the guy in front of the bar, who seems a little of a milksop to me. He's helping her into her coat in an obvious way. What a tool. She smiles at him and he puts an arm round her waist, whispering something in her ear, and then kisses her cheek.

_Wait. What? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._

I never even considered that she might be in a relationship. She wouldn't have acted the way she did last night if she was, would she? Alice would have made sure of that with her super-pixie skills. _Wouldn't she?_

I start to panic, but then Isabella swats the milksop away, and her face is clearly angry as she speaks to him. He lets go of her, and then hangs his head like a mal-treated puppy. I think I can see him say "Sorry". Isabella nods sternly and waves goodbye to her co-workers, making her way to the front door, still looking annoyed.

_Well, here goes. Time to man it up, Cullen._

BELLA

Do all men have to be such idiots or is it me that attracts them?

I'm trying to still my inner turmoil as I make my way outside. The one thing I did not need tonight was Mike and his antics. Really, how old is he? Muttering angrily to myself, I open the front door, bracing myself for the chill of the night air.

"Isabella?" Someone calls out from my left, and I flinch.

_A rapist wouldn't know my full name, would he?_

Slowly, I turn in the direction the voice came from.

I swallow. Hard.

It's him.

**I will be trying to update on weekends. Please, please leave a review, even if it's just a smiley. I used to not understand why authors keep saying that, but I know now: because it means so, so much! Thank you for reading.**


	3. False Became True

**Hello, lovely readers, here's chapter 3. Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward (Tonight at 8:30). So did last chapter's title, but I forgot to acknowledge. Shame on me.**

**For those of you waiting for the M rating of my story to justify itself – there will be lemons, but E&B need to talk first. But they (yes, plural) are written.**

**I don't own Twilight. **

**UPDATED 10/26/2011 – thank you, .**

Chapter 3: **False Became True**

BELLA

"Edward?"

I may have been obsessing about him over the past twenty-four hours, but my memories didn't give him full credit; he looks even hotter than I remembered. He's standing there in a soft tan leather jacket, wearing a black beanie that covers his hair excepting numerous strands of bronze escaping it.

"What are you doing here?"

He's holding a pink Gerbera daisy, the other hand nervously scratching his ear.

"To see you." He steps closer to me and I am under his spell once again.

"I owe you an apology for last night I think and… an explanation."

My knees are a little shaky and this situation as such is entirely too much for me. What does he want?

He has this super hot young model for a wife for Christ's sake!

"You're under no obligation to me whatsoever," I huff, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. "Granted, you asked me on a date, and, yeah, you said you wanted to kiss me and – oh, yes - you forgot to mention the miniscule fact that you are married but, hey, nobody's perfect, right?" Flaring my nostrils, I start walking away.

"Isabella!" He softly touches my shoulder. "Please let me explain – or, if you don't want to listen to me, my sister can. I know it is an awfully clichéd phrase, but it really isn't what you think…" He trails off, apparently realizing that he's right. It's a terrible cliché.

"Fifteen minutes, Isabella…"

I don't know why I do it, but I turn around to face him. He looks desperate, and for some reason, I can't help but trust him. His eyes are sincere as they beg me to comply.

"Fifteen minutes, Isabella, and if after that, you never want to see me again, you won't."

I think he senses my crumbling resolve, cocking his head to one side ever so slightly, giving me the most heart-breaking crooked smile.

"Please."

I sigh. I want to go on hating him, but I can't. He has switched on his charm and charisma to fucking _dazzle _me, and like a doe caught in the headlights, I can't think straight. He' s luring me into this, like a freaking male version of the Lorelei.

"Okay. Fifteen minutes."

"Thank you," he breathes, a huge sigh of relief leaving his chest, a tiny, lopsided smile at the corner of his mouth.

"So… would you like to go back to the bar… or… or stay here? It's just… it's pretty cold…"

"No, we can go have some coffee," I say. "There's a bar just across the street which is rather quiet. We can go there."

"Great."

We cross the street and walk side by side. I can feel how nervous he is and actually it's a little… flattering.

When we reach the bar, he opens the door for me. It's one of my favourite spots in the neighbourhood, cosy and small and friendly. We sit down in a booth overlooking the street, and Edward takes my coat and puts it on a hook next to his jacket. He pulls off the beanie and his hair is… unf… A complete, perfect, tousled mess. I just want to ravish it with my hands and mess it up worse.

_Get a grip on yourself. He's a cheater. You know what that entails, right?_

This sobers me immediately.

Tom, one of the waiters, comes over and greets me with a huge smile.

"Hi Bella, good to see you!"

"Hi Tom," I smile back.

"What can I get you two? Tonight's special is the –"

"Just coffee," I say.

"Yeah, me too," Edward says.

"Okay." Tom leaves.

"Oh." Edward clears his throat nervously, reaching for the flower next to him on the bench.

"I… I got you this. A little offering of peace, or…" he mumbles as I don't make any motion to take it. Instead, I check my watch.

"You have twelve more minutes, Edward."

He looks horrified.

"I didn't realize the meter was running already."

"Just shoot."

I sigh, toying with a small packet of sugar.

He's silent, and after a few moments I look up into his face. His expression is heartbreaking as he's trying to find a start, wrecking his brain, his eyebrows drawn together.

Tom sets down two mugs of steaming coffee in front of us.

Great, again why did I order coffee? Now I'll be awake all night. I stir in some milk and sugar and watch the fluids blend together.

"I _am _married," Edward says suddenly, startling me. I look up, but his eyes are glued to his own mug. "But I left my wife six months ago. We're legally separated, and filed for divorce."

I can see his jaw line tense.

"I could have punched my sister when she told me that, after we left, she just said that Tanya was 'my wife'. She was flustered, and drunk, and surprised, she said, but still…" He runs a hand through his hair. "She knows better than anybody that I no longer regard Tanya as my wife."

He's silent for a minute or two, and my mind's reeling.

"I'm so, so sorry about how that went. After everything I said last night, you must think I'm the greatest asshole on the planet."

His green eyes look miserable.

"Well, yes," I admit. "My thoughts were running along those lines."

He snorts bitterly. "And I can't blame you." He closes his eyes for a second.

_Man, his lashes are long! I'd kill for those lashes!_

"I like you, Isabella," he says. "And I'd like to get to know you. Am I too blunt?"

_I like you, too._

"I don't know. I don't know you at all. I don't know what to make of this. I don't know if –" I stop and bite my lip.

"If?"

_If I can trust you. My heart won't survive being broken again._

"Never mind."

His eyes search out for mine, but he lets it rest.

"I think I would like to tell you a few facts about my… marriage," he says. "I probably shouldn't, but I feel that it's necessary so you can understand where I am standing. Can I… Would that be okay?"

_These eyes will be my undoing. And those lips… and the soft stray hairs peeking out of his black V-neck…_

"Yes."

I stop fidgeting with my hands and fold them in front of me on the table, studying my nails while Edward gathers his strength so he can tell me what he needs to.

"Tanya left her family when she was sixteen. They're originally from Moscow, but they moved to Alaska before Tanya and her sisters were born. She was 'discovered', apparently, at an ice cream parlour when she was fourteen. She became a model, and travelled throughout the States, and a couple of years later, Europe, and Asia for fashion shows and photo shoots and everything. She was, of course, way too young to be doing all that more or less on her own; but her parents, especially her mother, pushed her into it, wanting their daughter to have the wealth and success they never had…

"As it seems, the modelling business is exactly what it's depicted to be, and probably even worse for a woman who's basically, just a kid." He grinds his teeth at whatever thoughts go through his mind. "She was exploited in so many ways; by her parents, agents, photographers…"

He stops briefly and closes his eyes again.

"She told me stories I don't even want to think about. And, at the time it happened, she thought it was normal."

He stops again.

"Is it okay for me to tell you this? I mean, I guess my fifteen minutes have been up for some time…"

"Go on," I say, my voice oddly hoarse.

His eyes lock with mine for a moment.

"Thank you."

"No, I mean it. Go on."

"Tanya and I met three years ago at some silly fashion event that Alice dragged me to because Jasper couldn't go. There was a large party afterwards, and somebody introduced us. We dated for a few months, but never really got to know each other because I was working overtime _all the time_, and she was always travelling. I only realized that, though, way too late. After about six months, we took a trip to Venice, and I proposed to her. I was convinced that we could build a future together."

He laughs a dry, bitter laugh.

"I really only have myself to blame. She was twenty-two by the time we married. It was her dream wedding, complete with the white dress and veil and only three hundred of our _closest_ friends."

He shakes his head slightly.

"We should never have married in the first place, but that, too, I only understood with hindsight. Her family was up in the skies, it was exactly what her mother had always wanted – a nice husband from old money for her youngest."

_Old money?_

"My family, on the other hand, were against our relationship from the word go. No one liked her, though I must give them some credit, especially Alice and my Mum. They tried. But, apart from Rose, no one liked her."

"Rose?"

"My other sister. She liked Tanya. At first. But that changed as well, after a few… _episodes_… But apart from that – nada. Tanya never wanted to attend any family events or holidays and shit, which was rather difficult for me, because I'm really close to my family. That was one of many problems, and in addition to this, we were living pretty much separate lives."

He falls silent again.

"And then, after a few months, I began to notice that she was having… massive problems…"

He trails off again, losing himself in thought. He looks so sad that it hurts, and it's only now that I notice the shadows under his eyes.

"Problems?"

"Well, I guess you heard her last night." He sighs, his eyes darkening again. "Tanya is your typical model. Eating disorders, drug abuse, you name it."

"Oh."

I don't know what to say. He's so devastated. I just want to put my arms around him and kiss his worries away.

"She hid it well in the beginning and of course, with all the travelling and working, and my own schedule, I didn't get it at first. But then, I'm not _that_ blind, and I _am_ a doctor, and the signs were hard to miss."

His eyes meet mine again, beautiful and haunted and green.

"Is it okay if I go on, Isabella? I'm sorry if…"

"No," I cut in. "I want you to go on."

Something like a small light in the dark crosses his expression before he turns serious, very serious, again.

"She became even thinner than before. Ran to the toilet all the time. She couldn't concentrate even for a small space of time. Then she'd have incredible energy, and feel, you know, on top of things…"

"Oh," I say again. I think I should make a better contribution to this conversation in which Edward Cullen is showing me his vulnerable, broken heart other than saying, "Oh" all the time.

"You mean cocaine is her drug of choice?"

That didn't come out the way I meant it.

"Yeah." He nods sadly. "Coke, booze, weed, uppers, downers, you name it."

"That's awful," I whisper. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this, Edward."

I reach out for his hand and squeeze it quickly. Once again, I feel this immediate connection, as if our skins are meant to touch.

"I know I have no one but myself to blame. I had no right to marry her in the first place. I was a stupid, horny bastard."

I swallow.

Tom comes to our table and asks if we need anything, but we both shake our heads.

"Tell me, Edward."

"Tanya's a lovely person, but she has tons of problems, and she won't face them. She wants to keep up this façade of success and perfection. She won't even admit that I left her, that the divorce is coming up. She's in complete denial."

He laughs without humour.

"Which is rather ironic, considering her name is Denali."

My heart aches for him.

"I moved out of our apartment in September and worked out the details with the lawyers. There have been several… situations as the one last night. Her sisters are trying to come here as much as possible, but still, it's often me she'll call. "

He looks up at me, and his eyes are lost and haunted.

"That's the story. Not a pretty one, but maybe you can understand now where I'm coming from."

"I'm so sorry for you. For what you're going through."

"I can't abandon a person who needs me, can I? There's a thing called responsibility. Even if that includes driving your almost ex-wife to a hospital in the middle of the night."

"I see."

I lightly touch his hand.

"Do you think… um… she'll be able to move on?"

"I hope so. I dearly hope so. After last night, her sister Kate said she'd come here, and try to convince Tanya that some time at a clinic will be best really. If only she'll do it, for once."

"You're very brave, I think."

"I'm not." He lightly shakes his head. "I'm a selfish bastard. It was just… I knew I had to get out of it, or I'd go under with her."

He slightly cocks his head, eying me doubtfully.

"Was this too much? I know I shouldn't have burdened you with this shit, but I felt it was necessary so you could… understand."

"I'm glad you told me. But, Edward?"

"Yes?" He looks up with alarm in his eyes.

"I think now I need something stronger than this." I gesture between our coffee mugs, noticing he's not had any of his, either.

He gives me a rueful little smile. I never really drink coffee at night", he admits. "Unless I'm working. It would severely mess with my sleep."

"Me, too."

"Well, then… Care for a beer or something? You're not too young for that, are you?" He smirks.

"A beer would be great."

=====oOo====

Luckily, Chipmunk is open late. As Tom brings us our second beer, the atmosphere has completely changed from where we were an hour ago. The Edward I met last night is back, and he is funny and sweet and entertaining. And so, so sexy.

"So you're basically telling me you're a Momma's boy?" I'm still giggling at the story he just told me where he threw himself on the floor, screaming because his Mum wouldn't let him go to school in his Halloween lion costume.

"I have to admit it, yes." He's toying with his hair. "But can I say in my defence that I grew up in a house full of women. My Mum, my sisters, their girlfriends…"

"And your dad?"

"Hm." Edward takes a swig of his beer. "He's a doctor as well, you know, and he wasn't around much when I was younger, always working at the hospital, off to some conference… So it was always me and the girls. And I'm the youngest, which doesn't make it much better. They'd dress me up all the time – you _have_ met Alice, so I guess you can picture it."

I giggle. I can.

"You know what?" There's a glint in his eye. "At one point, Alice started taking ballet classes, and as she was my hero, I persuaded our Mum to let me go as well."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. I' d jump around in my black leotard all the time, even at home."

I smile. He is so cute, making fun of himself all the time, but also letting me get little glimpses into who he is.

"How long did you go?"

He shrugs.

"Until I was about ten. At some point, I guess, I just realized I was a guy, and the only guy in class, at that."

He laughs sweetly, and for a second, I consider telling him that I thought he was gay, but I decide against it.

" I had ballet lessons for years, you know."

"And I am sure you were far more talented than me." His eyes are warm as he eyes me through long, dark lashes, green eyes twinkling.

"Actually, before I decided to become an actress, I wanted to train to be a dancer. But I was just a wee bit too klutzy, I guess."

"Can't imagine that." His voice is low and velvety.

"You haven't seen me dance."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to," he says cockily, and I quickly take a large gulp of beer, which then gets stuck, and I choke on it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I croak. "Just a minute-"

But I continue coughing, tears springing to my eyes as I gasp for air.

Edward swiftly stands and slips into my side of the booth. Gently but firmly, he slaps between my shoulder blades for a few times, clearing the airway. I wheeze a little.

"Thanks…"

My breathing returns to normal and I notice he hasn't taken his hand off my back, his large, warm palm resting there, and then starts rubbing light circles.

"Better?"

He's so close that I can feel the warmth radiate off of his body.

"Yeah," I murmur self-consciously. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he says, and his voice is soft and low.

"Thank God you're a doctor. You always could have performed a Heimlich manoeuvre on me, right?"

"Yes." He chuckles. His hand never leaves its place on my back, and if I have difficulty breathing now, it's not from choking on my beer.

"Hey guys." Tom is standing by our table. "Sorry to bother you, but we're closing up."

I check my watch. It's three a.m.

"Sure," I mumble while Edward nonchalantly takes care of the check. I take a look around and realize that we're the only patrons left. Edward helps me into my coat and after we've said goodbye to Tom, we step out into the street. I shudder and yawn at the same time.

"You're tired, little actress," he murmurs gently. "Let's get you home."

"Yeah, well, it's been a long day…"

"I'm calling a cab. Where can I drop you off?" He's dialling on his cell.

"Actually, I live only two blocks from here. I can walk…"

"Nonsense. I sure as hell won't let you scamper across the city at this hour of night."

As we wait for the taxi, the strain and enormity of the day eventually hit me. I didn't get much sleep last night and it's cold. I'm shivering.

Edward rubs my arms, making comforting noises. His body feels so good this close; we're merely inches apart. I sense that he's about to pull me closer when the taxi stops at the curb.

_Dang it._

Edward opens the door for me and I get in before he slips in next to me, telling the driver his address and announces a stop two blocks away at my place.

There's soft music playing, some Spice Girls stuff, and his proximity is unnerving. I don't even know what I want to be happening now. But I know I want to see him again. I want to touch him. After about three minutes, I say, "This is me", and the cabbie pulls in at the front of my building. Edward gets out on his side and pulls my door open, taking my hand as I climb out. We're facing each other on the sidewalk. His eyes shimmer in the light of the lantern and he never lets go of my hand.

"Isabella," he says, his voice a little thick. "Thank you. Thank you for hearing me out. Really. I'd have understood if you'd told me to go fuck myself."

I smile timidly.

"But you didn't," he whispers, pulling me a little to him.

"No I didn't," I murmur, and then, Edward closes his arms around me and draws me into him. My whole body tingles and relaxes at the same time. It feels natural, and oh so exciting. I smell him, the leather of his warm jacket, and his clean shirt, and something like vanilla, or honey, and that manly smell of _Edward _which drives me crazy and which I remember from last night.

"Thank you," he whispers into my hair. "May I… give you a call?"

"Yes…"

I'm drowning in the delicious security of his arms.

"Okay."

He softly kisses my temple, and then lets go off me, my body instantly crying out for his. I can see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows and I wonder if it's the same for him.

"Bye, beautiful little actress."

And with that, the cab's door closes, and he disappears into the night.

=====oOo=====

I hardly sleep that night, twisting and turning in my bed as I repeat every little detail of what happened over and over again. The haunted look in his eyes when he told me about his melodramatic marriage, and his laughter when he made fun of himself. His crooked smile, making him look boyish and cocky when he'd say something with a double-entendre, and the way his fingers ran incessantly through that silky mess of hair. The way he would talk with his hands all the time, and how he'd incline his head to one side when he'd listen to me. His smell, and the feeling on his soft, warm lips on my temple.

It is seven when I finally doze off, falling into vivid and colourful dreams.

_I'm jumping off a cliff and I'm drowning, but I'm not afraid; I'm floating and completely free and secure, utterly secure._

Three hours later, Cedric wakes me by jumping on top of me and meowing loudly, and directly into my ear. He weighs thirteen pounds, so there's no way his presence can go unnoticed, but I moan and keep my eyes shut, thus animating him to lick my face.

_Can cats have morning breath?_

"Meow! Meow! Meow!"

He taps my shoulder with his paw as he presses his damp nose against my cheek. He's a juvenile at the ripe old cat age of eight.

Finally, I surrender and shuffle to the kitchen to fill his bowl.

Cedric instantly begins munching away, making loud noises as he purrs with content. For a few seconds I watch him with a mixture of love and amusement. He's so bad mannered. But he's a good one, and his instincts are flawless, and I love him. He disliked Jake from the word go, and I'd never seen him (Cedric) behave that way except when he was around dogs. We spent most nights at Jake's place after their first meeting. I should have listened to Cedric, I know.

I grab a container of orange juice from my almost empty yet distastefully grubby fridge, and crawl back beneath the sheets for a few more hours of sleep.

Thank God it's Sunday.

The next time I wake, it's after two. I make coffee and potter around the apartment in my pyjamas while talking to Seth on the phone. He tells me about Collin at great length, gushing about how smart and witty and cute and well endowed he is. I tell him about Edward and last night, but Seth is not quite as impressed as I wish him to be.

"He still should have mentioned it before asking you on a date."

"Yeah, but that's not the most attractive opening line, is it?" I sit on the little chaise by my window and put my feet on the sill, considering the blood red paint on my toenails. "What should he have been saying? 'Hey I'll be married for approximately six more months to this psychotic woman, do you want to have coffee with me?'"

Seth giggles, but I sigh, wondering whether Edward will call at all. After we end our conversation, I suddenly decide that a run will do me good. It takes me about fifteen minutes to locate my sneakers at the very back of my closet. Feeling quite proud of myself and very wholesome, I start off. After further twenty minutes I need to face the fact that I am as untrained as can be. My ribs hurt, I'm panting for air and my heart is hammering away as I drag my poor bones to the lift. My face is a deep beetroot colour; and I'm not at all that sporty, ladylike elegant creature I pictured myself to be forty minutes ago. Yelping, I close my apartment door and head for the shower. The hot water feels fantastic and I stay in until it eventually runs cold, wrapping a towel around myself and chiding Cedric who has managed to throw all the clean towels off the board. He always does that, sitting there after he's finished the job and licking his large ginger paws. Today, he sits on the toilet seat and smirks.

_He does._

The phone rings and, slipping into my flip-flops, I caper into the hallway to get it.

"Yes?"

"Hi Isabella; it's me. It's Edward."

At once, I feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. I bite my lip.

"Oh. Oh, hi!"

"Hi." His voice is low and velvety. "Is this a bad time to call?"

"No. No, not at all."

"How are you? Sorry to have kept you out so late last night."

"I'm fine." I wiggle my toes as I stand there, all nervous and excited. "And you?"

"Very well." I can hear the smile in his voice.

"What are you doing with your Sunday?"

"Nothing much. Hanging out."

_Causing myself an almost heart attack after attempting to run for fifteen minutes. Yeah, I know. Attractive._

"Do you…?"

_Is that a nervous undertone in his voice?_

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

_Yep. Definitely nervous._

"No," I say cautiously, twisting a strand of wet hair that has escaped the towel.

"Well, um… Remember how you told me about your mild obsession with Laurence Olivier?"

"Uh huh."

_Where is this headed?_

"So… The Two Boots Pioneer Theater is doing some sort of retrospective –"

"You're kidding me!" I shriek.

Edward laughs softly.

"Why should I do that? Anyway, there's a showing of _Wuthering Heights_ tonight, and I was just wondering if you'd care to go…"

_Breathe, Bella. It's just the sexiest man on the planet inviting you to go watch the sexiest dead man on the planet. With him. Breathe. Into a bag, if necessary. But say something!_

"Isabella? Are you still there?"

"Sorry… I… I think I was just hyperventilating a little bit…"

"The prospect of watching a dead British actor does that to you?"

_That, and the prospect of watching him with you, Dr Hotness._

"Um, well…" I bite my lip. "I do have a thing for English guys you know…"

He chuckles, and says in a flawless British accent, "My family is originally from London, did I tell you that? My grandparents came here during World War I. Maybe I should introduce you to my great-grand cousin Bobby. He's British, and very nice looking, too."

A silly giggle escapes my lips.

"You mean it runs in the family?"

"On second thoughts, I don't think I will introduce you two. Don't want him to steal you from me."

I gulp, and there's a short pause after his clearly possessive utterance.

When he speaks, his voice has taken on a different tone.

"So, are we on? What do you say?"

"Yes. Yes, I'd love to go."

"Mhm", he makes happily. "And here I was thinking you'd play hard to get."

"I can't refuse an invitation such as this."

"Okay, the movie starts at eight-thirty. Would you like to have a drink beforehand? We could meet at Elsa's at around seven?"

I check the time. It's ten to six.

"Okay", I say, "But in that case I need to go now to get ready."

"Isabella", he says sweetly. "Come as you are. No need to get dressy."

"Maybe not, but at this moment, I'm standing in my hallway wearing, well… a towel."

There is a small silence. When he speaks, his voice is a little thick.

"Well, then… hurry up. I'll see you there."

**Thank you for reading, and please review! I'm happy if it's just a smiley, but I'd like to know if it's worth continuing this story, since there has been such little response… Thanks!  
**


	4. Come a Little Closer

**Hey, guys, I'm back earlier than planned. Do I get a gold star? Thank you to those who reviewed! **_**It means the world to me!**_

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward (On With the Dance).**

**I do not own Twilight. **

**I AM STILL LOOKING FOR A BETA.**

**Chapter 4: Come a Little Closer**

EDWARD

_Did she just tell me she's naked?_

Holy fuck.

As if I wasn't already dreaming about her like a horny teenager. After last night, I haven't stopped thinking about her. I slept for one whole hour. I imagine her milky white skin and her sumptuous curves, her huge dark eyes that look tender and shy but change to passionate and forceful when she's uttering an opinion. Her smell, all powder and roses and girl. The way she chews her lip when she's thinking. The beautiful sound of her voice, and the way her lips curl upward when she laughs; an honest, deep, vibrant laugh.

Her large heart.

I know it's ridiculous, but I saw that in her. And I saw that it had been broken, and that makes me want to get to know her even stronger. She told me about her mother abandoning her at a young age, and I suspect that it might have something to do with it, but maybe there's more to it? It's obvious that Isabella is a tender spirit, and that something in her past has wounded her, making her wary of people. Maybe with me it was a case of like recognizing like.

I need to know her, even though a part of me wants to back away.

When I held her on the sidewalk last night, it took all my self-control not to press my lips on hers, to drive my hands all over her small body, exploring every luscious swell and sweet spot.

Fuck, I need to get a grip on myself if I want to make it through tonight.

Going into my bedroom to change, I smile at myself as I open the closet. Moving into this apartment has been so fucking liberating. I don't care that I left most of the stuff behind with Tanya. May she have all the bric-a-brac and over-expensive furniture, the chandeliers and butt-ugly pieces of modern art by upcoming young artists. I took my piano, my books and some kitchen utensils and started my own place. For the first time in my life, I am really living alone, not with my parents, not with a roommate and not with a woman. Though I spent so much time on my own even during the years with Tanya, this is different, and I rather like it, even if it does feel lonely sometimes.

The first few weekends, Alice and I, and sometimes Jasper, went to shop for furniture. We looked at the most obscure places that only Ali would know about, and bit by bit, it all came together, and it reflects _me_, not my status or my marriage, pretending to be something or someone I clearly am not. I bought some paintings rather traditional in style, and had one wall of the bedroom done a deep red. When everything was finished, I went and shopped for more kitchen equipment. Cooking for Tanya had always been pointless, and the kitchen in our apartment had been the coldest place in the house. Weird, I know. My kitchen now is warm in colour and atmosphere, and I take pride in my large collection of spices and ingredients and cooking instruments. There is a fully stocked wine cabinet as well, and I've grown used to inviting friends over for dinner every other week or so.

Cooking. It's my one great pleasure since I've been abandoning my piano for months now. The remainder of my life consists of work, which is okay, as I love my job, and… well… nothing much really. I guess I'm a bit boring. I run whenever I can. I attend social functions. I read. I cook. I cook every day, even if it's just for myself. There's something relaxing and sensual about it, trying out new things, exploring and inventing.

_You think I'm sexually frustrated? Fuck, you're right._

In earlier years, I would have distracted myself with an affair, or even engaged in a few one-night stands, but that's not for me anymore. Well, there was that one idiotic time with Lauren, a colleague at the hospital. It was about three months after I'd moved out and had officially separated from Tanya. It was the Christmas party, I was drunk as fuck and shit happened. It was a mistake, I'm not proud of it; it's not going to happen again, even though it would if Lauren had a say in the matter. She's been pestering me ever since. It left a stale feeling, which is one of the reasons I won't get up any woman's hopes that an affair might develop into something more. I'm not looking for anyone, and my life is okay, "okay" being far better than the past two years of drama.

I fell in love with Tanya's youth and exotic beauty and I found the wild life she was leading sexy and exciting. I stopped finding it sexy when I wouldn't see her for days on end, or when I'd walk in upon her and the scumbags she thought to be her friends arranging line after line on my coffee table. Finding her passed out in her own vomit? Big turn on!

I don't mean to sound too bitter, of course there were good times as well, but all in all, it was surreal, and always on knife's edge, and at some point I had to realize that we wanted vastly different things.

And when she returned from Alaska last July and told me what had happened, what she'd done, it literally broke my heart. After that, nothing could make us go back to where we'd once been. It was over.

I grab my jacket, keys, wallet and phone and head downstairs where a cab is waiting. Arriving at the bar shortly before seven and asking for a table for two, the blonde receptionist girl sits me in a cosy spot towards the back of the place. I like this bar. It's classy and not too loud, the design all black and white, lights and candles and flowers everywhere. At the centre there's a huge wooden bar where guys are mixing drinks. It's quite busy despite it being a Sunday night. Ah, hell, what do I know? I'm a little nervous and run a hand through my hair for about the five thousandth' time, knowing I probably look like I fell out of bed just now. A waitress hands me the drinks menu, which I study lazily until I can literally feel her presence. I look up.

She's breathtaking. Her cheeks are a little pink from the cold outside, and her eyes sparkle. There's a shy little smile on her face when she sees me, and I jump up to meet her.

"Hi," she says, staring up at me with those deep, dark eyes.

"Hi."

For a moment, we're both unsure how to greet each other, but then I'm bold and place a chaste kiss on her cheek. Well, it's meant to be chaste, but as my lips touch her skin it feels as if I'd been struck by lightning.

Trying to get a grip on myself, I pull out her chair for her. Again, she smiles shyly as she thanks me.

"You look lovely," I say.

She is wearing a grey knit woollen sweater with a very low neckline, accentuating her delectable cleavage. Her hair is open and wavy, floating down her shoulders. She wears almost no makeup, looking natural and beautiful, the blush on her cheeks contrasting the ivory of her skin. She looks fragile and seductive, vulnerable and strong.

"I'm sorry I'm a little late," she says. "But the subway just wouldn't come."

"You're not late at all. Besides, I rather pounced upon you with my invitation, didn't I? It's just that I was reading the Times, and it said something about this retrospective thingy. And that, of course, reminded me of you…"

She smiles happily.

"I'm a lucky girl, right?"

Her collarbones… they look so delicate…

"Hi I'm Kimberley," a skinny blonde recites. "And I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you?"

Her blood-red lips turn upward into a white-toothed grin as she raises a suggestive eyebrow in my direction.

"Isabella?"

"Um, a Gin and tonic, please."

"I'll have the same. Thanks."

I can't stop looking at her small, heart-shaped face. She's an angel. An angel inside a scandalously hot body. An angel with soulful, deep, dark eyes that sometimes look so lost.

"Why did your parents name you Isabella?"

She shrugs.

"Apparently, my mother had a very diverse taste in movies, and before I was born, she was in her French phase. She especially loved Jean Cocteau's _La belle et la bête._ You know, _The Beauty and the Beast._ She wanted to name me Belle, but my Dad put his foot down and insisted I'd be christened Isabella. I guess I'm still stuck with Bella, though."

"I think the full version is just beautiful," I say. "May I keep calling you Isabella?"

She bites her lip.

"Of course."

Our drinks are delivered, and after a few sips, we slide into easy conversation. Just as previously, there's a flow so easy and natural that it's almost eerie. We laugh a lot, and I'm surprised by her raunchy sense of humour. Once again, I'm drawn to the instinct with which she seems to lead her life, by her education, her insight. I want to ask her more about her parents, what it did to her when her mother left, but I daren't cross any boundaries. I just want to know everything there is to know about her. What's her favourite dish? How many boyfriends has she had? (That, I _really_ want to know.) Does she prefer winter or summer? Tea or coffee? Day or night?

"Do you eat meat?" I blurt out.

She looks at me, confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"Meat. Um… do you eat it? I was just wondering. I don't think I know any women anymore who do."

"Erm, yes. I do. Why are you asking?"

Okay, she must think I'm a total creep.

"Just so I know, should I ever cook for you."

She blinks and her lips turn upward.

"I like steak."

She stares into her drink but I can see her cheeks turn pink as she smiles.

Time passes way too fast before it's time to leave for the movie theatre. I don't even want to go. I want to sit here with her and get to know every tiny detail about her. What her dreams are, and whether she likes jellybeans, and if she's ever been to London. I want to know if she sleeps on her back or her side, and if she's ever taken a midnight swim. I want to know all of this, and much, much more.

It's impossible to concentrate on the movie. It's black and white and melodramatic and, I am sure, a masterpiece, but all I can concentrate on is her proximity, her smell, and the Mexico-sized tent I'm sporting.

BELLA

As we sit in the dark movie theatre side by side, I again feel the almost electric current that seems to be running between us. The warmth of his body, so close to mine, only enhances my desire to touch him. When he kissed me upon greeting, my knees trembled and I wanted to hump him right there. He never reacted to the hot waitress's attempts at flirting with him, and when he asked me that inane question about eating meat, and suddenly fidgeted as if he was really embarrassed, rumpling his bed head, I wanted to crawl into his lap and kiss him. So, so badly.

We whisper during the commercials and he makes fun of them, getting me to giggle like a schoolgirl. He bought a much too large container of popcorn, and now and then, our fingers meet as we reach into it. It tickles my every nerve.

When the opening titles start, he leans over and whispers into my ear, "Enjoy your dreamboy, then."

His breath is warm and there are goose bumps on my arms while my nipples harden.

_Gulp. Which dreamboy exactly are you referring to?_

The film starts, and I'm trying to follow the story, but all I succeed in is imagining being Cathy to Edward's Heathcliff. At some point my concentration wavers completely, and I'm painfully aware of his closeness. Hardly listening to what's being said on screen. What's not being said off-screen is just that much louder. The pressure is agonizing.

That is, until his hand suddenly covers mine on the armrest. Trying not to gasp out loud, I squeeze my eyes shut for a second. His hand is large and cool on mine, and my heart stutters as he takes my fingers and intertwines them with his. I don't dare to breathe or move, careful not to destroy the moment. The black and white images in front of me become a blur as his thumb starts drawing small, tender circles on my hand. His fingers are soft, and strong, and my hand feels tiny as he caresses it.

I glance at him from the corner of my eye, but all I can make out in the dark is his glorious profile while he gently continues rubbing my hand.

_What is he thinking?_

_Does he feel this, too?_

He never lets go of my fingers, and it is a sweet agony, a joyous torture. The tingle between our skins is driving me mad.

Laurence Olivier's disturbingly beautiful face is distorted with anguish; his elegant features somewhat reminding me of the man next to me. Who is tangible and alive, who has blood running through his veins.

Cathy is dying and Heathcliff freaks out. I cry a little, and Edward gives my hand a soft squeeze.

Then, the movie's over and the end titles start rolling. Neither one of us moves and we stay still until the lights go on. There's only a bunch of other people left. I daren't look at him, afraid of waking up.

That is, until he lifts my hand, our fingers still interwoven, and kisses my knuckles. Each one of them. His lips are warm and soft, and when I look at him, his eyes are ablaze with emotion as he studies me through long lashes, an expression of – _reverence?_ on his über-beautiful face.

When he has pressed his lips to all of my knuckles, he gives me a slow smile.

We leave the cinema and step out into the chilly night air. Edward hails a cab.

"Can I drop you off?"

"Sure."

His behaviour is bewildering to say the least.

There's a tense air about him, which wasn't there fifteen minutes ago. He opens the car's door and I climb in. He gets in next to me and tells the cabbie my address.

_Where is he now?_

"A penny for your thoughts," I say, trying to sound light.

"Huh?"

He turns to me. He runs a hand through his messy hair.

"Sorry. I just… zoned out there."

"Yeah, I noticed that…"

He attempts a smile.

"Did you enjoy the movie?"

"Yes," I say. "Did you?"

"Yeah. Really sad though."

We fall into silence again, and soon the taxi turns in at the curb in front of my building. Edward jumps out to open the door for me and we face each other – just like last night. I stare at him with a lump in my throat, unsure what to say since he is in this strange mood.

"Thank you for a beautiful evening," he says. He steps a little closer to me and I'm expecting him to give me a hug, or a kiss on the cheek, but Edward bends down and puts his lips on mine, pulling me closer still.

His mouth is soft and warm and a titillating contrast to the roughness of his stubble. Slowly, tenderly, he moves his lips with mine and I feel as if I'm chocolate ice cream melting in the sun. I'm putty in his arms, but my heart starts a crazy race. The sensation of his lips on mine, his body so close, is exquisite, and my whole body is tingling as I put my arms round his neck, pressing myself a little tighter against him. He hums softly and cradles my face with one hand while the other snakes around my waist. It's a sweet, fragile kiss, gentle and careful, and my heart leaves my body and floats in the sky above us, singing like those little animal cartoon characters who are the friends surrounding the princess in a Disney movie.

We come up for air and he murmurs my name, his finger tracing my cheekbone.

"Isabella…"

He kisses my nose, my cheeks, my eyelids.

I make a tiny whimpering sound before he crushes his mouth to mine again, his fingers slipping to my neck.

His plump lips close around mine once more and the tip of his tongue tentatively runs over my lower lip. The sensation goes straight to my groin.

_God, he's good at this._

_What used to be a brain now is goo._

He deepens the kiss, but it's still all cautious and soft and just so warm and tender. I feel indescribably secure in his arms.

He slowly ends the kiss and puts a chaste peck on my mouth.

"I'll give you a call, okay?"

I nod stupidly, since I'm still in la-la-land.

He gives me another kiss, and I want to bottle his smell.

_Eau d'Edward._

_Just because Hypnotic Poison's already on the market._

"Bye," he murmurs, and his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows.

"Bye," I whisper, and he gives me one last kiss before he disappears into the night again like a freaking Cinderella.

**Thank you for reading; I'd love to hear from you!**

**For those of you who wonder what Tanya did last summer…you'll get to know, eventually. If you keep reading, that is.**

**One or two more chapters of E&B in limbo ahead, and then there'll be some more action… Not yet worth the M rating, but that's coming, too, in a few more chappies. **

**Please review! I mean, like really, pu-leaaaaaaase? Thank you!**


	5. Alice Is at It Again

**Hello readers! Here comes Chapter 5. Please leave a review so I know what you're thinking. I cherish each and every word you're writing, and it's the biggest reward for my efforts.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**I'M LOOKING FOR A BETA TO MAKE THIS BETTA!**

Chapter 5: **Alice is at it Again**

Over the following week, I actually am rehearsing a play. Which is great for a number of reasons: I have work to do that doesn't include carrying a tray with cocktails, and I am too busy to think about Edward all the time. Riley, our director is a total pain in the ass, and unfortunately his girlfriend Bree is playing one of the leads, Masha. Her part is actually equally big as those of the other two sisters the play is named after, still Riley and Bree between them are managing to center it on her. I'm not the only one noticing that, and the atmosphere in the rehearsal room is tense to say the least. Bree is rather bitchy and diva like, interrupting rehearsal every so often because something's not to her liking. Maybe someone should tell her this is a low budget off-off thing and she's not Cate friggin' Blanchett.

Apart from that, things work nicely for me. I like my part and take a rather comedic approach since Natasha, the sister-in-law to the three plays' name givers, is a little dense, a little vulgar and quite taken with herself.

_Maybe I should base her on Bree?_

I have fun, doing my thing, and Garrett who plays my husband is a nice chap. During brakes, we chat and joke, drinking coffee, going through our lines and sometimes Marla and Benita, who play the other two leads, join us and we talk about the production, about our parts, and inevitably about Bree, who is arguing with Riley in the back of the building.

When we continue, her eyes look rather red. I'm just happy I have very little interaction with her, either on or off stage. Riley, anyway, seems to be content with what I'm doing with the part, even though he keeps talking about "finding a more sexual approach" to Natasha.

When work is over, my thoughts return to Edward, going through the kiss again, re-living the delicacy and warmth, the touch of his lips, the sensation of his arms around me.

I don't really expect him to call today. But I hope he will, all the same.

He doesn't, and I spend my usual night on the sofa with Cedric and a container of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, watching Sookie and Eric.

Tuesday goes by without a word from him.

By Wednesday, I start to get a little fidgety, and when Thursday arrives, I'm a nervous wreck.

I force Seth to go out and have drinks even if he complains that it keeps him from seeing Collin.

We're in our usual spot at Chipmunk's and I'm into my third Gin and tonic.

"Why the fuck would he fucking kiss me like that if he's not fucking interested?" I whine. "Fuck!"

"Whoa, Bella," Seth grins. "Watch your potty mouth there."

"I'm serious, Sethy. What's going on?"

"He's an asshole," Seth explains for the fifth time. "Forget him, babe. Look, you have a lovely play to work on, lovely friends… who aren't getting any tonight, thanks to you, Miss Cockblock…"

I flip him off.

"Kidding." He slurps his margarita. "Don't dwell on it, he's not worth it."

"But the kiss…"

Seth rolls his eyes.

"No, it was really, really special. He was, I don't know… gentlemanly and so, so hot."

"_Gentlemanly? _ What does _that _mean? Okay, tongue or no tongue?"

"A tiny bit", I say, blushing. "It was sensual, and hot, but not like he was trying to get in my pants. It was… careful, and warm-hearted."

"Maybe he's gay after all, and that's why his marriage failed. I mean, if a gay guy gets a fag hag, he'll always have a pretty one, right? With no tits. Can _I _have him?"

"Not funny, Seth."

I put my chin on my elbow.

"Don't frown like that, Bells, it'll get you wrinkles."

"Oh Sethy, I really like him. I guess he just came to his senses."

"What d'you mean?"

"He probably just realized that I am no match for him. I mean, after this gorgeous model, why would he start dating plain Janes like me?"

"You need to see yourself a little more clearly, Bells." Seth is serious, tickling my cheek.

"Have you even seen her?"

"Sure; I googled her. She's a giraffe, and her eyes are so close together they might as well be one."

"Like Sauron?" I giggle.

We have a couple more drinks once the mood has lightened, and when I'm home, I fall into bed and conk out after two seconds.

Luckily, there's no rehearsal for me on Friday, but I still have to attend for a costume fitting. Nursing a hangover the size of a house, I arrive at the rehearsal space, where Alice is flitting around, her chirpy voice filled with vigour and energy. I briefly consider asking her about her brother but decide against it. I'm in no shape, physically or mentally, to deal with whatever his problem is.

"Bella," she cries once she sees me, waving cheerfully.

"Hi Alice. How are you doing?"

She hugs and kisses me.

"Great. I've got some really awesome ideas for your costumes. I'll tell you all about it in a sec, okay?"

Nodding wearily, I sit next to Garrett. He's wearing a very unhappy expression.

"What's going on?"

"Riley just called in an hour long break because he needs to 'work things out' with Bree." He's making air quotes. "Everyone is pissed."

"Oh, no. That was just around the corner, wasn't it?"

"Uh-huh." He smiles at me. "What are you doing her? I thought you had the day off?"

"I do, but Alice wanted to take my measurements, and talk about dresses. And there she is…" I get up. "See you on Monday."

Alice is her usual happy self. She 's wearing a long turquoise sort of caftan that normally would look ridiculous on someone this short, but somehow she gets away with it. We're in the tiny room she refers to as her "studio", a space crammed with bales of material, shoes, a sewing machine and pieces of clothing. She shows me various sketches and I'm stunned by how accurately she managed to convey Natasha's character and social background through the dresses she's drawn.

"Wow, they're fantastic, Alice!"

"You think so?" She claps her hands. "Great! Riley liked them, too!"

We chat idly while she measures every limb I possess, jotting down numbers.

"I think we'll have something for you to try on in a fortnight," she says, shutting her notebook and beaming. She studies my face for a moment.

"You look a little sad, Bella. Is everything okay?"

_Damn._

"Yeah, sure,"I shrug as she eyes me suspiciously, never buying it.

We have a little staring contest; her large green-blue eyes locked with mine. After a minute, I give in.

"Fine, I'm not okay. It's just…" I bite my thumbnail.

"Ye-e-es?"

"Have… have you heard anything from your brother this week?"

"No, actually I haven't." Her eyes darken. "Why?"

"Well, neither have I. Which is a little bewildering, because the last time I saw him I got the impression that he was…" I sigh deeply, embarrassment overcoming me. Why did I ever say anything in the first place?

"Interested?" Alice prompts.

I nod my head.

She takes my hand and makes me sit down on a small bench that is overflowing with bits of cloth. She sits next to me; her face is tense.

"What happened?"

"The night after your party, he came to my bar when my shift ended, though I have no idea how-"

Alice is suddenly very interested in her feet.

"You _didn't_!"

She looks up, fluttering her eyelids.

"I _had_ to, Bella! He was beside himself after what occurred that night, and part of it was my fault, so… Anyway, what happened?"

"We talked for hours, and he told me a lot about his marriage, and Tanya's problems. Then on Sunday, we went to see a movie, and…"

A big smile crosses Alice's face and she squeals.

"You kissed?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And nothing. He said he'd give me a call, and that's the last I heard from him." I rub my forehead.

Alice's face is stern, and I can't interpret her expression.

"Do you… do you think we shouldn't…"

Her eyes grow wide.

"_No_! No, of course not. It's just…" She stands and begins packing her stuff, muttering to herself. I don't understand any of it, but I'm fairly sure I make out the words "stupid", "idiot", and "asshat".

When she's done, she takes her enormous bag and her coat and kisses my cheek.

"Bye, Bella, need to go. See ya!"

And gone she is.

_Maybe this disappearing thing runs in the family?_

EDWARD

It's early evening on Friday when I close the door to my apartment behind me, carrying two large bags with groceries into the kitchen. It's been one shitty week, and I only made it through this particular day, which started at 4.30 a.m. thank you very much, by reminding myself of the following things: chicory with honey marinated goat cheese, a bottle of 2001 Sancerre, trying out the new quiche Lorraine recipe – and, above all, TGIF.

Once I've changed into more comfortable clothes – i.e. sweatpants and a tee – I make the salad, open the bottle and settle in front of the TV, watching an episode of _True Blood_. I like Sookie, and some light entertainment will do me good. As will the wine.

It's been a long week. My head hurts from thinking. My heart from protesting. Don't ask about my dick… Kissing Isabella was more than extraordinary; it was… overwhelming, earth shattering, life-changing? It was frightening. I haven't felt like this in years, and the minute our lips touched, I was completely overwhelmed. I'll never recover from that moment. Her smell, her small, soft, warm body pressed against mine – it was exquisite.

There is a natural warmth and innocence about her. She's beautiful and strong and funny and unpretentious. I'm at peace when I'm with her, as if it's meant to be this way.

I've only known her for a week, but she's turned my world upside down.

I'm scared as hell.

At work, I've been a zombie due to the sleepless nights; at home I'm a lonely nerd who spends his evenings trying out new recipes for homemade bread.

I've been googling Isabella Swan. Frequently. I found more stuff online than I'd dared to hope. There are pictures from plays she's done back in Seattle, as well as from various short films and a TV thing. She played Ophelia in a production of _Hamlet_ at the Westside Theater. There were two group pictures and one portrait that showed off those big, luminous, knowing dark eyes. And then there was the one in which she was wearing a slip. A wet slip. A wet slip clearly showing her taut nipples.

And I printed it.

I know.

I'm a pig.

And why would anyone as pure and brilliant and young and _undisturbed_ want to take a dip into my sick, dark existence?

_Exactly._

The thing is: I fucked up with Tanya. Big time. I haven't been able to give her what she needed; I haven't been able to protect her. We never should have married; I know that now. But with that in mind, how can I ever trust my feelings again? And trust another person's feelings, at that? Open my heart to anyone?

It's a disillusioning idea, but at least, it's realistic. I have a nice life, a nice job, and a fantastic family. Should I just be grateful and not ask for more? Is that why things went wrong with Tanya? Wanting too much?

It's just not for me, I guess. I don't want that chaos and heartbreak and agony ever again.

I grab the bottle of wine and totter to the kitchen, taking the ingredients I need out of the fridge and switching on the radio so I can listen to some Chopin while cooking.

The ring of the doorbell makes me flinch. It's a little after seven and I'm not expecting anyone. It rings again.

_What the fuck?_

I wash my hands and dry them on my way to the front door.

It rings yet again. On opening the door, a furious looking Alice brushes past me.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Excuse me?" I close the door and follow her into the living room.

She turns to face me.

"Did or did you not kiss Bella on Sunday night?" Her eyes are ablaze and her small hands balled into fists. I may be all grown up and a foot taller, but I still am, and always will be, her little brother.

"I did," I say cautiously.

"And did or did you not never contact her since that happened?"

I hang my head.

Alice stomps her foot.

"I thought so." She's really furious. "What were you _thinking_, Edward?"

"Alice, it's Friday night and you've just stormed into my apartment, yelling at me. What are _you_ thinking?"

"You're making a huge mistake, that's what I'm thinking."

"I don't even know what you're talking about. Won't you take off your coat?"

Petulantly, she does so.

"Would you like a glass of wine?"

She sits on the couch and shrugs. "Whatever."

I get the bottle and a glass for her as well as my own and sit down next to her.

"I talked to Bella today. She's devastated that you never called again. You're behaving like a complete dick, do you know that?"

A deep and heartfelt sigh leaves my chest. I hand my sister her glass.

"Why didn't you?" Her eyes are no longer angry, but filled with concern. There's always been this close connection between the two of us, reading each other's minds.

"I thought you like her," she says softly.

"I do." My voice sounds odd.

"_But?"_

"But I don't think it would be wise to pursue this… friendship any further."

"You kissed her," Alice states.

"That, I did."

"So?" She sips her wine, her clear eyes never leaving mine.

"It was… beautiful."

"That's what she said."

"Alice, look. She's young, just making her way as an actress; she's a lovely person. And I … have baggage. Massive baggage."

Alice shrugs.

"Everybody has. I'm sure so does she."

"Yeah, but maybe that doesn't include a psycho ex-husband that depends on her."

"You can't let Tanya rule your life any longer, Edward," she says hotly. "She needs to let go, but _so do you_. You're not responsible for her any longer."

"She has no one else… I don't want this. I want to be free of that burden. But I can't just let her destroy her life. I'm still her husband."

"And after the divorce? Will you let her dictate your life? Will you never date again because Tanya has no one?" She slowly shakes her head, a line of worry on her forehead.

There's a long silence.

"I don't want to drag anyone else into this," I say. "It's bad enough as it is."

"I know." Alice scoots a little closer to me on the couch and puts one hand on my arm. "I know. But, Edward, you've been hurting for so long. You deserve to be better." Her eyes are solemn. "If you think you still have a certain responsibility toward Tanya, fine, that's very noble. But you can't let that guide the decisions you make in your life. Tanya needs to help herself by going into therapy, and you know that. You can't do that for her. And it's not your fault that things didn't work out. _You deserve to be happy_."

"I'm just really fucking scared," I mumble. "I couldn't bear to go through anything like that again."

"I know," Alice says, squeezing my arm. She kisses my cheek. I love my sister. She looks through me as if I were made of glass, calling me out on my shit each and every time.

"You really like Bella, don't you?" Her voice is soft.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Then, Edward?"

I look at her.

"Yes?"

"Then don't let that fear win over. Don't let it keep you away from something good. With Bella, I have a feeling…" She falls silent. Alice rarely talks about her "feelings". I don't think anyone other than Jasper and our family know about them. She doesn't want people to think her crazy or ridiculous because she has those premonitions. She's always had them, and mostly they turned out to be correct. I don't think she's psychic, I believe she's just uncommonly intuitive and knows people well.

"You do?" My voice sounds a little croaky.

Alice nods and scratches her neck.

"What should I do?"

I can see the corner of her mouth turn upward. She grins at me.

"You're going to do something about it?"

"That's what you were trying to tell me, didn't you?"

She's all excited.

"You should send her flowers. I was thinking white and purple lilacs. They represent innocence and first emotions."

I open and close my mouth a few times like a fish on dry land.

"You had this all figured out?"

"Sure." Alice is already busy with my MacBook. "We'll order them now so they can be delivered tomorrow afternoon."

"Do you have lots of male friends who fuck up with their wives or girlfriends?"

She's typing away and laughs her tinkerbell laugh.

"No, silly. Jazz and I looked up some flower deliveries just now. He agreed with me that you needed to do something."

I groan and hide my head in my hands.

"Who else did you consult over this? Mum?"

"This is what you want." She points to the screen, ignoring my question. "It's not far from here so you can go there tomorrow morning and attach a note. Got it?"

"Got it."

I kiss her cheek.

"Thank you, Allikins."

"Anytime." She gets up and puts on her coat. "I need to head home now. Jazzy's _making_ dinner and we bought this DVD. It's called, _An Introdution to Tantra."_

"Ali…"

"Bye bye!"

When she's gone, I pour myself another glass of wine and start working on my note to Isabella.

BELLA

By Friday night, I still haven't heard from him and decide that he really is an asshole. I order Chinese and eat it in front of the TV while Cedric tries to push his nose into the container and I keep shooing him away. When I'm finished, I call Dad. He seems happy and well, and after checking that I am fine, he hands the phone to Sue.

After Mum left, it was Sue who basically took over, Dad working most of the time. She became my mother figure, and Seth, Leah and I grew up like siblings. With her being widowed and my Dad divorced, maybe it was just a question of time – though it took them almost ten years. She's the best thing that could happen to Charlie and me. She has this Mother Earth quality, protecting her pack with fierceness if needed. She also has a great sense of humour and a big mouth. We chat for over an hour, just about stuff back home and how the acting's going. Jake never comes up, and she knows I prefer it that way. I tell her about Dr Hot and she makes all the right disapproving comments when I say that he never called.

"They're all the same," she snorts. "All except your father, of course", she adds and giggles, and I can hear him mumble something, which makes her giggle more.

_Great. Even my Dad's love life is more exciting than mine._

Shortly after, we say goodbye and I leave them to whatever they're up to.

I head to bed early that night, but I have my usual nightmares, or variations thereof. They started – can you imagine? - a few months after Mum left. It's always the same scenario. I'm in a dark forest, and it's cold. I'm all alone, and frightened. Sometimes, I can see an indistinct figure walk away, leaving me all by myself in the dark and cold. I scream for them to not leave me and run after them through the woods, stumbling and struggling to keep pace, but I never reach them. I'm all alone, reaching out and reaching no one. I'm shaking with cold and I can't see properly, everything is blurry and foggy. I keep running, but then I trip and fall, my body meeting the damp, clammy leaves and branches of the forest. I keep falling and falling, and it makes me so giddy I cry for help, but there's no one and I fall lower and lower, twirling and never getting to a stable place.

When I wake, I'm sweating so hard I need to change my pyjamas, and I'm freezing and frightened and trembling. It's only three a.m., so I get myself a glass of milk and let Cedric inside.

_That cat will never be able to tell right from wrong if I let him in one night and shut him out the next._

He snuggles into my lap and I read a little, waiting to get drowsy again.

_Edward. Those lips._

Cedric stretches lazily and yawns. I scratch behind his ear and he starts purring loudly, making himself more comfortable. He turns on his back, stretching out all four feet. That way, he's almost as long as my leg, his large ginger body lined up against mine.

I return to my book, and after a minute, he is asleep, his legs in the air like a beetle turned upside down.

To me, slumber won't come that easily. Around five, I switch off the lamp and fall into a restless sleep.

It's almost noon when I wake, and only from the ringing of the doorbell. I pull the covers over my head and curse whoever it is, but then Cedric proclaims that he is indeed starving, so I mutter and get up to fill his bowl. It doesn't ring again, and since I'm not expecting anybody, I don't care, taking a shower and eating last night's leftovers for breakfast.

An hour later, the doorbell rings again and I finally go to the hall and press the speaker button.

"Yes?"

"Miss Swan?"

"Yes."

"It's ProFlowers NYC. I have a delivery for you. Would you please let me upstairs?"

"I'm sorry?"

"It's a flower delivery." A few minutes later, a young guy with a green base cap that says ProFlowers NYC is in front of my door, holding out a large, rectangular box.

"Could you please sign here, Miss?"

I give him my signature and he wishes me a pleasant day.

I'm standing in the hall with the box and I'm confused. I've never had flowers delivered to me before. It seems rather an old-fashioned thing to be doing. There's no birthday or first night in sight.

_Oh God, what if it is from Jake?_

I panic for a second but tell myself that there wouldn't be any reason at all for him to send me flowers.

Carrying the box to the living room, I put it on the small desk by the bay window.

Carefully, I open it and pull the thin paper aside.

It's a huge bouquet of white, pink, and mauve lilacs. The smell is overwhelming; sweet and fresh and alluring. They are spectacular.

There's a thick, cream-coloured envelope with my name written in an elegant, pointed hand. Suddenly I feel faint. I sit down, my knees trembling.

The moment I open the handwritten note, scripted equally beautifully, I know whom it is from.

_Dear Isabella._

_Dearest, sweetest Isabella._

_I am an idiot, as I am sure you will have realized by now. This note, and these flowers should have been yours exactly five days ago, thanking you for a wonderful evening._

_I'm an idiot and a fool and a coward, and I can only hope that you will forgive me for being all of that, and, if I'm very lucky, agree to have dinner with me sometime next week._

_Dare I hope?_

_Please call._

_Yours,_

_Edward._

I stare down at the note, and read it again. I'm touched, and confused. I read it again, and then do the only thing I can think of: I call Seth. I read him the note.

"Oh my Gaaaaaaawd," he yammers. "This really is a never-ending story, right? Why can't you let go, Bella? He's hot and cold, and hot and cold. It's like emotional whiplash!"

"What shall I do?"

"Forget about him! Please! I don't want you to get hurt again, and this whole thing started off on the wrong foot. Let go, Bells. "

I sigh, and I know his right. The note is sweet, sure, and so was the kiss, but his behaviour is more than a little strange. I need to protect my heart. I can't afford another disaster like Jake.

Seth senses my doubts.

"Forget it, Bells. And come to Leah and Sam's brunch tomorrow. You need to get your mind off that guy."

=====oOo=====

Work that night passes slowly, as does the rest of the weekend. Brunch at Leah and Sam's is nice, but I'm still a little disappointed and my thoughts are elsewhere.

On Monday and Tuesday I'm rehearsing. Bree isn't there and we are very productive. I think it'll be good. Riley compliments me a lot and then asks if I have a problem taking my shirt off in Act Two. I have, and he drops it. For now.

Instead, he wants us to discuss the different social backgrounds of my and Garrett's parts, harping on the fact that Natasha is a simpleton from the lower classes and Andrej (Garrett aka my husband) comes from an old family and has enjoyed the best education.

That puts me on a wrong track, and when I'm at home, sitting on my couch for yet another boring, empty evening by myself, I allow myself to wallow in depression. How silly of me to believe that someone like Edward could ever have a real interest in someone like me. Someone gorgeous and successful, from _old money. _I snort, scaring Cedric, who looks at me scornfully. I consider calling Seth, but he'll just tell me to move on, or try to talk me into going out with him, knowing that I don't have to work tomorrow.

I don't want to go out.

I don't want to meet men.

I want Edward.

Okay, high time to put a lid on that. I'm going to take a footbath, have a pedicure and a glass of wine, and then I'll watch the cute vampire kid play a pilot that's being harassed by hallucinatory psycho spiders, and have some more wine. A good, solid plan.

My phone beeps with an incoming message and I open it, expecting Seth to write to which club he and Collin are going, asking me to come.

Chills run down my spine when I see that it's from Edward.

_Isabella, I've written you six emails, none of which you have answered. As a matter of fact, I'm a little worried. Are you sick? Do you need a doctor? I know a very good one. Seriously: I'm calling a cab now and will stop by at your house, and if you'll open the door for me, or meet me downstairs, I'll take you out for dinner. If you're not home, I'll wait. Either way, I need to see you. Nothing else will do. Edward_.

I am petrified. I am jittery. All at the same time. Maybe I should check my emails more regularly.

I sit there, stiff with shock, until I realize that I am losing precious time. If he's taking me out for dinner, I'd better put on some nice clothes and a little makeup. Because suddenly, there is no doubt anymore.

**Please leave a review. I know this was longish and no lovin' involved, but sometimes life can be a little complicated and frustrating. But we're getting there.**


	6. Madly My Heart Is Beating

**Hello, I'm back! Sorry for not posting this earlier, but fanfiction wouldn't let me due to some technical problems. Very frustrating and maddening.**

**Many, many, **_**many **_**heartfelt thanks to dellaterra for beta'ing this. You're simply brilliant! Thank you for your support and encouragement! Remaining typo or grammar errors are mine.**

**I do not own Twilight. **

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("What is Love?" from "Bitter Sweet")**

Chapter 6: **Madly My Heart is Beating**

The doorbell rings forty minutes later. Putting on my coat, I give myself a quick once-over in the hall mirror. I put on a low cut, pale-blue dress and a black cardigan, and black high-heeled boots. I had cured my hair as fast as I could, and had put on some mascara and lip gloss. I think I look okay.

Grabbing my purse, I tell Cedric that I'm going out. For the past thirty minutes he's been running after me. Apparently, my excitement was rubbing off on him. Now, he's not interested in what I'm saying, though having retired to his favourite spot, right next to his bowl in the kitchen.

My heart is fluttering on the elevator ride downstairs, my mouth is dry, and I'm nervous as hell. When the doors open to the small foyer of my old brownstone building, I see him at once. He's standing next to the mailboxes with his back toward me.

He turns once he hears the click of my heels on the stone floor, the sight of him taking my breath away. He's the epitome of beauty. His male strength, broad shoulders, strong jaw and large hands stand in contrast with his almost feminine grace, the sensitive eyes, and full, soft lips, which are turned upwards into the most adorable crooked smile. He eyes me with a mixture of awe and desire.

We meet midway, and when we stand in front of each other, he softly runs his thumb across my cheekbone.

"Isabella."

The touch of his fingers leaves a tingle in its wake. His eyes look like luminous green marbles.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs.

"So are you," I reply bashfully.

"I'm glad you came down." He cups my cheek. "I'm sorry I was such an idiot."

"I'm glad you came, too." It's no more than a whisper.

His other hand is on my hip, and he gently pulls me closer.

Then, he kisses me. It's gentle, like the first kiss, his warm lips pressing against mine, caressing and nibbling, and my heart starts into a gallop. His arm snakes around my waist, drawing me even nearer to him. I'm sure he can feel the mad intensity of my heartbeat. His thumb runs from my cheek to my neck, resting by my throat, where my pulse is raging against his finger.

I'm a little dizzy, and my legs feel like jelly. He's all around me, the combination of his divine smell, the taste of his lips, and his body close to mine overwhelming me. It's like the most addictive drug. My hands touch his cheeks, enjoying the scruff and the warm softness of his cheekbones, wandering to his neck, to his ears, entangling in the silken strands of his hair.

He makes a low sound, something between a sigh and a whimper, as we break apart for air. I look up into his angelic face, and he looks back at me, his eyes wide and vulnerable and aglow. I can tell that he is every bit as overwhelmed as I am.

"So beautiful," he whispers, tracing my lower lip with his thumb. I kiss it shyly, and a smile spreads over his face before our mouths meet again. The electric current between us is almost palpable as our lips move in synch, our breaths mingling as our bodies get even closer. He's surrounding me, consuming me, and I am floating, drowning in the heaven that is pure Edward. His body is strong and muscular, and my belly is sizzling as our kiss grows deeper. His tongue traces my lips and I open my mouth a little, and soon he is driving me into a sweet frenzy. The kiss is slow and sensuous, and completely unreal.

I have no idea how long we've been standing here, or if anyone has passed us by; all I am aware of is this man kissing me like there's no tomorrow, and the little sighs and murmurs between us. At some point, we move apart a little and stare at each other in wonder. Edward's breath is warm and sweet on my face as he whispers, "I'm going to take you to dinner now, okay? The cabbie will be asleep by now, and I don't want to loseour reservation. That okay with you?"

I can't speak for a moment, tracing his eyebrow with my finger as if I want to make sure he is real.

"Bella?"

I snap out of my stupor and nod my head, noticing that, for the first time, he hasn't addressed me by my full name.

"What was that?" I say in a thick voice.

He doesn't need to ask to know what I mean. The lopsided smile is back.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "It's softer… And it suits you."

He kisses me once more before he puts one arm around my shoulder and walks me to the cab. Once we're in, he apologizes profusely to the driver for making him wait, then gives him an address in Soho.

"Where are we going?" I'm still all aglow and keyed up.

Edward takes my hand.

_And, oh! That feels so good!_

"Just a cute little place called Weber's Steakhouse. I know the owner, and they serve the best steak in town. And you told me you like steak…" He licks his lower lip.

A big stupid grin spreads across my face, and I don't think I'll be able to wipe it off anytime soon. Edward gives my hand a little squeeze.

"Good?"

"Perfect."

The restaurant is cute indeed. Everything is woodsy and cosy and warm. There's a huge fireplace crackling in the center of the room, and dozens of small lamps and candles give it an appearance of a ski lodge. The furniture is made of dark woods, and there are red-and-white checkered tablecloths, and starched white napkins. The walls are decorated with black and white photos of jazz legends and New York in the twenties. It's adorable, and just my cup of tea.

_D__id he know that?_

A pretty waitress dressed all in red and white guides us to a quiet corner table near the fireplace and hands us the menus.

"This is so pretty." I'm still marvelling at the homey feeling, and the worn but stylish decoration. It's unassuming, warm, and lovely.

Edward eyes me with that crooked smile showing.

"You like it?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"It belongs to the family of my friend Ben's wife. They opened the place during Prohibition and made shit loads of money. I don't even want to know how." He chuckles. " You have to meet him; his anecdotes are fantastic. Anyway, it now belongs to the his wife's brother. I love it because it's completely unpretentious. And the steak is to die for."

Edward scans the wine list.

"Would you like some wine, Bella?"

It gets me all flustered and tingly when _he _calls me that. Silly, I know.

"Sure. I'd love some wine."

"Red or white? I remember you had white when we met at Alice's."

"I like both. Maybe red would be nice with the steak? I'm by no means an expert, though, even if I do work at a bar."

Edward smiles, melting my insides.

"I agree with you about the red wine. Do you have any preferences? French? Italian? Californian?"

"Um… I trust you with that."

He gives me an odd little look. Maybe he noticed the way I phrased my sentence. I never said, "I trust _you_," rather emphasizing the "that".

Studying the wine list some more, he hums a little to himself, which is oh so cute, then nods appreciatively.

"I think we should have the Bracco Barolo. It's an Italian wine from Piemonte." He looks up and his green eyes are deep and curious.

"Have you ever been to Italy, Bella?"

"No."

"So maybe the wine will give you a taste of that beautiful country."

We discuss the menu, deciding to share a crab cocktail and follow it with steaks and baked potatoes. When the waitress returns, she makes sure to bend down so her tits are showing, but Edward either doesn't notice, or he isn't interested in fake boobs. He orders, thanks her, and turns his eyes back to me.

"You look so lovely…" Reaching across the table, he takes my hand into his. Again, there's this exciting sparkle.

"I'm sorry I never called, Bella," he murmurs. "After we kissed that night," he swallows, "I became aware that you mean something… a lot… to me. And after the disaster that was my marriage… Well, I'm an idiot, like I said."

I give his hand a little squeeze.

"I don't think you are, Edward. I'm confused, too. But, you know, when you never called, that confused me more…"

"I get that." His brow is slightly furrowed, but one corner of his mouth turns upwards. "But why did you never answer my e-mails, Bella?"

"Oh, God." I hide my face behind my hands. "I'm so sorry. It's just… I have this idiotic email account, and there are so many ads, and spam, that I don't check it every day…"

"Oh," he says. "Oh."

_Suddenly, I want to know nothing more than what he wrote me._

At this moment, the server comes with our bottle of wine, making a big show of presenting it, uncorking it and letting Edward taste. He approves with a friendly nod, and thanks our waitress once she has poured a glass for both of us. We clink our glasses and take a sip. It is so delicious. If that's what Italy's like, I definitely want to go there.

_With him, preferably._

Edward watches me, his chin on his fist. For the first time, I notice the tiny wrinkles around his eyes. They're from laughing. Must be.

"Bella?"

I realize I just zoned out again, fantasizing about him while he's sitting right next to me.

"How old are you?" I blurt out.

He chuckles. "Why?"

"I don't know. It just occurred to me."

"And now you're realizing I'm really old." He gives me a sad grin.

"You're not going to tell me?"

"Thirty-six in June." He raises one perfect eyebrow. "Too old, right?"

And he puts his hand on mine and there's this tingle again.

"And you?" Deep, green eyes.

"Shouldn't I let you make a guess first? It's what all chicks do so a guy has the opportunity to compliment them."

"You're not a chick. And you have no need to create opportunities so you can receive a compliment. I'd say you're… what... twenty-three?"

EDWARD

It's not that I haven't given the subject extensive thought. Because I have. It's given me sleepless nights, as a matter of fact, knowing that Bella is probably much closer to Tanya's age than to mine. The difference in age hasn't been the source of our problems, but I don't delude myself that it has made things any easier, either. Such a huge age gap certainly means different phases in life, different experience, and different levels of maturity.

_Well, Bella doesn't seem immature, exactly._

It's a huge concern for me and, as I'm realizing only now, probably part of the reason I didn't call her. Stupid, I know. Cowardly, and just plain dumb, because I know Bella isn't like Tanya. At all.

"I'll be twenty-eight in September, Edward."

_Huh?_

Her clear voice pulls me out of my stupor, and what she just said hits me like a freight train.

"You're… what?"

"Twenty-eight on September 13th." She smiles her divine, demure smile, blinking her eyes as if she doesn't understand what's going on.

"You can't be serious, Bella. There's no need to make something up just because I'm a little older than you."

Her deep , earthy laugh makes me rethink.

"You _are _serious, right?"

"Have you ever known a woman making herself deliberately older, Edward?"

_She does have a point there._

"Actually, no."

"So does that make you feel better?"

Her smile is luminous, and a bit cocky, too.

At that moment, our appetizer arrives and we tuck into it. Bella takes a delicate bite and sighs happily.

"That's awesome."

For a few minutes we eat in silence, and then Bella starts asking me about my job. Why did I choose to become a doctor? How do I cope with the stress? How do I handle all the She admits to feeling faint whenever she sees blood, and wonders how I can handle it .She doesn't ask so as to be polite, but because she's really interested, because she wants to know. I tell her about my residency and the time I worked on the pediatric wing, and how that was the hardest time of my entire career.

"It's enormously rewarding to work with kids, of course," I say. "I adore them. But when you lose one, it beaks your heart. Of course, it's terrible to lose _any_ patient, but having to tell parents that their two-month old baby died during its third operation – it's nothing I could do on a daily basis."

Bella slips her little hand into mine again and it's so soft, so warm, and feels so good.

"I understand that. I can't even imagine how dreadful that must be…"

I draw slow circles on her palm with my thumb.

"Let's find a lighter subject, shall we?"

We chat a little about this and that, and, as always, conversation never runs short. It's inspiring, and I greedily store away every small detail I learn about her.

Our steaks arrive, and it's oddly satisfying to see Bella tuck into hers, not with a guilty expression, but with the utmost joy – something Tanya never could do. She'd order a salad with an extra dressing and then just nibble at it. Seeing Bella happily cut her steak is… good. At some point, there's a little sour cream at the corner of her mouth, and I can't help but smile.

"What?" I can't help but smile as I reach over and brush it away with my thumb.

"Sour cream." I lick it off.

The look I receive in return almost gives me a hard-on.

Conversation continues, covering every possible topic from Shakespeare to the Marx Brothers, chocolate-covered pretzels, and movies recently seen. Our empty plates have been cleared, and the waitress returns to ask about dessert.

"I'd love some, but I'm so full," Bella says.

"We could share one," I suggest. "Fruity? Icy? They have a delicious cheesecake here."

"Hmm…" She cocks her head. "Something chocolaty?"

_She's a chocolate girl._

"We have Valrhona chocolate soufflé," the waitress announces.

"Oh!" Bella's eyes sparkle. "Is it all fluffy and… hot?"

I take a large gulp of my wine. She said it without a hint of playfulness, but damn it, I'm not thinking about soufflés right now.

"Oh, yes."

"Excellent." Bella smiles. "Shall we?"

I nod weakly, running a hand through the mess that is my hair, and try to get a grip on my raging hormones.

BELLA

I don't think he has any idea how sexy he is. Licking those delectable lips, smiling that breathtaking crooked smile, gesticulating with those long fingers while he makes me laugh. As I get to know him better, I begin to feel that I can trust him. Something about Edward gives me this strange feeling of security. I don't know what it is ; I just want to be near him. He relaxes my tight and nervous little heart.

On the other hand, my little heart starts beating more quickly each time I look at him. The upper few buttons of his grey shirt are open, showing a smattering of soft bronze hair. He's laid back, relaxed, extremely attentive and incredibly funny, mostly mocking himself. He's also modest and introspective, outgoing, thoughtful, well read, and kind.

_And I think I'm falling in love with him._

The dessert arrives, and Edward hands me my spoon.

"You go first."

"No, you should…"

"It was you that wanted fluffy and _hot." _ He wiggles his eyebrows.

"But I'm really –" I try to protest, but, Edward has already scooped up a spoonful, hot, liquid chocolate oozing from the soufflé, and directs it at my mouth.

"There you go," he murmurs, watching me as I close my lips around the spoon, and, oh my God, it's delicious.

"Mmm…"

Edward's Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows, watching me. He pulls the spoon from my mouth and guides it towards his own, licking it clean.

_I want to be that spoon, please._

So, I take my own spoon and do the same for him. Or should I say, to him, cleaning the spoon after I've pulled it from his lips. His eyes grow wide.

"Payback's a bitch, huh?"

He repeats his action, as I do mine, and soon the dessert is gone, and I'm on a delicious chocolate-and-Edward high.

I'm still on that high when we leave the restaurant half an hour later.

"Should I call a cab?" he asks.

"It's not that far to my place. We could walk, if you like."

"Yeah, I'd love to."

He puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk, and it feels indescribably good. We watch people as we cross the more touristy areas, pointing out things we see, laughing whenever we see something funny or grotesque. We keep chatting until we're in front of my building. Again.

There's a small, awkward moment.

"Do… Would you… Do you want to come up for a moment?"

The smile on his face is radiant, but then a small frown replaces it.

He takes my hand.

"There's nothing I'd love more than that," he says, his voice low and honest. "But I need to get up at four-thirty, and it's already after midnight…" He sighs, his other hand cupping my cheek. "So I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh, sure." I look at his shoulder, embarrassed and disappointed.

He steps a little closer, as close as possible, actually, until our bodies touch.

"I had the most beautiful night ever," he says softly. "Thank you, Bella."

"No, thank _you._ It was lovely."

_Oh, God, we sound like teenagers anticipating their first kiss._

Edward swallows.

"I'm working the next three days, and they're pretty gruelling twelve- to sixteen-hour shifts," he says. "But can I see you on Friday?"

"Friday'd be great."

His smile goes from ear to ear.

"Great."

And then he puts his arms around me and kisses me, and the world disappears into a fog as our mouths melt. It's everything at once - sensuous, tender, hungry, needy - but above all, it's beautiful.

My fingers are in his hair, softly scratching his scalp, and he makes a little sound that tells me that he likes it very, very much. Our breathing gets heavier as the kiss intensifies, tongues dancing and caressing, moving slowly and in perfect rhythm, as if we'd never done anything else.

Edward's palm rests firmly half an inch above my ass; the other is on my neck, his thumb making little patterns. This is getting me really undone. I'm sure that all the blood has probably left my brain and has gone to my lower body.

_Hello there._

And, I'm happy to say, the same can be said for him. We both are making small whipy, moaning sounds, until we need to come up for air. Our faces are still so close our noses and foreheads touch.

"Bella, you…" His breath is hot on my cheek. "You cannot imagine how you make me feel…"

"I think I can," I say, my fingers tracing the shell of his ear, "if I go by my own reaction…"

He utters a little sigh, and our lips melt again.

_God, that boy smells so good. Like vanilla, and cinnamon and… man._

We go on and on, nibbling and whispering, sucking and licking and tasting. We end up panting, Edward pulling me even closer and resting his face atop my head. I fit in snugly beneath his chin.

We're silent for a while, and then he murmurs, " I don't want to go. But, you know, I need to."

"Yes, you probably should…" I whisper, burying my face in the nook between his neck and his ear, inhaling him, storing each memory and sensation like a squirrel storing nuts for winter.

His skin feels and smells familiar, as though I've known him forever. I've never, ever, felt so secure.

Edward is softly rubbing my back.

"I really _should_…" He breathes into my hair, kissing my temple.

"You should…" I kiss his throat and look up into his face.

He's closing his eyes as if in pain. Opening them, he takes my face in both of his hands, his eyes dark and filled with desire, and his hair even more dishevelled than usual.

"I will," he murmurs, planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Be." Another kiss. "Going," Kiss. "Now."

I smile. "You must."

"Yes…"

He kisses my eyelids, my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, then my lips, lingering there.

I pull back a little.

"Edward," I whisper, "you need to sleep."

He chuckles, intertwining his fingers with mine. He lifts our hands and kisses my fingers.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes." My heart flutters again.

He kisses the inside of my wrist.

"Good…" He pulls me close once more and puts his lips on mine.

"I can't wait for Friday night," he mumbles against my skin. "But I really need to go now."

"You do."

"Okay…"

He kisses the top of my head.

"Sweet dreams, sweet Bella."

"You too."

After one last kiss, he turns and leaves. I let myself in and literally fly to the elevator. Once I'm inside my apartment, I decide to take a shower in order to calm down a little. When I'm finished, I put on my favourite fuzzy robe and settle on the couch. Cedric jumps into my lap.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Ever again.

And then, my cell phone beeps with an incoming message.

_Bella, beautiful Bella. Thank you for tonight. You dazzle me, sweet actress, and I cannot wait for it to be Friday. Cannot. Fucking. Wait. – Edward (Who is on his way to a very cold shower.)_

EDWARD

I've been tossing and turning in bed for half an hour, but sleep won't come.

I can't stop thinking of her. My whole body is on fire with need for her lips, her taste, her smell. She tastes like strawberries, which is her lip gloss, I think, and smells like warm rain on a spring day. I'm completely under her spell.

And I'm fighting a serious case of blue balls. I don't want to jerk off with her in mind. She's too precious for that. I want to experience this – sex, not jerking off – _with_ her. I don't want it to feel cheap.

_Yup. It's that bad._

I want to lick every inch of her, and then some.

Okay. There's not even the faintest chance of going to sleep with this raging boner. I switch on the bedside lamp and text her, then shuffle to the bathroom, where I take a hot shower and whack off, coming after 3.2 seconds, and follow it with a very cold one. I dry myself, put on some pajama pants and crawl back beneath the sheets, hoping to catch an hour of sleep before the alarm rings. Surprisingly, I drift off almost immediately.

That is the first night I dream of Isabella Swan.

**Thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you liked it! Thanks!**


	7. I Saw No Shadow

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart to dellaterra for her beta skills! You are the very best!**

**Any remaining typo or grammar errors are mine alone.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Pacific 1860")**

**Twilight doesn't. Not to me, either.**

**Thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing, putting me on alert or adding YWT to their favourites. It means the world to me.**

Chapter 7: **I Saw No Shadow**

Cedric wakes me in the morning. If he could, he'd jump up and down to get my attention. With pom poms. As it is, he meows and licks my hair and puts his paws in my face until I can't stand it any longer and get up, filling his little bowl with nasty-smelling cat food. While he munches away, I start making coffee. I think of Edward, who already has been working for four hours.

Last night was incredible. I don't think I've ever felt like this with a man. It's so natural with him. Like it's meant to be. As if I'd been waiting all my life for _him._ Standing in my kitchen and sipping my coffee, I try to sort my thoughts.

I didn't feel this way with Jake. With him, everything was comfy and easy, yes, but there never was this _sparkle._ Jake was family, and everything seemed to be set in stone already. But he never was interested in me, the _real _me.

Edward listens. Edward looks at me. He makes me feel precious and revered.

Thinking such thoughts, I go about my day, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, learning my lines. I call Seth. He invites me to have dinner at his place; apparently Collin is out of town. Somewhere in between I receive a message from Edward.

_**Hey, lovely girl, how are you? Thinking of you. All the time.**_

My heart does a double flip, and I reply.

**I'm fine, how's work? Thinking of you too. Looking forward to Friday.**

_**I'll call you tonight, okay?**_

**Can't wait to hear your voice, doctorward****. **

_**xoxo**_

Six long hours later, when I'm almost on my way to Seth's place, the phone rings and it's Edward. The sound of his voice making my heartbeat quicken.

"Hey," I say. "How are you?"

"Exhausted, really. I just got home."

I sit on my queen-sized bed, leaning back against the headboard. Cedric joins me, purring like a small lawn mower as he snuggles up to my calf.

"So you did have that twelve-hour day you predicted?"

"Yep. I'm so fucking glad I have most weekends off. One of the upsides of being a surgeon is that operations are scheduled on weekdays."

"What about emergencies?"

"There are times I'm on call, of course, but we take turns." He stifles a yawn. "Sorry. So, what did you do with your day, sweet actress?"

"Nothing much," I admit. "Household stuff, which I hate. Learnt some lines for tomorrow."

"Mmm, I can't wait to see you on stage." His voice is like velvet, utterly seductive.

"It's not a big part, you know that," I remind him. I don't want him to expect too much.

"I know the play, Miss Swan, and it may not be a leading role, but it is an important one."

I realize that I have a huge grin on my face.

"Maybe you should have majored in literature," I tease him.

"Believe me, I'm better at what I'm doing right now," he chuckles.

"What are you doing with the rest of your night?"

"Cooking, eating, and maybe reading a little. Sleeping."

"Have to get up at four-thirty again?"

"Yes." I can hear him stifle another yawn. "And you?"

"Actually, I was just heading out to meet a friend. My best friend, actually - Seth. I think I told you about him. "

"Yeah, you did. He sounds fun from what you were saying."

"He's a great guy. You should meet him."

_Oops. Was that too much, too soon?_

"I'd love to."

His voice is firm, warm, and serious, and another smile spreads across my face. I tickle Cedric's ear and try to think of a flirty reply, when, out of nowhere, I am hit by the beginnings of a small panic attack.

My chest constricts, and the whole room seems to be closing in on me. I am afraid. I am so afraid. I feel like a caged animal. What cages me is not the bars of a zoo or a circus, but my own homemade fear. I'm dizzy, my chest is flushing and my breathing gets laboured. Cedric is draped over my feet, sleeping peacefully. My room looks as it always does. Slightly messy, but mine.

I want to scream, to do anything so I can escape. But I know there's no escape. I can't escape from myself.

"Bella? Are you still there?"

"Yes," I choke out, trying to get a hold on myself. "Listen, Edward, I just really need to go. I'll call you, okay?"

I don't even wait for him to reply before ending the call. Staring down at Cedric's s small breathing form, I try to get a hold on myself. My heart is pounding wildly in my chest. I try to take deep, steady breaths, and when that doesn't work, I do what I always do, and grab the phone once more.

"Seth," I say in a stifled voice. "Can you come over?"

EDWARD

What the fuck was that? One minute, we're talking and all flirty, and the next, she basically hangs up on me. I don't get it.

Bella always seems so open and honest. That's what I lo… _like _about her. Among other things. She doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, mind you, but she's sincere.

Now, I can't help but feel that she's hiding something. I think about calling her again, but what if she's with somebody else?

Considering that we've only kissed a couple of times, and considering that I completely fucked up after the first time, we obviously haven't even begun to talk about anything like exclusiveness.

My heart constricts at the mere thought that Bella might be seeing anyone else. But she might be.

_On the other hand, didn't she just say she was joining her buddy for dinner? She wouldn't lie to me, would she?_

_Fuck._

My phone rings again, and for a second, I hope that it's her. Nope.

"Hi, Ali."

"Edward!" Her bubbly, happy voice soothes me a little. "Brother, where art thou? Haven't heard from you in _ages_! Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just a stressful day at the hospital."

Which, at the moment, is the last thing on my mind. And, of curse, Alice senses that. She's like a drug-sniffing dog, that little one.

"How are things with Bella?"

I sigh.

"Edward?"

"I don't know. Until ten minutes ago, I thought things were going great, but now I'm not so sure." I proceed to tell her about last night, the messages, and the phone call. When I'm finished, there's a long pause, which, for Alice, is highly unusual.

"Ali?"

"What?" she snaps.

"Are you going to say anything? Offer me some advice?"

"I'm _thinking,_ Edward," she says, shutting me up. "Did you say anything that might have hurt her?"

"No, it was a normal, pleasant conversation."

"So what if she just really needed to leave?"

"Yeah, but she was so… strange in the end." I shake my head slowly. "Do you… Um, do you think she might be seeing somebody else?"

"No," Alice replies instantly. "She's never mentioned anyone, and she certainly doesn't strike as being that type of girl." Alice pauses again. "Why don't you just call and ask her, Edward? I'm sure it's just a silly misunderstanding."

"She said she's meeting a friend." I sit down on the piano bench, feeling despondent. Haven't been sitting here in ages.

"Then send her a message or something. God, Edward, You're not that dense."

"Okay, I will."

"Good. Anyway, I wanted to ask if you'd like to come over for dinner one of these days."

"Sure."

"Maybe you could bring Bella." There's an excited chirp in her voice.

"It's not like we're an item, Ali."

"An _item_? Who are you, Perez Hilton? When will you be seeing her again?"

"On Friday." My heart does a little flip at the thought of that.

"Ask her. Please! For me?"

"I'll think about it, okay?"

I can hear Jasper in the background.

"I'm coming, honey," she calls. "Listen, I need to go. Send her a message and call me when you hear from her, okay?"

Before we end the call, I assure Alice that I'll keep her informed. I stare down on the black lid in front of me, and suddenly, I have the urge to play a little, an urge I haven't felt for months.

I open it, ghosting my fingers over the cool keys, and before I even realize what I am doing, I'm midway through a Chopin prelude. The music, and the process of creating it, elates me. I wasn't aware of how much I had missed it, soft tunes flowing through the apartment, soothing me. When I finally close the lid and get up, an hour has passed, and I make a mental note to call the piano tuner to have it looked over.

Feeling less muddled, I send Bella a message, simply wishing her a pleasant evening, saying that I hoped to talk to her tomorrow.

After that, I cook some pasta, watch mindless shit on TV and go to bed. Bella never answers.

Throughout the following day, I keep checking my cell for texts, but the only incoming message is from my brother-in-law, Emmett, asking me if I want to join him for a Mets game next week. He works as a lawyer for them and gets free tickets.

Nothing from Bella.

The day seems endless and work is pretty boring, with loads of paperwork waiting on my desk. I'm about to call it a day when Lauren approaches me. Since that one night last December, I've been trying to avoid any very private conversations with her, not wanting to give her the impression that more could develop between us.

God, I was so drunk that night. Tanya and I had been separated for about three months and I felt like shit about the whole situation. A couple of days before the hospital's Christmas party at the Waldorf Astoria, she'd shown up at my apartment, high as a kite. At the party, I was feeling emotionally needy, hopeless and depressed, and I drank far too much, leaving myself wide open to Lauren's advances. The evening ended with us fucking in an overpriced hotel bedroom. I don't know if she planned this, or if she always carries a condom in her purse… anyway, I left in the early morning hours, feeling sick and empty. I called her the next day to make sure she wasn't misconstruing the whole encounter. She seemed a bit disappointed, but was friendly and calm. Since then, I've kept our relationship on a strictly professional level, and we've always been respectful towards each other.

Now she's batting her eyelashes at me, giving me a pink-lipped smile.

"Hello there. How are you, Edward?"

"Fine, thanks, Lauren. You?"

I really, really don't have the energy to make small talk with her right now.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah," I reply warily.

"Care to go to Tony's for a drink?"

"Actually, I'm fucking tired, Lauren."

"Oh, come on, Eddie."

_Aargh. I hate to be called Eddie. Or Ed. Or Teddy. Or Ted._

She puts a hand on my chest, and I'm desperately trying to think of an excuse to get away when my phone rings.

_Perfect!_

And it's Bella.

I make a gesture, indicating to Lauren that I need to answer the call, and mouth a quick good-bye before heading towards the exit.

"Bella!"

"Hi, Edward," she says in a soft, shy voice. It's so good to hear her.

"Hey! How are you? You know, I was a bit worried about you last night. You were gone so abruptly," I babble as I cross the parking lot. There's a slight drizzle, but I couldn't care less, leaning against my car and lighting a cigarette.

"I know, and I'm sorry." There is a small silence. "I just felt a little sick, you know."

For some reason I get the feeling that there's more to it, but I let it pass.

"Are you better now?"

"Yes, thank you. Um, are we still on for tomorrow?

"Of course! If you'll still have me."

"Absolutely," she whispers.

I stand there in the light rain, taking deep drags from my cigarette, grinning like an idiot.

"Would you like to come over to my place? I could cook something."

"Oh, Edward." She sounds more assured now, and a bit flirty. "You can cook?"

"So they say." The smile never leaves my face. "Any special preferences? Food allergies?"

"No. I'm not very picky. Just make spaghetti with meatballs, and I'll be fine."

There's a warm glow in my stomach.

"See you at eight?" I ask.

"Okay."

"Great."

"I'm looking forward to that." Her voice is just sweet and genuine.

We say good-bye, and by the time I'm home, my cheeks hurt from grinning like a moron the whole drive.

BELLA

He didn't seem mad that I choked him off so rudely last night. I don't know if he bought my excuse about feeling sick, but if he didn't, he didn't let it show. Anyway, he still wants to see me! And at his place! The rest of the night I run around like a chicken with its head chopped off, scaring Cedric in the process. I call Seth to tell him the good news, and he's happy for me, but still a bit concerned.

Seth. How I love him. He's always been there for me, has seen my darkest demons and always stood by me. Last night, he came over immediately after I'd cut off Edward, holding me while I cried and cried, until the panic subsided.

"_Are you taking you medication regularly?" Seth asked, sitting on my bed with me, stroking my back._

"_Of course I am!" I hiccupped. "I've been religious about it since that one time!"_

"_I was just wondering. You've had them more since the move. Maybe…" he hesitated. "Maybe you should start seeing someone again?"_

"_I don't want to," I sniffled. "It's just a phase. Adjusting and stuff. I'm sure it'll pass."_

"_Okay," he sighed. "But promise you'll consider it if starts happening more frequently again, will you?"_

_I nodded shakily._

"_I know you want to be strong and work it out on your own, Bells. But sometimes it's important to accept help."_

"_Yeah, but," – and here I started crying again – "I don't want to be one of those people. Now even less than ever…"_

"_What do you mean?" He inclined his head to one side._

"_Well, you know, Edward…" I blew my nose._

"_Edward?" he prompted gently._

"_I… I told you what he said about his wife…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_And… and…" It was hard to speak because I was sobbing so hard. "And I'm sure the last thing he wants in his life is another psycho girl..."_

And now I'm on the subway with the most expensive bottle of Napa Valley Shiraz I've ever bought. The most expensive bottle of wine I've ever bought, period. I'm nervous, and my hands all sweaty as I check my image in the train's grubby windowpane. I left my hair down wearing almost no makeup. A black, tight-fitting sweater and jeans. Dark blue ballerinas, and a grey woollen coat.

Matching black lace bra and panties.

_You never know._

I have no idea what to expect from tonight, no idea what Edward might be expecting. I know for certain that I don't want an affair. But am I ready for a relationship? And, hell, is _he_, what with waiting for his divorce to come through and everything? Is that even what he might want?

What I do know is that I'm incredibly attracted to him, and that my stomach jitters and my heart squirms each time I think of him. And there are feelings beyond the physical pull as well.

_Another thing I know is that I couldn't bear to be hurt like I was when everything happened with Jake. That would kill me._

I step out of the subway at Lexington and 63rd Street. Well, well. This certainly is a nice neighbourhood. Everything's neat and clean. The walk isn't far, and though it's chilly, there's a slight hint of spring in the air. And here I am.

A black wrought-iron gate protects half a dozen stone steps that lead up to heavy wooden doors. It's the kind of building that screams money, all understated and elegant and classy.

_Please don't let there be a doorman._

There's a doorman.

"Good evening ma'am."

I smile a freaked-out smile and run for the elevator.

He did say the seventh floor, didn't he? I look at my reflection in the gold-framed mirror in the elevator. My cheeks are flushed. I feel like a little girl before her first recital of _Little Bo Peep._ 5 B. Large gold letters.

I take a deep breath and press the buzzer.

The very second the door opens and I see Edward, I'm at ease. He has a huge smile on his face and his large green eyes filled with joy.

"Bella," he says softly, the smile deepening as he takes in my appearance. "So good to see you." He grabs my hand and gently pulls me across the threshold, greeting me with a small kiss to my cheek. There's that tingle again.

_Boy oh boy__, does he smell good._

"Hi," I say, a bit unsure of my voice since I'm completely under his spell. He's so much more beautiful than I remember him. He's wearing a grey t-shirt and jeans. His feet are bare.

"Would you like to take your clothes off? I… I mean, your _coat_." He hits his forehead with the palm of his hand.

_He's nervous. It's too cute._

He takes my coat and puts it on a hanger. Taking in my surroundings, I'm more than just a little impressed. The place is gorgeous. We're in a big hall with high ceilings, furnished with elegant yet simple antiques from around the turn of the century. There are pretty lamps and marble floors and a large double-door leading to the living room, and another hallway to my right. A staircase is to the left.

"Wow," I say. "This is… impressive."

"Um, well, thanks." He shrugs. "Alice helped me decorate it. As did my mom." He smiles. "Would you like to join me in the kitchen for a second? I just need to put the lasagna in the oven, and then I can give you a guided tour, if you like."

"I'd love that." I remember the bottle I'm still holding. "Oh, I brought some wine."

He takes it with a lovely smile.

"You shouldn't have. But still, thanks."

He leads the way into a large, modern kitchen with shiny cherry wood surfaces and an island in the middle. There's a long rack with herbs and all kinds of expensive-looking devices for mixing and shredding and… cooking, I guess.

Beneath the broad window there's a breakfast table with four chairs. The wall next to it bears a giant framed poster of _2001:_ _A Space Odyssey_. It's even bigger than my _Wuthering Heights_ one. While I'm looking around, Edward puts a pan in the oven and sets the timer.

"What do you say? Should I open that bottle you brought? Actually, I'm rather curious about it." Holding up the bottle of wine, he smiles that breathtaking crooked smile.

"Only if you want to… But I told you, I'm no expert."

"Neither am I," he says. I'm sure he's understating.

He uncorks it swiftly, smelling the cork before he pours us two glasses. I'm hoping I did not misspend those thirty bucks just to impress him.

Edward takes a slow sip and smiles. For a millisecond I was afraid he might do that gurgling and slurping thing that wine experts are supposed to do.

"It's exquisite," he says. "A very good choice. Thank you again."

I try a bit as well. Mmm. Yummy.

Edward steps a little closer. I can't interpret the look in his eyes.

"And, by the way, you look exquisite as well." He grins sheepishly. "Fuck, that sounded so sappy, didn't it? I'm sorry. You look beautiful, Bella."

"Thank you." I bite my lip, blushing like a teenager. This is one of those moments when I know precisely why I chose to become an actress: to be anyone but myself. My boring, drab, mousy self.

Edward reaches out and passes a thumb over my cheek.

"So beautiful," he murmurs softly, and then, in a sudden change of stance, he says, "So. Guided tour. Yay or nay?"

"Yay."

His apartment is extraordinary. Modern and old-fashioned at once, it's a combination of antiques and contemporary furniture. Endless rows of books, and the most extensive collection of records and CDs I have ever seen. A very high-end-looking sound system. A baby grand piano and a large terrace from where I can see Central Park. Family pictures line the wall leading upstairs. I sneak a look as we take the stairs, recognizing Alice in a few of them. I see another beautiful woman too, who must be Edward's mother, her eyes the same bright green as his. Once I've seen the whole apartment, I'm in awe. This is a completely different league, and I feel a bit intimidated. For a second, I long to be at Chipmunk with Seth, downing shots of vodka and stuffing our faces with greasy take-out pizza in the middle of the night.

But when we're back in the kitchen, drinking more wine, Edward's voice calms me as we chat easily, and I watch him prepare a salad.

"Can I help you with that?" I offer, watching him prepare a salad and savouring the taste of the wine on my tongue. It' deliciously heavy, with a hint of berries.

_Yes, I have become an expert this quickly._

"Sure," he says. "You might slice these." Seconds later, he has provided me with a board, a knife, and several tomatoes, and I start hacking away, not knowing what I'm doing at all.

We talk about this and that while I murder the poor vegetables – yes, I know that technically a tomato is a fruit, but I don't care - and it takes a moment until Edward catches sight of the crime scene. His eyes are on my hands and on the thick, uneven, mushy pieces I created.

"Bella?"

"Mmm-hmm?"

He steps closer to me. So close I can feel the warmth of his body and smell his scent. All honey and musk and Edward.

"You don't cook, do you, Bella?" He's trying to fight a smile.

I shrug helplessly and hang my head, blushing.

"Not at all," I admit.

"This poor, unsuspecting tomato," he holds up what's left of one, "never did you any harm, did it?"

I shake my head.

"Then why punish it?" He gets closer still, so his chest is lined up against my back.

"The only thing I can make in the kitchen is a mess," I whisper, and a sweet smile spreads on his face before he reaches around me, putting another tomato in my left hand and the knife in my right one, then placing his hands over mine. The tingle I always feel when he touches me returns as he shows me how to do the task properly. He guides me with large, firm hands - a surgeon's hands, a pianist's hands, and I am enveloped by his warmth and strength. I'm trying my hardest not to start hyperventilating from sheer excitement.

When we're finished, there's a neat pile of sliced tomatoes in front of us and I drop the knife. Edward doesn't let go of my hands, though, and his breath is warm on my neck as he speaks.

"Like this. Did you feel that?"

"Yes." I swallow. "Yes, I felt that."

He puts a tiny kiss on the side of my neck, and I close my eyes.

"So did I," he murmurs against my skin, the pressure of his hands on mine intensifying.

And then, the _ding _of the timer kicks us out of our bubble.

Edward makes a low, almost growling sound before he lets go of my hands. Immediately, I miss his touch.

We eat in his beautiful dining room, candles illuminating the table while soft jazz accompanies the meal. The lasagna is fantastic. As always, we're able to talk about literally everything from the most mundane details of everyday life to politics and film history, and as always, I realize that we share many of our views and opinions, while discussing others with zest and humour. Above all, this man makes me laugh like no one else can, and I'm literally holding my stomach a few times. When we're finished, I help Edward clear the table and we settle on the large L-shaped sofa in the living room, and Edward lights the fireplace. He then darts back to the kitchen, returning with two plates holding our dessert.

"I made it this afternoon," he says, "and I'm not sure it came out the way I meant it to. But you said you were into chocolate, so – " He sits down next to me. "I made a chocolate mousse." He hands me a plate.

"Wow. It looks delicious." I try a spoonful and almost groan aloud at the heavenly, rich perfection of chocolate, creamy and bittersweet.

"Edward…"

"Hmm?" Sexy raised eyebrow.

"This is incredible."

"You like it?" Sweet lopsided smile.

"I love it. It's so good."

He tries a bit himself, nodding slightly.

"Yeah, not half bad."

I practically inhale my food-gasm, then sigh happily and lean back against the couch.

"Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"I don't know. I loved hanging around the kitchen with my mom, I guess. Once I was old enough, she'd assign me little tasks, and it was fun. But the real food-kick I got the year before I went to college, when I went to Europe. I stayed with my relatives in London and then went to Italy. It spoiled me for life."

"How long did you stay there?"

"Three months. It was absolutely fabulous."

"So do you speak Italian?"

My head is swimming a little from the wine. And from Edward, who is sitting close to me, one leg tucked underneath him, looking so beautiful it's downright unfair.

"Yeah, but not too well."

"I don't believe you." I stare into those deep green eyes, and all I want to do is kiss him. Actually, I want to do a lot more with him, but I guess kissing would be a fine start.

"How do you say 'Thank you for a fantastic dinner'?"

His expression is priceless as he mulls over it in his head, rumpling his hair.

"Um… Grazie per la bella cena."

_Wow. Never thought hearing a man speak Italian could be such a turn-on._

"And 'I'm having a lovely time right now'?"

He thinks again, looking so damn delectable as he scratches the back of his neck.

"Mi godo un buon momento."

His voice is low and husky, and his beautiful words from those beautiful lips do something to me that makes me bold.

"What about 'Could you please kiss me already?'"

For a second, I am frightened by my own courage. But then I see the expression on his face, and it's pure desire. His eyes aglow with passion, as he gets closer and whispers, "Si prega di mi bacci alla fine…"

His lips touch mine, warm and sweet and gentle, and I'm floating again, tasting him, smelling him, as his mouth moves with mine, his arms finally closing around me. My heart is hammering inside my chest. My brain, though, is silent for once and… calm.

My body is anything but as I sling my arms around his neck, weaving through the silky strands of his hair, losing myself in the sensation of his mouth on mine, and in the excitement of getting to know each other much, much better.

"Bella…" His hot breath tickles my lips as we look at each other, his eyes dark and longing and reverent. "You're so beautiful, do you know that? So fucking beautiful…"

Our lips meet again, his tongue tracing my lower lip, and once I tentatively open my mouth, it touches mine, soon moving more confidently and with an eagerness that makes me all tingly. Edward pulls me even closer to him, moving me to the back of the couch so he's lying half on top of me, his right leg between mine.

The room is silent except for the crackle of the fire and the little sounds we make. My hands roam his back, noting how muscular he is, and I want to grab his butt and press him into me, but I don't do it. Yet. It feels so good to have him over me, his large body covering mine, my fingers travelling upwards to meet his hair again, lightly stroking his scalp.

I'll never get enough of him, of his sweet taste as our tongues explore and caress each other. Our breathing is strained as we pull apart for oxygen, Edward's cheeks slightly rosy and his lips all pouty and red.

"Mia bellisma," he whispers against my lips in a thick voice, sounding full of wonder.

I'm dizzy, blood racing in my ears. I hope I don't wake up and find all of this to be dream.

Edward kisses a trail from my mouth to my neck, stopping there, sucking softly. I moan a little when the tip of his tongue darts out and licks over the spot where he may or may not have left a tiny mark. His lips travel to my ear, kissing the tender spot just underneath it, making me shudder with pleasure. I lightly arch my back, willing him to touch me. As if he could read my thoughts, his fingertips start running up and down my side, leaving goose bumps in their wake.

I bury my face in his hair. It's so soft and he smells so good that I think I'm going to explode any minute from the desire that is building ever more rapidly. He sucks and kisses and nibbles on and on, and I can feel the thumping of his heart beneath my palm, matching my own. Our bodies are hot and completely in tune.

"This feels so good," he rasps into my ear.

"Yes," I reply. "So good…"

Edward's hand is going upwards from my waist, grazing the outer swell of my breast, and a small sigh of joy escapes me.

He sucks my earlobe between his lips before his tongue caresses me, the sensation shooting straight to my sex. I can feel his erection too, rather prominently at that, poking my thigh.

"I need…" He sighs. "I want…" His voice is hot in my ear as he whispers.

"What? What, Edward?" I loosely wind my leg around his waist, feeling him even more this way, and it's… promising, to say the least.

"I _have_ to touch you," he breathes.

He's sweet and gentlemanly, and I admire that, but I also wish I'd have made it clearer how much I want this.

"Yes." I twine my leg a little closer around him. "I want that, too." My voice is rough as I say it. I slide my hands up his arms, feeling his muscles, then to his chest.

His face is above mine once more, his expression a combination of lust and wonder. I'm sure I resemble him in that, for I still can't believe this is happening. I'm happy, obviously, and excited, but I also feel so at ease with him. The touch of his body, his enticing smell – everything about him makes me feel that I've known him forever. It feels so _natural._

"Ahh…" I'm surprised at my own voice as Edward's hand cups my breast, his thumb languidly brushing over my nipple.

"Good?" He swallows, and the impressive bulge at his crotch gets a little more impressive.

"Yesssss…"

His mouth descends on mine again while his nimble fingers titillate me through my clothes. My lips are swollen and throbbing, as are my girly parts, and I'm beginning to wonder where this will end, and how far I want to go tonight.

I can hear music, and somewhere at the back of my clouded mind I wonder if it automatically turned itself back on, because the CD ended about an hour ago. I guess I lost track of time somewhere in between Edward's kisses and the building tension in my stomach.

Then, I realize it's _Moon River_, and it's his cell phone lying on the mantelpiece.

"It's your phone," I mumble against his lips.

Edward makes a noncommittal sound, nuzzling his nose with mine before he continues to kiss me.

A couple of minutes later, it rings again, making Edward growl deep in his chest before it stops again. And then, starts again. By the fourth time, he sits up a little, cursing under his breath.

"Maybe you should answer it," I say softly, running one finger down his throat, over his chest, stopping at his stomach.

Edward presses his eyes shut before catching my hand.

"You, Isabella, are a tease." He kisses my palm.

"Am I?" I smile. I know my face is red, and my hair probably looks like a bird's been nesting there, but I've never felt more beautiful.

"Yes you are… And there'll be payback."

Just then, the phone starts ringing for the fifth time, and he gets up, stalking toward the fireplace.

The second he opens it, his face turns ashen.

EDWARD

We have been kissing for hours. My lips are numb. My elbows hurt from hovering above her. The stiffie I have is bordering on being painful. Otherwise, I might never want to do anything else again, other than to kiss this goddess. This beautiful slip of a girl in my arms is consuming me, enchanting me, changing my very core from bitterness and disillusionment to sunshine and pure fucking bliss.

Her body is so small, so delicate, so soft, and I want to bottle up her scent, all girl and powder and roses. I want to cherish her, to know everything there is to know about her, to protect her and call her mine. She tastes so good. Sweet and pure and fresh. Her curves, now that I am not only seeing but also actually feeling them, are even more delicious than I dared to imagine. So soft, and I want to dig my hands into her, squeeze her and lick every inch of that delightful body.

I don't think I've ever felt like this with a woman before, and I've been around a bit. I'm hard, have been for hours now, but I don't want to hurry anything. I want to prove to her that I'm serious about this. I want to slowly drown in that cotton-candy feel, in her body and her little gasps, the sensation of her skin and her hair beneath my fingers.

And then the fucking phone starts ringing and I try to ignore it. After the fourth time, Bella sits up since it's obvious there's something going on.

And I can only pray to God that it isn't what, or rather who, I think it is.

**My excuses to all Italians for the probable gibberish I produced. I'd be thankful for help with those three phrases.**** Just PM me!**


	8. Why Must the Show Go on?

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart to dellaterra for beta'ing this – you are wonderful and make my wr****iting so much better. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

**Any remaining mistakes or errors are mine alone.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing, recommending, adding to favs or alerts. You can't imagine what it means to me!**

Chapter 8**: Why Must the Show Go On?**

EDWARD

"Edward?"

It's Kate, her voice tense and strained.

"Yes."

I look at Bella, who is perching on the edge of my gigantic sofa, her beautiful face rosy from our activities, trying to straighten her hair, which, to me, looks like a hopeless enterprise. She looks dishevelled, and adorable.

The desperate voice at the other end of the line catches my attention again.

"Can you come over? _Please_?"

That figures. All I wanted was to be left in peace for one fucking night. But no - Tanya has an uncanny knack for that kind of thing, striking at the worst possible moment.

"What is it, Kate?"

"I'm not sure. She's really hot, and incoherent, and shaking like a leaf, but she won't let me take her to the hospital, and she won't really talk to me either. She's just sitting on her bed, and she says she feels dizzy. I'm really worried."

"Fuck."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. You know I hate to do this, but you're the only one I'm able to turn to right now. Can you please come over? I know it's the middle of the night and stuff, and you're probably half asleep what with your work schedule…"

"Hardly," I huff silently.

I can see that Bella is getting uncomfortable, biting her lip as she inspects her nails, trying to pretend she's not listening.

"Edward?" Kate's tone is beseeching.

"Yeah. I'll have to take a cab though, since I had a couple glasses of wine."

"Thank you." Utter relief in Kate's voice.

"Try to make her drink some water," I say before I end the call.

For a few seconds, I stand by the fireplace and try to grapple with the pile of shit that my soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law just handed me.

Then I turn to look at Bella. She's nervously playing with a strand of her hair. She's so beautiful, so fucking caring, and the complete opposite of Tanya.

Small and sweet, soft and shy. And strong.

Allowing a deep sigh to leave my chest, I make my way over to the sofa and sit down next to her. I take her hands in mine. She looks up at me with huge, innocent eyes, full of fear and anxiety.

"Bella."

Her forehead creases in concern, sympathy written all over her.

"I'm so sorry about that." I need to shut my eyes for a moment because, really, this is too much. There we were, having the most beautiful evening ever, and within minutes it turned into this motherfucking disaster named Tanya – again.

"Edward, what is it?" Her voice is low and timid.

"That was Kate, Tanya's sister. She is in some sort of… condition, and won't let Kate take her to the hospital. Kate begged me to come over and help." I clear my throat. "And as much as I would like to tell her to take care of the situation herself, I can't. I really can't. Not because we're still married, I mean we're legally separated… but… it would be like denial of assistance, you know?"

Bella nods her head, dark eyes meeting mine as I squeeze her fingers.

"Would you like to stay here and… wait for me? Though I can't say how long this is going to take."

"I think I'd rather go home," she says in a low voice.

Her smile is large, but her eyes are so sad. I want to stay here with her and continue where we left off. I want to smother her body with kisses, but I know I can't, if only because I don't want to be responsible for any potential harm Tanya might cause herself. I know that, across town, all hell's broken loose, and I need to do what I can, however bitter it makes me feel.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, leaning in to place a soft kiss on the side of her mouth. "This evening was wonderful."

"Yes," she replies slowly, but I can tell that the whole episode has freaked her out, and I can understand it too. Who would expect the guy they're making out with to leave because his crazy almost-ex-wife is going bonkers again?

We part in front of the building, each entering a cab after a short but heartfelt kiss. Bella's eyes are guarded, though, and again I wish I could just call Kate and tell her to deal with Tanya by herself.

Since I can't do that, I only hope that Bella will still be talking to me in the morning.

BELLA

Everything went great until he received that call. I saw the bitterness in his eyes then, and the hurt and disappointment.

On the one hand, I can understand his feelings of responsibility towards his almost-ex-wife. After all, he's a doctor and will probably be able to help her with whatever's going on. But on the other hand, how can _anything _develop between us with that sort of obstacle?

It's after one a.m. by the time I shut the door of my apartment behind me. My body is still tingling and my lips are swollen from kissing, and I feel the desperate need to clear my head. I call Seth, but it goes straight to voice mail, and I remember he told me he was going to spend the night with Collin.

Sleep is the last thing on my mind right now, and I decide that I need some kind of activity to keep me from freaking out, myself.

I begin by cleaning my grimy little bathroom, scrubbing the tiles until my back aches. I polish the mirror and clean every bottle, tube and box there is before I move on to the kitchen, where I tackle a few days' worth of dirty dishes.

The whole time, my thoughts are running in circles inside my head.

I have no claim on him, so it's not my place to be pissed off. But I am. At the same time, I'm impressed with Edward's reaction to the call he received, all doctor-like and calm. And I'm terrified that it was more than just doctorly concern that made him leave almost at once to go and take care of her. Maybe he only told me part of the truth. Maybe he still has a deep connection with Tanya.

After the dishes are dried and put away, I start sorting through the piles of bills and receipts that have accumulated on my small desk, while Cedric eyes me from a safe spot on the couch with saucer-like eyes. I guess he's thinking something like_, Wow, Mommy's cleaning?_

I _am _sure about one thing, though. Whatever the truth is about Edward's marriage, he probably does not want another unstable woman in his life.

I'm nowhere close to being anorexic; I love to eat far too much. Actually, I guess I should lose about ten pounds if I ever want to find an agent, since actresses are supposed to be really skinny. Like Tanya.

I've never been into drugs either. I used to take a drag or two on Jake's joints, but all it did was make me sleepy. And anything beyond that, like coke, is just not part of my lifestyle, and never has been. I'm a cop's daughter, after all.

Still, I'm not your happy-go-lucky girl. I went into therapy when I was eleven, and have continued on and off over the years. I take my dose of medication every morning, and have been doing so for almost a decade. I'm doing okay. Most of the time, anyway.

Still, I'm far from being the lottery win, and I'm far from having Tanya's beauty to outweigh my emotional baggage.

That's when my brain snaps and I collapse on the living room floor with my head in my hands, sobbing for everything that went wrong with my life and with this evening. This evening – which was going so beautifully.

Until that call.

My chest hurts as I sob, knowing that I am going to be rejected. Again.

I am alone.

All alone.

Cedric comes and nudges my hand with his damp nose. I try to let the feel of his warm fur and the sound of his rather loud purr comfort me, but it only makes me cry harder.

It was stupid to let this thing with Edward ever go so far. I should have realized sooner that we're not the same league. Period.

I'm an actress who has nothing to show for a career, I work at a bar to earn my living, and my only constant companion is a cat.

I shudder as I realize it, sitting in the middle of my living room with piles of papers surrounding me.

_I'm a loser._

I sob at the memory of Edward's lips, his beautiful face, as I wallow in my own inadequacy and misery until my head hurts and my eyes are sore from crying. I drag myself to bed and fall into a restless, torn sleep.

EDWARD

Once I reach Tanya's new apartment in the Meatpacking District, I'm just praying it won't be as bad as the last time. Looking all kinds of exhausted, Kate opens the door for me, gratefully kissing my cheek.

"Thank you, Edward."

The smell in here is odd and stale, as if she hasn't opened the windows for weeks.

"How is she?"

I follow Kate to the bedroom.

"The same, really."

Kate opens the door, and I can't help the deep sigh that leaves my chest.

Tanya is on the bed, her long, strawberry blonde hair in messy knots. She's wearing an expensive-looking slip of a dress that's all wrinkled, her thin arms wound around her torso. She's shaky. I sit down next to her on the bed, trying to get her to look me in the eye.

"Hey, Tanya. It's me, Edward."

I check her pulse, and it's raging. Her skin is hot, and damp with sweat.

"Tanya? Where've you been tonight?"

She's still silent, and I pat her bony cheek.

"Did you go out tonight?"

"Mmm-hmm…" She nods slightly, and I'm relieved to have some sort of response, and that it doesn't look like a trip to the ER is needed.

"Did you drink a lot?"

"Yeah…" Her voice is slurred. At last she looks at me. Her eyes are bloodshot and her pupils are fucking large.

"Is that all? Tanya? What else?"

I'm surprised at how cool I am. We've been in this place countless times, with me acting as her protector, her doctor, her caretaker, and it broke my heart more times than I can remember. Now I actually feel nothing. She's like any other patient. My heart shut her out a long time ago. It had to, I guess, in order to keep on beating.

"Did you use cocaine too?"

"No!" Her eyes are huge, as if she'd never do anything of the sort.

"When's the last time you ate something?"

She frowns, trying to remember, She really does look as if she hasn't eaten in days, pale skin stretched over protruding bones.

"Did you eat anything today?"

She slowly shakes her head, mumbling, "Not hungry…"

I turn to Kate, who is standing by the foot of the bed, looking helpless and desperate. I'm sure she could think of better ways to spend her Friday night, as well. She's married to a dentist, and they have three-year-old twins.

"Could you go through her cabinets and drawers, see if there are any pills or prescriptions or anything that might strike you as odd?"

"Sure."

Tanya shudders a little, and I go to her closet to get her a sweater or something. There are rows and rows of designer clothes. Alice would have a seizure if she saw the way Tanya treats her wardrobe. The closet is a complete mess, expensive evening gowns are crumpled up between t-shirts and fur coats. I find a black velvet thing and drape it over Tanya's shoulders.

Kate returns after just a few minutes, a brown bottle in her hand.

"I found this," she frowns. "It's for weight loss."

She hands me the bottle, and after reading what it contains, I groan. Okay. Tanya's on appetite suppressants again, and she's mixing them with alcohol. That, in combination with not eating and not drinking enough water would explain the fever, the high blood pressure, and the shaking.

"Tanya, how many of these did you take today?"

"Six or seven," she slurs, and then yawns.

I can barely recollect loving her, or being in love with her, even though I know that I was. Now, I can only see this starved, highly paid girl, and how broken she is.

I want to get out of here. I've been through this shit long enough.

She needs to learn to live without me.

"Okay." I get up from the bed. "It's okay, I think. No need to pump her stomach, since she probably took them hours ago. It's just taking too many, and not eating, and mixing that with large amounts of vodka. Try to get her to eat something, and then let her sleep it off."

I turn to Tanya, who just sits there, pale and skeleton-like.

"Will you eat a little bit of toast, honey?"

She nods, but I'm not sure she's listening.

I make my way to the hall, and Kate opens the door for me.

"Thank you, Edward."

"Throw that shit away," I say, "though I'm sure she'll get more. And try to get her to see someone. She'll kill herself if she goes on like that. If not by overdosing or starving herself, then by fucking up her heart."

"I know," Kate whispers, wiping her eyes. She's just as helpless as I was all those years. Watching a person destroy herself is bound to bring you down to your lowest point.

We hug briefly, and Kate thanks me again before I leave. Once I'm home, I collapse on the sofa, where, only hours ago, Bella and I were sharing beautiful and intimate moments. I remember her softness, her fragrance and the way she'd look at me from those huge, dark eyes. I think about calling her, but realize it's far too late.

I bury my face in the pillow she lay on earlier, when I was hovering above her, and we were kissing, and I was in heaven. I can still smell a little bit of her, and my heart hurts as I allow my mind to revel in my memories.

Then, images of Tanya invade my mind, and the tears I've been holding back flow freely as I cry over this fucked-up evening and the sham that used to be my marriage, and the fear that Bella will never want to see me again, since all of this might be just a little too much baggage.

BELLA

I sleep until noon the next day, only getting up at all because Cedric wakes me by meowing in my ear, paws in my face. The whole miserable end of last night is back at once. It left much more than just a bitter aftertaste. How could I ever believe for a minute that someone as splendid as Edward could be meant to stay? With me? I'm still just plain little ol' me. It's ridiculous that I ever entertained thoughts in that direction.

I spend the afternoon wallowing in self-pity, comforting myself with a container of Ben and Jerry's before it's time to get ready for work.

My mood is really pissy, and the fact that not much is going on at the bar leaves me more than enough space for brooding. I'm pretty much as last night, hating my life and hating myself for the lack of success in any department of said shitty life. Maybe I'm just bitter and cynical. Maybe it was a mistake to come to New York. I've always craved stability and security, and I used to have that back in Seattle – until the breakup, that is.

Tyler called in sick, and his replacement is only coming in two hours, which means that Mike himself works the bar. I'm in absolutely no mood tonight for his stupid jokes and crude advances, and luckily, he's rather quiet, looking a bit hung over.

My depressed mood intensifies over the next couple of hours. I keep hitting the wrong keys on the computer, bringing people drinks they never wanted and forgetting orders, so Mike is getting a little impatient with me. A guy complains that I brought him a strawberry smoothie instead of a raspberry one – which is actually my fault, because I mixed up the numbers when I typed in the order. He eyes me with the utmost arrogance and asks me where I learnt my job, and I want to scream at him that I didn't, that my _job_ is to be on a fucking stage, but that apparently, I'm too incompetent to find a fucking agent or a fucking acting job with better pay so I don't have to wait on assholes like him. I suck it up, take the offensive drink and get him a new one, smiling, "So very sorry, sir."

_Blech._

It's around seven and the place is filling up. Jessica arrives for work, sickeningly cheerful and chewing pink bubble gum. It's gross.

People are beginning to order more food, and the kitchen staff is under stress because they're one man short. I'm waiting for an order of fries, thinking about home. I miss Dad and Sue, and I miss watching the ferries, which I used to do when I wanted to be myself and figure things out. I can almost hear the hooting of ships and the sound of seagulls when Valentino slams down the fries in front of me and yells, "For God's sake, Bella, these fucking fries have been standing in front of your fucking nose for five minutes, so get them out already! I cannot fucking get it why Mike hasn't fired your stupid, fat ass yet!"

This is the last straw that tears apart my frazzled nerves. I bite my lip so hard it hurts and try to breathe deeply as I hold my head high and leave the kitchen with the food. I deliver it to the table before hurrying to the back lot and my trusted trash cans and burst into tears.

I cry really badly. Something about the way he said it hit a note inside me, making me feel like a stupid child being humiliated in front of everyone. I don't even respect him, so his insult shouldn't hurt me so much. I know I'm neither stupid nor fat. But it does hurt, and when I realize that the feeling is familiar, and that it's exactly how I felt when everything happened with Jake, I cry even harder.

I have no idea how long I stand there in the dark, shaking with cold and despair, but at some point the back door opens and I can see Mike's pale, round face. Trying to get a hold on myself, I babble some sort of apology but Mike only puts a hand on my shoulder, and for the first time, I don't abhor it.

"Hey, Bella. Jess told me what happened. She heard on her way to the kitchen. I'm sorry. Look, most cooks are like that… I'm sure he didn't mean it."

I nod and sob simultaneously, hiccupping as I do so.

"Jeez, Bella, you look like shit. Is there anything else bothering you?"

_Yes, everything,_ I want to wail_. My sorry excuse for a life and my messed-up mind, and that man! That man…_

"I'm s-sorry, Mike. I… I just had a really b-bad day…"

"You wanna go home? I think we'll be okay without you. Sean can take over a few tables, and I'll help with the bar again. It's almost eight, so it's clearing anyway."

"I'm so sorry."

He pats my back.

"It's okay. You go home and relax and I'll see you next week, okay?"

_And with that__, Mike has just risen about one hundred percent in my respect._

Once I'm home, I run myself a bath and lie back in the hot, bubbly water. Physically, I feel better, but mentally, not much so.

Thinking of Jake opened a can of worms, as it always does, which is the main reason I try to avoid it.

_I walk up the stairs to my apartment, carrying a bottle of champagne and Jake's favourite dinner – pork stew with onions and mushrooms. Personally, I think it looks like dog food, but he loves it. Once I'm in, I slip into the lacy negligee I bought for the occasion and light a dozen candles in the living room. I put on a CD of sappy love songs. _

_While I take the cake out of the fridge and get the icing, I call Seth._

"_Hey babe!" It's so good to hear his voice. I miss him._

"_Hey Sethy! What are you doing?"_

"_Nothin' much. Have a date later on with Tommy."_

"The _Tommy?"_

_He giggles._

"_Yes, _the_ one."_

"_Woo-hoo!" I whistle while trying not to mess up the icing. It's only eight letters, after all._

"_You?"_

"_I'm trying to decorate the cake I bought for Jake. He'll be here any minute now."_

"_You're not going out?"_

"_He said he'd rather stay at home," I shrug. "I don't mind. I made the place all nice and romantic."_

"_Bella," Seth groans. _

"What?"

"_I can hear it in __your voice. I can hear that you're hoping he'll pop the question."_

"_No…" I blush and I'm glad that he can't see me._

"_And right now, you're blushing."_

Damn.

"_I'm not saying it's a bad thing for you to want that. You've been together long enough, God knows. I just don't want you to be disappointed if it's not happening tonight, just because it's Valentine's Day."_

"_I won't. I promise," I say, ruining the U in YOU on the cake. "Gotta go now or this cake will end up looking like shit. Bye-bye!"_

"_Bye, Bells. Tell my little cousin hello from me."_

_I put the cake on the coffee table along with two champagne flutes and the bottle of Taittinger. My heart beats a little faster at the sound of the doorbell. Jake has a key, but he always rings, which I find a little stuffy, but I'm not about to start a discussion on that tonight. I open the door and hug him, enjoying the feeling of his always-warm skin and his familiar scent._

"_Hey," he says, putting a little distance between us._

"_Hey. Happy Valentine's Day!"_

"_Yeah, y__ou too."_

_He takes off his jacket and follows me to the couch. Cedric glares at him and disappears into the kitchen. I beam proudly as Jacob's eyes go to the cake on the table._

"_Wow."_

"_It's butter cream and banana. Your favourite."_

"_Thanks." He sits down, his black eyes trained on his shoes._

_Don't I get a present? Maybe he wants to say, or ask, something first?_

_Jake is really silent, and it makes me queasy. Something about him is off, but I can't quite name it. I felt like this the other day when he returned from Toronto, but I attributed it to the arts and crafts fair he'd been to, and stress at his shop. It's been going extremely well for the past six months, but Jake put hard work in it too, and he had to t__ake out a loan which wasn't easy on him. Still, the local handicraft scene fell in love with his handmade wooden sculptures of Native American related symbols._

"_Bella…"_

_At last, his eyes meet mine._

_Dean Martin is crooning that_ Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime.

"_I… I don't know how to say this…"_

"_What is it, Jake?"_

_An ice-cold hand seems to have a vice-grip on my heart._

"_I met a girl."_

_I think I'm going to be sick._

"_And we're in love."_

_My vision is slightly blurry, and he seems to be very far away._

"_And we're going to get married."_

I am startled out of my stupor. The water is almost cold.

Each time I allow myself to go there, I can't remember anything past this point. I know that there were tears, that he held me and said he was sorry over and over and over again, and that he explained to me that he and this girl, Mackenzie, were made for each other, and that it was FATE. But I can't remember the actual situation, nor much of the following days or weeks. Seth came to stay with me and there was an episode when Jake stopped by to get some of the stuff he kept at my house, and Seth threw him out. Dad and Sue came over a lot too, and so did Quil. Still, the whole period is a blur, and maybe it's better that way. Seth forced me to go back into therapy after I started having panic attacks again, and Dr. Gerandy once said to me, "You know, Miss Swan, the ability to repress certain memories is a human instinct in order to survive. The time will come when you'll be able to grapple with it."

Wrapping myself in my fuzzy bathrobe, I slowly walk to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate.

The question is: Am I dealing with it? I broke down tonight over an asshole of a cook screaming at me, but I know that Valentino wasn't the only reason. It's him. It's Edward. It's Edward and the fact that something has shifted within my heart. Edward and the fact that every time we seem to be in a place where something potentially good might develop, some shit happens. And normally, I'd have deleted his number after that first dumb stunt. Normally, after all those warnings, I'd never have agreed to see him again for a second and third time. Normally, I'd have followed my instinct to protect my fragile heart.

But I didn't, and that frightens me more than anything else.

**XXXXX**

**Thank you for reading! This was updated on 4/28/2011, so please leave a review if you liked it! Thanks!**


	9. This is the Night for Lovers

**THANK YOU so much to dellaterra. You are the very best beta a girl could wish for. **

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward („Pacific 1860")**

**This story is rated M.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 8**: This is the Night for Lovers**

**EDWARD**

_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, and double fuck._

I seem to fuck up every single time it comes to Bella, and last night was the official crowning point.

Accelerating my steps, I can feel the air pump through my lungs. It's seven p.m., and Central Park's running tracks are almost empty. The air is cold and clear, and it's getting dark.

After falling asleep on the couch last night, I woke with a sore back and in a vile mood, realizing that I actually need to find closure with Tanya. So I called her this afternoon. She sounded groggy and sick as I tried to explain to her that her dependency on me has to end, and that she needs to get help. She cried, and… Well, it was the same conversation we've already had a hundred times, and it left me not one step closer to a solution this time either.

I thought about calling Isabella, but I had no idea what to say, or how to make it right, or how to explain to her why I had ended our hot, steamy session in order to go to my crazy ex-wife. Almost ex-wife.

Fuck, I hadn't even been able to do anything for Tanya; Kate might just have called in any doctor. Or I might have put my foot down and told her to do exactly that, thereby taking a first step in the right direction. I am not helping Tanya by continuing to act as her crutch.

And now have royally fucked it up with the most interesting, beautiful and alluring woman I have ever met.

My breath is coming in harsh gasps in the chilly air.

What I experienced last night was more than mere attraction, more than lust. There was something between us - a spark, a connection - that still leaves me breathless and shaken. She makes me want to be anything and everything I can be for her. She's brave, and so much stronger and wiser than she gives herself credit for. She's beautiful, _so beautiful_, killing me with those little blushes and shy gestures. She's a walking contradiction, an actress turning insecure under people's stares. But then, I've never even seen her act.

And I want to. Badly. Because there's a side to her that I've only shortly been witnessing, and that's a side of her which is completely self-assured and fierce, and fiery. I think I might be able to see that once I get to see her excel in her chosen profession, but I also saw it last night. Beneath that delicate façade, my Bella's bold.

I'm wiped out when I arrive home, both from the physical exercise as the mental exertion. Standing in the shower, I relax under the hot spray, but it's not enough; my thoughts are still in a hamster's wheel.

And then, all of a sudden - and I have no idea where it comes from - I turn off the water and say to myself, "That's just not good enough."

I don't bother drying myself off properly, putting on some jeans and sneakers and a sweater, grabbing my keys and wallet and heading toward the garage.

=====oOo=====

It's fucking cold outside. My hair is not quite dry and I probably look like a loony, but I couldn't care less as I'm studying the names on the plates again until I find the one saying SWAN. She answers after a minute or two, her voice sounding low and muddled.

"Yes?"

"Bella? It's… It's me. Edward. Can I come upstairs? Please?"

"Um… Okay."

The door opens with a low buzz. I'm nervous as fuck on my way upstairs, but I realize that this is the only thing I want to do right now.

She eyes me shyly from the door, and then opens it to let me in.

_Holy fuck._

She's wearing a pale blue bathrobe and thick grey socks, and, from all appearances, nothing more. I gulp.

"Edward?"

And then I take in her face, and she looks unbearably sad and exhausted, her eyes red and swollen as though she's been crying for hours. Her hair is in a messy knot on top of her head, small curls framing her pretty, pale face.

She gestures for me to step in and closes the door behind me.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is tiny and hoarse.

"I'm so sorry for what happened last night. I shouldn't have left…"

She stares at me with wide eyes, looking so broken, so sweet and so small.

Unaware of my own actions, I step a bit closer to her, cupping her cheek in my hand, hoping that I'm not overstepping any boundaries.

Bella doesn't move, doesn't take her eyes off mine, and doesn't reject my touch.

"Why did you come?" she whispers. Is it _hope_ I detect there?

"To see you," I whisper back. "To prove to you that Tanya is in the past. To tell you that you're important to me." I swallow. "Very much so."

Her skin is so soft, and my heart aches a little as she pulls her lower lip between her teeth, watching me cautiously. I step closer still, and I can now feel the warmth of her body and smell her freshly bathed scent.

Neither of us speaks, but there's a sizzle between us, like an electric current, as if blue sparks were fizzing in the air between us. Imperceptibly, she leans her face a little closer into my hand, her huge, dark eyes full of fear and longing and warmth, making my mouth go dry. Slowly, hesitantly, I slip my hand a little lower, touching her jaw and throat, and I can feel her violent pulse beneath my fingers. Her breath speeds up, and I see her swallow.

I graze her collarbone with the very tips of my fingers, and she closes her eyes for a second. Bending my head, I bring my face so close to hers that our breaths mingle.

"Bella…" I murmur.

"Edward…"

Her lips reach out for mine and we melt into a tender, careful kiss, our mouths searching for one another. It's slow, and cautious, and sweet - oh so sweet. Her arms twine around my neck as she presses herself against me, her fingers entangling in my hair as I pull her even closer, enfolding her small body with my arms. The kiss continues, still slow, but ever more sensuous as I feel the very tip of her warm tongue stroke my lower lip, tentatively running over my teeth. It's utter heaven. Bella makes a small whining sound as my tongue meets hers, and it's all soft and hot and wet, our bodies so close that I am certain she's naked beneath her robe, and she'll be able to feel my excitement very clearly.

We're still in her hallway, kissing and touching and breathing, lost in each other. Her hands are exploring my back and at some point, she slips them beneath my sweater and shirt, caressing my skin with small fingers that make me shudder. I still don't want to trespass, so I leave my own hands where they are round her waist. When we part for breath, our foreheads touch, and she whispers my name. I bury my face in her neck, kissing and licking and sucking, and she moans softly as my fingers run along her ribcage, which encourages me a little further, and I gently cup her breast. It feels incredible, soft and supple, as if it were made to fit into my hand.

Our mouths meet again for an endless kiss, filled with tenderness and desire and pure and utter bliss. Just when I'm thinking that things can't get any better, Bella starts tugging a little at the hem of my sweater, her hands roaming my chest, then tugging again. I lean back just enough to see her eyes, mine posing a clear question.

"I want this off, Edward," she murmurs thickly.

The sweater falls to the floor and I eye her while she watches me, biting her lip. She wraps her arm around my neck once more, bringing my face close to hers, peppering my chin and cheeks and lips with kisses, travelling to my ear. Fidgeting with my shirt, her breath is hot as she whispers, "That too."

"Bella," I mumble, "you… you know where this is going, right?"

"Yes," she rasps. "To my bedroom."

BELLA

Every cell of my body is alive and tingling. This man is the most gorgeous specimen I have ever set eyes on, all lean and broad-shouldered, with a muscular torso that I want to lick all over. And I'm going to.

His kisses are maddeningly slow and thorough, building a low throbbing in my abdomen.

Large hands covering my breasts. Little sounds coming from us, lingering in the air. I can feel his erection pressed into my stomach.

His skin is soft and warm and I can feel every bone and muscle as I explore his upper body. He smells so fucking good that my brain is swimming. I kiss his nipple and he sighs longingly.

For a fraction of a second, I hope that Cedric won't come and throw a tantrum, but then I remember I shut the bedroom door once we moved here.

He tastes so good too. Like honey and man, and maybe heaven.

His lips are nuzzling my neck again, sucking so hard I'm sure it'll leave a mark, and I don't care, I may even want it. His fingers have made their way to the collar of my robe, and at _last_ he slips one hand inside. I gasp when he touches my breast, his thumb circling my nipple. I'm so wet already, and my whole lower body is screaming for him. He pushes the robe over my shoulder and showers dozens of tiny kisses on my skin before his lips close around my nipple and a deep moan escapes my throat.

He goes on and on, with soft strong lips and a curious tongue, before pulling the robe off my other shoulder, bestowing the same attention on my other nipple, while rolling the now neglected one between his fingers until I'm about to faint. My hands are busy unclasping his belt, then undoing the buttons of his fly.

He makes a small gasping sound when I touch him through his boxers. He's hot and hard and big. Our lips meet again in a sloppy, messy, needy kiss. My robe drops to the floor. Edward's hands cover my ass. I push his jeans down and he hastily kicks off his shoes and pulls off his socks before discarding them. I remember that I'm still in my thick woollen socks, so I quickly get rid of them as well.

He gently pulls me to the bed with him where we lay side by side, kissing and touching and sighing, learning each other's body, drowning in this all-consuming, newly found intimacy. After a while, though, something stronger takes over, our touches becoming more lustful, the kissing hungrier. Edward's fingers linger on my belly, drawing gentle circles, then travel lower, stroking the patch of hair, and when I moan softly,, slip into my wet folds.

"Bella…"

We have moved so he's half on top of me, his penis poking my thigh.

"Yes…"

"Are you… Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes."

My lips find his again.

"Yes, Edward… Make love to me."

He moans softly against my lips while his fingers titillate me in the most delightful way before grazing over my clit, and I whimper with pleasure.

"Is that good?" His voice is a low, sexy rumble in my ear.

"Yes… Oh, yes…"

He gingerly dips one finger into me and I almost scream because it feels so good. Instead of screaming, I lightly bite his shoulder

_At least I hope it was light, but he doesn't complain._

I want him. I want him so badly.

So I pull at his boxer briefs while he buries a second finger inside me, making me tremble. And groan.

"Edward – "

He's now completely on top, so I can't do much about it, fumbling haphazardly with the offending garment.

"Patience, baby," he breathes in my ear.

"No," I moan. "No… I want you…"

A low growl comes from his chest and he bites the side of my neck as I drive my fingers inside his boxers and close them around his cock. He feels amazing - so warm, soft skin covering steel hardness.

"Do you…" His breath is hot and his voice strained. "… have a condom?"

"Mmm…"

He gives me room to move and I dig into my nightstand, handing him the little foil package a second later. While he opens it, I pull down his boxers, as excited like a kid unwrapping its Christmas gift.

_Whoa._

_Okay. I can handle this._

_I think._

Discarding his boxers on the floor, I watch him roll down the condom.

I gulp a little, because seeing him touch himself is really, really turning me on.

And then he's on top of me again, kissing me hotly while his fingers tease me in the exact perfect way until I'm groaning aloud, my hands entangling in his hair.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers. "So fucking beautiful."

I feel him lined up against my entrance and he's kissing me deeply, hungrily, his tongue probing into my mouth, dancing with mine.

He enters me slowly, carefully, allowing my body to adjust to his size, and a drawn-out moan escapes both of us. He slips in deeper, keeping still once he's in all the way, filling me completely. He's hovering above me, kissing me softly, and my eyes lock with his, and we're connected.

"You okay?" he whispers.

"I've never been more okay in my life," I breathe, and a small smile appears on his face.

He kisses me again, then starts moving slowly. I've never seen anything more beautiful than Edward's face, glowing with pleasure, his cheeks rosy, strands of hair in his eyes, as he moves in and out of me, whispering to me, his fingers teasing my nipples, his breath melting with mine.

I twine my legs around his waist, feeling him even deeper that way, and I realize that I'm close already, my body yearning for its release. Catching his lips, I draw him into a violent, wet kiss, mumbling, "So good… Please…" into his mouth, hoping he'll catch my intent.

Edward moans and softly bites my lip, then intensifies his movements, driving into me powerfully. We're both covered in a sheen of sweat, the sound of his sex slickly moving in and out of me mixing with our grunts and groans.

I'm close, so close.

"Edward – yes… oh… oh…" I whimper and shudder, overtaken by waves of pleasure that engulf my body and soul, the universe embracing me or the other way around, stars shooting through my brain and blinding light behind my eyes as my whole body clenches around him and I fall apart into a million pieces. When I'm halfway down from my high, I open my eyes to see his face filled with lust and fulfilment as he thrusts into me three, four more times, then stills, burying himself deep inside me, grunting as I feel his release even through the thin layer between us. He gives two more shallow thrusts, and then makes this tiny sound like a yelp as he collapses on top of me.

Our bodies are a sticky, sweaty pile of goo. Edward's hot face is on my chest as our panting gradually subsides.

He kisses my breast, then raises himself up a little and kisses my lips. His face is radiant, cheeks all rosy and eyes aglow.

"Oh my…" he murmurs against my lips. "That was fucking incredible."

Running my fingers down his damp spine, I smile and kiss him.

"It fucking was."

He grins and kisses me some more, then gingerly pulls himself out, swiftly turning to his side to get rid of the condom before lying on his back and drawing me into his broad, warm chest. Our breaths are slowing down and he passes a finger up and down my back. I kiss the smattering of bronze hair, which tickles me, and sigh happily, feeling impossibly secure and relaxed in his arms.

Edward nuzzles my forehead with his nose, kissing me softly, murmuring that I'm beautiful.

"So are you," I whisper, and he snorts and gently pinches my butt.

"What made you come?" I prop myself up a little so I can see his face.

Edward's eyes are alight with mischief as he grins.

"Um… you?"

Smiling, I kiss him quickly, and then look at him once more.

"Seriously?" He's making little patterns on my back.

I nod.

"I was so afraid that last night I'd fucked it all up for good with you. And I realized just how important you are to me." He intertwines his fingers with mine and kisses the back of my hand. "I don't want to lose you before I even know you." He kisses the inside of my wrist. "I want to know you."

Our eyes meet, his shining like amber in the low light from the bedside lamp.

"I want to know you too," I whisper. I consider our hands, his large one wrapped around my small one. His fingers are long and beautiful.

"Good." A huge smile spreads from his eyes to his lips.

"I was afraid I'd never see you again," I say, my voice so low I hope he hears me. "Because… I like you… very much."

"I like you too, Isabella. I can't think of anything but you. Do you know how long I've wanted this?" He gestures between our naked bodies.

"Since we first met? I mean, if I go by my own reaction…"

His eyes light up as his smile broadens even more, and he kisses me slowly, languidly, telling me through his actions that this is about much more than just sex.

"Really?" he murmur, and my heartbeat speeds up from the sensation of my breasts touching his chest, tickling me in a good way. Something occurs to me.

"Even though I thought you were gay…"

"_What_?" He squints his eyes in disbelief, but chuckles.

"I don't know…" I kiss his throat and collarbone. He smells delicious. "You looked incredibly attractive, like a GQ cover or something, all neat and stylish and playful and sensitive…"

"That doesn't make me _gay,_ baby."

My heart flutters as he calls me baby. I kiss his shoulder and move to the side of his neck, sucking softly.

He sighs.

"And clearly, you're not," I whisper in his ear before licking over it, feeling the grip of his arms tighten. Slowly, I run my fingers down his side, tracing each rib, travelling his hipbone, my nails grazing his thigh.

Edward squeezes my ass and pulls me closer so I'm almost on top of him, then draws me into another kiss, his teeth lightly tugging at my lip before he runs his tongue over it.

I move a little so I'm straddling him, feeling his growing erection.

"Fuck, you're sexy, Isabella…"

I watch him as his eyes feast on my body, a burning desire in them.

"Your breasts are so beautiful… Perfect…"

He moistens his fingers with his tongue and then rolls one nipple between them; it's hard.

"So you thought I was gay, huh?"

He's playing with me, his voice husky with arousal.

"Mmm-hmm." I moan a little and arch my back as his fingers continue their ministrations.

"Want me to show you how much I'm not?"

"Yes," I whimper, and with that, he lifts himself up and sucks my nipple between his lips until I'm putty in his hands.

EDWARD

This second time, we both last much longer, and it's a life-changing experience to see her move on top of me, tortuously slowly, her beautiful face rosy and aglow with lust. Her long, dark locks are falling over her shoulders and her breasts bounce up and down with each movement. I never want to do anything else again. I've been around the block in my day, okay, I used to be quite a tomcat in college, but it's never been like this. Not with Tanya, not with Julia, nor with the other serious relationships in my adult life.

This is… mind-blowing, a connection so much deeper than the mere physical one. She devours me, envelops me. She makes me feel whole. I want her to want me, want her to need me, be proud of me.

Her body is so much more splendid than I imagined, all creamy white and soft and sweet, delicate and sumptuous. Her breasts are beyond perfect, plump and firm, with rosy nipples calling out for me. I want to spend my life worshipping them. I want to bury my face in them and buy them jewellery. And then I want to do much more kinky things to them…

"Edward – "

God, it's a turn-on to hear her cry out my name, her face rapturous with pleasure. My hands are digging into her hips, moving her up and down, watching her as she watches me.

"Baby," I groan, "this is so good… So fucking good…" My voice is drowned by a moan as she reaches behind her and cups my balls.

"Fuck…" I wheeze.

"Is that …" She gives them a soft squeeze. "Do you…" I can tell she's not used to being very vocal about it.

"It's perfect," I grunt. "Perfect…"

I run a hand from her hip to her stomach, then lower, applying gentle pressure to her clit.

"Ah…" Her voice is high.

I continue what I'm doing, rubbing and stroking softly but steadily. Her eyes are closed, her head thrown back as she mumbles my name.

"Good?" I can see that it is, but I want her to feel free to tell me what she wants.

"So… so good… Oh, God…"

She is riding me harder and it is divine, her hot, slick flesh surrounding me, enveloping me. This is how it's meant to be. I'm home.

I can feel the pressure increasing, and I don't know how much longer I can make it; but I gather from her expression that she's –

"I'm close," she whimpers. "So… so… oh… ooohhh…."

And I can feel her tighten, her little body erupting in convulsions that seem to go on and on, and I grip her hard, rapidly moving her up and down, until I find my release, bucking my hips, pushing into her roughly as my mind goes blank and I'm overtaken by the most intense orgasm, shuddering as I drown in pleasure; in the feel of her.

Shakily, she collapses on top of me. Our breathing is ragged; our bodies are hot and covered with sweat. It takes me a minute to surface to the world. I'm floating on a blissful high. Opening my eyes, I see Bella's face, her head on my shoulder, and she's smiling a glowing, freshly fucked smile. I kiss her.

"Wow," she whispers against my lips. "Is it always like this with you?"

I kiss her some more. She tastes salty and sweet.

"No," I murmur. "Must be you…"

Pulling out of her, we both wince at the loss of contact. I quickly wrap the condom in a Kleenex and pull her close once more, my hands on her ass. She's twined around me, her hair spread over my chest as she lays her head down, our breaths getting even.

"This feels nice," she murmurs.

Nice doesn't even begin to cover it. It feels… natural.

"Yes." I kiss the top of her head. Her hair smells so good, all fresh and girly.

I can't remember ever being this happy. Everything's fine. I'm in bed with my girl, hugging her close, kissing her hair. Excepting, maybe, the little twitch at my heart.

_I hope she'll be my girl._

Her stomach growls, and she laughs shyly.

"Sounds like somebody's hungry."

"I only had a sandwich for lunch."

"Then we should get you fed, sweet actress."

"I don't know if I even have anything to eat," she admits sheepishly.

"We'll find something." I kiss her nose, and she moves in order to climb off of me, but for a second, she stills her movements and looks at me with large, soulful eyes.

"Edward? Will… will you stay?"

"If you'll have me," I reply earnestly, and it's about more than just tonight.

A happy smile comes to her face, and her rosy cheeks blush a little deeper.

"There's nothing I'd love more."

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Re-posted 06/18/2011**

**Thank you, dellaterra, because I can't say it often enough!**


	10. Light is the Heart

**Thank you from the very bottom of my heart to all you lovely people who are reading, reviewing, adding and alerting! You are the best and you make my day! Each and every word you have been saying about my little story so far has warmed my heart. Thank you!**

**This story is rated M.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("After the Ball")**

**This chapter will appear here in a new and much better fashion once dellaterra has looked it over!**

****

Chapter 10: **Light is the Heart**

BELLA

„And did you do it?"

It's after midnight and I'm sitting on my kitchen counter in an old tee, watching Edward as he cooks scrambled eggs. It was the only thing I had.

He's wearing jeans. Nothing but that, and the sight is delicious.

"No," he laughs. "My sisters tried to talk me into it, but somehow at the age of fifteen, I found the idea of being a _hand model_ rather unmanly."

I giggle as he rolls his eyes, adding a sliced tomato to the pan. He looks so hot, half naked and all strong and tall, his hair a complete mess from our activities. God, I'm so glad he came here after last night's disastrous ending with him leaving to help Tanya.

He steps between my legs and puts his hand on my waist, nuzzling my nose with his.

"Hey," he whispers, pecking my lips.

"Hey," I reply.

We're just beginning to kiss when Edward draws back a little and looks down between our legs, muttering, "What the fuck – "

I don't get him at once, but then he smiles, and I see Cedric, big and red, purring around Edward's bare feet, giving little head bumps to his shins.

"Hey little fellow."

He looks at me with cheerful eyes.

"You never told me you have a cat, Bella!"

"Um… Yeah. Sorry. Are you allergic or something? I could lock him in the bathroom, I guess."

I don't even know why I've never mentioned my feline companion. In my experience, most guys aren't too hot about cats, and Jacob and Cedric hated each other.

"Nooo…" Edward turns off the stove before he squats down, holding out his hand for Cedric to sniff.

"I love cats. We always had them when I was a kid, and my Mom still has two at their house."

Cedric purrs like a small lawnmower and shuts his eyes with enjoyment, letting Edward scratch behind his ear.

"Imagine shutting you in the _bathroom_," he croons. "What a heartless cat mommy is she?" He looks up at me through long lashes with a glint in his eye.

_Oh my goodness, I think I'm dying at the sight._

"What's his name? It's a boy, right?"

"Cedric."

"Hi, Cedric!"

He keeps stroking the cat before getting up again, kissing my knee on the way.

"He's cute."

"He is. Usually, he's really shy, though. I got him from a shelter three years ago, and I guess bad things must have happened to him in his past, he was so scared in the beginning. You can take it as a compliment that he likes you."

"Why thank you, Master Cedric," Edward says solemnly and then, we sit at my little breakfast table to have a midnight supper of scrambled eggs, toast, and two cans of Heineken.

As always, we talk about anything and everything, but now, it's different because the wall between us has been pulled down.

_Fucked down? Whatever._

Edward is touching me constantly as we eat and speak, tickling my thigh, stroking my arm, and kissing my ear. I'm warm and cosy and secure. This is what I want. Sitting in my kitchen over scrambled eggs with the guy I'm –

_In love with?_

_Falling in love with?_

Edward reaches over and brushes a crumb off of the corner of my mouth. His smile is radiant.

"Do you have any idea how sweet you look?"

"Um… no?" I make a face as though he's mad. "I'm in a tent-sized University of Washington shirt that's almost ten years old and I'm sure my hair looks like –"

"You're fucking beautiful."

He shuts me up with a kiss, his lips moving slowly with mine, his stubble tickling me. I close my eyes and lose myself in the sensation. My hands go to his hair; it's so soft and silky I'm almost jealous. I lightly scratch his scalp, which I have learnt he likes, and he makes a happy, appreciative noise. We only stop when a noisy smacking sound disturbs us, and sure as hell, it's Cedric sitting next to us on the table, busying himself with the leftovers of our eggs.

Edward laughs and I shoo the cat away before putting our plates in the sink.

"He has no manners," I mutter, and Edward chuckles and pulls me to his lap.

"He acts like he was famished."

"He's a fat little nut."

"When I was a kid, we had this cat, Gisel, and he stole a sausage-"

"Gisel?" I ask, bewildered.

"Yeah, my sister Rose named him. She was into the Ring of the Nibelungs at the time. Don't ask me what it meant." He smiles his lopsided smile.

"Anyway - I must have been about six or seven. Well, I saw him steal it, but I didn't tell Mom because I wouldn't be a sneak. And the fucking sausage, or what Gisel'd left of it, rotted behind my bed for a few weeks before it began to smell."

"Ew." I shudder. "Did you at least have a nickname for the poor cat?"

"Gis." Edward smiles sheepishly, and I can't help but laugh.

Edward shrugs. "He was a darling. Had him for almost ten years." He thinks for a moment. "Yeah, ten years. He died when I was sixteen. Broke my heart."

I kiss him because he is incredible, telling me he was that softie guy in high school. And because he's sensitive, and kind. I kiss along his jaw until I reach the soft spot behind his ear. I suck and kiss a little, and Edward's hands sneak beneath my shirt, roaming my back. Things get rather heated after a while, and before I know it, he has lifted me up and I'm twining my legs round his waist as he carries me to the bedroom where our lovemaking is filled with sweetness and longing.

=====oOo=====

I wake to the delicious security of Edward's arms, feeling his chest pressed against my back, his breath warm on my skin as he plants tender kisses on my neck and shoulders. Sighing sleepily, keeping my eyes closed, I intertwine my fingers with his.

"Hello," he murmurs in my ear. "Did you sleep well?"

Revelling in the sensation of his lips on my skin, touching me like feathers, I mumble, "Hello…"

I run my fingers over his forearm, enjoying the touch of hair, noticing how muscular it is.

"Good… And you?"

"Never better," he murmurs. "And there was this little, warm thing next to me when I woke, and I thought, 'Well, what a stroke of luck got me into _her_ bed?'"

"Mmm," I respond, and a smile spreads on my face. Finally, I open my eyes. The room is flooded with light, and the clock on the bedstand tells me it's after eleven.

"Wow… We slept so long…"

"I know," he replies and kisses my shoulder. "Do you mind?"

"No. Not at all. Do you want breakfast?"

"Maybe in a while… It's so nice to lie here with you."

I feel his breath on the back of my neck as he puts little kisses there, his hand squeezing mine. I lift it up and press my face into his palm, inhaling. It's a mixture of him and me, raw and carnal, and I sigh.

"Mmm?"

"That smells so good," I murmur.

"Does it…" His breath is warm in my ear, making me shudder.

"Yeah… Like sheer sex…"

He groans softly behind me and I feel him harden by my thigh. Kissing the tip of his index finger, I lick a little, and then slowly take it in my mouth, hearing him give a wanton sigh. I take a second finger and suck harder, feeling his hot breath come in gasps. After a few moments, he pulls his fingers out of my mouth, leaving a moist path as he runs them lower, settling between my thighs. Realizing how wet I am, he groans softly and begins to tease and caress me until I'm moaning with pleasure. He detaches himself a little and I'm just beginning to wonder what's going on when I hear him rumble my bedside table. He's back with me after a moment, gently pulling me towards him by my hip, then slides into me, both of us moaning at the sensation. The way he fills me is so good, so right, as if we're meant to be this way, and I've never felt this kind of fulfilment before.

The little sounds he makes are driving me crazy, getting me off in ways I've never known. He's thrusting into me slow and deep, his face buried in my hair, his fingers pleasuring my clit.

"Baby…" His voice is strained. "I don't think I can last long…"

"That's okay… I'm good… This is so good…"

"Put… Put your hand over mine," he murmurs, and his gravelly voice is incredibly erotic. "And show me how to touch you…"

No one has ever talked like that in bed to me, and even though I feel a little shy, it's fucking hot. He senses my hesitation, his thrusts becoming shallower, and he softly bites my neck.

"_Please_, Isabella."

I put my hand over his and move our fingers until I'm shaking, crying out as I come, hard, while Edward slams into me, making a sound between a whimper and a groan as he stills and twitches, and I can feel him deep inside me as he crashes over the edge.

When it's over, we're trembling, gasping for air, bathed in sweat, clinging to each other, and it takes a couple of minutes until either one of us is able to form a coherent sentence.

I think "Unf" is the only sound I make; and Edward kisses my shoulder in response.

"What do you do to me," he murmurs, finally catching his breath.

"I didn't do anything… It's you."

He kisses the back of my neck before his body leaves mine and for a second I feel bereft. He's back with me after a second, pulling me to his warm, strong body.

We lie silently for I don't know how long.

I'm happy.

I'm relaxed.

I feel secure.

So, so utterly, maddeningly secure.

_Please, God, can it stay like this? If only for a little while? I know it can't last, but – for a little while? Please? Thank you; sincerely Isabella Swan."_

EDWARD

Since Bella's sad excuse for a kitchen offers nothing but a packet of Oreos, a can of sardines and two scabby bananas, we take our breakfast at a small coffee shop across the street. They know her by name, which confirms my suspicion she's a regular. I order about everything that's on the menu, letting Bella protest all she wants.

"You let me slave away, feeding Cedric while you were in the shower, now let me feed _you_." I kiss the corner of her mouth and she grumbles shortly, but then smiles.

"Okay?" I ask against her lips.

"Okay."

So we have fruit and pancakes, bacon and eggs, French toast, omelette, hash browns and waffles. It's lovely to see that Bella enjoys food. I guess I'm still used to someone pushing a piece of cucumber around on her plate.

We chat easily, watching the people outside enjoy the first rays of sun this year, pointing out whenever someone does something that strikes us as odd, or interesting. It seems to be another hobby we share, people watching. Above all, we laugh so, so much. Despite the shy side to her, it's clear that she's a born entertainer, brilliant at imitating people as she recounts incidents of her working life. Maybe she developed that talent as a way of compensating for her shyness, for when she talks about herself, she's humble and modest, never believing me when I say that she's special and beautiful. Still, I coax her into letting me see the couple of short films and the TV drama she's made one of these days. Bella blushes furiously and assures me it's not worth my time. I kiss her neck and murmur that anything concerning her is worth my time.

She puts her head on my shoulder when we're finished and plays with my hand in her lap. It feels completely natural, sitting here with my girl, having brunch on a Sunday.

_My girl…_

"Well, Miss Swan, what have you planned for the remainder of your weekend?"

"Nothing." She smiles and bites her lip. "Oh, there's something I need to do. I have to learn my lines for the rehearsal tomorrow."

"Can I help you with that?"

She looks surprised for a second and then nods happily. We decide to take a walk before returning to her apartment, lazily strolling through Tompkins Square Park. It's cold but the sun is shining and there's a little feel of spring in the air. I keep my arm around Bella's shoulder the whole time and we talk and joke and drift happily through the afternoon. I'm soaking up every little thing there is to know about her, from the tiny freckles on her nose to the way her eyes sparkle when she laughs, and how good her arm feels as it's wound around my waist.

I love it that she doesn't plaster her face with makeup, and that she's happy wearing jeans and a sweater. She has those boots on that all girls are wearing in winter, the ones with the sheepskin stuff inside, and they're fucking huge on her.

My phone rings, and for a moment I'm terrified it'll be Tanya or Kate, but when I check it, my sister's cheerful face lights the display.

"Ali! Hi, sweets! How are you?"

"Good, and you little brother of mine?"

"Perfect." I smile because, for once, it's true.

"What are you doing?" she enquires.

"Um, you know… Taking a walk…"

"A _walk?"_

"Yes. A walk. In the park. It's Sunday. It's what people do on Sundays, isn't it?"

I roll my eyes at Bella and she giggling sweetly. I mouth "Alice", and she nods.

"Are you drunk, Edward?"

"Excuse me?"

"Okay." She sounds a bit pissed. "I wanted to ask if you'd come over for dinner on Thursday. It's the only night next week that Jazz and I are free."

"Yeah, sure."

"Great!" Her mood picks up at that. "And will you ask Bella, too? You _promised_!"

"Yes, I will."

"You _will_?"

"Hold on a second, Ali," I say, taking the phone off my ear and turning to Bella. "Alice wants to know if you'd like to go to her and Jasper's for dinner on Thursday."

Bella's eyes widen, but then she relaxes.

"You'll be there, too?"

"Mmm."

"Tell her I'd love to."

"She'd love to, she says," I inform Alice nonchalantly.

Alice squeals like a woman possessed.

"Is this what I think it is? Is it? Is it?"

"Maybe," I say carefully, but I can't help the huge smile on my face that spreads from ear to ear.

"Oh, Edward, that's… Oh I'm so happy for you two! I had this feeling _all _day! Jazzy," she shouts. "I had this feeling all day, right?"

I can hear him in the background, loving and only slightly enervated.

"She had this feeling _all _day," he calls.

"Okay, are you going to phone me and tell me everything once you have the… ahem, time? I'm sure you'll be rather… _occupied_ right now…" She giggles excitedly.

"I will, Ali."

"Come over at seven on Thursday?"

"Is seven okay?" I say to Bella, who nods her head.

"Yep."

"Okay. See you the-hen!" she finishes in a happy singsong voice, and I know poor Jasper will probably be spending the evening choosing names for our first-born.

I chuckle as I shut the phone.

"Well. That was my mad-as-a-hatter sister."

"And we're going there for dinner." Bella looks a little intimidated.

"Only if you want to." I take her hand.

"I do. It's just so… official."

"It's just Alice," I say. You know her. You know Jasper. It'll be fine."

"Okay," she whispers, and raises herself up on her tiptoes to kiss me.

It's after six when we return to her place, and I'm painfully aware of the fact that I will have to get up again in about ten hours. I know I need to sleep after the last couple of nights, one of which was hell and the other heaven, so I can function at my job.

We're on the couch in her cute little living room. The whole apartment is small and cute, just like her. She's snuggled up to my side, Cedric by her feet, washing himself after dinner, which was spooned into his bowl by yours truly.

Bella is putting tiny kisses on my jaw, ruffling the hair at the nape of my neck. There's nothing I'd rather do than stay here with her but I know I'll need to go home at some point. I kiss her temple.

"Bella… baby…" I sigh.

"What is it?" Immediately, there's concern in her voice. Whoever fucked up with her did a thorough job.

_Huh? Where did that come from?_

"I'll have to get up at four-thirty tomorrow."

"Oh, God," she groans.

"I need to go home soon."

"Oh." She stops kissing me and sits up. "Oh." She looks crestfallen. "I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"

"I'd love to spend the night with you, baby." I kiss her. "But I have to change my clothes and shit."

"Sure."

Her disappointment and alarm are almost tangible.

Luckily, I'm a pretty smart guy, if I say so myself.

"Come with me?"

BELLA

Just an hour ago, I was frozen with fear, and now we're in Edward's apartment, standing in his kitchen with a glass of wine, and I watch him cook while he feeds me little bits of sauce, and olives, and cooked eggplant. All of which are delicious, as is the fun of licking the remains off his fingers.

He laughs and kisses me before returning to the stove, stirring the pasta.

Edward has no idea of how sexy he is, which makes it even worse in terms of, in need of a more accurate term, lick-worthiness. Crooked smile and messy hair, long-limbed body and easy moves. It's hard to imagine that only twenty-four hours ago, I was miserable, sitting in my tub and crying my heart out over Jake.

I shudder at the thought of how much misery he has caused me, and I hate him, because I can't let fully go, still having crying fits and panic attacks because of that dipshit.

"Are you okay?" Edward intertwines our fingers and pulls me into his side. He kisses my hairline, and my heart flutters.

"Yes," I murmur, slinging my arms round his waist. Edward stirs the sauce and then puts both arms around me. I close my eyes and lean my face against his chest, feeling safe, listening to his even heartbeat.

"You never learnt your lines," he remarks, kissing my ear. "I was eager to help you with that."

"Will you help me after dinner?" I look up into his eyes, and they have a cheerful, green twinkle.

"By all means."

We eat in his large, homey kitchen, and not surprisingly, it's delicious. We load the dishwater when we're finished and then retire to the living room with our glasses of wine. I fetch my textbook from the overnight bag I brought and join Edward on his gigantic sofa. It feels intimate and domestic and somehow, oddly natural, as if we'd spent dozens of nights like this, while on the other hand, it's all brand new and exciting. I snuggle into Edward's side once more, and point out the passage I am memorizing. He reads my counterpart's lines in a low, even voice, never putting too much expression into it, but still proving himself to be intuitive and rather talented. He corrects me whenever I get anything wrong, and we joke and laugh, Edward making fun of himself.

"You think you'll be okay tomorrow?" he mumbles against my neck. "Or do you want to go through it once more?"

He softly bites my earlobe, and his fingers sneak beneath the hem of my shirt, tickling my belly, which makes me squirm.

"We should do a few more repeats," I tease him, trying hard not to giggle.

Edward sighs.

"You were word perfect just now – "

He realizes I am kidding him, and moves his fingers to my sides, tickling until I'm panting and squealing.

"Well, you know I'm a perf - … perf-" I can't get out the word since I'm laughing so hard.

Edward relentlessly continues his torture.

"Perf- what, Isabella? Pervert? I can't understand what you're saying…"

I'm wiggling and squeaking in his arms, trying to fight him off, but never standing a chance, as he's much stronger. Finally, when I'm yelping, "Uncle! Uncle!" he lets go, kissing me tenderly, his eyes warm and happy.

"What were you trying to say?" he asks, amusement in his voice.

"Perfectionist," I pant. "I'm a perfectionist, Edward."

"Is that so?" he murmurs against my skin. "And what would be your field of excellence?"

Regaining my breath, I turn in his arms and climb into his lap, straddling him. I drive my hands beneath his shirt and run them up to his chest, fondling the smattering of hair, my thumbs brushing over his nipples.

"Hmm," I breathe into his ear. "I don't know… Maybe you could help me with that, Dr. Cullen…"

Edward sighs with pleasure as my tongue runs over his neck. Slowly, I drive my hands lower, following the happy trail that leads to my personal land of promise.

"I think this," he swallows, "is something you're rather good at…"

"You think?" I bring my body closer to his, slowly grinding my center against the bulge at his crotch.

"Mmm-hmm…" he murmurs, his palms travelling to my breasts.

"And that?" My tongue caresses his ear shell, and I can feel him shudder. I can also feel his erection grow, pressing into my thigh.

"Uh-huh…" His breathing is getting laboured, as is mine.

I run my fingers lower on his stomach, finally touching him through the denim of his jeans. I'm rewarded with a gentle hiss.

"That?" I whisper.

"You're relentless," he groans and then struggles beneath me to get up.

Before I can even understand what's happening, he has thrown me over his shoulder, and carries me upstairs to his bedroom.

Our kissing continues once Edward has dropped me into the soft cushions.

"You drive me crazy," he whispers against my lips. "Your face, your voice, your smell…"

I make a little sound like "ungh" into his mouth as I feel his hand at my groin.

Pressing myself into his hand, I crash my lips to his again and we're lost in a deep, needy kiss, sucking and moaning while our lips find their own rhythm.

"Mmm, Isabella…" His breath is hot on my face, coming in gasps. He's frantically pulling at the hem of my shirt and I arch my back and lift my arms so he can take it off. I do the same to his; both of us sighing as our half-naked bodies finally touch, vibrating with tension. Rubbing my bra-clad breasts against his chest for more fraction, I slowly open the buttons of his fly, putting my hand on him through the last layer of clothing that separates us.

"Fuck… Isabella… "

Slowly, tortuously, I pull his jeans down his legs, planting little kisses on every inch I am uncovering. His thighs are broad and strong and muscular and I kiss them, going to the inside, making Edward flinch. I kiss his knees, and the inside of them as well, one after the other, licking a little, tasting him. His breath is coming in hard gasps, and once I have kissed his calves I throw the pants on the floor, moving upwards once more. I kiss his stomach, licking over the trail of hair that leads me lower, and I grab the hem of his boxer briefs and pull them down, his erection springing free.

At that, Edward pulls me roughly to him, unzipping my pants and pushing them down alongside with my panties, pinning me down underneath him.

"You," he murmurs, "are torturing me." He fumbles with the clasp of my bra and pulls it off. "So beautiful," he growls softly, kissing and licking and sucking my breasts until I'm trembling, my hand searching out for him between us.

He feels so good, all warm and hard and throbbing as I stroke him, and I can't wait to have him again. His fingers are inside me, and I give a little cry of pleasure when he curls them while his thumb puts gentle pressure on my clit.

"Edward –"

His body is covering mine, and I love to feel his weight on me, though he holds himself up on his elbow.

"Enough – " I moan, and he stops what he's doing.

"Enough?" he echoes me, confusion in his breathless voice.

"Enough of the preliminaries. _Now."_

He smiles crookedly, and he looks beautiful in his arousal, rosy cheeks and strands of hair in his hooded eyes. He struggles towards his drawer and takes out a condom, ripping open the foil packet.

"Can… can I?" I feel my cheeks blush. I still want to do it.

Edward swallows thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, as he hands it to me. Carefully, I roll it down his massive erection, and it's intimate in an odd way. When I'm finished, our eyes meet.

"I want you, Bella," he says with a serious undertone. "And I mean not just in this way…" He gestures his chin in the general direction of our naked sexes.

"So do I," I whisper, twining my arms round his neck and pulling him back on top of me.

It's forceful and hot and passionate, and I lose myself in our connected bodies. It's the most heavenly fulfilment, feeling him pound into me as though his life depended on it, watching his face as he comes, shortly after me, aglow and alive with pleasure.

He kisses me sweetly, reverently, and I put my head on his chest, drawing lazy circles and playing with his hair while we whisper softly for a few minutes, almost falling asleep.

I can feel his heart under my ear, soothing and strong.

As I drift off, I think I hear him murmur, "Goodnight, my love."


	11. This Could Be True

**Hello to all you lovely readers! Chapter will appear in new glory after dellaterra has been through it. **

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Ace of Clubs")**

Chapter 11: **This Could Be True**

EDWARD

Getting up at four-thirty the next morning is the hardest thing I've ever done. The room is dark, and Bella is snuggled up to my chest, breathing evenly, holding me close. She didn't even wake from the ghastly shrill of the alarm, just mumbled something unintelligible, and sighed. I'm aware of the huge grin that must be plastered across my face. Last night was another revelation. After I carried her upstairs we made love hungrily until she collapsed on top of me with a soft scream.

After that, we talked and made love again, slower this time. I was completely overwhelmed by her beauty as she moved beneath me, wrapping her legs round my waist, her large dark eyes filled with joy and warmth. I loved the way her cheeks would flush, and how she'd moan my name, over and over again as I sunk myself into her, whispering sweet words.

_Fuck, I'm hard even thinking about it._

I carefully disentangle from her arms, and she grumbles in her sleep. I kiss her hair and walk to the shower.

She has curled herself up into a little ball when I return to the bedroom. She set the alarm on her phone last night so I don't need to worry that she might be oversleeping.

I don't want to leave her like that. While I sip my coffee, I write her a note, then sneak back into the bedroom and put it on my pillow. That's when I hear a small, whining noise. At first I think she has woken up, but then I realize she's having a bad dream, whimpering something like, "Don't go…"

I consider waking her up, but her breathing gets more even and I put a small, chaste kiss on the top of her head.

The first few hours at work are hectic with meetings and consultations, and surgery on a young girl suffering from congenital heart defect. It goes well and her parents cry with relief when I get to tell them the good news.

After lunch, while I'm on my way out of the cafeteria, Lauren runs into me, once more suggesting a drink after work.

I think of Bella's large dark eyes and her milky white skin and how her lips made a little O when she came for the third time last night.

I see Lauren's pale eyes and her pink lipstick and her blonde hair flowing around her shoulders.

"Um, well, Lauren," I say as nicely as I can, toying with the red apple I took with me from the lunch buffet. "You know that I like you, and I greatly respect you. As a colleague. But what happened was a one-time thing – I thought we'd agreed on that?"

"But, Edward – "

She touches my arm and I grind my teeth.

"No, Lauren. And besides, there's someo-"

The second the words have left my mouth, I know it was wrong, so, so wrong.

Her eyes take on a different expression, and it isn't heartbroken. It's vindictive.

"Does Tanya know about that?"

Her voice is sickeningly sweet.

Fuck. I forgot that Tanya and Lauren really hit it off the half dozen or so times they met at social functions or hospital parties. I never took into consideration that they might still be in contact. Now that I see Lauren's face, they actually might.

"Look," I say again. "You're a great woman and I really appreciate you as a co-worker. Can we please leave it at that?"

"You're just a decrepit asshole, Edward," she seethes and then turns on her five-inch heels and leaves.

_Fuck-tastic._

The afternoon passes slowly with paperwork and visitations. Once there's a free moment, I sneak out of the back entrance, light a cigarette and text Bella.

_**Hey, beautiful actress. How's your day?**_

After a moment, my phone beeps in reply.

**Rehearsal was a disaster. Director's a jerk. On my way home now.**

I check the time. It's just after three. I type another message.

_**I'll be finished in about 2 hours. Care to come over?**_

Waiting for her reply, I nervously take a last drag. Maybe she has other things to do, other friends to meet. I can't very well expect her to change her whole life after two days we spent together.

**Love to. Be there at 7, okay?**

I grin like an idiot, my heart expanding; it's a throbbing, vulnerable, clenching heap of candy cotton.

_You wouldn't be able to tell that I'm a cardiac surgeon, I know._

_**Okay. Can't wait. xxx**_

**xxx**

The rest of the afternoon passes agonizingly slowly, and I'm sweetly tortured by images of Bella and flashbacks from last night. And yesterday. And the night before.

By the time I get into the Volvo my pants have been uncomfortably tight for an hour. On my way home, I stop at Gino's Deli and make a number of purchases. As I'm half way through my preparations, the phone rings and I tuck it between my ear and shoulder while setting up my little surprise for Bella, muttering, "Hello?"

"No need to be so grumpy, young man," a well-known voice reprimands me. An immediate smile lights my face.

"Uncle Aro! Hey, old man! How's tricks?"

"I am _not_ old, you little clown. I'm ripe."

"Yeah, I'm sure," I joke. I love that every time we talk, there's this little banter going on. Aro never was one of the grown-ups telling me what was wrong and what was right. He was always at eye level, treating me as an equal.

"So what are you doing?" I ask, arranging a few items so everything will look perfect.

"Ah, nothing. Just fucking around."

"And can I take that literally?"

"You sure can." He laughs a deep belly laugh.

"What's her name?"

"Bunty." He chuckles.

"_Bunty_? Is that even a name?"

"Picked her up in London. She's a darling, and one hot chick." I can hear him exhale cigar smoke. "And now we've been back from Europe for four weeks and never once did you little fucker deign to call."

Okay, most uncles don't talk that way to their nephews, but it's what Aro is like. He's blunt and, at times, vulgar, and I love him. He's an old school sort of scoundrel, dabbling in various businesses and travelling the world, where he has been engaging in exotic and peculiar love affairs over the past fifty years. Despite his frequent journeys, I can't remember an important day in my life when he wasn't there. As the elder of the two brothers, he also manages our family's heritage in London and New York. That, and the fact that he, the rascal ne'er do well that he is, always had this deep bond with me lies at the bottom of the deep-rooted rivalry and animosity between him and my dad Carlisle.

"So, son. What about you? Any _Bunty_ in your life? Do you have a date yet when you'll be officially free from that psycho-skank you found it clever to marry?"

Aro himself was married six times.

"Sometime in October." I step out onto the terrace and light a cigarette. The sun is setting over New York, the sky wearing a beautiful pink and grey glow.

"Well?" His deep voice reflects the man he is and the life he lived, to its hilt.

"Well, what?" I know exactly what he's getting at. Aro is the one who gave me sex advice when I visited him at seventeen, head over heels in love with my first serious girlfriend, Anna. It was Aro who taught me to treat a woman like a lady at all times. I mean, my parents taught me that, too, obviously, but Esme was not the one to inform me to "never surprise a girl by assuming she will swallow."

"Is there a _girl,_ Edward?"

"Maybe…" I can't hold back the shit-eating grin that spreads over my face.

Aro huffs. "Name?"

"Bella."

"Bella. Nice. Is she? _Bella_?"

"She's fucking beautiful." Sometimes I think Aro played a part in me adopting his sailor's mouth, as well.

I tell Aro the key features of Bella Swan and he listens and makes appreciative noises. He's just beginning to coax me into visiting him at his house in the Hamptons with her when the doorbell rings.

"I'm sorry, Aro, but I need to go. It's Bella. I'll try and visit soon, okay? Oh, and say hi from me to_ Bunty_."

He roars with laughter and I end the call, hurrying to let my beautiful Bella in.

BELLA

This day was crap. The rehearsal seemed to go really well until Riley came up with that "Bella, you should take your shirt off in that scene" bullshit again. I tried to explain to him, calmly and reasonably, that I don't think the part really calls for it. Big mistake. Riley, who hasn't been talking to his _primadonna_, Bree, for two days, then found his mission in trying to convince me that I have nothing to be ashamed of. Well, to be precise, "Babe your tits are a fucking knockout" were his exact words. We somehow agreed to postpone this discussion and continue rehearsing. Another big mistake. Riley, who apparently found that I was questioning his authority, needed to prove that he's the boss and came up with a brilliant idea: Act I would end with Garret burying his face in my lap and his hands covering my breasts. In a scene were shy, nerdy Andrei proposes to shy, insecure Natasha. Sure.

I was never happier to end a rehearsal than that one. Not because I particularly mind the breast-touching business, hell, no. I like and respect Garrett, and I know it's a mutual feeling. He's in a happy relationship and I'm head over heels–

_In love. Say it, Bella. Out loud._

It's not the touching. It's the fact that he's abusing the power of his position to prove a personal point.

When I exit the subway at Lexington 63rd Street, I'm eager to forget about the day, and even more eager to be inside Edward's arms. It was sad to be waking up in his big bed this morning without him there. He had left the sweetest message, saying how lovely the weekend was, telling me to make myself at home. Still, I missed him and buried my nose in his pillow, inhaling his scent. My heart is virtually frolicking on the way upstairs on the elevator, jumping up and down and rubbing its hands in anticipation.

I'm in love. I'm allowed to make sappy analogies.

_Wait._

_I._

_Am._

_In._

_Love._

I swallow as the door opens on Edward's floor. I need to take a few deep, steady breaths before I ring the bell. And then, he's there, standing in front of me in all his glory, stubbly jaw and pouty lips, dishevelled hair and beautiful, bare feet.

"Bella!" He beams.

"Hey." I smile shyly. I still can't believe it's me who puts this expression on his face.

Edward pulls me in, and pulls me close, our lips merging in a long, yearning kiss.

"How was your day, beautiful girl?" he finally asks, taking my coat and walking me to the living room.

"Crap. Don't even ask. I'll tell you later. How –" I stop, both my feet and my words stilling as my eyes take in the small area of pure perfection he has created in front of the fireplace, where the burning wood crackles. There's a large, thick blanket with numerous pillows, surrounded by dozens of candles. A cooler with champagne, and a multitude of plates and bowls with food.

"Wow."

For a moment, I'm speechless. After a day of being treated with disrespect, this is so overwhelming that I feel tears spring to my eyes.

"Bell? Are you – I'm sorry, did I –" He takes my hand, his face looks anxious.

"No," I sniffle. "It's perfect, Edward. So perfect. Thank you." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him. His lips are soft and his cheeks are scruffy. His warm, strong body surrounds me as I melt into him, inhaling him and relaxing completely.

Once we're settled on the blanket and propped up against the pillows, Edward opens the champagne and explains every single dish to me. It's from his favourite Italian deli and once we tuck into it, I sigh with joy. There's melon and prosciutto, artichokes, tomato and mozzarella, vitello tonnato… the full monty.

We take turns feeding each other, sipping champagne, and talking easily. Once we're through with the tiramisu, Edward leans back against one of the armchairs and pulls me to his chest, his arms closing around me. I don't know what it is, but his physical proximity relaxes me in a way I have never known. I feel safe. Utterly and completely safe.

He is putting tiny kisses on my temple and cheek while his fingers run up and down my arm.

"Wanna tell me why your day was so shitty?" His breath is warm and soft in my ear, making me shudder.

"It's just that Riley is a creepy guy," I say, not wanting to bore him with the details.

"Why?" He kisses my ear.

"He's always trying to convince me it would be prudent for me to take my shirt off in Act II."

I can feel Edward swallow.

"And will you?"

"No," I say decidedly. "Because it's nonsense."

"I agree." He clears his throat. "I mean, obviously I'm not an actor or a director, but…" He nuzzles my neck with his face.

"Well, when he realized he wasn't getting anywhere he invented this new scenario for Act I where Garrett grabs my boobs when he proposes to me."

I feel Edward stiffen, and not in a good way.

"Don't like that," he says gruffly. "Not at all."

_God he's so cute. How do I deserve such a cute boyf-_

_Wait._

I turn a little in his arms until my lips reach his.

"Let's talk about something else, okay?"

"Who says I want to talk," he murmurs against my lips, and we kiss hungrily, our tongues tasting and playing and exploring while our bodies reconnect. We touch and whisper, losing ourselves in the passion that devours us.

We undress each other slowly until we're both bare, Edward's lips ghosting over my body, nibbling and licking and sucking until I'm moaning with pleasure, touching every bit of his skin I can reach, revelling in the sensation of his soft skin and flexing muscles.

"Baby," he whispers as his tongue skims my bellybutton. "You have no idea how beautiful you are…"

His fingers travel between my thighs, teasing my wetness, running up and down, applying pressure where I need it most.

"Edward…"

His face is above mine, our eyes locked as he enters me with one finger, making me gasp.

"Good?" he rasps.

"So… good…" I squirm when he enters a second one. He licks over my lips and continues. In and out, in and out, gentle pressure on my clit.

"Edward…"

I want him inside me.

He knows that, I am sure, and never stops what he is doing.

"Yeah." His voice is hoarse.

"Please…"

"Yes?"

Bastard. He knows exactly what I want.

"Please… This is torture…"

"What do you want?"

Green, devilish eyes.

"You know what I want."

"Do I?"

In and out. Slow and deep.

"Yes… ah… you… you do…"

I shudder

"Then say it."

"Ed – Edward…"

"Say it, or I won't do it."

"Ah…" I moan. "_Please_."

"Say it."

"Fuck me."

"Fuck, Isabella…" He not so gently bites my neck, then rummages the back pocket of his jeans.

_The scheming bastard planned this!_

_At least I hope he isn't carrying condoms in his pants on a regular basis…_

"Fuck!" I yell when he enters me forcefully.

"Yeah, baby," he murmurs thickly. "That's what I'm gonna do… Fuck you nice and slow… and then hard and fast…"

And he does, and it's divine.

After all the teasing and build-up, I'm falling apart soon, clenching around him as I float away on waves of pleasure.

"God, Isabella," he moans. "You're beautiful when you come…"

I'm slowly getting down from my high and twine my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. He groans at the deeper access. Again, we look at each other, kissing deeply in between. He's gorgeous in his rapture, all aglow and alive, sweaty and messed-up. He's pushing even deeper, his face contorted with pleasure as he kisses my face.

"Baby…" Our breaths are one. "I don't think I…"

And then I do something I've never done, initially, before. I take his hand and guide it between us. He understands, caressing me as if I'd handed him a manual of my body. I'm stammering his name after a minute, Edward buries himself deep inside me and we come almost together, moaning in the joy we're giving each other.

EDWARD

I wake in the middle of the night, my mind lazy and muddled with sleep until I realize it's Bella next to me, her small body enveloped by mine, her back pressed against my chest. She's tiny and warm and soft, her girly smell melting my insides.

And she's whimpering in her sleep, but it's so soft I notice it only now. She's hardly moving, but restless and tense all the same. Carefully, I touch her forehead; she's drowned in sweat.

_What is it, torturing my Bella in her dreams?_

That's when she starts talking, and it's something like, "No… go… don't… go…"

She shudders and then lets out a deep sigh. She calms then.

And when I never expect to hear anything more, when I'm drifting off to sleep, I hear her; clearly.

"Edward."

The next day passes in a blur.

Visitation and too much paperwork. Around noon, I call Bella who I had to leave, again, sleeping peacefully in the early morning hours.

"Hey, you." She sounds cheerful.

"Hey, sweet actress. What are you doing?"

"Having lunch with Garrett and Benita." She giggles. "And we're plotting the downfall of Mr. Riley Biers, director of directors."

Her laugh literally warms my heart.

"Okay," I chuckle. "Is this enterprise open to donations?"

"Well, what sum did you have in mind, Dr. Cullen?"

"Um… ten thousand?"

"I guess that's acceptable."

"Good."

I put out the cigarette I've been smoking.

"We're still on for tonight, aren't we?"

I try to not sound too nervous.

"Of course!" There's a small silence. "There's just…"

"Just?"

"I was thinking of bringing them a bottle of wine. Alice told me the other day they're into that. But I have no idea what to buy…"

_God, she's so sweet._

"Tell you what. I get a bottle from both of us."

"Meaning?" Her voice is a little tense.

"Meaning that it will be from you and me."

"But I get to give you the money, right?"

I close my eyes for a second.

"Of course. If you want to."

"Yes," she says. "I want to."

Happily, we finish the conversation on a much nicer note and we agree that I'll catch her at her house at six-thirty.

Dinner at Alice and Jasper's is much easier than I feared it might be. Alice keeps from asking about the state of our relationship, and I'm certain Jasper has a hand in that. We talk easily about Bella and Alice's play, the book Jasper's currently working on, about Rose and Emmett, films recently seen and the state of the world in general.

Bella looks so fucking sexy in her little dress that I can barely manage to keep my hands off her, settling for a palm on her thigh under the table.

"Bella!" Alice pipes up after we're through the dessert. "Would you like to see the sketches I made for your dress in Act IV?"

Bella and I exchange a quick glance since it's obvious Alice just wants a chance to talk to her alone. She shrugs.

"Yes, of course."

They leave the room, and I'm alone with Jasper.

He pours us both another glass of _Tempranillo_ and then his wise grey eyes rest on me. With him, I'm always aware of the fact that he's almost ten years older than I am. He is calm, and studious, and so fucking… mature.

"Things between you and Bella seem pretty serious," he remarks, swirling the two hundred dollar wine in his glass.

I think it's pretentious.

"Yes. "

"She's a wonderful woman."

"She is," I say, my voice getting terser.

Jasper eyes me over the table, looking like an owl.

"She's quite young, though, don't you think?"

_Ah, now I get it. Alice set him up to this, probably worried I'll be making the same mistake a second time._

"She's not twenty, if that's what you mean. She's nothing like Tanya."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty-seven."

"Still, almost ten years younger than you."

_He's not serious, is he?_

"You're like, what, eight years older than my sister?"

"Seven. "

"So what's your point?"

I like Jasper, he's my brother-in-law for all intents and purposes, but sometimes he gets on my nerves with his fucking self-assurance and calm and air of superiority.

"Just making sure you're not doing anything stupid, Edward. She appears to be a beautiful, yet fragile spirit."

"My intentions, Sir Jasper de Whitlock," I say testily, "are of the purest kind."

_Really. First Aro with all the questioning, and now Jazz? Get off my dick, people._

_Well, maybe they don't want me to fuck up again. Maybe they're concerned about me._

"Sorry," I say, running a hand through my hair. " I… Bella… She's…"

I stammer away while Jasper's lips pull up into a warm, genuine smile, and once more, I understand why my sister's been with him for the past ten years.

"I know, Edward," he says. "Just… be careful, will you?"

For some reason I don't think he's referring to protection.

BELLA

I'm warm. And relaxed. And a small pile of goo. All due to the intense lovemaking that just happened – twice – in Edward's bed.

The evening at Alice and Jasper's was interesting, especially after Alice dragged me into her studio under the pretence of showing me her new sketches. In reality, she wanted to question me about the state of relations between Edward and me. We had a longish conversation, which ended with Alice hugging me, telling me I'd "brought her brother to life again."

Now, my head is resting on Edward's chest and he's running his fingers up and down my spine. We're both spent, and happy.

Edward is planting tiny kisses on my hair and I'm about to drowse off when he says, "Bella?"

"Mmm-hmm?" I reply sleepily.

"Um… I've been thinking. About something."

Something about his tone wakes me up again. I scramble upward and prop myself up on my elbow.

"Yes?"

"You know when…" He swallows, scratching his ear. "When you told me about that jerk of a director last night?"

"Uh-huh."

He furrows his brows.

"And… when he did that thing…"

"What _thing_, Edward?"

He swallows again, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"When he made that guy… Garrett… touch your breasts."

I raise my brows, urging him to go on.

"Bella?"

"Edward?"

"I don't want anyone but me to touch your breasts."

He looks adorable; cute and embarrassed and self-conscious.

I look into his eyes.

"I don't want anyone but you to touch my breasts, either."

"Oh."

_Can I have an Edward to go, please?_

He tickles the back of my neck. His eyes are warm and placid.

"And… um, would that remark entitle that this –" He motions between us. "Is an exclusive kind of thing?"

"I hope so," I murmur.

"And…" He licks his lips. "Would _that_ mean that I got to call you my girlfriend?"

For a second, I feel panicky, and it's too soon, but the moment I look into his deep, honest, green eyes, there's nothing I want more.

"If that means I get to call you my boyfriend," I reply.

With that, our bodies melt once more, and it's otherworldly, full of love and warmth and need and trust.

While I'm drowsing off, exhausted beyond words, I think about it. Three weeks ago, I was lost and lonely in a strange city, the only male being in my life, besides Dad and Seth of course, a large orange tomcat. Now, I'm falling asleep between five hundred dollar sheets in a bedroom that's the size of my apartment. But, more important than that, I'm secure. In the arms of my boyfriend. Who is snoring softly.

**Thank you for reading, pu-lease leave a review if you liked it!**

**I have a question: is there anyone out there who knows about the procedure of a divorce in NY? I've done a lot of research, but hearing the practical details would help. PM me if you can help out! **


	12. Couldn't We Keep on Dancing?

**Hello to all you lovely readers! You cannot imagine how much your reviews mean to me! I know many authors say this, but it's actually TRUE: every review makes me work harder on the next chapter! I'm so happy you like my story!**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("On With the Dance")**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 12**: Couldn't We Keep on Dancing?**

BELLA

The last two weeks have been a happy blur. We've spent every free hour together, sleeping either at Edward's or my apartment. I now have a toothbrush in his bathroom, and he has one at mine, as well as his L'Occitane shower gel, which smells downright yummy.

We jumped into it from the word go, and yes, I am overwhelmed, as I am sure he is, but I've never been so happy in my entire life. Edward is wonderful. I've never experienced anyone more tender, more considerate, or attentive. He's generous, and kind, and he makes me laugh like no one else can. Besides Seth, that is. We talk all the time, and about absolutely everything. And when we don't talk, we touch. We kiss.

I feel that Edward _sees_ me, the real me, and I can be myself with him. I feel strangely complete with him.

It's all very shocking, and I still need to pinch myself every day so I can realize that _this is actually happening. _It's _me_ he wants to be with.

We've been in our little bubble for a couple of weeks now, and I am sure that, to the outside world, we look like over-the moon, freshly fucked loonies. Which would be a precise description of our current state.

I picked up Edward at the hospital after work and took him to have dinner at Weber's Steakhouse. We fought hard until he let me pay, but I won.

We're on my couch now, watching silly stuff on TV. Cedric is in his new favourite spot on Edward's feet. Whenever that man is at my place, I'm invisible to my large ginger companion. It's actually a little insulting.

But right now, I don't care, because I'm in my own favourite spot, also known as Edward's lap. We've been kissing for I don't know how long, and I'm relaxing completely, knowing that we both have the whole weekend off.

I cajoled Mike into giving me a few more shifts on weekdays, and he was actually happy to do it. Most of his staff prefer the weekends, needing to attend college or working somewhere else during the week. It's hard when I have to rehearse the next morning, but as long as it gives me time to spend with Edward, I don't care.

"Mmm…" I murmur against his throat. "Do you know how good you smell?"

"Not like hospital and antiseptics, I hope," he murmurs back, softly kissing my hairline.

"No… like vanilla… and cinnamon… and Edward."

His long, nimble fingers are running up and down my side, brushing my breast every so often.

Once again we kiss slowly, sensuously, and my heart rate picks up when Edward's thumb starts circling my nipple through the material of my shirt and bra. The sensation shoots straight to my sex.

When he giggles, I first don't get it, thinking I tickled him somehow, but he squirms, trying to contain his bursts of laughter.

"What –" I look at him with a scowl.

"Your cat, Bella. He's licking my big toe…"

_Serves him right, always running around barefoot, showing off his perfect, large feet._

I take a look, and he's right. Cedric is licking his toe, a look of content and concentration on his face.

"Get off my boyfriends' feet, you little sicko!"

I shoo him away. Edward is still laughing softly.

"Did you put liverwurst on your feet so he loves you even more?"

_Yeah, that's me. I'm jealous of my cat._

"Nope." Edward pulls me closer again. "He adores me naturally."

I gently bite his lower lip.

"Are you saying my cat is gay?"

I pull my leg over so I'm straddling him.

"I'm saying he's asexual. You took off his balls, baby."

_Aw. I still melt like butter when he calls me that._

"He'd already lost them when we met."

"And now that he knows me, he finds he has feelings again… Who can blame the little guy?"

"For falling in love with you?" I mumble against his lips. "No one"

Only then do I realize what I said. We haven't said the words, but the allusions are getting more frequent. Still I don't want to make Edward feel that I am pressuring him into saying it.

"Anyway," I continue, lightly scratching his scalp, which earns me a purr. No, I mean, a literal purr. I laugh, and then continue, still needing to get off the awkward path I went on.

"Anyway?"

"Anyway, tomorrow's the big day. Your meeting the real gay man in my life."

_Men_, actually. I'm still not convinced that Seth's idea to meet for a double date to introduce our new boyfriends to the other, and, as of now, to _each _other, is so brilliant. Seth might hate Edward. Edward might hate Seth. Collin might hate me, or I might hate Collin. Collin might hate Edward, or…

_You know?_

"Don't worry, love." That's the newest thing, calling me love. Disarming me entirely. "I'll put some liverwurst on my feet, and he'll love me. Works every single time." He puts his forehead against mine, sensing my apprehension. "Seriously. You know it's going to be okay. If not, you and Seth can always walk away, have a good laugh about us and go clubbing."

"If anything goes wrong," I say in a tight voice, "I'm taking you home and ravish you."

"Or that." He chuckles, and then the kissing turns serious again, and we're back in Edward and Bella Land. No kids allowed there though, this fun fair is rated NC 17.

EDWARD

I wake up to the most exquisite sensation of a small, soft hand caressing the area beneath my bellybutton. I slept like a log after last night's fantastic fuck fest. Apparently, it's still going on.

"Mmm," I sigh, slowly opening my eyes. Bella's hair is spread over my chest, and she's putting tiny kisses on my skin.

"Hi," she whispers, wrapping her hand around me.

"HI…" I swallow as she begins to work her talented fingers. I'm so hard, and her touch feels so fucking good. I want to bury myself inside her and never come up again. Just when I'm trying to move, she stills me with her body, running her tongue lower, over my ribcage, stopping by my stomach, making little circles with her hot tongue while her fingers continue working their magic. I don't even want to know who taught her that. I'd thank him, and then kill… hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim.

_Jesus._

"Holy mother of fuck…" I moan, feeling Bella's lips close around me, tentatively at first, getting more decided once my fingers entangle in her hair, my sounds clearly conveying how much I enjoy what she's doing.

She has taken me in fully now, and when I look down to see her head bob up and down, her long silky hair spread over my thighs, it's an even greater turn-on. She's sucking, now and then circling her tongue around the head, scraping it very carefully with her teeth, then takes me in again… so deep… I'm afraid she might be gagging but she gives no sign of discomfort, her fingers closed around the base where I won't fit. She hums softly, and the vibration makes me shudder with pleasure.

I'm dead and gone to heaven when she increases her tempo, and I suddenly know I won't make it much longer, so I moan her name and tap her shoulder to alert her.

My mind is blurred, stars behind my eyes, and I come, not into her mouth but into her warm hands, twitching and moaning until she's milked me completely.

I'm panting, aware of the sticky mess covering her hands and my stomach and… I look down… a bit of her chest. Fuck. I'm embarrassed. And it looks fucking hot.

She has put her head on my thigh, smiling up at me with glazed eyes.

I fumble around for a Kleenex and clean her and then myself before I pull her close and she puts her face above my heart.

"That was incredible."

"Good morning." She smiles against my chest. She kisses it lightly. "Yes, it was."

We stay like that for another ten minutes and then the sound of Cedric's paws on Bella's bedroom door startles us out of our bubble.

"Ah well," she sighs, "the creature needs to be fed."

She gets out of bed in search for something to wear. I admire her body while she does. Luckily for me, Bella is not the tidiest person, so it takes her a moment. She's so beautiful I want to wrap her up and tie a bow around her. I'm hardening again at the mere sight of her breasts slightly bobbing as she scampers around the room before finally leaving so Cedric gets his breakfast.

I make ours a little later, both of us in tees and boxers. She stole a pair of mine. I scramble eggs and sizzle bacon while Bella sets the table. There's soft music playing on the radio.

Once we're sitting down and eating, everything's as it always has been over the past few weeks, but I can tell something is bothering Bella by the way she shoves her food around on her plate.

"So?" I say brightly. "Are we still on for the shopping experience with Ali and Jazz?"

I don't know how my sister got me into this, but apparently I agreed to shop for my parents' individual birthdays. They are only two days apart, both born in April, though during different years.

"Sure." Bella picks at her eggs, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

I take her hand. When I can't stand it any longer, I say, "What's going on, baby?"

She swallows.

"It's just…" She blushes a little.

_Oh God, going down on me grossed her out. Fuck._

"What we… what I did… It's…" She utters a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Look Edward, I don't know how many… how many women you've been with and if you used protection and…" She wrings her hands. "Anyway, I have an appointment with my OB/Gyn on Monday –"

"Is there anything wrong?" I interrupt sharply, my stomach flipping.

We stare at each other, both of us frozen.

"To get a prescription, Edward. The pill? Ever heard of that?"

A heavy sigh of relief leaves my chest.

"Yes. Hooray?" I offer.

"But, Edward, should we…" She squirms with embarrassment.

"Have The Talk?"

She nods silently, staring at her plate.

I grab her hand and intertwine our fingers.

"I was tested after the breakup with Tanya. Just because I wasn't one hundred per cent sure what she may have been doing during her trips. Since then, there hasn't been… Well, there was this one-time thing," I admit. "But we used a condom. I'm clean."

Her lips curl into the happy smile I love so much.

"Me too. I had a test after… that nasty breakup…"

She still hasn't really told me about that, I only know that, each time it comes up, she gets tense and edgy. Now though, she smiles deliriously and lets me pull her into my lap, twining her arms around my neck. I nuzzle her nose with mine and kiss her.

"Glad we settled that," I murmur. "And I can't wait to feel you without anything between us."

"Me too," she sighs.

We kiss a little more, then finally shower and dress to meet Alice and Jasper.

Alice squeals and claps her hands when she sees us arrive, both of us wearing shades, my arm slung around Bella's shoulder.

"Hey, sis." I kiss her and give Jasper a hug. After everyone has said hello, Alice pulls out a notepad.

"Okay," she says. "I made a list of things we might get them, diverted into various categories –"

Everyone groans.

"I thought we were just having a stroll and looking at stuff, Ali, not fucking boy-scouting."

Bella sweetly squeezes my waist.

"It's our parents' birthdays," Alice scolds me.

"Yeah, but they'll be in London, anyway. Can't we get them something vacation-related?"

"Seth and his family and I gave his mom a weekend in the city with my dad," Bella says a little shyly. "You know, with gift tokens for dinner and a show."

"That's cute!" Jasper nods.

Alice looks disappointed, as though we were depriving her of her shopping pleasure.

"It's great," I agree. To pacify Alice, I add, "Let's just browse through a few stores and look around for inspirations."

Alice's little face lights up.

Luckily, the weather is nice, the sun shining brightly as we walk through the Village, Alice and Bella continually discussing objects in the shop windows, chatting about fashion, or shoes, or whatever. Mmm, I'm sure Bella would look great in a couple of fuck me heels… I wonder if she'd leave them on while I -

"Look Edward!"

We're inside the third antiques store and Ali beams like a kid when she sees the display of vintage clothes, grabbing Jasper's hand and pulling him after her. Bella and I walk around, talking easily, looking at furniture.

"This is lovely." She points at a turn of the century mahogany desk with delicate legs and beautiful inlaid work.

Stepping behind her, I twine my arms around her and kiss her neck.

"I think," I whisper in her ear, "we should get them a weekend trip to Paris and get the hell outta here."

"In order to do what?" Bella giggles softly as I nuzzle her earlobe.

"I could think of one or two things…"

"Why, Dr. Cullen, you're getting me all flustered!"

"Well, Miss Swan," I say, pulling her a little closer. "That was the idea."

"Bella!"

Alice approaches us with a mass of yellow tulle in her arms. "Look what I found! Wouldn't it be gorgeous for Act IV?"

Bella smiles, and I let go off her a little, keeping my arm round her waist. Alice unfolds the monstrosity of a dress.

"For me to wear?" Bella laughs.

Alice is already holding it to her body.

"Yeah, actually, this might work. It's hilarious."

Bella fingers the material, then finds the price tag.

"Oh Alice! Renata's never going to allow it. _Four hundred dollars?_"

"But… But…" My big sister looks like a small girl who's been denied her candy.

"It's not that gorgeous," Bella says sympathetically, and I have to kiss her cheek.

The sun has intensified when we step out into the street again. At last, spring seems to have decided to make an appearance, the air is warm and the light bright. We have lunch at a small bistro, sitting outside. Sitting outside the first time in the year is always fantastic.

I suggest giving our parents a weekend trip from London to Paris, and everyone agrees on the idea. Alice immediately has a dozen ideas how to do it, which hotels to look up and where to make dinner reservations. Jasper is as calm and thoughtful as ever, sipping his chai latte, commenting rarely but listening intently. Bella, I notice, is uncommonly quiet, toying with a few crumbs of bread, never having finished her tomato soup. While Alice and Jasper are bickering about the title of a play by Jean Cocteau, I put my hand on the back of her neck, stroking her lightly. She smiles, but I can tell she's somewhere else. I bend over to her.

"Are you okay, baby?"

She nods slightly, forcing herself out of her haze, and addresses Alice and Jasper.

"It's _La voix humaine_, actually."

"What?" Alice looks at her wide-eyed.

"The play you were discussing," Bella says. "_The Human Voice."_

Jasper slaps his forehead with his hand. "Right! How do you know, Bella?"

"I performed it in college. It's about a woman who is left by her lover because he is marrying someone else. It's a monologue. She kills herself in the end."

For some reason, Bella's reaction doesn't make me feel better, at all.

BELLA

I've been in an odd mood all day, ever since we had this discussion over breakfast. I'm glad we had the conversation, and I'm happy that we're at this point of trusting one another; that we can move on in our relationship. But something keeps holding me back. I don't need a shrink to tell me it's plain fear. Fear of getting hurt again, fear of being abandoned.

I didn't mean to snap at them like I did just now, but somehow, everything was getting on my nerves. Alice strutting around with that four hundred dollar dress, discussing a weekend trip for their parents that will probably cost _thousands_ of dollars – it was all a bit much.

Edward sensed my mood, and now we're between the relatively safe aisles at Barnes & Noble, Alice and Jasper going through the Home and Gift section while Edward is burying his pretty nose in the latest classical CD releases.

I'm in the DVD section, flinching slightly when I come across a TV drama featuring one of my fellow students from college. I try not to be jealous, but it stings, especially since we always had this rivalry back then.

Trying to cheer myself up, I go to the comedy section. Maybe some old Danny Kaye, Jerry Lewis kind of thing.

That's when I hear it. The one song I never wanted to hear again.

_Everybody loves somebody sometimes…_

Within seconds, I am catapulted back to that day. I remember the look in Jake's black eyes, the cake with the crooked I LOVE YOU. I remember Jake's voice, his smell… The way he tore my heart in two when he said he was going to marry someone else.

I flee, stumbling away until I can't hear the song any more. I'm dizzy, trembling slightly. The scalp of my head is tingling, and I'm breaking out into a sweat. I can feel my neck flush. I need air.

Desperately trying to calm down, I try to take deep, steady breaths and tell myself that everything is fine, that it's all in my head, that nothing's going to happen.

_This store is stuffy. I need air. I need out._

I want to scream. I'm standing between a cardboard figure of Hugh Jackman and a table displaying 50 % off DVDs. A fat man eyes me curiously and then turns back towards the fan edition of _House of Wax._

I'm closing in on myself, and my breathing is shallow. Just when I think that I really will scream, I can feel his presence, strong arms around my waist, steadying me.

"Bella? Bella, baby, what is it?"

I swallow thickly. "I'm… I'm…"

"Are you sick?"

He quickly checks my forehead, and then gently takes my wrist between his fingers.

"I need…" I try to control my breathing. "To get out."

But I can't calm down, because Edward is here, and it's wonderful and terrible at the same time. I feel so secure, but I don't want him to see me this way. I want him to think of me as strong and happy, not as another psycho. He'll be understanding and kind and I don't want his pity, either.

He mutters something about calling Alice while he guides me towards the escalators, all the while keeping me close to his body, as if he senses that his warmth and strength are helping me relax. My breathing gets a little more even, and I'm not trembling so badly anymore.

Once we're inside the taxi, Edward pulls me into his side, murmuring quietly, soothingly, and I'm beginning to feel like myself again, though still shaky.

I endlessly fumble for my key when we're in front of my building, until Edward gently takes my purse and retrieves it.

"You wanna take the elevator?" he enquires softly once we're inside. "Or rather the stairs?"

"The elevator's okay," I mumble, starting to feel really embarrassed.

This is the one thing I did not want to happen.

"D'you want to lie down a bit?" he asks when we've taken off our coats.

I shake my head, and then nod it. I'm exhausted. Edward guides me to the bedroom. I take off my shoes and lie down on the bed. He sits down on the side. His expression is calm, but his eyes… I don't know. They're sad, and understanding, and tender.

"Edward." I reach out my hand for him and he takes it.

At this moment, I'm so afraid he's going to leave once he knows the ugly truth that I almost get into another panic attack. My heart constricts and my stomach cramps.

Has this been it?

He won't want another head case after all the drama with Tanya. I try to imagine my life without Edward. It makes me sick.

"Bella." His voice pulls me out of my brooding.

He takes off his shoes and socks and lies down next to me on the bed, facing me. He gently traces my cheek with his index finger. His deep, warm eyes never leave mine.

"Tell me?"

****

**Thank you for reading everyone! See that review button? I'm sure the Easter Bunny will bring you LOTS of eggs if you leave a few words. Happy weekend to you all!**


	13. Someone Dear to Love Me

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed or put me on alert! You're the ones who keep me continuing this!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("London Calling")**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 13**: Someone Dear to Love Me**

EDWARD

I want to wrap her into my arms and never let go. This woman owns me, and she doesn't even know about it.

When I spotted her, looking panicked and ill and lost in the Sci/Fi/Horror section, I knew that something was wrong. Bella was breathing hard, trembling, and ghostly pale. I immediately went into doctor mode, checking her temperature, which was okay, and her pulse, which was raging. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out what was going on, but then, it made click.

My girl was having a panic attack.

"Tell me?" I whisper, carefully stroking her hair. Her eyes are huge and vulnerable and moist when she looks at me.

"What do you think it was, Edward?"

I don't like the sound of her voice as she says it.

I take a moment before I speak.

"A panic attack?" I suggest softly.

Bella closes her eyes, a thick tear running down her cheek.

I know I will have to tread softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask in a low voice.

She's like a scared child, crying in earnest now, tears streaming down her beautiful face, her shoulders heaving as she sobs and tries to get a grip on herself.

"Bella… Baby…" I hover over her and kiss her salty cheeks. "Please, my darling… Please talk to me…"

"I don't want you to know," she mumbles. It's like a tiny arrow in my heart.

"But I want to know," I murmur.

"If I tell you, you'll know how twisted and sick I am." Her chest is quivering.

"You're not twisted and sick, Bella."

"I _am,"_ she sobs, trying to turn away from me, but I put my hand on her shoulder, forcing her to look into my eyes. "You're not."

"I am, and once you get to know the real me, you'll just want to run."

"Bella…" I kiss her nose, her cheeks, and her lips. "I am certainly not going anywhere."

"You will," she wails.

"Bella, beautiful Bella. Please look at me for a second, will you? Please?"

She timidly opens her mascara-stained, wet, reddish eyes.

"What?"

"I'm not going to go anywhere. And do you know why that is?"

She shakes her head, snivelling. For a second, she reminds me of Lily, my five-year old niece.

"Because I'm in love with you, Bella."

Her eyes widen. I kiss her nose.

"You…"

"I have fallen in love with you, Isabella Swan," I repeat. "I think of you all the time. I want to be with you. Every minute of every day. I want to wake up next to you. I want to give you flowers. I want to feed your crazy cat. I want to know you, all of you. And I don't care if you suffer from panic attacks, or if you're hiding a collection of china dolls, or if you're knock-kneed…" I peck her lips. "I. Am. In. Love. With. You."

At last, she smiles a little. It's so sweet amidst her tears.

"Are you saying that I'm knock-kneed?"

My heart does a little dance and I kiss her again, a little longer this time.

"No. You have killer legs, baby."

Her smile is breathtaking.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I'm in love with you, too."

_My heart swoons and fans itself and I'm officially a girl._

At that, we melt into each other, kissing with a reverence and tenderness like never before. It doesn't get heated; it's about caring for each other and showing it.

"Well," I murmur a bit later, playing with a strand of Bella's hair, her head resting on my chest. "Do you want to talk about it? You needn't, of course, it's just…"

_It's just that my heart does funny things at the mere notion of you being sad, or unwell._

"That you'd like to know?" She's drawing small circles on my belly.

"Only if you want me to."

She sighs.

"Edward, this is really hard for me. I mean it's not like I have a random panic attack now and then. Panic attacks, they're just the tip of the iceberg… I've been thinking about telling you a few times, but… "

"But?" I kiss the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair. It's clean and powdery.

"But I don't want to scare you away. Especially with your and Tanya's history."

"Give it a try?" I encourage her, ruffling her hair.

There's a long silence.

When she speaks, her voice is low and subdued.

"I went into therapy when I was ten," she says, "almost eleven. It was after my mom had left. I started having dreadful nightmares, waking up screaming for months and months almost every night. It got better when Sue came into our lives. When I was around fifteen, I started having those periods of depression. It was like my whole personality was changing. I wouldn't speak, my grades dropped. I'd skip ballet classes. That was a huge deal."

She looks up at me, her eyes sad and frightened.

I kiss her temple.

Bella is silent for a minute or two before she goes on.

"At first, Dad and Sue thought it was just normal teenage behaviour. And I got better, but the… condition recurred periodically. In addition, I started having panic attacks. Not too frequently, but often enough to alert Sue. So after about two years, she dragged me to another shrink. I used to go every Wednesday to see Dr. Gerandy. She was great, and helped me a lot. But, you know, I would still have these bouts of… depression. I'd lose interest in everything, stay in bed for days, crying all the time. It was Seth who suggested I should see somebody else. That was after I'd been not eating or speaking for three days. Dr. Gerandy referred me to a psychiatrist, and he diagnosed me with a chronic depression. I was almost nineteen by the time, applying for acting school. As I say, it never was a constant condition, but when it hits me, it hits hard."

I pull Bella a little closer. I just want to hold her. Make everything okay for her, and protect her.

Her voice sounds hoarse when she goes on.

"So I got on meds for it."

I can feel her shudder as she takes a deep breath.

"And I've been on them ever since, Edward. I tried to lower the dosage so I might stop taking them altogether a few times, but it's not working."

We're both silent for a while as I let her words sink in. I knew she was an exceptionally sensitive creature, but I'd never figured her to be chronically ill.

_What a fine doctor I make._

"Do you understand now that I didn't want to tell you?" she whispers. "I knew it would drive you away. Who wants _two _crazy women messing up their lives?"

"Don't say that." I'm surprised by the harshness in my voice. "This is not the same."

"How is it not the same, Edward?"

I want to tell her that the feelings I already have for her can't compare to what I felt for Tanya, ever. That my feelings for her are a completely new experience for me.

"It's different," I say. "You're grown up, aware of yourself and your predicament. You're in treatment. Tanya… she's nothing like you. I mean I don't doubt she has mental issues, but they're also a result of her addictions. She'd have to be honest with herself for once and get those under control, first. You, you're getting to grips with stuff. You know yourself. You're honest with yourself. You're honest with me. Believe me, you're nothing like Tanya."

I hate to even say her name when Bella is in my arms.

We're silent again. I can feel her, breathing evenly.

"How do you feel now?" I ask.

"Okay," she says softly. "Better."

"Do you… Do you know what triggered it?"

She sighs deeply. She kisses my chest, hiding her face. I pull her even closer, realizing that my body warmth and proximity are helping her.

"It was a song I heard," she replies after a while, her voice muffled by my shirt. "It was the same song that was playing when my ex – Jacob – told me he was marrying another girl. It was on Valentine's Day. I thought he was going to propose to me. We had been together for five years."

"Fuck."

I kiss her forehead.

"I'm mostly over it now, but back then, I went through a really dark phase. At one point, I stopped taking my medication, and that's when things got really bad. But I'm a lucky girl. I have amazing friends, and a wonderful family. Seth basically saved me."

"What did he do?"

She sighs as she remembers.

"Dragged me to see my doctor. And made me take my pills again."

"And…" I don't want to trespass, but I also want her to know she can be open with me. That she can rely on me. "Are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

"No. Well I go to see Dr. Banner every other month or so to get a prescription, and of course, she always wants a detailed update on my personal life. Seth made me promise I'd talk to someone else if things got worse."

"And do you think that would be prudent?"

I'm stroking her hair, holding her close. I'd do anything for Bella, to make her feel better.

"I don't know. No. I think it'll be okay. I haven't had a panic attack for months now…" She frowns, biting her lip. "Well, actually, I did have one a few weeks ago – do you remember when you called and I basically hung up on you?"

"Sure. I was really worried." I remember exactly. I didn't actually believe her when she said she felt sick, but I couldn't pinpoint what exactly was wrong.

"Well, I was having signs of one. I called Seth and he came over, and that helped."

_I think I should get Seth a bottle of champagne. Or a crate._

"What else helps?" I run my fingers up and down her back. "Stop me if I'm being to nosy, okay? It's just, well, I _am _a doctor, which means that helping is instinctual for me. And helping you…" I need to swallow. "I don't want you to be sad, or unhappy. Not for one single minute."

Bella closes her eyes and a deep breath leaves her chest as she snuggles up closer to me, hitching one leg over my hip.

"That helps," she murmurs. "You. Just being here."

"Okay," I whisper.

We're silent for a long time, no sounds but our quiet breathing and an occasional purr from Cedric who has joined us, having curled around my feet much like Bella has curled herself round my body. It makes me smile.

At some point, Bella starts kissing my chest, moving upwards, kissing my throat. Her fingers travel underneath my shirt, small, warm hands fondling my skin.

My heartbeat gets a little stronger when she kisses the spot behind my ear. I'm divided between anxiety for the delicate creature causing me pleasure and… said pleasure.

"Are we moving too fast?" I murmur. I don't really know if I'm referring to the present moment, or our relationship in general.

"Maybe," she whispers in a thick voice, moving until she's on top of me. Her breath is warm in my ear as she kisses it. "But I wouldn't know how to do it slow… I want to be with you, Edward." Her touches get more urgent and she's unbuttoning my shirt. "You make me feel so good."

My hands move to her butt as our mouths meet in a soft kiss that gets very steamy after a few seconds, and it doesn't take long until we're rid of our clothes.

BELLA

Edward stayed all weekend. There was slow, tender lovemaking after my confessions on Saturday afternoon and after that, we talked more. Edward was curious to learn about my medication and the amount I have to take. The doctor side of him was satisfied that it's actually a rather low dosage while the Edward side of him assured me again and again that it didn't put him off, talking about how a chemical imbalance in my brain could only be treated with the right medication. He went on really intensely about that, so I had to stop his ranting at some point by grabbing his hands and putting them on my breasts. He got it. And I got off. Again. So did he.

That night, we met Seth and Collin, and after the tumultuous day, we had a perfect evening. We had dinner at an Indian place that Collin likes, and the food was fabulous. More importantly, everyone got on well. I liked Collin immediately, and we had plenty to talk about since he is a dancer. Physically, he's the exact opposite of Seth, lithe and blonde and androgynous. They were just as lovey-dovey as Edward and I, and I was happy to see that Edward smiled cutely at their blatant displays of affection. Not every heterosexual guy is easy with two men making out across the table, sad as that is. Edward and Seth – thank the Lord! – got on really well, too, maybe because they both care about me. Conversation never wore short between the four of us, and we ended the night at a bar in Soho, Seth taking snapshots with his cell phone of Edward and Collin dancing with me sandwiched in between them.

_Yeah folks, we were a really crazy bunch that night._

Sunday was spent in Edward's bed. It's a great bed to have breakfast, lunch and dinner in. It also serves as an entertainment center and a good place to play Scrabble at. And, you know, screwing your brains out.

Earlier today, I left the pharmacy with a six months supply of _Reclipsen_, and now I'm sitting next to Benita in the back of the rehearsal room, watching Bree make a spectacle of herself. I don't know what she thinks she's doing with the part, but I don't think that Chekhov had this pouty, girly character in mind when he created Masha.

I'm eating an apple, going through my lines, when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

_**Thinking of you. Of all the sweet parts of you. Like your feet.**_

**My feet?**

_**Yup. They're real dainty.**_

**Yours are nice as well.**

_**But not dainty.**_

**No. I couldn't think of a part of your body as **_**dainty.**_

_**I should hope not. That implies smallish, doesn't it?**_

**Nothing about you is small, Edward.**

_**Wish I could see you tonight.**_

I'm just typing a reply when Renata, the production manager slash Riley's assistant, taps my shoulder.

"Bella? Riley is taking a short break and then he wants to do the scene with you and Bree."

"Okay." I type a quick "Gotta go" to Edward and put on the heels I have to wear for my part.

Bree is still on stage, doing some stretching exercises and muttering her lines. I climb into the warmth of the spotlights.

"Hi, Bree," I say, feeling a bit shy. That woman intimidates me, though she's not taller than Alice. Her long black hair shimmers in the light.

"Hi," she replies, barely acknowledging me.

Riley returns, clapping his hands.

"Ready, ladies?"

"Yes," I say.

Bree throws her perfect hair over her shoulder.

Riley quickly explains where he wants Bree to sit, and reminds us to bear in mind that the characters we're playing hate each other's guts.

_Yeah. Thanks for reminding me._

"I want you to strut into the living room," he says to me, "when you hear Masha's remark and stand in front of her when you deliver your lines with a really pissy attitude. Okay?"

We go through it once, Bree glaring at me so convincingly that I think she's either a much more brilliant actress than I gave her credit for, or that she really can't stand the mere sight of me.

"Dear Masha," I begin, "why use such expressions? With your beautiful exterior you would be simply fascinating – "

"Naah," Riley calls from the fourth row. "I want you more arrogant. Self-assured. Slutty, even."

"Okay." I shrug. I do it again, trying my slutty best.

"You're not strutting!" he shouts.

I do it again.

"Bella!" He jumps on the stage. "You're a sexy woman, for God's sake. Move that ass!" He steps behind me and puts his hands on my hips. I don't like it one bit. A few minutes into his lecture on strutting, Bree darts out of her chair.

"Maybe you two would like to have that comfy session by yourselves? Anyway, I can't see _any _reason I should waste my time just _sitting_ here. I have one line in all of this fucking dialogue. _One line_!"

With that, she storms off the stage.

Riley mutters, "Yeah, fuck you too, Miss Tanner."

"Maybe you should go talk to her," I suggest.

"She'll cool down," he says.

We practise the sexy strutting for another half hour until Riley is satisfied.

"That was great, Bella." He puts his hand on my arm, and I flinch a bit. "Real great." He gives me a smile, and a wink.

_Ugh._

I'm glad when rehearsal time, for me, is over and I can grab my stuff and head for the bar. It's a slow night. Tyler and I have a couple of appletinis since Mike is in Boston, visiting his parents, and I text a little with Edward. His messages are slightly raunchy, but also incredibly sweet. I still can't believe it's _me_ he wants.

The rest of the week passes uneventfully. I work at the bar a couple more times and rehearse in the mornings. Edward and I are constantly on the phone, and he's always eager to express his longing for me, telling me he can't wait for the weekend to come.

On Thursday night, Mike calls, beseeching me to put in a shift on Friday. His mom will not be released from hospital until Monday, and he needs someone to step in for him. Remembering how nice he was the other day when he found me sobbing by the trashcans, I feel obliged to agree, knowing fully well that it will destroy the evening Edward and I had planned. When I tell Edward, he is disappointed, but understands my dilemma.

The bar is crowded on Friday night, a large group of Spanish tourists adding to the stream of usual pre-show patrons. Jessica and I are running to and fro with cocktails and food, and it's already nine when business slows down. We all have a beer, and I start the preparations for the next day, refilling saltshakers, checking the menus and replacing candles. When I return from the storage room with a huge box containing napkins, Jessica grabs me excitedly.

"Bella. You're finishing off, right?"

"Yes… Why?"

"There's this incredibly handsome guy who just came in. Can I -?"

I smile. She's so obvious. I'm not interested in handsome guys, anyway. Excepting one.

We're stepping out into the front and I put the napkins in their place.

"There!" She bumps my shoulder. "Table 15. He's just sitting down."

A jolt like lightning goes through my body when I recognize the bronze mess of hair. He sees me, a slow, sexy, crooked smile spreading across his face. I close the distance between us.

"Bella." He pulls me to him and presses his lips against mine in a long, lingering kiss. "Baby." He sighs into my hair. "So good to see you."

"Mmm-hmm…" I'm revelling in the familiar sensation of light scruff and soft lips.

"How long do you have to work?" His green eyes are shining with glee. "I'll wait all night if I have to. I couldn't bear to be without you another second."

Only now do I realize just how sexy he looks in his soft leather jacket, grey V-neck – _how I love the few stray hairs peeking out_ – and jeans so low on his hips it should be illegal.

"I was just finishing. Come, I'll introduce you to my bar buddies." I take his hand.

Tyler hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, but Jess is gaping as I introduce Edward. While I'm in the changing room, she sticks her head in.

"Bella! That guy is _insanely _hot!"

"Isn't he?" I smile, a little smugly perhaps.

"How did you meet _him?"_

"At a party. Five or six weeks ago." I put on sneakers, shake my hair loose and pull on my jacket.

_It was forty-five days ago._

She's still gawking. Before she can interrogate me any further, I give her a quick hug.

"Bye, Jess. See you next Tuesday!"

=====oOo=====

"Do you have any idea how hot that looks?"

"What?" I giggle. We're in Edward's bed and I'm in a post-coital haze, half lying on top of him, my boobs pressed to his chest.

"You, draped across me like that. All warm and soft and so damn beautiful…" He stretches a little and kisses me and then cups my cheek with one large hand. "Fucking beautiful," he murmurs.

"Listen who's talking. You should have heard Jessica at the bar. She was completely flabbergasted that little old mousy me would catch someone like you."

Edward frowns.

"What do you mean?" He looks disconcerted, his jaw line tight.

I swallow, unsure where I said anything to upset him.

"Just that… you're extremely attractive, Edward," I say as lightly as possible. "And apparently dear Jess can't imagine what would drive someone like you towards someone like me."

Edward's expression changes again. He looks a bit sheepish and frowns once more.

"What bullshit. You're anything but ordinary, Bella. You're one of the most un-ordinary people I know."

"The un-ordinariest being?" I say, glad that the mood has shifted.

"Probably my little freak of a sister."

I smile. "I'm seeing her on Monday. She'll stop by with a few costumes."

"So what will you be wearing?" Edward's fingers are slowly travelling down my spine. "Since your genius of a director is making you play a strutting, sexed-up slut?"

His palm comes to rest on my butt cheek.

" I have no idea. Probably something really sluttish…"

I lightly kiss his throat, breathing him in, all musk and Edward.

"Heels?" His other hand runs up and down my side, grazing my breast every so often.

"Mmm-hmm…" I kiss his chin.

"Lace?"

"Guess so…" I lick over his lower lip.

"Stay… ups?" His voice is thick, and I can feel his arousal by my thigh.

"I'll have a word with Alice," I murmur against his mouth before our tongues meet, lapping at each other, dancing and twirling as our heartbeats increase again. I love the way our bodies connect, his being strong and hard and muscular where mine is soft and small. I love what his hands do to me, his voice, his teeth, his tongue. I love the way his weight feels on my body, and how his lips are all pouty and rosy from kissing. I love the feeling of him when he enters me, filling me and making me feel complete in a way I have never known before.

"Bella…" His breath is hot. "This is… oh, God…"

I twine my legs closer around his waist, holding his face between my hands. He is so beautiful.

"Edward… ah…"

He grabs my thigh, bringing my knee up between us, hitting me even deeper. I can hear a whimper leave my throat.

"Yes… oh yes…"

Edward moans softly, thrusting into me, his eyes hooded and his brows drawn together.

The tension is getting stronger, and I'm clinging to him as he drives into me, my orgasm building, crying out as he makes me explode into a million tiny pieces, shattering around him. He stills for a second, his face drawn with sheer lust, and then thrusts into me so hard and deep it prolongs my high and I can feel his hot release. I can't wait to finally feel all of him, and I'm counting the days until we can have that experience.

Edward finally collapses on top of me, spent and damp with sweat.

"Fuck." He kisses me, fighting for breath. "You're killing me." He grins, his eyes relaxed and tender. He kisses me again, sweetly and reverently, showing me the depth of his emotions.

After one last peck on my lips, he gingerly pulls himself out and I immediately miss him. He's back with me after a second, pulling me close and burying his face in my hair, surrounding me with his warmth.

"I'm happy, Bella," he whispers. "You make me so happy."

"You make me happy too," I reply sleepily. "My Edward."

=====oOo=====

I'm running after them through the dark and fog, determined to catch at least a sleeve, even though the air is so damp and misty I can hardly see anything. I've been in this fight so often I know it by heart. It will end with me falling; falling and never reaching that solid spot. I'm cold and frightened – but then, something is different. Something protects me from falling, and I stop being so cold. It's like a warm fire warming your toes.

There's music.

We're dancing, Edward and I, the leaves and woods stinging at my bare feet, but it doesn't hurt. I'm no longer alone, and I've stopped crying out for them. I'm safe. And the music is lovely and soft, and his deep voice is humming to me.

"_What? What time is it even?"_

He's moving next to me, and I'm slowly waking.

Edward kisses my neck and I whine a little.

"Shh, baby," he whispers, gently disentangling from my arms. "I'll be back in a sec, okay? Sleep on, love."

I mewl at the loss of his warmth, pulling the sheets over my head. I can hear him shuffle around for a moment, making non-committal sounds and then he softly shuts the door behind him. But I can hear him hiss two words before it's completely closed.

"_No_, Tanya."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Happy Easter to you all! (Those of you that celebrate it, anyway ) I'll be back after the holidays. Don't be mad at me for the little cliffie (again, I know.) I'll shut Tanya up for a while now. I think.**

**Give me something way better than a chocolate egg: a few words in a review! **

**Thank you for reading!**


	14. Invitation to the Waltz

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Pacific 1860")**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Chapter 14: **Invitation to the Waltz**

EDWARD

"Edward." She's still sobbing. Thirty minutes into the conversation, thirty minutes since I left my beautiful girlfriend in my bed – and my almost-ex-wife is still crying.

Not only is she crying, but also she's plastered. And in Milan. And she wants me back.

I'm on the terrace, smoking and pacing.

"Tan," I try to calm her once more. I'm playing for time here, hoping she'll give in to sheer exhaustion. It must be eight a.m. in her time zone. I don't even want to know what she's been doing.

"Tan. Tan. Listen, sugar, why don't you lie down for a bit? A beauty sleep will do you good, don't you think so?"

"Ed… ward."

"Really, Tan. We'll talk about it tomorrow, okay?" I take a drag on my third cigarette. I wrapped myself into a robe before I left the bedroom, but it's getting fucking cold.

"No-ooo-ho… Edward… I understand now… everything. I want to make it up to you. We… we… we have to try again."

She's been repeating that all the time during those painful thirty minutes. She wants us to get back together.

_Yeah, right. And, um, Tan, you're aware of the fact that you caused me one of the worst pains of my life?_

Of course, I don't say that.

"Tanya. Please try and catch some sleep. I'm sure you have important things to do tomorrow, and –"

"I love you, Edward," she slurs. "I love you…"

I picture her, drunk and drugged in a luxurious Italian hotel room. I feel nothing. I've seen it too often. I've tried to help her for too long.

Now, I don't feel anything. Pity, yes.

I stub the cigarette in the small ashtray I keep hidden behind a flowerpot.

"Tanya," I start again. I try to be as gentle as possible.

"Edward?"

Bella is standing by the large double doors leading out onto the terrace. She's wrapped in a blanket, all sleepy and curves and milk and honey.

"I'm going to go now, Tanya," I say firmly. "Please try and sleep. I'll call Kate in a few hours, okay?"

"Yeah…" she sighs. She's going to conk out in under ten minutes. I'm still calling Kate.

I shut the phone.

"I'm sorry," I say, stepping toward Bella. "It was –"

She stops me, putting two fingers on my lips. Her huge eyes are somewhat… fiery? I'm not sure. She twines her arms around me, resting her face over my heart.

"I understand," she murmurs. She's still all warm, her hair tousled from sleep.

"This has nothing to do with us," I say, my voice sounding oddly stifled. "You know that, don't you?"

She sighs softly.

"Yes, Edward. I know." She turns her face to look at me. "It's okay."

Her nose scrunches in a fashion reminding me of my sister.

"Ugh, Edward. Did you _smoke_?"

I pout my lips and nod my head. She still kisses me. I lift her up and carry her back to the bedroom.

Once I've put her down on the bed I smother her with kisses, sucking and licking every part of her delectable body. Her neck is tender and sweet, her breasts are pure heaven. My tongue tickles her bellybutton and she sighs, squirming a little. I travel lower, my nose diving into the small, curly V that leads to my personal candy store. Tentatively, I put out my tongue. Bella shudders. I lick a little more and she moans softly. I look up to see her face.

"Good?" I kiss her gently.

"Uh-huh…" Her breathing is heavy.

"Want me to go on?"

"Yes…" It's followed by a wanton sigh.

I part her legs a little further and bury my face in her, licking a little harder until she's moaning aloud. Her hands are in my hair as my tongue licks and strokes her. Her scent is heady, her taste overpowering, sweet and womanly. I can feel her belly tremble beneath my fingers and then constrict as I suck her clit into my mouth.

"Edward –" She's pulling my hair so much it almost hurts. "Don't… ahh… stop… Oh my God…"

I blink and snatch a look at her, thrashing on the bed, going to pieces. It's fucking beautiful. I want to do this for her, to show her she's cherished and adored – every nook and corner of her body.

She utters a soft yelp.

"Edward… please…"

I want her to talk_. Dirty._

"Yes, Isabella?" I lick a little circle round her entrance, melting into her wetness.

"Your… ahhh… fingers…"

I grab her butt and pull her closer into my face, digging into her firm cheeks.

"Fuck me with your fingers… _Yes – oh – fuck – yes – oh_…"

She shatters around me, her whole body trembling as she cries out in pleasure. After what seems like forever, she calms a little, panting for breath, making small sounds of satisfaction and exhaustion. Wiping my face on my arm, I kiss my way upwards on her hot, pale pink body. I stop by her breasts, kissing each one with reverence and then put my head between them. Mmm…

"Edward," she murmurs, her voice a little hoarse. "That was incredible."

"Yeah," I reply happily. "It was…"

She softly scratches my scalp, relaxing me completely. She's such a nurturing, caring person. And so soft…

"Edward?"

"Mmm-hmm?" I guess I was drowsing off.

"I love the way this feels, baby, but you're a bit heavy…"

"Sorry." I lift myself myself off of her and she turns to her side so I can spoon her. Kissing her neck, I whisper, "Sweet dreams, my love."

Bella's already passed out.

BELLA

I felt a bit selfish this morning. I mean his ex throws a tantrum, he goes down on me and I don't even offer to reciprocate, falling asleep on him after he's given me one of the best orgasms of my life.

_Well, actually, there've been quite a lot of those lately._

Anyway, the wakeup sex convinced me that everything is good. Perfect. Mind-blowing.

We had breakfast in bed and then went shopping for groceries – which Edward insisted on paying. The moment we were at my place, Cedric greeted us with the equivalent of a huge, hungry grin.

It's a rainy day, and currently we're lounging on my couch, Edward with the Times and me with a book. He's wearing his reading glasses. Which looks all kinds of hot. His head is on my lap and my fingers are playing with his hair.

_Ah! That hair!_

Cedric has assumed his usual position by Edward's naked feet, and it's silent except for the rustle of Edward's paper and the patter of rain against the windowpanes. It's a scene of perfect domestic bliss. I'm a tiny bit nervous. Tonight, we're attending a cocktail party that one of Edward's friends from work is throwing. This whole officially-being-a-couple thing is still so new. Maybe I'm just afraid that people will react like Jessica, wondering what Dr. Hotness Himself is doing with Miss Mousy.

And I still don't know what to wear! I guess they'll all be Upper Eastside married couples, but I'm at a loss as to what that entails, dress code wise.

"What's going on, love?" Edward folds his paper.

"Huh?"

"You haven't turned a page of that book for at least ten minutes." He puts a kiss on my thigh. "What are you reading, anyway?"

His eyes are a very deep green in the fading light.

"Jane Eyre," I reply.

"Eek." He frowns. "The one where the guy has his mad wife locked up in the attic, right?"

_Oops._

"It's a love story," I say. "Between the heroine and this guy. His name, by the way, is Edward. The wife plays a minor part."

I close the book.

"Are you upset about last night?" His eyes are apprehensive. "I told you, Kate contacted her agency, as well as some friends…" He sits up and puts the paper aside. He takes his glasses off. "I know this is a fucked up situation for you… " He swallows. "The only thing I can say is that I'd rather have this divorce today than waiting for it for another few months."

He passes one finger along my collarbone. He looks sad.

"It's okay," I say. "I mean, it's _you_ she's driving crazy with her escapades."

Edward says nothing, simply pulling me close and kissing me.

=====oOo=====

We're in the elevator that leads us to the Cheneys' apartment, and Edward squeezes my hand reassuringly.

"You look gorgeous," he whispers in my ear.

I ended up putting on a little black dress – you can't ever do wrong with that, right? I put on a string of pearls; black stay ups - but Edward doesn't know about those yet - and black fuck-me-heels. You can't do wrong with those, either.

Edward's in a black suit and white button down. He's sex on legs, complete with scruff and sex hair.

_Which, in this case, actually _is_ sex hair. Yum. _

How did I get this lucky again? Don't know.

The elevator doors slide open and we're inside an enormous penthouse holding about four thousand people. Waiters in black bow ties are serving drinks and behind a bar, three people are mixing cocktails. A guy is playing the piano and as we cross the room, I catch sight of an enormous buffet with lobsters and ice sculptures and a chef in white preparing sushi. Edward's arm is firmly around my waist: I know that he knows that this kind of situation makes me nervous. We don't have this sort of thing where I come from. Dad and his bowling buddies don't do lobster and champagne.

"Edward!" A pretty woman in a simple yet elegant black-and-white dress makes her way towards us.

"Ang!" Edward's smile is huge. He hugs her and kisses her cheek. "Wow, it's good to see you!" He takes my hand. "Angela, this is my girlfriend, Bella Swan. Bella, this is Angela Weber-Cheney."

She shakes my hand; her smile is generous and genuine.

"Lovely to meet you, Bella." Her eyes are a warm brown.

"Thanks for the invitation," I say.

"How _are_ you, Ang? And how's it coming along?" Edward's eyes pass to the middle of her body, and it's only now that I realize that the loosely cut, A-line dress she's wearing is a maternity dress.

"I'm fine," she beams. "Ben's in the clouds since we discovered we're having a girl." She turns to me. "We've been trying for some years now, and my husband has always wanted a little girl."

"Wow," Edward says. "That's great!" He hands me a glass of champagne from one of the trays a pretty waitress is holding out to us. "I'm so happy for the two of you." An expression I can't quite identify fleetingly crosses his face. "How's Ben?"

"I'm here, Cullen!"

A friendly looking man who must be a few years older than Edward comes up to us. His dark hair has streaks of grey and his gentle eyes are behind thick glasses.

"Ben!" The two men hug and more introductions follow. Edward and Ben have been friends and colleagues for five years, and Angela is the friend whose family owns the steak house we've been to a couple of times. I actually relax a little over small talk and a second glass of champagne. Since the couple have to act as hosts, they leave us to mingle with the other guests after some time. Edward's hand never leaves my body throughout the evening. It's at the small of my back, slung around my waist or shoulder, or intertwined with mine. I love this protective side of him. More champagne, and lobster, and sushi. The extraordinary view from their large terrace, the Manhattan skyline splayed out for us. More introductions, more small talk. Everyone's so nice, and so pretty, and so rich. More champagne. I lean into Edward's side as we're talking to some friends of his from London, Mark and Bridget. She's babbling on about her life as a journalist, her chubby and rosy cheeks reminding me of a little kid.

"Yes, thanks!" I say, grabbing another glass off a passing tray. Bridget and Matt… no, Mark, are saying good-bye. Their cab's waiting.

I hiccup into Edward's chest.

"Oh baby," he chuckles into my ear. "Are you cute when you're tipsy. And you'll so be paying for this tomorrow."

=====oOo=====

_Ow._

_Ow, ow, ow._

_Motherfucker._

_Ow._

_My head is exploding. Imploding. Detonating. Whatever._

"Here, love." Soft lips on my forehead. "Drink that."

He helps me sit up. Even in my hung-over, seriously fucked-up state, I realize that I must look, and smell, like shit. Edward hands me a glass with a bubbly white fluid.

"Alka Seltzer. You'll feel better once you've had it. And eat a bit of toast." He nods in the direction of the nightstand where I see a plate with two slices of toast.

I gulp the drink and then rub my eyes. Edward smiles at me. It's sweet, and just a tiny bit malicious.

"What?" I wince from the sound of my own voice.

"Nothing." The smile deepens. "I had no idea how funny and cute you are when you're drunk. I should fill you up more often."

"What did I do?"

"Um… well. Before or after you offered to be godmother to Ben and Angela's daughter?"

"Oh, God." I hang my head, a deep blush creeping up my cheeks.

"You also told the cabbie that your father was an emperor of China and your mother was an Indian queen." He chuckles. "I think you watched _Wuthering Heights _one too many times."

I groan.

Edward kisses my hair.

"Sleep on, love. I'll wake you for dinner."

I bury my face in the pillows as I hear him leave the room, laughing quietly.

When I wake again, I feel a million times better. Checking the clock, I see that it is a little after three. I hear a sound from the living room, and sigh with relief. He's still here.

After a hot shower and a ten minutes' worth of brushing my teeth, I feel human again and start my walk of shame.

Edward is on the couch, watching an old movie while Cedric resides – where else? – at his naked feet. He has a bag of pretzel M&Ms on his knee.

"Hey." I step into the room. God, I really hope I didn't mess it up last night.

"Hey!" He turns and gives me a huge, radiant smile, opening his arms for me, pulling me into his lap.

"How d'you feel?" He kisses my nose.

"Better. Thanks."

"What for?"

"The Alka-Seltzer. Staying."

"Bella…" His eyes… so deep and green and… loving? "Why wouldn't I stay? We were at a party, you're hung over, and you slept it off. End of story." He nuzzles my nose with his. "'Kay?"

I kiss him. "Mmm-hmm."

"Want to eat something?"

I nod fiercely. Edward's lips are on mine again before he murmurs, "I'll make you an omelette."

Once I've eaten, we settle on the couch again and watch _The Thin Man._ It's still raining outside. We, though, have it nice and cosy, eating popcorn and giggling at the Charles's antics. My head is on Edward's chest and his hand has taken a possessive residence on my butt.

_We all know where Cedric is lounging._

Edward is feeding me a piece of popcorn and I am licking his fingers when, suddenly, he clears his throat.

"Um, Bella, I called my mom earlier… Because, well, that's what I do on weekends…"

I look up at him, wondering why he is so nervous.

"And… oh damn it. I told her about you… about us. And she's delighted. And…"

My chin is resting on his chest as we look at each other.

"She can't wait to meet you."

"Oh." I chew on my lip. I don't know what to say. Of course I want to get to know his family, simply because I want to know everything about him. I'm just not sure I'd be what they might be expecting…

Edward watches me from under long, dark lashes.

"What do you think?" he asks after some moments.

"Yes… Sure. If that's what _you_ want."

"Yes," he simply says. "You know I'm close to my family. It would be natural that you met. But if you think it's too soon…" He trails off, still eyeing me intently.

"I'd love to meet your family," I say finally. I kiss him, and Edward sighs happily.

We head to bed early that night since Edward needs to get up at five and I have another rehearsal to attend in the morning. We have four more weeks until the first night and there's so much left to do. Riley continues to be a pain in the ass and Bree is driving everyone crazy with her attacks of diva-ness. With me, Riley has developed this way of getting always a bit too close, continually touching me in one way or another.

I don't tell Edward that part. Over the last few weeks, I have learnt that he can be very protective, and he'd probably get quite agitated if he knew that my director is making passes at me.

Edward and I continue to spend every available moment together. I love to get to know all the little details about him. He smokes when he's nervous. He hates pineapples. There's a small mole above his right butt cheek. He has to wear his glasses when he's operating. He likes to massage my feet, and gets ecstatic when I do the same to his.

_He loves it when I'm on top and he can watch my breasts bounce._

Sex has become even better now that I'm on the pill, which Edward thanked me for about four times when we first made love without a condom. It's so much closer, much more intimate, and much more messy – I love it.

Today, I'm going to surprise Edward. I'll meet him at the hospital and take him out for a picnic lunch. It's a beautiful spring day and I got to leave the rehearsal early because there's so much work left on the scenes I'm not in. Everybody's getting nervous – the first night is approaching with an eerie speed. Since there's little I can do about it, I decide to not worry for now, and have lunch with my gorgeous boyfriend. I have a hamper with sandwiches, fruit and pastries as well as two cans of Snapple Mango Punch, which is Edward's favourite.

On entering the clinic I realize that I have no idea where to find him. This place is _huge_. I might just call him, but that would ruin the surprise. So I walk to the information desk, where a lady with a bad perm smiles at me. I tell her that I'm looking for Dr. Cullen and she tells me, "Third floor."

Taking the elevator, I feel somewhat idiotic with my picnic hamper while there are sick people around me, one in a wheelchair and the other with pale skin and a scarf around her head. I'm a little lost again when I step out into the large foyer, three hallways leading away from there. The hospital smell is depressing, and for a short moment I wonder if Edward still notices it. Starting into one direction, I soon realize that I made a bad choice, ending up in front of a door marked _Staff only._ I turn and walk back to where I came from, but there seem to be only patients' rooms. A nurse passes me by and smiles. I might ask her, but she's already gone. Standing in the middle of the large corridor, I consider calling Edward, because this is getting ridiculous. Just as I'm pulling out my phone, a woman in a white coat shuts the door behind her. I guess I look a bit desperate, since she comes to me, smiling.

"Can I help you? Are you looking for somebody?"

She's pretty, probably around thirty-five, with long, blonde hair and a killer figure.

"Um… yes. Well, I'm looking for Dr. Cullen."

She eyes my hamper, and then me. I'm very casual in my chucks and jeans and black top.

"Are you a patient?" she enquires, raising a thin eyebrow.

"No." This woman makes me feel like an idiot. "I was meeting Dr. Cullen for lunch. Do you know where I might find him?"

She cackles. It's an ugly sound. "So you're the one, huh?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're the one he's currently fucking," she says harshly. "My God, what are you? Twenty-three?"

I'm speechless.

Luckily, at this moment, Edward appears from a room, striding towards us.

"Lauren?" he says.

"I think you little _girlfriend_ here is looking for you," she says in a sugary-sweet voice before turning on her heel and leaving.

Edward makes an enervated sound before he puts his arms around me.

"Hey, baby." As usual, he nuzzles my nose with his. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"I was going to surprise you with lunch." I point to my hamper. "Did I come at a bad moment?"

"Not at all." He kisses me, soft lips and scruffy cheeks. "Just let me get out of my coat and we can leave."

EDWARD

Bella looked terrified when I spotted her standing there with Lauren. Bella only said she had been quite hostile, but shrugged it away. I guess I'm going to have a word with Lauren.

Our picnic lunch however, was wonderful. We went to Central Park and spread out the blanket that Bella'd brought and ate and drank and kissed and talked until it was high time for me to leave.

That was four days ago, and I'm currently on my way to Bella's to fetch her so we can leave for my parents' Saturday family lunch. Mom called me three times over the past week to make sure we were coming, as if I were her estranged son or something.

Well, actually I guess I can see her point. I was rather estranged during the time I was seriously involved with Tanya. Family always was important to her. _Her_ family. She never liked to come with me and never got close with anyone. Mom only saw that Tanya wasn't right for me, as did Alice and Jasper. Rose hated her with a passion, and Emmett never dared to look at her, probably fearing his wife's scorn.

But Dad. Dad adored her, thinking that a beautiful young woman on my arm would make the picture even more perfect. That is, until Tanya turned out to be somewhat less than perfect. Damn Carlisle and his idiotic fantasies of a perfect family, a perfect son.

The weather is lovely, it's almost May and the sun is shining brightly as I try to find a parking spot. It takes me an eternity, but once the Volvo's safely parked; my steps have an extra energy as I make my way to Bella's building. I'm early, she's not expecting me for another hour, but I've been awake for hours, and I can't wait any longer to get to my girl.

"Is that you, Edward?" she says over the speaker system.

"Yeah… I'm early… I know."

Bella laughs softly in reply and lets me in. She's waiting inside the door for me when I exit the elevator, looking so beautiful I want to devour her.

"Hey." I wrap my arms around her and close the door with my foot.

The evil woman is dressed in one of my white button-downs – I guess I can kiss that one good-bye – and panties and – that's it.

"Why are you so early?" she mumbles against my lips, her arms sneaking around my neck.

"Couldn't wait to see you…" My heartbeat accelerates at the feel and smell of her.

"Me too," she replies.

I run my hands down her back, gently squeezing her butt while our tongues take their sweet time playing with each other. She tastes so good, her skin is so soft, and her curves are divine as my hands glide inside the shirt.

"Edward," she whispers in between our kisses, both of us groaning when she cups me through the material of my jeans. "Why, hello," she murmurs, her hot breath scandalously exciting on my neck.

This woman is worse than heroin to me; I can't ever get enough of her. Lifting her up, she twines her legs around my waist and our mouths meet for another feverish kiss. I've never wanted anyone the way I want Bella, it's like an obsession, as if a potion had been injected into my veins. We're panting by the time we are in her bedroom, fumbling with each other's clothes. Once we're both naked, I can fondle her delectable breasts. It's as if they were made for me and me alone, fitting into my hands, soft and white and pink.

"Fuck…" I groan as Bella's hand finds my balls.

"You like that, don't you?" she murmurs in s low, sexy voice which by itself is enough to drive me crazy.

"Mmm," I reply, latching my lips with her nipple, sucking and licking, my fingers gently teasing the other one. Bella bites my neck and then licks over it before our mouths merge into another kiss. I would die a happy man if I did nothing else for the rest of my life.

I shudder as she starts to pump me slowly, waves and waves of joy and pure bliss shooting through my system. Her touch is indescribable, all soft and strong, teasing and giving.

Another small moan leaves my chest, and Bella replies by taking my hand and pulling me to the bed until I'm standing behind her, climbing in with her, Bella's back pressed firmly against my chest. My one hand runs down her breast, over her ribs, stopping shortly by her stomach, before delving between her thighs.

"You're so wet," I mumble against the back of her neck, showering her skin with little bites and kisses. I begin to stroke her gently, but Bella presses my fingers lower, needing them inside, and I gladly comply. A low, rough groan escapes her lips. My free hand is on her breast, playing with her nipple. I bury my face in her neck, inhaling her scent. She makes me giddy with arousal and emotion.

"Ahh, Edward…"

She spreads her legs further until her thighs are on both sides of mine and I slide myself into her entrance, my hands to her hips as she sits on top of me, both of us moaning at the sensation our bodies create the second I'm inside of her.

"So good…" I pant, caressing her again. She's so hot, so wet. I never want to leave where I am right now. It's like home, warm and welcoming, enwrapping me fully.

After a few minutes, Bella moves a little, dropping forward onto her elbows. It's an incredible view, her beautiful round butt in my hands while I continue to drive into her, watching how we're joined. I love to hear her little whimpers, hear her call out my name.

When I move my fingers to her front again, applying a little pressure to her clit, I get an immediate response.

"God, Edward… I'm… ahh… oh… yes…"

I thrust into her, licking over her sweaty back, holding her hips as she clings to the headboard. Soon enough, she's making sounds that tell me she is close, and I feel the familiar trembling and tightening as I drive into her and she cries out in orgasm, triggering mine a second later. This is so much better than coming into a condom, it's like making her mine. And at this very second, I don't care a fuck whether or not that is chauvinistic.

We collapse into a sweaty mess of limbs. I kiss my Bella. She's beautiful, all rosy cheeks and tousled hair, and I know that my face mirrors hers.

=====oOo=====

Bella is a little quiet on the drive to my parents' house. I put it down to nervousness – I'd be nervous, too, if I were meeting her dad and Sue – but the way she's fidgeting in the passenger seat tells me something's going on. Once I've put the car in park, I turn to her and take her hands into mine.

"What's wrong, love?" I say, trying to meet her eyes.

She shrugs. "Just a little nervous about meeting your family."

"It'll be great, baby. They'll adore you." I bend over the center console and kiss her. She smells so god, already so familiar, calming my whole being.

Bella's still tense, though, and I need to know what's going on.

"What is it, baby?" Our foreheads touch.

"It's just that…" She swallows.

"What?"

"I'm afraid I won't exactly fit in with their expectations. I'm not the same league as you…"

_Oh, fuck. Not that._

"Bella, love, look at me." I have to put my thumb under her chin to make her. "You are an immensely beautiful, talented, intelligent person. This isn't about money."

She's about to say something, but I shut her up with a lingering kiss, which, at last, seems to relax Bella.

We leave the car and I take her hand in mine as we walk up to my parents' house. I ring the bell and kiss Bella's cheek.

"Are you okay?"

She nods shyly. God, she's beautiful. I have a brief fuck flashback when the door opens and my mom greets us with a huge smile. She hugs me close, kissing me way too long and then straightens up and turns to Bella.

"Mom," I say, "this is Be-"

And before I can even finish her name, my mother smothers Bella in her embrace as well.

"Hey, you're here!" I can hear Alice cry from the living room as she's dancing towards us.

Mom finally lets go off Bella and is complimenting her on her dress. Alice and Jasper greet the two of us with hugs and we all walk into the living room.

"Where's Dad?" I ask, seeing his pipe in its usual spot on a small table next to his armchair.

"Oh, he's outside," Mom exclaims. "He and Emmett decided it's the barbeque season!"

And sure enough, they are in the garden, fiddling with the bbq. I feel a shy hand slide into mine.

There's the sound of clicking heels, and I figure it must be Rose.

I turn, and so does Bella. Rose is standing in the door with a salad bowl. Her eyes are cool and her lips tense.

"Rose," I say lightly, squeezing Bella's hand. "Good to see you. Meet Bella."

Rose's expression doesn't change one bit.

"Perfect," she says, eying my girlfriend with obvious hostility.

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

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	15. Your Relations' Point of View

**Hello, lovely readers! Welcome to the new chapter!**

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_**I've guessed and felt a little bit **_

_**Depressed because I know that it**_

_**Leads to complications,**_

_**Think of your relations'**_

_**Point of view**_**.**

**Noel Coward, On with the Dance**

**oOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 15: **Your Relations' Point of View**

BELLA

I'm still a little dumbfounded by the hostile greeting Edward's sister gave to me. I've never seen the woman in my life and she looked at me like I am the Antichrist. Edward quickly kissed the top of my head after she spoke and murmured, "Don't mind Rose. She's bitchy with everyone new. She wants to protect the family, or something. She's Mama Bear."

Luckily, at that point Jasper had come to our aid, and combined with Alice's brand of cheerfulness the awkward situation got more relaxed, especially when a little girl of maybe five burst into the room, running straight towards Edward, who picked her up and swung her around, kissing her chubby cheeks.

Her blond curls and bright blue eyes are enchanting, as is her smile.

"Bella, meet my beautiful niece, Lily." He easily settles her on his hip.

"It'th Lilian," she corrects him with a cute lisp.

Edward tickles her and blows a raspberry on her neck, which makes her squeal.

"She's my little spidermonkey. Will you say hello to Bella?"

The girl eyes me curiously. I know she must be Rosalie and Emmett's daughter, as Edward only has two sisters, and Alice and Jasper have no kids.

"Hi, Lilian," I smile.

"Hi. Are you Edward'th new wife?"

_Great. This is starting out just great._

"Bella is my friend," Edward says, giving me a breathtaking, crooked smile.

I think that his mom has witnessed the little scene. She comes to our rescue, smiling as she speaks. Her eyes look so much like Edward's, warm and green and intense.

"Bella, it's so lovely to have you here. Would you like anything to drink?"

The large double doors leading to the garden are opening and a hunk of a man enters the room, his voice booming as he complains.

"Carlisle, to achieve the perfect heat for the perfect burger you have to –" He stops when he sees his brother-in-law and me. "Oh, hi, Edward!" A genuine smile spreads across his face. He is huge and muscular, but I don't feel intimidated as he makes his way to us. He and Edward hug a little awkwardly, since Lilian is still clinging to Edward.

"Emmett, meet Bella." Edward's eyes are on me, warm and somewhat proud.

"Bella, this is Emmett, Rosalie's husband of, what, twenty years?"

"Eighteen," the other man chuckles, taking my hand. From his bodybuilder-like looks, he should be able to crush it, but his touch is very soft. He has gentle, blue eyes and rather cute dimples when he smiles. And he's really, really huge.

"Good to meet you, Bella. As I can see, you've already made the acquaintance of this little lady." He takes Lilian from Edward's arms.

"Will you tell me a th-tory later?" she asks Edward, and I see that her eyes are the same blue as Emmett's.

"Of course," Edward replies, ruffling her blond curls.

"Cool," she replies happily.

"Let's go wash our hands before lunch, okay?" Emmett says, and his daughter nods.

They leave, and Edward and I are alone for a moment. He slides an arm round my waist and kisses my cheek.

"Okay?" he whispers into my ear.

"Yes," I nod.

"You're beautiful." I can feel the warmth of his breath on my neck. "Okay," he mutters, and his voice takes on a different tone. "Ready to meet my dad?"

We cross the room and step out upon the porch. The garden is beautiful, surrounded be blooming trees. There are rose bushes and lilacs. In one corner of the garden, there's a swing seat.

"Dad," Edward says, and a tall man in slacks and a cardigan who is currently talking to Jasper turns around. He must be in his sixties, and he is incredibly attractive, with clear blue eyes behind rimless glasses and a head of full, wavy hair, which is a mixture of faded blond and grey.

"Dad, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is my dad, Carlisle Cullen."

Carlisle takes my hand, studying me through wise eyes.

"Hello, Bella. Good to meet you."

I can't quite decipher the expression in his eyes, but it's weary.

Soon, everybody takes a seat at the large table on the porch. The sun is bright and the birds are chatting animatedly. It's perfect.

_Well, it would be perfect if I didn't feel so out of place._

Rosalie has returned, sitting next to her father. She brought a younger version of Emmett with her, slighter and a little shorter. He must be about seventeen.

"Hi," he says, shaking my hand. "I'm Dale."

"Hey, I'm Bella."

He has his father's dimpled grin. I bet he's captain of the baseball team and all the girls adore him. He has both of his parents' good looks combined. I can't help but think back to high school. He's exactly the kind of boy who would never give me a second look, back then. By my side is Edward and I gulp. It's the same with him. Edward would never…

"Taa-daa!"

I'm pulled out of my thoughts as Emmett sets down an enormous plate with burgers, steaks and sausages. Once everybody's seated and have their plates filled, conversation is easy and full of jokes. I'm actually relaxing, sitting between Edward, who keeps touching me in small, reassuring ways, and Alice, whose happiness is always infectious.

Emmett is telling funny story stories about his job, and little Lilian entertains the whole table with her latest escapades from kindergarten. Rosalie is rather quiet, but whenever I look at her I'm stunned by her beauty. She could be a runway model, with her perfect skin and hair and that figure…

_Gah. What I wouldn't give to look like that._

Mommy and Daddy Cullen have certainly gifted their kids richly in the looks department.

The food is delicious, and once Emmett has persuaded me to have a beer, I relax even more. Edward's hand is on my thigh and I am talking to his mother across the table when a large, black cat jumps into my lap, staring at me with friendly amber eyes.

"Hey," Edward croons. "Hello, Sally."

"Sally?" I hold out my fingers for the cat to smell. "Doesn't look like a girl, you know…"

"Well." Edward says, and there's his cute lopsided smile. "Actually his name is Sal."

"Sal?"

"Salvador." Edward rolls his eyes.

Sal gets into a comfortable position on my lap and begins to purr when I scratch his ears.

"Hi, Sal," I say. "You're cute…"

"So are you," Edward whispers, watching me from green, tender eyes. "`He has a brother," he says. He looks around a bit and points to a sunny spot in the garden, where another black cat is lazily licking its paws.

"Oh, yes," a friendly voice chimes in. "That one is Art. He's the shy one of the two of them."

Esme's smile is warm and friendly, her eyes reminding me so much of Edward's. I can't get over how beautiful each member of Edward's family is, making me feel mousy once again.

Sal is purring contentedly while I continue to stroke him. Edward's fingers find mine, linking them in his lap.

"Edward told us you're an actress, Bella," Esme says. "Are you currently in a play?"

"Yes. I'm rehearsing _The_ _Three Sisters_ by Anton Chekhov," I reply. "That's how Alice and I met."

"I see," Esme says. "Well, I'm certainly looking forward to seeing you on the stage!"

"So am I," Edward adds softly, his thumb drawing light circles on the inside of my wrist.

"It's a low budget production though," I add.

Alice laughs. "_Very_ low budget." She has her head on Jasper's shoulder, sipping a glass of white wine.

"Well, Bella," Rosalie speaks suddenly. "Can you actually make a living out of being an actress?"

=====oOo=====

I swallowed once she'd said it, feeling her piercing blue eyes on me, as well as everybody else's. I babbled something about New York being full of actors and how hard it is and more nonsense before I fled to the bathroom. Which is where I am currently located.

It's a treat, the Cullens' guest bathroom. Marble and mirrors, it's like a hotel. Looking at myself in one of the large mirrors, I'm painfully aware of the fact that my dress, which is from a lovely little boutique in Seattle, cost forty dollars and not four hundred, which is what Rosalie must have paid for what she's wearing.

Everyone made sympathetic remarks after my statement concerning the hardships of the acting profession, but Rosalie's implication stung, and it was more than clear that she thinks I am not good enough for her brother.

I take a deep breath before I leave the bathroom. Can't stay in here forever, after all, though I'm not exactly hot on returning to the porch and meeting everyone's eyes. Once I open the door, I can Edward from the hallway, but his voice is too low for me to understand what he's saying. He sounds angry. I softly close the door behind me, stopping when I hear Rosalie respond. Her voice is not as quiet as Edward's.

"Another showgirl, Edward? _Really?"_

"She's not a 'showgirl." His voice is louder now, and furious. "She's an actress. She earned a_ degree, _Rose. She went to a _university._ It's her _profession_."

"And she herself just now admitted that she can't make a living from it, Edward. So what pays her bills?"

"I don't even want to know what you're insinuating, Rose."

"I'm not insinuating, I am _saying _that you're setting yourself up with another, much too young girl who in all probability is a gold digger."

My heart and stomach clench. I feel distinctly nauseous.

"That's such shit, Rose! Of course she can pay her bills! She works in a bar!"

"A bar?" Rosalie shrieks. "What a wonderful taste in women you do have. A drug addict, a waitress…"

"Rose!" Another male voice interrupts her, and I recognise it to be his father's. "Edward, don't get me wrong, but I can actually see your sister's point. Bella is _very _young-"

_How old do they think I am, anyway? Twenty? _

"… And every young woman in her right mind, especially if she's ambitious, would love to be with someone as eligible as yourself…"

_Oh, God. Not his dad, too!_

"You've had that before," Rosalie says, her voice high and excited. "Look what happened with Tanya. She'll probably clean you out over the divorce. How do you know that Bella's not after the same thing?"

_Okay, I've had it. I'm outta here._

Luckily, I have my purse right with me, fuck the jacket on the terrace. Seconds later, I'm on the street, tears pouring down my cheeks. I don't care that Edward will be surprised and probably worried once he realizes I left. I just needed to get out. Unfortunately, I haven't the foggiest idea where the next subway or bus station might be, considering this is Staten Island. We crossed a bridge on our way here, but Edward also said something about a ferry that crosses from here to Manhattan.

_Great. I'm lost._

After I've been stumbling around for about ten minutes, an elderly lady, who's probably worried about my crazy face and black-rimmed eyes, offers me her help. She tells me that the next bus stop is only around the corner, and that it will get me to St. George Terminal within five minutes. I thank her profusely. I've been walking in the exact opposite direction.

Once I'm on the bus, I try to calm down, but the conversation repeats itself over and over in my head. I wonder what Edward will be thinking when he realizes I am gone. Will he be angry? Worried? Will he think about Rosalie's words?

_Will he think she's right?_

Boarding the ferry, I fumble for my phone, which I turned off when Edward and I left in the morning. I need to call Seth.

_Four missed calls. All by Edward._

"Hey, babe," Seth greets me cheerfully. "Didn't you say you'd be meeting the parents? Have they kicked you out already, or are you getting bored with your pretty boy?"

The tears start again and I tell Seth the whole miserable incident. The Manhattan skyline looks majestic as we're getting closer, and for a second, I feel a bit better, the sun illuminating the water around us, sea spray tickling my face and mingling with the tears.

"Oh fuck," Seth mutters when I'm finished. "And what did Edward say? Why isn't he with you?"

"He… I just left."

_Great, Bella. And very mature, too, running away like a child._

"Don't you think he'll be worried?" Seth suggests gently.

"I don't care!" I blurt, and blow my nose noisily.

A young woman who is leaning on the railing next to me looks at me as if I'd escaped from a mental home.

"Can… can I come over, Seth? I don't want to be alone right now…"

"Sure," he says. "Collin and I were just making pancakes."

Once I am at Seth's place, he and Collin feed me pancakes and a Bloody Mary. We're sitting in Seth's large kitchen, and having cursed at Rosalie for an hour, I feel a bit better.

"Hasn't he called you by now?" Collin asks through a mouthful of ice cream.

_Oh, yeah. We're having ice cream as well._

"I don't know," I reply sulkily. "I switched my phone off after I talked to Seth."

"Bella." Seth turns to me and looks me straight in the eye. " I may not know him that well, but don't you think that Edward will be worried?" He grabs my purse and hands it to me. "At least turn it back on."

"Why would I?" I say, slurping on my tomato beverage. "He brought me there to meet his shark of a sister. Couldn't he have prepared me for her evil ways?"

Seth fishes for my phone. "Put. It. On."

"No."

"God, Bella, you're more stubborn than a mule."

Collin is way more effective in convincing me. He takes my drink.

"What? _No!"_

"Either you put that phone back on, or there'll be no more of these. _Comprende_?"

"Wow." Seth leans over and kisses him. "You're _good_!"

Petulantly, I turn on the phone. And gulp.

Twenty- three missed calls from Edward, and seven from Alice.

I show the boys the display.

"Told you." Seth leans back and shakes his head. Outside, the sky is slowly turning orange and grey.

Collin pats my shoulder and hands me back my drink. The phone rings, and suddenly, I'm terrified, and instantly sobered.

_What if that was it?_

_What if my childish behaviour convinced him that his dad and sister are right?_

_What if he believes them?_

_What if he doesn't want me anymore?_

I start to cry again.

EDWARD

I'm seething with anger.

How dare she?

And Dad? Of course, _he'd _jump on that train.

After I tried to explain to them that nothing could be further from the truth than Bella being after my money – and that, by the way, Tanya and I have a prenuptial agreement -, I basically told the two of them to fuck themselves. They wouldn't stop pestering me, insisting they only wanted my best.

Stepping out onto the porch again, the sun is shining and all seems right with the world. Alice is pushing a squeaking Lily on the swing while Emmett lies in a deck chair, rubbing his stomach and complaining that he ate too much.

Mom is in a quiet conversation with Jasper, Art lounging on her lap. I sit down next to her and put my head on her shoulder, letting out a sigh.

"Hi, hun." She puts an arm around me, and I close my eyes for a second and enjoy the sun and her motherly touch. To Esme, I'll always be her baby, I guess.

"Where's Bella?" I open my eyes.

Mom and Jasper exchange a bewildered look.

"What?" I laugh.

"I thought she was with you," Mom says.

"No, I haven't seen her since she went inside. I asked Rose for a word about her idiotic behaviour just now, and then Dad joined us and… _Fuck._ Where is she?"

From the corner of my eye, I can see Jasper frown.

"What's going on?" Alice asks, returning back to the table with a giggling Lily.

"Do you know where Bella is?"

Alice shakes her head. "I thought she was with you."

My stomach tightens. I pull at my hair.

"I thaw Bella," Lilian pipes up, and instantly, there are four sets of eyes on her.

I crouch down so I'm on eye level with her.

"Where did you see her?"

"When I wath getting Coco." She gestures to the frayed toy monkey in her hand. Meanwhile, Emmett has come over too. "I forgotted him in the kitchen when Granma and me were making food. I went to get him, and I thaw Bella go out."

"You mean she left through the front door?" Emmett asks his daughter.

She nods and then says, "Edward, will you tell me a th-tory now?"

"When was that, Lily?" I say, pulling my phone out.

"When you were in the hall," she replies with wide eyes, not understanding. "You wath fighting with Mommy."

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._

Bella's phone goes straight to voice mail.

"Baby, please call as soon as you hear this," I say.

Mom, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all are wearing severe expressions. I get up.

"I'm leaving now," I say. "You can tell Dad and Rose that they potentially fu – " I remember Lily's presence. "That they may have wrecked the best thing that has happened to me in a long, long time."

Mom and Alice nod, big eyes and sad faces.

"Sorry, Lily-sweets. I'll tell you two stories the next time, okay?"

Bella never answers the phone. She didn't open her door, either, so I guess she's not at home or won't see me. I'm pacing the living room, calling again and again.

I flinch when the phone rings, but it's Alice.

"Have you heard from her yet?"

"No. She won't answer the door, either."

"Oh no. Look, Daddy's really sorry about what happened. Jazzy and I just got home, and I talked to Dad before we left. I'm sure he didn't mean it. He just doesn't want you to make the same mistake twice."

"But he met Bella," I say. "How can he assume those things about her? Why can't I ever do right in that man's eyes?" Stepping out on the terrace, I light a cigarette. The sun is setting, colouring the sky pink.

"What do I do now? I need to talk to her!"

"Well, where could she be?"

"At Seth's? He's her best friend. I don't know where he lives, though." I bang my fist against the wall. "Look, Ali, I'll call you once I have news, okay?"

"Sure, sweetie. Try not to freak out. Oh, and by the way – Mom was enchanted by Bella."

That brings a small smile to my lips. After Alice and I have said good-bye, I automatically speed-dial Bella's number again, knowing it's a futile attempt. But, lo and behold! there's a ring tone, and my heart speeds up. After five rings, a male voice answers. I'm shocked for a second, but then realize that it's Seth.

"Edward? It's 107 East and 8th Street. Come and get her."

BELLA

The doorbell rings and Seth pushes me out into the hall.

"Go, baby. Get your man."

He's there, panting as if he'd run up the six flights of stairs.

"Bella." He pulls me to his chest, and as always, I feel safe.

"I'm sorry, love," he murmurs breathlessly. "So sorry. She's an idiot. I didn't realize you must have overheard us… So sorry…" He smothers my face with kisses.

"Edward," I whisper, tears running down my cheeks once more. He catches them with his fingers and lips.

"Come home with me?" he says softly, his green eyes filled with regret. He kisses my nose.

I notice him glance over my shoulder and turn round in his arms. Seth and Collin are standing in the door, huge smiles plastered on their faces. Seth hands me my purse, and the next thing I know is that we're in a cab, Edward's arms around me as he murmurs words of tenderness into my ear.

Out bodies never part an inch on the way from the sidewalk to his apartment. Once the door has closed behind us, he lifts me up and I twine my legs around his waist as Edward carries me upstairs to his bedroom.

My heart is beating hard in my chest, and I'm enwrapped in his scent, in his muscular body. It's times like this when it feels as if I'd known him forever. As if we're meant to be this way.

"I'm so sorry, love," he murmurs again, his breath hot on my skin. He's gently laying me down on the bed. "I had no idea… and then Lily said she saw you leave…"

He peppers my face end neck with tiny kisses, going to my throat and collarbone. My heartbeat is speeding up at his touch, my fingers threading through his silky hair. His scent arouses me; it's familiar and sexy. I kiss the top of his head, inhaling him.

"I'm so glad I found you, baby…" He kisses my nipple and I shudder at the sensation it creates even through the material of my bra and dress. "You're the very best thing in my life…"

He's pushing my dress out of the way, his fingers sliding up my thighs, and I can't wait for his touch. Once it comes, a needy moan leaves my lips. Edward has come to understand my body so well, and he's driving me insane with desire within minutes, all the while kissing my neck and chest, murmuring away.

I'm desperately fumbling with his pants, and once they're open, I pull them down alongside with his boxer briefs and put my fingers around him. Edward moans into my mouth as I start to stroke him, moving slowly, loving the way he feels in my hand, hard and warm and velvety, and that he's mine.

"God, I love your cock," I whisper, and it amazes me to hear the words leave my lips.

"Fuck, Isabella," he growls, impatiently yanking down my panties. I struggle out of them with my feet, shoving his pants off, as well. Edward makes quick work of unzipping my dress, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

I can feel him pressed against my entrance, hot and ready.

"I can't wait to be inside you…" His tongue is in my ear, his fingers pushing my bra aside, playing with my nipple.

"Then don't wait… ahh…"

It's so good to feel him, filling me, completing me, even when it's rough like this and he's slamming into me as though he wanted to erase the afternoon's unfortunate events.

I'm getting lost in his powerful motions, falling into rhythm with him, feeling him deep – _so deep_ – within me. My nails are digging into his back and he hisses, biting my neck, and then licking over the spot. He takes my leg and puts it over his shoulder and then does the same to the other one. This is pure, primal fucking, and I love it. I scream out when I come, my orgasm hitting me with the force of a freight train, making me clench and tremble. For a short moment, it is as if we are ONE, and I can't quite discern where I end and Edward begins. His thrusts are getting erratic, and he's beautiful as he comes, enraptured and angelic, chanting my name as he fills me.

"Oh my God," he pants, kissing me, laughing softly.

I smile and kiss him, twining my legs around his waist. He's still inside me, and it feels so intimate, almost more intimate than the act itself.

"My beautiful Bella," he says, kissing me again. His eyes are glowing in the fading light from outside, which is painting everything in golden patterns and shadows.

"I freaked out when I realized you were gone," he whispers. "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"I was so hurt and confused. I didn't know what I was doing."

He kisses me again, and we turn around so we lie side-by-side, our fingers intertwined between us.

"Rose," he says slowly, "is a fiercely protective person, as I told you. The family is extremely important to her. She saw how everything went downhill with Tanya, and is afraid I'm going to fuck it up again." He shuts his eyes for a moment, his thumb running back and forth over my knuckles. "Rose is a good person. She's just over-protective where I am concerned. Always was. "

"Why is that, do you think?" I whisper, pushing a strand of hair from his forehead.

Edward's expression is hard to read, and he takes a moment before he speaks.

"I was only two at the time, so I can't remember. I only know the story from what I was told, years later. We were on a family vacation in Italy, and everyone was out on this big terrace of our hotel suite. Ro and Ali were playing in one corner while the grown-ups had dinner with friends. Rose noticed that I wasn't around at one point, and she told Ali to stay where she was, and went to look for me.

"As I say, I remember nothing of it. Apparently, I had managed to climb through a gap in the stone balustrade of the terrace, which went out onto the cliffs overlooking the sea. I was already on the other side of the balustrade, strolling towards the cliff's edge. Rose climbed over and got hold of me. We were only a foot from the edge, and the sea was about forty feet below. Once Rose had me in her arms, she started walking back. Ali, who was four, started screaming, and that's when everyone noticed. Rose felt guilty for ages afterwards, because Mom had asked her to have an eye on me."

"Oh my God," I say tonelessly.

"She was seven or eight when it happened, and it gave her, literally, the fright of her life."

"I can imagine that," I murmur. I snuggle up closer to Edward, and he puts his chin atop my head, long fingers driving patterns on my back. For a long time, we're silent. It gets dark, nothing but the streetlights from seven floors beneath giving a little glow to the room. Edward's breathing is quiet and even, and I think he must have fallen asleep when he speaks.

"Rose was married before Emmett, you know," he says. "She was really young. The guy turned out to be after her money. They got divorced after a year." He kisses my brow. "I don't mean to excuse her behaviour today, and I'm certainly going to have a long talk with her about it. But… yeah… that's my sister for you."

"You… you don't think what she said is true, do you?" I whisper.

"_What_?" He draws back a little so he can look into my eyes. "Of course not!" There's a frown on his face. "Why would I ever think that?"

I shrug unhappily. I can hear Rosalie's words again, and even though I know a bit of her history now, they still hurt. I'm well aware of the differences between Edward and me.

"I don't want to lose you," I whisper, and the treacherous tears are threatening to spill again.

"I don't want to lose you, either," Edward replies, and kisses me.

That night, I dream my dream again. It's exactly the same as it always is - I'm in the woods and freezing and alone. For the first time in years, though, the person leaving me has a face, and it's Edward's.

oOoOoOoOo

**Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you liked it! You can't imagine HOW MUCH it means to me to hear your opinions!**

**Thank you to B for the childhood accident.**


	16. Play, Orchestra, Play

**Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who left me a nice review! My heart is in this story and it makes me deliriously happy that there are people who like it. As I said before this is my first fanfic, and the thought that maybe a bit of my writing touches some of you is the biggest reward, ever! Please stay with me for the rest of the ride! And review!**

**Thank you to dellaterra for her encouragement and style, this chapter will be so much nicer once you've been through it!**

**Thank you to DarkBlueBella for her advice!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward (Tonight at 8:30.)**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 16: **Play, Orchestra, Play**

**EDWARD**

I don't see much of Bella over the next few weeks as she is in the final stages of rehearsing her play. We talk on the phone whenever we can, and send each other raunchy messages, but it's not nearly enough. I miss her every moment of the day. I catch myself staring at pictures of her on my phone several times, and I think I really got on Ben's nerve the other day when I showed him the photos I had taken of our walk in Central Park: Bella eating ice cream, Bella by the Bethesda fountain, Bella relaxing in the spring sun with her eyes closed.

_I didn't show him the "Bella shoos me away and her breasts are gorgeous" one._

The whole Rose and Carlisle incident is still heavy on my mind. I talked about it at length with Mom, who assured me that both my sister and my father only had my best in mind – she still agreed that the way they went about it was pretty damn stupid.

Bella doesn't want to talk about it any more. I can see how deeply it hurt her, and I understand it, too. I haven't yet found it in me to call either Rose or Dad. I know I'd yell at them, and that wouldn't help matters.

Alice, as always, tries to be on everybody's side, which, as always, drives me nuts.

It's Bella's first night in two days, which means that, at last, a gift is in order. I have tons of ideas, but nothing seems good enough. I want to tell her how I feel for her. Which is, I am getting more certain from day to day, this thing called love. We have told each other that we are "in love." But we haven't said the famous three words yet. Saying "I'm in love with you" is nice, but it's not the same as saying "I love you."

_I'm in love with you_ is a statement. _I love you_ is a certification. And I want to certify my love for Isabella Swan.

**BELLA**

_Oh. My. God._

If Riley touches me one more time I will scream.

We're at the dress rehearsal, for f_uck's_ sake, and he is demonstrating to Garrett how to touch my breasts, while I am vomiting a little in my mouth.

Bree is a basket case, and has been acting strangely for a couple of weeks now. No one knows whether she and Riley are even still together. The atmosphere, to say the least, is tense, and this dress rehearsal is not going too well.

Benita has a blackout and Garrett stumbles in Act IV, almost falling into the orchestra pit. Yes, it's a small theatre, but there is a tiny orchestra pit. The lighting director puts the lights on at three wrong cues and Riley yells at him.

I feel a bit uncomfortable in the skimpy dress I have to wear in Act III, but other than that, manage okay. There are stern words from Riley once we're through and by the time we take off our makeup, everyone feels downtrodden.

Just when I am changing into my private clothes, Marla comes to me. I like her, she's a caring person who always keeps her calm. She has a deep, raspy voice and impressive dark eyes with the longest lashes I have ever seen.

"Don't let Riley get you off your track, Bella," she says, patting my shoulder. "You're brilliant, and freakin' funny. The audience will love you. Riley's a douche, don't mind him."

I take a hot bath when I'm home. It's one of my many pre-first-night rituals – but unlike other times, I take my phone with me. It's Friday and Edward has the weekend off, so there's a chance he might still be awake. I send him a text.

_**Hey sexy boy. Home at last.**_

I lie back and relax amidst the strawberry bubbles. I think about tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned, the play is ready to be presented to the public. Riley may be a creepy jerk, but I must admit that he's a competent director. His version of the play looks rather modern and light, with funny bits – that would be me – and lots of bare skin – me, Benita, Marla and Bree. Why do the boys get to keep their shirts on?

My phone beeps.

**Hey sweet actress. How did it go? Can't wait to see you on stage. Can't sleep, even. I'm serious. And I MISS you.**

_**Miss you too, Mister! Nervous as hell. Hope you'll like it.**_

**You're in it. I'll like it. Why aren't you sleeping? Too nervous?**

_**Yep. In the tub. All wet…**_

**Gah, now I'll never go to sleep. Goodnight, my love. See you tomorrow.**

I shut the phone and put it on the floor. I sigh and lie back in the water.

"_My love"?_

**EDWARD**

I wake early, missing Bella the second I do. I've grown accustomed to her small body next to me, be it in her bed or in mine. It's been three months since we met, but it seems so much longer to me. She's brought me into a new world, her world, and I love it. And I love her.

I just need the perfect moment to tell her.

I have come up with a vague idea for a first night gift, and the lovely lady at Tiffany's gets it at once. I meet Mom for lunch at the Russian Tea Room and show her my purchase. A large smile spreads across her face.

"Edward. This is so… _right_." Her green eyes are sparkling.

"You think she'll like it?"

"It's beautiful, darling." She takes my hand in hers. "I'm so happy, Edward. This woman… she's perfect for you." She swallows. "We were all so worried about you when things went wrong with Tanya."

"I know…" I swallow.

"Bella is a different league altogether. You cannot imagine the row your father and I had the day you visited. And I gave Rose a piece of my mind, as well."

"Mom –"

She raises her eyebrows, expecting me to go on after I interrupted her.

"I… I… " Suddenly, my mouth is very dry, and I need to take a sip of my water. She encourages me with her smile.

"I love Bella. I do."

"I thought so," she simply says. "I could tell from the way you were around her. I haven't seen you like this in years. She's good for you." She kisses my cheek. "I'm so happy," she says again. "I was worried, you know…"

"Yes. I know. Tanya... "

"I know." Her hand is on my cheek. "But don't let Tanya interfere with what you have with Bella." She smiles. "I'm so excited to see her on stage tonight!"

"Yeah, me to." I can't help the lovesick grin that makes my lips curl upward.

**BELLA **

_First night, first night, first night._

Gah. I need to sign the gifts.

Cedric, as always, picks up on my excitement and runs through the apartment like a cat possessed.

I shower and have a late breakfast of yoghurt and a banana. It's much too early to leave for the theatre, so I potter around, phoning Seth and Alice, even though I'm going to see them later on.

Everyone is keyed up as I arrive at the theatre, going through their lines, exchanging first night gifts and chattering. Alice is there, all bouncy and excited, giving each one of us a small bottle of Russian vodka.

I do my vocal exercises and warm up my body. Riley does a small speech, which is supposed to encourage us. It's easy to note between the lines, though, that he is beckoning his way out. I don't like the look on his face, it's over-friendly and bland.

When he's finished, I can hear the audience fill in, chatting and laughing excitedly as they look for their seats. I wonder what Edward is thinking, and then, I'm pulled out of my thoughts and pulled into the play when I hear the introductory score, and I'm in the wings, listening to the happenings on stage, and to the audience's reactions. Things seem to go well, there's bit of tittering and gasping. I 'm alternating between sips of water and trips to the toilet.

I suck on a honey lozenge.

I clasp and unclasp my fingers.

Garrett hugs me shortly, whispering, "Have fun, B." before he enters the stage.

There's more fidgeting to do for me before I hear my line, and I step out into the warmth of the spotlights.

**EDWARD**

Oh my God. At _last_!

I've been sitting here between Mom and Alice for an eternity. Yeah, I know the play, but I didn't remember it took for_ ever_ for Natasha to come on.

But here she is. My Bella.

And she's brilliant. All sexy and self-assured and absolutely hilarious.

I knew she was good before, having seen her short films and the one TV drama she made. But she's so much more than that. She is luminous, quirky and smooth and the stage is hers.

I'm spellbound, and Alice squeezes my sweaty hand.

There is more laughter at Bella's antics, and a universal gasp as the first act finishes with this Garrett character grabbing my girl's boobs. For a millisecond I want to jump upon that stage and beat him to a pulp.

Alice squeezes my sweaty hand.

The second act opens with Bella carrying a life-sized baby. It looks damn real as she coos and cuddles it. Bella told me about that baby, how Renata brought it into rehearsal one day. It was loaned from an OB/GYN, one of those dolls you train expectant parents with on how to hold a newborn. I've seen them before, and I know that Bella is having a piece of plastic in her arms, but still... there's a lump in my throat.

The interval finds us in the crowded little foyer with our drinks, and everyone is chatting animatedly. I know it's silly but I'm proud.

"Wow," Jasper says. "Bella is really very good." His intelligent grey eyes are serene and warm, and I know he doesn't say stuff like that if he doesn't mean it. "Awesome. She's really awesome."

"Isn't she?" I grin like the fool in love that I am.

Mom joins our conversation and everyone enthuses over Bella. Even Carlisle has a small smile on his face.

A gong rings, signalling that it's time to go back inside.

**BELLA**

There's nothing like stepping out into those bright lights on a first night.

My body is high on adrenaline and my heart is thumping. My whole being, my mind, body, and soul are channelling into doing this. Delivering the part.

Nothing else matters.

_Thump thump thump. _

Dry mouth. Too late to get back to my water bottle.

Gah. Scratchy throat.

Too late to suck on a lozenge.

I step out into the bright lights.

When the first lines are out I am rewarded with laughter, and I'm on autopilot, relishing every second. Yesterday was disastrous and everybody is doubling their efforts. And it works.

It works!

There's a round of applause when the lights dim after the second act. I exit through the wings.

Alice throws her arms around me.

"You were brilliant, Bella! Simply brilliant!"

She helps me change into my dress for Act Three and then hurries over to Bree, who is sitting in front of her mirror. She has been unusually quiet all day. I've been attributing it to first night jitters.

Popping another cough drop into my mouth I meet Garrett in the small corridor. He smiles and gives me a brief hug.

"We were fine, what do you think?"

I nod nervously. The next scene is my big one. I have to be the biggest brat, insulting everybody and behaving really awful. Also, the dress I'm wearing is very flimsy. It's black and grey and shows off my cleavage in the most obvious way. I'm wearing the highest ever fuck me heels with it.

We hear the audience fill back in, and I know they'll be more eager to laugh having had a drink during the interval. The music starts playing and I'm waiting for my cue.

Once I hear Marla's voice, I straighten up.

**EDWARD**

_Fuck. Me. Hard._

So this is the dress she's been talking about? It doesn't even deserve the title. I can see… everything.

Her boobs are crying out my name… Her legs are miles long, and the shoes… Oh my God.

I take a deep breath and suddenly, I'm very glad for the darkness of the auditorium, considering I'm sitting between my sister and my mom.

Bella is fantastic, selfish and bitchy the one minute, fuming with anger the next, and then all girl-like and gentle, showing me sides of her I never knew existed.

_Well, idiot, that's probably why she chose to become an actress. Stop thinking with your cock, Edward._

I miss her the very second she exits the stage, and I actually find it difficult to follow the action. There's a longish dialogue between two characters, all moping and depressed, discussing life in general.

My thoughts wander away… to the little box in my pocket.

_Is this too early?_

It's not like I'm proposing to her. We have said that we are "in love". But we have never said the famous three words. I want to say them, though. Tonight. Because I am sure. I have fallen for her hook, line, and sinker.

No woman has ever made me feel this way. So at peace. So wanted, and for myself alone. So happy.

I know things might still get difficult with the unresolved Tanya business. I'm afraid she might catapult herself back into my life and pull me back into those dark waters we almost drowned in.

But I know that I want Bella.

The frenetic applause makes me jump out of my reverie. The lights go down and I feel Alice's hand on mine.

"You okay?" she whispers into my ear.

"Yeah," I whisper back.

The lights go on again for the last act. There's a lot of philosophical talk, but I force myself to concentrate on what's being said – which I a hell of a lot easier once my Bella comes back on stage.

**BELLA**

Wow, this is a nice round of applause. It's the third curtain, and the audience seems to be very impressed with what they've seen.

Everyone is taking another bow, and I swear I can hear Alice whistle. Renata is handing out flowers to everyone. My eyes are searching out for Edward in the dark. I find him after a couple of moments since he's tall, and I'd recognize that messy mop of bronze anywhere. He's clapping, a huge grin on his face.

By the time I'm back in the dressing room, I feel empty. Wiped out.

The noise is deafening, everyone is squealing and hugging and celebrating. Going with the flow, I accept the glass of champagne someone hands me. Riley shows up, telling us how well everything went. When it comes to me, his hug is a little bit too familiar, and I don't appreciate his lingering kiss on my cheek, or his hand, which is just one inch above my butt.

But what the hell? His work on the play is finished and I will not have to see him on a daily basis any longer. So I hug him back and tell him that he's a great director.

I take off my makeup, let my hair down and change into my own clothes. From the corner of my eye I can see Bree in her usual spot, peeling off her false lashes. She doesn't look happy, her childlike features sad and despondent as she wipes away her lipstick. I want nothing more than to run to the front of the theatre and go to Edward, but I give myself a push and go to her.

"Bree. You were really great," I say with a smile.

She looks at my reflection in the mirror, contempt in her eyes.

"Oh fuck you, Bella."

"Wha- _what_?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Just leave me alone."

**EDWARD**

So good. Bella's in my arms, has been for the past five minutes after everyone hugged her. Alice, Mom, Jasper, Seth, Collin – they all told her she was brilliant, and her eyes are shining. Dad gave her a warm handshake and said something like, "I'm glad Edward found a lady as talented and beautiful as you are."

And she is beautiful, taking my breath away with that pale blue wrap dress that shows off her scrumptious curves. Her body moulds into mine as I hold her and she chats away happily, still on an adrenaline high. She's also getting a tiny bit tipsy as well, her cheeks a delightful pink.

_Gah! I want to take her home and have my way with her right now!_

Everyone is supposed to meet at a nearby restaurant soon, and I hope it's really soon, for I want to catch Bella alone and give her my gift. As unsure as I've been feeling about it, the way she's with me now, my arm wrapped around her as she is laughing at something convinces me it's right. She's for me, and I'm for her.

That guy Garrett is standing next to us, and I'm placated. His girlfriend is with him, holding his hand while she talks to Bella. I still don't like the fact that Garret gets to touch her breasts.

"Edward?" She's tracing my jaw line with her finger.

"Hmm?"

"Where were you right now?" She smiles.

"Don't know." I shrug, and kiss her. "Just thinking. Sorry."

Her fingers are caressing the hair at the nape of my neck. She stands on her tiptoes and her lips press against mine for a second.

"Sexy boy," she murmurs. "Can't wait to get you later… But…" She parts her lips from mine, "as I was saying, your parents are leaving, and everyone's supposed to go to the restaurant in a little while."

"Oh. Okay." I smile and kiss her once more. Her lips are so damn soft as they move with mine, and we only stop when Alice clears her throat. Mom and Dad are in their coats, smiling indulgently. Everyone hugs and kisses, and this time, Dad gives Bella a small peck on her cheek, and my heart expands a little at the sight. He and I may not have the perfect relationship, but knowing that he approves of my girlfriend is… well. Good.

The restaurant is a teeny tiny place that barely holds the fifty or so people we are. It's totally cute, though, decorated in a kitschy, slightly messy, fake Italian way, with lots of dreadful paintings showing the Grand Canal, Carnival masks, and Olive trees. The food is surprisingly good, though, and I'm on cloud nine with Bella tucked into my side, telling dirty jokes and giggling, while she is devouring a plate of mushroom ravioli.

An hour later, people are dancing and Alice pulls Bella to the crammed makeshift dance floor.

I still haven't had an opportunity to give her the small box that is in the pocket of my jacket. At the moment, I'm talking to Jasper and Garrett while Bella and Alice freak out on the dance floor. Garrett seems okay. As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to like the guy. He's full of praise for Bella, in a very professional and respectful way. Anyway, his girlfriend is holding his hand, beaming with pride.

I make my excuses to the guys and work my way to the toilets. When I get out, the dancing's getting rather wild, and I decide to sneak out for a cigarette. The air is soft and mellow as I step outside. Spring. Fumbling for my pack of American Spirits, I think of all the lovely things Bella and will be able to do in the sun… Which leads me to thinking about all the things I want to do with her later on tonight.

**BELLA**

This is a fantastic party! Edward and I can't keep our hands off each other, kissing and touching all the time. He keeps telling me that I was marvellous, and that he's going to watch the play over and over again.

He's replying to something Jasper has been saying, running a hand through his hair while the other one is located on the inside of my thigh. I watch him, watch the way his lips curl upward and how he squints his eyes as he thinks, slowly shaking his head.

I love him.

I realized that a few days ago.

I love him.

Which is much more than telling him that I am "in love" with him. I love Edward Cullen, all the way. I want to tell him. Tell him it's serious for me. I feel committed to him. I want everything.

I'm thinking along those lines, resting my head on Edward's shoulder while he chats with Jasper, our hands intertwining in my lap. He's warm, and strong, engulfing me with his safety. His thumb's drawing small circles on my palm, every so often touching the inside of my wrist, confirming our closeness.

That's when Alice dances her way to our table and makes me follow her to the dance floor. As she drags me away, I shrug helplessly towards Edward, who smiles and puts his pointer finger to his beautiful, pouty lips, kisses it and holds it up for me.

_I think my heart made awww just now._

I dance with Alice and have another glass of wine, giggling and grinding to the sounds of _I Kissed a Girl_. Once the music changes to another tune I tell Alice I'll be back in a moment. There's a small line in front of the toilets and I'm getting a bit desperate. I didn't even realize how badly I have to pee! Once I'm in a stall I can hear two women chatter. It's Marla, I think, but I don't recognize the other voice.

"Did you see Bella's boyfriend?"

"Oh my God, yes! He's gorgeous. He looks at her like she's something to eat!"

I can't help the grin that spreads over my face.

When I leave the bathroom, a wall of bad air hits me. There's no oxygen left in this place, and I have a very low tolerance level for that. Instinctively I make my way to the front door. The fresh air is heavenly. I take a deep breath, walking a few steps away from the crowd of smokers. I lean back against a wall and close my eyes. I'm a bit giddy from the alcohol. I'll ask Edward if he'd like to go home soon, as well. It's a lovely spring night, everything smells new and full of promise.

"Bella." Riley's voice snaps me out of my dreams.

"Oh, hi."

He looks dishevelled, his eyes are bloodshot and he's way too close. I've always suspected that he is on some kind of drugs, but from my observations he looked like a stoner. Maybe five years of being Jake's girlfriend have given me an eye for it. Now, I'm not so sure that it's weed making his pupils tiny.

"You were great tonight," he says, getting even closer. I don't like it one bit.

"Um, thanks. Listen… I'm going to go back inside…"

I make a move but his hands are on my shoulders. Holding me way too tight.

This is when my heartbeat picks up and I feel more than uncomfortable. I want to get away. Now. I may have known Riley for a few months by now, but I don't _know_ him, at all.

"So fucking sexy," he says. "You know I broke up with Bree for you, right?"

He touches my hair and I shiver. He's too, too close.

"Riley, I don't think –"

"I've wanted you from day one, Bella. You're such a little –"

I try to shove him away. I feel panicky now.

"Just tell me you want this too…"

My heart is thumping loudly in my ears and I'm trying to figure out if I should scream right now when Riley is being yanked away and thrown against the wall.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing," Edward hisses, his hand on Riley's throat.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Guys, I'm literally dying to hear your thoughts, so please review or send me a message! I need a bit of support here. Seriously. **

**Do it for Edward's sake. I want this story to be nice for him. Edward is one of the sexiest characters in literature, isn't he?**


	17. Hearts and Flowers and You

**Hello, lovely readers! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, put YWT on alert or added me to their favourites! I changed a bit of the beginning from the original chapter, which was written about six weeks ago. I meant to let Riley get off easier, but you all wanted Edward to show him a bit of his mind – so here it is.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title is Noel Coward's (Tonight at 8:30.)**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 17**: Hearts and Flowers and You**

**BELLA**

It's only seven when I wake from my chaotic dreams. I'm safe. Edward is holding me close to his chest, his breathing low and even, his arm slung around me. My thoughts shoot back to last night.

_Edward is holding Riley against that wall, his voice hard and seething._

"_Chill out, man," Riley sniggers. "Just talkin' to her."_

_I'm shaking like a leaf, cold despite the warm spring air._

"_Oh, yeah?" Edward gets closer to Riley; his hair looks as if on fire due to the lights from the lanterns illuminating it. "Didn't seem like she was enjoying the conversation, though."_

_His voice is so hard and menacing it frightens me a little. I've never seen him so angry._

"_Bella," Riley looks at me. "Tell your guy we were just –"_

_Edward doesn't let him finish._

"_The fuck you were," he hisses. "You've been harrassing her for weeks, all under the pretence of being oh-so open-minded."_

_Riley is beginning to wreathe under Edward's hands._

"_I don't know what the fuck she told you, man. She's a cute chick, never once gave me the impression she didn't enjoy it…"_

_Edward's jaw tightens and I can tell he is trying to contain his rage. Unfortunately, Riley doesn't have that much perception and rambles on._

"_Dude, it's okay, I'm tellin' you. Bella and I have been great. No need to get all protective and shit. She's fine, look at her."_

_Edward shoots me a look from the corner of his eye, and I can see it mirrored in his expression that I probably look as miserable and frightened as I feel, trembling and crying._

"_She's _not_ fine," Edward growls._

_Then Riley makes his capital mistake. He's drunk and stoned and maybe that explains it when the words leave his mouth._

"_Whatever. She's a stupid cunt, just like the rest of t –"_

_That's when Edward's fist lands on his chin and he yowls in pain, slumping against the wall._

"_You," Edward says, "will stay away from Bella. Am I understood?"_

_Riley yammers something like "Yeah…"_

The ride home in the back of a cab was silent, me in tears while Edward tried to comfort me.

What an idiotic ending to a wonderful night.

When we got home, I fed Cedric, took a shower and joined Edward in bed. He had an icepack on his hand, trying to smile through his own pain.

"Oh my God! Will it be okay?"

"Don't worry." He kissed me sweetly. "It'll be okay." He pulled me close and murmured to me until my eyes were drooping.

Now, I feel him move a little.

"Hey baby…" His voice is gravelly from sleep.

"Hey…" I pull his arm a little closer and kiss his fingers. They are a bit red and swollen.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

"Mmm-hmm." He yawns. "How're you, baby?"

"Okay," I murmur.

He buries his face in my neck. "Let's sleep on a little, 'kay?"

I can tell he's already drifting off and after a couple of minutes, so am I, engulfed by his warmth and security.

It's after eleven when I wake next, and Edward is not beside me. I'm anxious for a second, but when I hear him sing really badly in the shower, I relax, breathing deeply. I grind my teeth and roll myself into a little ball, thinking about last night. I was really, really frightened of Riley, and don't even want to think about what might have happened had Edward not –

Feeling the bed shift from his weight, I'm hit by a bunch of wet drops. Edward is hovering above me on all fours, sprinkling me with his shower-wet hair. I giggle and squirm. He kisses my shoulder. He smells and feels all kinds of delicious, damp and clean and manly.

I open my eyes. The morning sun is sparkling in his wet hair. His eyes are a vibrant green, and his chin is scruffy. He flops down on the bed and pulls me close. He sighs.

"Are you okay, love?"

"I guess so." I turn round in his arms so we're facing each other. The thought of morning breath occurs to me and I clamber across his body.

"Hey –" He catches hold of my thigh.

"Back in a second."

And I am, feeling much better after a pee and a toothbrush.

"Hi." Edward nuzzles my nose with his. I want to blurt out, "I LOVE YOU!" But as none of us ever said the words so far, I don't, and my heart hurts a little. I bury my face in his chest, my head fitting right underneath his chin.

"I was scared shitless last night," he mumbles into my hair. "If he'd –"

"Shhhh." I kiss his throat. "Nothing happened. And you were there."

Despite the awful memories, his naked proximity, as always, excites me. He smells so good, feels so good… I kiss his neck.

"I'm worried," Edward says. "You'll have to meet him again, right?"

"Not on a regular basis. And I doubt he will show up anytime soon." I lick a small line down to his collarbone.

"Bella," he groans. "This is serious. Shouldn't we report him or something?"

I stop what I'm doing and move upwards so I can see his face.

_God he's beautiful, all long lashes and pink lips._

"I promise I'll call you the second he shows up, okay?"

I pull his lower lip between mine and then pass my tongue over it.

"Promise," he murmurs into my mouth.

""I will," I whisper hotly before our tongues slide together and we lose ourselves in a long, wet kiss. I can feel Edward's heartbeat under my fingers, his breath accelerating as I pull my leg round his waist. Our kiss continues, languid and sensual as small gasps of pleasure fill the air.

"Baby… Bella…" He draws back a little.

"Mmh?" My breath is coming raggedly as I look at him.

"There's… there's something I was meaning to give you last night." He swallows. "But there never was an opportunity, and then…" He quickly pecks my lips. "Can I give it to you now?"

Actually, my hand was on its way to the Promised Land right now and I was one second away from pulling off the towel that's around his hips.

"Um… yes…" I'm a bit confused. I was thinking he was _going_ to give me something, actually…

Edward kisses my nose and jumps out of the bed, going through his small, orderly pile of clothes on a chair next to the window. I watch him, watch the muscles in his back flex as he moves, enjoying the spectacular view of his ass as he bends down. The towel slips lower, _mmm_…

He crawls back into bed and there's a small, pale blue box in his hand. I think Edward sees the panicked expression on my face, for he takes my hand and kisses it.

"It's a first night gift, Isabella," he says, his lips caressing one finger after the other. "You, my sweet actress, are brilliant at your chosen profession, and I absolutely believe that you have a great career in front of you."

He puts the velvet box in my palm.

I sit up in bed and look at him from the corner of my eye.

"What's that?"

He sits up as well.

"A first night gift. Are you going to open it?"

I swallow. No one has ever given me a Tiffany's jewellery box. It's scary.

Edward sighs audibly, running a hand through his still-damp hair. I can see he's cringing with impatience.

So, hesitantly, I open the box, and gasp.

Inside is a delicate white gold necklace with a small charm of the same material, shaped like an anchor, holding a diamond in the middle.

I stare at it.

"If… if you don't like it…" Edward begins.

"_No_! I mean, no. I love it. It's beautiful…"

I look at the necklace again, so delicate and precious.

"You like it?" His voice is so low I almost don't hear it.

"Edward – " Oh no, I can feel tears prick my eyes. "It's amazing… So beautiful…"

A smile spreads across his face. He gently wipes the couple of tears away with his thumb.

"So beautiful…" I whisper. "No one has ever…"

"That's the way I feel about you," he says softly. "You're my anchor." He pulls me close. "And that's what I want to be for you too."

"Edward…" Another tear rolls down my cheek. I kiss him. His lips are soft and sweet as they move with mine.

"Will you put it on?"

He unfastens it and I turn my head, holding up my hair. Edward puts a few kisses on the back of my neck before he closes the little clasp.

"There." He kisses my neck.

I hold the tiny charm and look at it once again. I don't even want to know how many months of rent I could be paying from what that cost.

Turning around, I climb into Edward's lap, my thighs on each side of his. I twine my arms around his neck.

"Thank you. It's beautiful. I love it."

"I mean it," he says softly, his thumb tracing my cheekbone. "You're the best that's ever happened to me…"

"Stop it or I'll really start crying," I reply, half laughing as another salty drop lands on his fingers.

"Now we don't want that, do we?" he murmurs, kissing me deeply.

Moments later, we're naked, stroking and caressing and whispering. He softly slides into me and it's almost unbearable it's so intense. We move together, nearly each part of our bodies touching, Edward's lips on my breasts, my hands in his hair, moaning and breathing, looking at each other in wonder.

When we come, our eyes are locked together, and after everything that's happened, it's a whole new level of closeness. We're speechless afterwards, revelling in the aftermath of passion, clinging to each other for minutes until our breathing gradually returns to normal. Edward's face is on my chest, mine resting against his head. He's passing the tips of his fingers up and down my side, humming contentedly. I kiss his temple, breathing him in. He kisses both my breasts and then looks at me, his eyes a deep green.

"You make me so fucking happy, Bella."

"You make me happy too. Very, very, very happy."

We kiss, and start all over again.

=====oOo=====

The following weeks are rather rough. Performances are from Monday to Saturday, and since the play ends at eleven I wouldn't be able to be at Edward's or my place before midnight. As he has to get up at five on most mornings, we see very little of each other.

We try to meet for lunch as often as possible, but there are still those days I'm working at the bar. I had a talk with Mike, explaining that I needed to do day shifts, and he agreed. Of course, business is slower during the day, meaning less tips, but it also means I can still pay my rent. On the days I work and have a show afterwards, I mostly fall into bed and conk out.

The play will be running for two months and that means it's high time for me to look out for a new acting job. Riley has been showing up a few times, but other than greeting me politely didn't speak to me. Bree has stopped giving me the stink eye, but I would never dare to ask her about her reasons.

I keep sending out applications by mail and email, receiving a few invitations for auditions. Which, of course, means extra work in preparing the parts, and extra money to spend on my acting coach, Miss Cope.

Miss Cope. She is adorable, but a tiny bit difficult. For one, there is the smell. Incense. All over the place. And her dog, Willy. Not only is he dreadfully ugly, but he farts, as well. All the time.

Miss Cope must be in her early sixties. She always wears tunic-like dresses and is barefoot. Generally, I like feet. Edward's feet, for instance, I adore. They are beautiful, large yet delicate, long pretty toes, the light hair on them posing a contrast to the almost feminine grace.

Miss Cope's toes are nothing like that. They're plain gross. Still, I can't help but look at them. _So ugly._

But she is brilliant, and so I visit her at her stuffy Brooklyn apartment every Monday and Thursday morning. The place is crammed with books and paraphernalia, and Willy is always present while we work on my breathing techniques, characterisation, improvisation, my voice, reading techniques… and so on and so on. The list is endless.

"You're looking very pretty, Isabella," she says one Monday morning. I'm still in a fuck bubble from my weekend with Edward.

"Could it be that you have a new boyfriend?" She hands me a mug with tea.

I blush a little and nod.

"Thought so," she says smugly and then sits me down to discuss _A Midsummer Night's_ _Dream_. The audition for the part of Titania at the Delacorte Theater will be on Wednesday, and I'm more than a little nervous, mainly because I have always loved the play, and Titania was close to my heart from the moment I watched a recorded performance by the British National Theatre when I was twelve. I really want that part.

After a busy, enlightening and demanding hour, Miss Cope reminds me to "Channel my inner goddess" on Wednesday and releases my into the beautiful spring day. Willy farts his goodbye.

I'm in a fine mood because I'll be meeting Edward for lunch at the little bistro near the hospital we mostly frequent. He's already there when I arrive, smiling when he sees me.

"Hello my love." He kisses me. He looks breathtaking as always, wearing a black t-shirt and scrubs. His glasses are on his nose, telling me he's been reading.

_And he's my boyfriend. Man, am I lucky!_

We sit down, Edward pulling my chair as close as possible so he can kiss me some more. He's scruffy and adorable.

"Hey you." He kisses my nose and then takes his glasses off.

"Hey yourself." I know I'm grinning like a goofball, but it's so good to see him.

"How was Miss Cope?" He pulls a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Exhausting. Informative." I trace his eyebrow with my thumb.

Melissa, one of the waitresses, comes to our table. As we're regulars, it hasn't escaped my attention that she has a thing for Edward – really, who can blame her? Happily, he blandly ignores her attempts at flirting with him.

"Hi Edward," she coos. "Hello, Bella. What can I get you?" This, of course, is addressed at Edward.

We order our sandwiches and drinks and Edward plays with my necklace. I haven't taken it off since the day he gave it to me, except for when I have to for my part.

"How's your day so far?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Except that Alice keeps pestering me about my birthday. She wants me to have a party."

"Don't you want one?" As a matter of fact, Alice and I have been consulting the subject behind his back.

"I don't know. It's almost a month to go, anyway." He cocks his head. "Why? Do you think I should have one?"

"It's up to you! It's your birthday. But don't you think it might be nice?"

"I'll think about it, okay?" He kisses me, his soft lips gently moving against mine.

That's when our lunch arrives, a bitchy-looking Melissa practically slamming it down between us.

The short hour passes much too quickly, and soon we're kissing goodbye in front of the hospital.

**EDWARD**

Seeing so little of Bella drives me crazy. I never even knew one could miss a person so much. We talk several times a day, and try to meet for lunch whenever our schedules allow it – but it's not nearly enough. Every day, I realize more how much I want her, need her, love her.

The words still have not been said, and it's weighing heavier on my shoulders every day. "I'm in love with you" just is not the same. But I can't blurt it out over lunch, right? With that enervating Melissa always hovering.

I know that Bella feels deeply for me, but then, I'm sometimes afraid she's not ready to hear, or say, the words, and that drives me crazy, as well.

In addition to that, Alice is constantly calling me, interrogating me about the state of our relationship and telling me not to mess it up.

Rose and I haven't spoken since that awful afternoon, which worries me further. She and I have never been as close as I'm with Alice, but I still love her and she's my big sister and the thought of anything standing between us makes me unhappy. I just want her to be in my life. Emmett called me the other night. Telling me he was worried about Rose and me, practically beseeching me to make the first step. I've been thinking about it every day since, but it's difficult. When I consider what that would look like to Bella, I know it would hurt her. Rose insulted her. She really did.

Now, Emmett wants to meet me for a drink and talk about it…

To top everything, Tanya called a few days ago. She actually sounded sound and sober, which may have been a fluke, as she asked me, again, to get back together. I tried to explain, again, that this was no option. She insisted and thus drove me to my capital mistake – announcing that I was in a new and serious relationship. At that, Tanya freaked out, screaming and - I assume – throwing her phone against the wall.

So this is the state of affairs in the life of Edward Cullen. Tomorrow's Bella's audition at the Delacorte Theater. I just hope she gets the part. My Bella is working so hard and she wants this role so badly. She deserves it so much. Sometimes I wish she could see herself more clearly, see the amazing actress and beautiful woman she is.

The next day is busy and stressful. Bella and I text in between, and I call during my lunch break, but she's still waiting for her turn. There's a tricky operation in the afternoon, a sixteen year-old needing heart surgery, suffering also from diabetes. It takes us five hours and I'm wiped out when we're through.

Bella sent a message that everything went well and that they'd contact her in a few days.

When she calls me on Friday afternoon, she's in tears. They didn't want her, she says, even though she ended up among the top three, but another actress got the part because the director loved her long, red curls.

My heart bleeds knowing that Bella is unhappy, and I just wish that I could make it better.

**BELLA**

"It was a low blow, Sethy," I say. "I mean, they chose her because of her_ hair_? How unfair is that?"

Seth shakes his head and gestures to Tom for three more gin and tonics. It's long past midnight and we're getting drunk at Chipmunk.

"Fuck 'em," he says. "They don't deserve you."

Collin nods severely. As a dancer, he knows how it feels. "There is always something," he says. "You're too tall, too short, too thin, too fat… It's a fucked-up business."

I sigh and slurp my umpteenth drink, watching Seth and Collin share a kiss. I miss Edward.

The next night, he waits for me by the stage door; he is holding a gerbera daisy and kisses me with a deep, burning hunger. Once we're at his apartment, our lovemaking is raw and urgent, all through the night.

=====oOo=====

"This isn't working," Edward says.

The weather has picked up over the past couple of days, and we're having one of our picnic lunches in Central Park. He's treating himself to a two-hour lunch-break. Our sandwiches are eaten and we've been making out in the sun for about twenty minutes.

He's half on top of me, his hair an even worse mess than usually due to my fingers. Our lips are swollen from kissing and my girly parts are crying out for him. I can feel his erection press into my thigh. He looks flustered, and agitated, and a little mad.

"What do you mean?" I ask, slightly alarmed.

"This. It's not working." His voice is gruff.

I bite my lip so as not to start bawling like a baby.

"What exactly do you mean, Edward?"

"You. Me. Never seeing you, except for lunch, a couple of times a week for an hour. An hour! That's ludicrous. Only on Sundays, fucking our brains out. It's driving me crazy. Seriously crazy."

I swallow, my heart and stomach tense.

"I can't sleep," he continues. "I miss you. Every day. Every night."

"I know," I say sadly. "I miss you too. It's just a few more weeks till the play runs out…"

"Come to my place tonight," he says, the urgency in his voice startling me. His eyes are begging me fiercely. "Please, Isabella."

"But… you need to get up tomorrow. I'll wake you when I get in after midnight…"

"I don't care. I'll go back to sleep. That's one of the things you learn early on as a doctor: sleeping whenever you can. Please," he repeats, kissing me. "Please, please, please. I need you."

And so, instead of returning to my apartment after the show, I go to Edward's place, slowly turning the key he gave me in the front door.

I know my way about his house, but it still feels strange to be here on my own. Of course I'm not really alone, Edward's upstairs, but he's asleep. I shower and change into my sleep shirt, trying to make as little noise as possible. Tiptoeing into the bedroom, I can make out his sleeping from under the covers, and I gingerly slip in next to him. Edward turns in his sleep, muttering something and then puts his arm around me, pulling me to his side.

I'm warm and secure, and it feels like home.

When I wake the next morning, he's already gone, but there's a note on his pillow, displaying his neat handwriting – which I am sure is rare for a doctor.

_Sweet Bella,_

_When I woke this morning and felt and saw you next to me I was very, very happy._

_You're beautiful when you sleep, did I ever tell you that? Of course, you're beautiful when you're awake, too. You're always beautiful._

_Meet me for lunch at our usual spot? _

_I kiss you._

_E._

He treats himself for another extended break that day. I'm leaning against a tree with Edward's head in my lap. We're discussing the pros and cons of a birthday party while I feed him strawberries. He agrees to have a party on the condition that I'll have one for mine, too. It seems so far away, but it excites me that Edward assumes we'll still be together in three months' time.

We're laughing about something silly when I remember, and rumble my purse.

"Here, before I forget it. Your key." I let it dangle above his face.

There's a small silence.

"I don't want it," Edward finally says.

"What do you mean," I laugh, "you don't want it? This is your key."

"I don't want it," he repeats. He slowly rises from my lap and scoots close to me. His voice is earnest as he speaks. "I want you to keep it, Isabella. I want you in my life. Always. I want you to know that you are always, always welcome."

"Oh." I'm a bit breathless. "Oh."

"Yes," he smiles, kissing me softly. "Oh."

"I… I just didn't realize…"

"What, Isabella?" Deep green eyes are staring into mine, our noses almost touching. "That I love you?"

oOoOoOoOoOo

**Hooray, he said it!**

**So here's what: since every review I get makes me do a small dance, and since I like to dance, I'll send a little teaser for chapter 18 to every reviewer. Cheap, I know **

**Thank you for reading!**

**hp**


	18. What Love Means to Girls Like Me

**Welcome, lovely readers, and a huge, big THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward („London Calling")**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 18: **What Love Means to Girls Like Me**

**BELLA**

My brain is reeling. I'm breathless.

_Edward loves me._

My heart is pounding wildly inside my chest, so hard it feels like bursting.

Edward loves me.

"Is… is this too soon?" His voice is gentle, and a little anxious, and I realize it's high time I said something, other than staring at him with an open mouth.

"No," I whisper, my voice a bit hoarse. "No…" I shake my head, mesmerized by his clear, green eyes. "It's perfect… I… I mean…"

Finally, I snap out of my stupor.

"I love you too."

"You do?" The look on his face is indescribable – sheer, undiluted bliss.

"Yes." I nod sternly, and repeat the words. It feels good to say them freely. "I love you, Edward."

"I love you," Edward says.

He cups my cheek with his hand and kisses me. It's soft and sweet and I don't, seriously, think I have ever been this happy.

=====oOo=====

Three weeks later, we still cannot stop saying the words. I want to print t-shirts saying _Edward Cullen loves me_!

I'm in my kitchen, trying to bake. Tomorrow will be Edward's birthday and I'm going to give him a cake if it kills me! Right now, Sue's on the phone, telling me to_ slowly_ melt the butter and _gradually_ pour in the sugar _while _stirring.

"So?" she asks in between. "How's it going with that man of yours?"

"Amazing," I gush. "He's so perfect I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. He's kind, and funny, and attentive and generous and handsome and… just perfect."

"Wow." She chuckles, and I realize how much I miss her. She and Dad will be coming to New York in a few weeks, validating her birthday gift, and I'm excited for them to meet Edward and vice versa. I know that Sue will love him, and I really hope that Dad will, too.

"Thanks for sending that newspaper cutting," Sue says.

"Yeah, well it was the only one that had a photo with me in it, and mentioned me a little." I try to not let my disappointment show. My name was mentioned in two papers, but only one had me in a favourable half-sentence.

_Newcomer Isabella Swan,_ it read, _adds a breath of fresh air, convincing and charming in the role of Natasha, wife to Andrej._

We soon end the call as I need to get back to my baking experiment – and fifty minutes later, there's an actual cake in front of my! It's a little sad-looking and flat, but _I _made it! I put on the frosting and add thirty-six candles while Cedric eyes me wearily from the windowsill, as if he knew that this would be another night I'm not going to spend at home. I spend most of my nights at Edward's, for even though he's mostly asleep when I get there, it's good to be close. And then of course, there are those nights when he's still awake, or when he wakes as I slide beneath the sheets next to him and he pulls me close and shows me how much he missed me.

I have to take the cake to the theatre because I don't want to go all the way back to my apartment after the show ion order to get it. Marla grins when I try to find a place to put it in the dressing room.

"Better hide that from Garrett, or it'll be gone," she comments. There are only three more weeks of performances left and I get incredibly sad at the prospect – not just because there's nothing else lurking on the horizon, but also because I'm going to miss everybody so much. Even Bree has mellowed towards me. One night, when we all went to a bar after the show, she told me she'd ended things with Riley for good after she'd discovered he'd been cheating on her with a girl she'd been to acting school with. "Victoria," she sneered, "aka, the biggest slut in sluttendom." We've been fine ever since.

It's eleven forty-five when I exit the cab in front of Edward's building, the container with the cake in one hand, the bag with his gift in the other. The warm night air strokes my naked legs and I'm a bit nervous as I make my way to the front door, hoping that Edward will still be awake. Chances are good, I think, as it's Friday and he can sleep in tomorrow. He refused to have a birthday party on his actual birthday if I couldn't be there – at least not before midnight – and opted for a late brunch on Sunday.

Having let myself in with my key I tiptoe to the kitchen so he won't see the cake. Just then, I hear soft piano music form the living room. It's not a CD. I've stopped pestering Edward with my requests to play for me, knowing, by now, that he will just get that little frown between his brows and shake his head.

It's a beautiful, tender melody, which I don't recognize. I stand in the hall and listen for a few minutes before putting the cake down on the counter in the kitchen, checking the clock above the door. Eleven fifty-six.

I slide the cake on a plate and deliberate what to do. Of course I want to surprise Edward, but I also don't want to intrude on his private moment. I'm furiously chewing on my lower lip as I wreck my brain.

"Hey, baby."

I flinch. He's leaning against the doorframe.

"Oh my God!" I gasp. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Edward smiles. "I'm a cardiac surgeon. I would have saved you."

He's wearing grey pajama pants. _Only _grey pajama pants, and his glasses. Has the man no mercy?

I walk towards him, my heart starting to beat faster at the sight of his flawless body. He pulls me close to him, and his warmth excites me further as I twine my army round his neck.

"Hi." He nuzzles my nose with an Eskimo kiss.

"You… were playing.."

"Mmm."

"It was beautiful."

The clock strikes twelve.

"Happy birthday, baby," I whisper, and our lips melt into a long kiss.

It's hard to stop, but I manage, and instruct Edward to go to the living room and wait for me. He pouts sweetly, leaning in for another kiss, but finally leaves with a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

I take his gift out of the bag and start lighting the candles which is a bit tricky since there are a lot, but I manage to complete the task without setting anything on fire, carrying everything into the living room, where he is standing be the open doors that lead to the terrace. The night air is warm, and the sight of Edward, from his messy hair to his beautiful, strong back, to his fantastic ass, with the Manhattan skyline as a backdrop is incredible.

I softly sing "Happy birthday", and Edward turns and listens with a small smile. I can tell that my cake touches him. At least the frosting hides the numerous bump holes.

"Make a wish," I say, and Edward closes his eyes and does just that before he blows out the candles.

"Fuck, that's a lot of candles," he groans when he's finished. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him before placing the cake on the coffee table. The bottle of Roederer is resting in an ice bucket on top of the piano. Edward has already opened it and pours each of us a glass, handing me one.

"To a marvellous new year in your life," I say.

"It'll be marvellous with you in it," he adds.

We kiss and clink our glasses and have a sip, and then I make Edward sit down on the piano bench and fetch his present.

"Come here." He pulls me down next to him and kisses my eyebrow. "You didn't need to…"

"But I wanted to." I kiss his chin, the light stubble tickling me in a pleasant and mildly exciting way.

I hand him my gift and Edward opens it so carefully that I want to rip it from his hands and do it for him, but when I see his eyes light up at the sight of it, my anxiety deflates.

Obviously I don't have the money to buy Edward diamonds, or their masculine pendant.

I found the frame in an antiques shop in the Village. It's from the Edwardian era, which, of course, I loved. It's elegant and simple with an intricate pattern of golden buds and flowers. The photograph shows Edward and me in Central Park. Seth took it a few weeks ago after we spent a lovely day at the Guggenheim with him and Collin. It's Edward and me, his arms slung around me as we gaze at each other, blithely unaware of the rest of the world, the sun perfecting the shadows and the light.

Edward swallows.

"Bella, this is… beautiful… amazing. Thank you…"

He pulls me to him, gently, softly, lovingly, and our lips meet in a long, long, _long _kiss. We drink more champagne. Kiss again. My heart is nearly bursting with love. I love this man. I do.

"What's in this one?" Edward points to the gift-wrapped box I placed on top of his piano. It's slightly larger than the photo frame.

"Mmm. So Mr. Don't-get-me-a-present is getting intrigued after all?" I playfully tickle his belly. God, I love his happy trail…

"Just saying…" Edward shrugs, and grins, softly biting my neck.

"Open it!"

When it's finally in front of him, Edward stares at it in awe.

"This is… You _made _this?"

"Uh-huh."

"Incredible."

It's a wooden box that I painted dark blue. In the middle is an anchor. I lacquered it with a sparkly coat. Inside are 365 quotations, each rolled up and fastened with a small red bow.

"What are these?" His green eyes are almost childlike with curiosity.

"A quote for each day. They're all there, you know. Shakespeare, and Dorothy Parker, Tennessee Williams, Chekhov, Schiller… um, Oscar Wilde, and Noel Coward, and Ibsen and –"

Edward stops my ramblings with his lips.

"Thank you," he whispers. "So beautiful…" He kisses me again, softly tugging on my lower lip. "Can I open one?"

"Sure," I smile. "It's the first day of your new year…"

Never letting go of me, Edward takes one out, removes the ribbon and unrolls my hand-written quote.

"But when I love thee not," he reads, "Chaos is come again. – _Othello_."

Our eyes meet, and for a second, I'm embarrassed, afraid that I've put myself out there and he'll think it's too much. Edward's eyes are full of warmth, though, and he kisses me softly.

"Thank you."

I press me face into his hair, inhaling deeply.

"I love you, Edward. So, so much."

We stay like that for a long time, relaxed, warm and secure.

"Want to hear a little tune I made up?" he finally murmurs against my skin.

He plays beautifully, with an ease and lightness I find hard to understand. He certainly could have made a career out of it, and I am completely in awe at the wonderful sounds he evicts from the piano, a lingering melody telling of desire and fulfilment. I watch his long fingers dance across the keys, and there's a smile on his face even when he's finished. There are goose bumps on my arms.

"Thank you." I take Edward's hand and kiss it.

"You're welcome…"

"I didn't realize you played that well…"

He shrugs. "I don't know. It's… it feels like my natural environment, or something. It's always come to me easily."

"Your _natural environment_, Edward?" I can't hide my smile.

"You know what I mean." He chuckles, gently tickling my side, which causes me to giggle and provokes him to tickle harder.

"You… make it sound… like you were a rare species…" I squirm under his hands. "A mountain lion or something…" I'm panting.

Edward growls softly and tenderly bites my collarbone.

"Well, maybe I am," he mumbles, his hand grazing my breasts. "Only I am not entirely sure what mountain lions prey on…" He sucks on the tender flesh of my neck, and my heartbeat picks up as he arouses me with his hands and lips.

"Something fleshy, I suppose…" His large hand palms my breast and he gives it a soft squeeze. "Maybe helpless, innocent little lambs? Like you?"

I moan as his fingertips close around my nipple.

"Yes," he murmurs thickly. "I think that is what they eat. And I guess they get really impatient when they are _hungry_…"

With that, he closes the lid of the piano and sits me on top, placing my feet on each side of him on the bench after he's slipped off my shoes. He runs his hands over my naked legs and kisses my calves, my knees and the inside of my thighs, pushing my skirt higher. His scruff scratches me slightly, and it is a delicious contrast to his soft lips and his warm, wet tongue.

"Believe me, Isabella…" His teeth scrape the line of my panties. "They can get really hungry…" With that, he pulls off my underwear. There is that well-known, lustful glint in his eyes when he looks up to me.

"And when they're hungry…" He opens my legs a little further and I feel vulnerable, spread out like this before him, but I trust him. "… they want to eat," he finishes, and I feel his lips on me. It's divine, feeling him this way, intimate and exciting. Moments later, I am writhing in pleasure and at the very back of my mind I wonder how he can be so good at this. It's sheer magic, and when I come, dozens of fireworks explode in me, and I think I yell his name.

I feel like Jell-O, and my back hurts a bit from being pressed against the edge of the piano, but I don't care.

Edward grins at me, if a little smugly, wiping his arm over his mouth.

"That was…" I sigh.

"A scrumptious meal," he finishes, kissing my knee.

"It's your birthday, though. Shouldn't this have been the other way round?" I raise my eyebrows.

Edward makes a sound like a growl and stands up, bringing me with him. I swiftly twine my legs round his waist and he lifts me up.

"The night's not over yet." His fingers dig into my butt as he carries me upstairs. "And I'm far from being finished with you, my little lamb."

**EDWARD**

It's Sunday morning and I am in the shower, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. I am officially tired. Maybe I'm getting too old to be staying up all night, fucking? But what else can you do when your irresistible and beautiful, incredibly good smelling girlfriend crawls into bed around midnight and kisses every inch of your skin?

Right now, I would have slept on if it weren't for the fact that the caterer will be here in an hour. I wanted to do the cooking myself, but Alice convinced me that I should hire someone so I might enjoy my own party. I'm a little apprehensive about Rose and Emmett. When I called a couple of weeks ago to invite them we were normal and friendly but we never touched the subject of what happened at my parents' house.

Bella has already set up coffee when I join her in the kitchen. She's wearing one of my t-shirts. I step behind her and put my arms round her.

"Hi." I kiss her neck.

"Hi…" She smiles and then giggles as I rub my cheek against hers. "You need to shave, Edward, or your mom will burst into tears!"

"She knows I'm a slob." I lick over Bella's ear shell and snake my hand under her shirt so I feel the soft skin of her belly. She turns round in my arms.

"Do you think that Rosalie will come?"

She knows it's been bugging me.

"I don't know. She'll be good if she does, so don't worry." I smoothen the frown on Bella's face. "Don't worry," I repeat.

"Okay."

She sighs, and I kiss her.

That's when the doorbell rings and the caterer takes over my beloved kitchen.

Four hours later, the apartment is filled with people, everyone chatting and eating and drinking and apparently enjoying themselves. Rose actually showed up, coming in peace, with Emmett, Lily and a huge present. Lily is presently sitting on my lap and makes her toy monkey dance on the table while I talk to Charlotte.

Bella is on the terrace with Mom and Alice, and I can see her laugh happily. I'm so glad she gets on with my family. So fucking glad.

She's so beautiful, and unbearably sexy in a dark green dress that reaches down to her ankles. It's simple. But the cleavage… Oh man.

"Edward," Lily pipes up. "Can I have anover piece of cake? Wiv dem rapsbevvies?"

"Well, spidermonkey." I tickle her ear. "How many have you had already?"

She holds up two fingers.

"Mmm. Then maybe you should wait a little, spidey, whatcha think? I don't want you to get sick."

She pouts, crossing her arms in front of her chest, reminding me so much of Rose it's downright comical.

"Tell you what," I say, twirling one of her blonde braids around my finger. "You get us another piece – a small one – from the buffet, and we share, okay?"

"Okay!" Lily beams and scampers off.

Charlotte smiles.

"She's got you around her little finger, Edward."

"I know, she's just too adorable."

"Hey, guys." Her husband Peter joins us, pulling up a chair. "Man, Edward, it's been ages! How are you?"

"Couldn't be better." My happy smile says it all, I guess.

"That lady seems to do you good," he remarks, his clear blue eyes reflecting my happiness.

"Yeah," I nod, suddenly very sentimental. "She does…"

"She's an actress, is that right?" Charlotte asks.

"Yes, and a very good one, too. You need to go and see her play, it'll only be running for a few more weeks."

"Oh, of course," says Peter. "She told me about it just now."

"So," I say, "How are you two doing? Charlotte just told me you were working on a new book?"

The party goes on in a slow, pleasant fashion and as the afternoon wears on, people start to have a glass of champagne or wine or beer. I'm mingling, doing stuff that a host is supposed to do. I never expected Bella to partake in that. It's neither her birthday nor her apartment, no matter how many nights she spends here. No matter how much I love that.

She's a natural, though, refilling people's glasses, changing CDs, and generally making sure that everybody is comfortable. Catching her in the kitchen as she puts away some empty bottles, I pull her to my chest.

"You're not supposed to do that, you know." I kiss her eyebrow. She smells so good.

"I… um… sorry. I didn't mean to be obtrusive."

"Fuck, no." I put a small kiss on her lips. "That's not what I meant! I'm so happy that you feel comfortable and… well, at home here. I just meant to say that you don't have to feel obligated to do that kind of stuff…"

There's a small, shy smile.

"What if I want to?"

_And once again she's melting my insides._

"In that case," I murmur against her lips, "please know that I appreciate it very much."

We kiss, and for the thousandth time I think that I never want to do anything else ever again. She tastes like strawberries and cream and champagne.

"Sorry to be disturbing you lovebirds!" Emmett's deep voice makes us flinch apart. He grins like a maniac, seeing my hand splayed across Bella's bum. He winks at me.

"Just wanted to say we're going to leave. It's nearly seven, and Lily's a bit whiney after her sugar-high – because _someone_ allowed her a third piece of cake."

I duck my head.

"It's okay, bro. Just hope she's not going to be sick all over the backseat again." Emmett shrugs good-naturedly.

Sometimes I wish I were more like him. Easy-going and settled…

Another three hours later, it's only Bella and me among the debris of the party. She's dashing to and fro, cleaning. I take her hand.

"Stop doing that, baby."

"But it's got to be done –"

"Not now. Not by you."

"But you've got to work tomorrow…"

"I only start at noon." I kiss her nose.

"That's cool." She smiles.

"It is. And do you know, Miss Swan, what I would like to do now?" I pull her close.

"Um… no?" She grabs my ass, though.

"Fuck you senseless," I whisper in her ear.

Bella swallows.

"That's an option," she murmurs.

=====oOo=====

"You were talking to Emmett quite long," I remark.

Bella's head is on my chest and we're in a happy, post-coital bubble. I'm stroking her hair and she's running her toes up and down my calf.

"Yeah," she says. "He's a nice guy."

"He is." I entwine our fingers and look at them. Her hand is small and pale.

"Did you…"

"Talk about your sister?"

"Mmm."

"Yes. He's very honest, and very realistic. Basically, he just told me what you said before, that she doesn't want you to be unhappy, or make mistakes in your decisions."

"You," I say sternly, "are definitely the best and _rightest_ thing in my life, ever."

She smiles warmly, and kisses me.

"I love you," she murmurs sleepily.

"I love you," I reply.

We kiss a little longer and then Bella snuggles into my chest, her arm spread across my waist.

I can't sleep immediately, thinking about the day and how lovely it was, how well things went even with Rose. I'm glad Bella talked with Emmett, too, and I have a feeling it'll help things go in the right direction.

I think about what she said on Em's honesty, musing on the subject in my sleepy mind.

Honesty. That's so important in a relationship. I'm an honest person. I'd never lie to Bella.

That's when it comes to me, stinging like a hot nail.

_But I never told her that Tanya called on my birthday._

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**I need to apologize for any spelling or other errors. I think of you, dellaterra, and I look forward to how much better my little story will be when you've been through it!**

**Thank you for reading, everyone! Reviews are better than birthday cake with Edward!**


	19. Bitter Sweet

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 19: **Bitter Sweet**

**EDWARD**

"Damn, it's way too hot." Bella sighs and sinks back down onto the blanket. We're in our usual lunch spot in Central Park. It's been ninety-five degrees for the last few days. Her play is running out next week and she's rather despondent, since the couple of auditions she went to, were, in her words, "shitty".

I plop down next to her on my stomach and kiss her. Bella smiles tiredly.

"Come to my place after the show?" I say, pushing a strand of hair out of her sweaty face.

"I want to, but I feel really bad about Cedric. He peed into the flower pot _again._"

"Gah!" I grimace, which makes her laugh. "So you think it's a protest thing because you're never home?"

"I suppose so."

"You might try and bring him over."

She smiles, her huge dark eyes shining.

"And where would he pee?"

"I could buy him a kitty litter."

"He'd ruin your furniture."

I shrug. "I'll buy him a scratching post too."

"I love you." She kisses me and sits up, climbing on top of me so she's straddling me. She kisses between my shoulder blades and starts massaging me. I groan happily and close my eyes.

Things have been going extremely well over the past few weeks. Our relationship is blossoming. We even went to another lunch at my parents' and Rose greeted Bella with a smile! I think Emmett had his hand in that.

I still haven't told Bella about Tanya's call on my birthday, nor do I intend to. She didn't do it again and I can't see what good it might do Bella. My attorney recently sent me a bunch of papers, all of which I signed and sent back immediately. Tanya seems to be more slack about it, but Jenks, my lawyer, contacted hers about it, and I just hope to God this thing will be done with by October.

"That's it." Bella lightly bites my earlobe.

"Thank you." I turn around underneath her, placing my hands on her hips.

"Listen," I say, "do you remember when I told you about my slightly crazy uncle Aro?"

"Sure." She slides one hand under my shirt and tickles my belly.

"He called last night and invited us to visit him at his place in the Hamptons."

"Wow." She cocks her head to one side, but I have no idea what 's going on in her mind.

"So what do you think? Wouldn't it be great to get away for a few days? Frolicking on the beach?"

"Could you get off of your job?"

"For a few days… I think so. Want to go?"

Somehow the idea elates me. Maybe it's just the prospect of seeing Bella in a bikini…

"I don't know him."

"He's cool."

Bella has this bashful expression again. Sometimes I forget that, deep down, she's really a shy person.

"C'mon. You'll like him. He loves old movies."

Bella grins and bends down to kiss me.

"Well, in that case…"

Eight days later, we're on the ferry. The weather is perfect, Bella's in my arms, her hair blowing in the wind. She's been incredibly tense over the past days, painfully aware that she has nothing new lined up after her play ends. I can only imagine how hard it must be to exist from one project to the next. I hope the stay at Aro's beach house will unwind her a bit.

She's beautiful in a white sundress and sandals, giggling as I tell her about Aro's and mine shenanigans from earlier years.

"Does he have any kids?"

She turns round in my arms, leaning against the railing.

"No," I reply, "and sometimes I think he misses that. I mean, it must be strange, don't you think, when you're old and have no descendants…"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "Some might find it liberating." Her eyes drift away over the sea and she gets a faraway expression. I imagine she is referring to her mother, a subject we still have not really touched. Despite the fact that she's open about her mental health and her medication, she never mentions her mother and I'm not sure whether that is because she has processed everything that happened over her years in therapy, or if she's suppressing it. I also don't know if this is what causes her nightmares or if the breakup she doesn't speak about is responsible for them. They don't occur often, which I'm glad for.

Bella twists her arms around my neck and kisses me.

"Mmm," she sighs. "I can't wait to be on the beach with you… See you in swimming trunks…"

I chuckle.

"You've seen me wearing less."

"I enjoy watching you in any state of undress." She slips her hands into the back pockets of my jeans and squeezes lightly. I bury my nose in her hair and kiss her neck.

After thirty more minutes, we're back in the Volvo, driving the distance from Port Jefferson to Huntington Bay. It's still warm, but not as stifling and humid as it was back in the city.

Bella smiles happily as we're nearing our destination.

"It's so spacious."

My hand is on her thigh, intertwined with her soft, warm fingers.

"Yeah, it's great."

My heart bounces slightly when I realize that I get to show Bella a few places I remember from my childhood. I take her hand and kiss it.

She smiles. "What was that for?"

"Nothing. I love you."

"I love you too." She passes one finger over my cheekbone, along my jaw, down my throat.

"Okay." I take a last turn to the left. "Here we are."

Bella does a double take.

"_This_? This is a _mansion_, Edward!" Her eyes are as big as saucers.

It's a white, three-storey Tudor mansion with a pretty driveway and an impeccable green front yard. The house is flanked by large walnut and plum trees, which I remember climbing as a kid. The car comes to a stop.

"It's enormous," Bella whispers.

I jump out of the car and open her door.

"Hey." I put my arms round her and nuzzle her nose with mine, our foreheads touching. "It's just a house, okay?"

She nods her head, once again eying the building.

"Come." I take her hand. "Meet Aro."

Of course, he's already standing in the front door, his eyes on Bella as we approach. As always, he's dressed flawlessly, donning a light, white linen suit, complete with shawl and pocket square. His full white mane gives me hope I'll be equally lucky at his age as far as my hair is concerned. He's grown a well-trimmed beard, as well.

He chuckles loudly.

"Well, well, well. There you are."

Bella and I climb the three steps leading to the porch. Aro looks thoroughly pleased with my girlfriend.

"Aro, this is Bella. Bella, meet my uncle Aro." Bella stretches out her hand, and of course Aro takes it and kisses it instead of shaking it. Bella blushes adorably and I feel a silly pang of jealousy.

"Edward, my boy!" He hugs me. "Good to see you! Now, kids, come in! Let me get you a drink!"

**BELLA**

I'm still a little overwhelmed, and definitely tipsy after I had the strongest martini of my life. After we had drinks and a chat with Aro, Edward carried our bags to one of the guestrooms. It's breathtaking, with a view upon the lovely garden in the back, and I can even see the sea, Edward says that the beach is only a five minutes' walk. A large four-poster bed dominates the room, which is very elegant, furnished in a maritime style. The bathroom is gorgeous, almost better than Edward's.

Right now I'm in the shower before we go down to have dinner with Aro. For the first ten seconds, I was scared of him, but when he smiled at me and kissed my hand, I had this epiphany: now I know where Edward gets his sexy brand of charm. Aro, though probably in his late sixties, is clearly a ladies' man, and he showered me with flirty compliments until I blushed pink.

I snuggle into a fuzzy white bathrobe and return to the bedroom, where Edward is lying on the bed, wearing nothing but grey boxer briefs. His eyes twinkle when he sees me, and he stretches his hand out.

"Hey."

"Hey." I climb onto the bed, straddling him. Edward's hand finds immediate residence on my butt.

"You like it?"

"It's incredible." I bend down and kiss him. His body is warm and strong, and he smells like sunshine. His hands delve into my robe, covering my breasts while his tongue is happily playing with mine.

_Hello there._

"Edward…" I mumble breathlessly. "Dinner…"

He grinds himself against me, not helping the situation inside his boxers, nor the one between my legs.

"Baby…" I kiss his chin, his cheek, and his ear. "I don't want your uncle to get a bad impression…"

Edward chuckles. "The _right_ impression, you mean." He brushes the robe higher, caressing my thighs.

"It's impolite to let him wait…" I sit up. Edward catches my hand and kisses my finger and then gently sucks on it, almost breaking my resistance.

I swallow, and Edward smiles devilishly before he sits up as well.

"Okay." He kisses my naked breast. "Later."

"Later…" I kiss him again, and for a few more minutes, nothing else matters.

Dinner is a rather splendid affair. Aro has his own cook, as well as a butler who serves us. Everything is delicious, as is the wine. The dining room has light colours, oil paintings with pictures of the sea and lighthouses. I can smell the sea breeze through the open doors that lead to the garden.

Aro is an excellent entertainer, telling stories of his life, asking me lots about mine. He never does it in an obvious way, though, always making me feel respected. He keeps complimenting me and I can see that Edward's expression is a mixture of pride and jealousy.

His uncle is a boisterous character, with a deep voice that tells of whiskey and cigars, and it's clear that he has seen the world and experienced as much as a man can. He's also extremely funny and bawdy, and with the banter going on between Edward and him, I'm laughing until my sides hurt.

"He was a crazy kid," Aro says, while I'm still giggling about Edward's pranks. His smile is big and comes from the heart. "But always a good one."

"Thank you, uncle," Edward says sarcastically.

"I mean it." Aro's tone is serious as he watches his nephew, and I think that maybe Edward is the closest to being a son for him.

"And I'm fucking glad you found this enchanting lady." He breaks the sentimental moment, his clear blue eyes filled with mischief. He gets up. "I'm headed to my room now. Take your woman for a midnight walk on the beach, Edward. You know where the wine cabinet is."

The moon is reflected on the sea, the only sound being the rustle of waves and the occasional cry of a seagull. It's still warm, but not in the stifling way it is in the city. The air is clear, a soft breeze caressing us. We're on a blanket, our bare feet in the sand, and I'm enveloped by Edward's arms, as relaxed as I've ever been. My head is on his chest and I can feel his even heartbeat. His lips are in my hair. I love that we can be silent together. Just be. Our breaths are becoming one, and it's like a trance as we sit there beneath the moon and the stars.

"I love you so much, baby," he whispers into my hair.

"You are my life now," I reply.

When I wake the next morning, the first thing I realize is how silent it is. Quiet. Wonderful. I'm rested after a dreamless night, and I'm close to Edward, who is on his stomach next to me, one arm slung around me. He looks adorable with rosy cheeks, hair all over the place, his lips pouty like a little boy's. Turning a bit, I scramble up on my elbows. I kiss his shoulder, and the back of his neck. He's warm and smells like sleep. I kiss down his spine and pull the sheets a little bit lower so I can get a look at his fine, naked ass. I sigh happily. God really had a very good day when He made Edward Cullen. My boyfriend is perfect from head to toe. I continue to place tender kisses on his skin, but then decide not to risk waking him. I sit up and stretch my arms.

"No," Edward whines into his pillow. "Don't stop!"

I can't help the huge smile that spreads across my face. Lying down again, I snuggle up to his side, running my fingers up and down his back.

"I didn't realize you were enjoying that, Dr. Cullen…"

"I was…"

He opens one eye. His lips are curled upward. I gently squeeze his butt. He moves a little, and opens his other eye.

"Tease."

"Am I?" I tease him.

With one fluid, unexpected movement, Edward pulls me to him so my back is pressed against his chest. I can feel his erection by my thigh. Edward's fingers are around my nipple, and it gets hard instantly at his touch. He softly bites the back of my neck.

"Fuck, Isabella." He licks where he's just bitten. "Why can't I ever get enough of you…"

His fingers travel lower until they are between my thighs. I tremble once he touches me.

Fucking you on the beach last night…" His breath is hot in my ear. "That was… mind-blowing." He enters me with one long finger. "Do you like that? Yes?"

I've never felt like this with a man, I've never dared to be this open and, consequently, vulnerable. I trust him completely, and that's new, as well.

Edward's fingers leave a wet trail on my skin as he moves my thigh. I moan with need as I feel him, and when he enters me, there's this sense of completion. His mouth is warm and soft and wet on my skin as he starts moving within me. His hand is attached to my hip, rocking me back and forth.

"Edward?" My voice is shaky with lust and emotion. "I love you." I grab his hand, moving against him.

"I love you," he replies in a husky voice. "Love you… love you… love you…"

I wriggle around a bit until he catches what I want to do and moves with me until he's on his knees behind me, hands on my elevated hips, my elbows on the sheets.

"Fuck," I moan. "I can feel you so deep… oh… my… God…"

I can hear him slap against me, and I know that he's watching as he drives himself in and out of me. It's animalistic, the way I can feel him, hear him, smell him, and it's so good.

I try to stifle my moans when we come, knowing we're not alone in the house, but I only end up sucking on Edward's fingers and biting until I'm afraid I might hurt him.

Moments later, we collapse on the bed, breathing hard and bathed in sweat.

"I love you, Bella," he murmurs, pulling me a little closer. He kisses my chin and my cheek, making tiny sounds of contentment. I'm dozing off again and am only vaguely aware of him taking a shower. He kisses me awake though, and by the time I am finished, he's already downstairs… I guess.

I put on a halter neck and a flowery blue skirt. I know that the top shows off my boobs, but you have to work with what you have, right?

Descending the stairs, I realize that I have no idea where everyone is or where breakfast, for that matter, is taken. Luckily, I hear voices once I'm in the huge entrance hall, and I follow them. Edward and Aro are on the porch at the back of the house, the large double doors wide open.

Edward smiles when he sees me, his eyes very content and relaxed. He pulls me to his side and kisses my hip and then pulls me into his lap and pours coffee.

We spend the whole day on the beach. Edward looks all kinds of yummy in his swimming trunks. They're dark red and mid-thigh, not showing off too much, but… well… I _know_.

We read and nap and fool around in the water. We're both completely carefree, and I'm extremely happy that we came here.

For dinner, we meet Aro at a restaurant and I'm glad that Alice told me to bring a cocktail dress. Again, Edward's uncle entertains us with his stories. He also tells me that his house has been belonging to the family since the 1930s and that Edward's grandparents, Edward Sr. and his wife Sasha bought it in a decrepit state and renovated on it for years.

"When Mom died fifteen years ago," he says, "I fully expected Carlisle and Esme to take it, considering they are the ones with a family and I'm in London half of the time, anyway."

"Yeah," Edward says, and his tone is somewhat bitter. "But of course, Carlisle had already built his own residence, since he needs to prove to you that he is more capable."

"Where did he build it?" I ask, sipping on my Riesling.

"Long Beach, obviously." Edward rolls his eyes. He looks good enough to eat in a crisp, white button down and dress pants. He has taken off his blazer and his arm is spread across the back of my chair.

"Well," Aro shrugs. "That's Carlisle for you."

Edward snickers and excuses himself. I know he's going to smoke out front, already padding his pocket for cigarettes.

"Well, well, well, beautiful Isabella." Aro smiles, pouring both of us another glass of wine. "Does Edward make you happy?"

"Ridiculously so," I reply. I'm past blushing after three glasses of wine.

"Good." He folds his hands, elbows on the table. I still find him a tiny bit intimidating. "I can see that you're making him ridiculously happy as well. It's ages that I've seen him this carefree and relaxed."

"I love him very much. He's a beautiful person. Inside and out."

"So are you, from what I can tell."

"Thank you." I drop my eyes.

"Never mind Edward's whining about Carlisle. It's been that way forever. Carlisle always wanted Edward to turn out to be a younger, better version of himself, and Edward rightfully rebelled against that. I mean he did become a doctor like Carlisle wanted. If you ask me, he could have made a great career as a musician, but … never mind." He's silent for a moment. "Carlisle and Edward's is a typical love-hate relationship."

"I figured as much," I say.

Aro chuckles. "You're really cute, Bella. And you and Edward are sweet together. You'll sure make beautiful babies."

I swallow, unsure what to say to that.

"Thanks."

"That is… if that's what you want…"

"I'm not sure," I say, chewing on my lip. "I guess I've never really thought about it. My ex-boyfriend has always made it clear that he doesn't want kids, and… my own childhood wasn't exactly perfect. My mom left us when I was nine… I'm not sure I see myself as a mother at all."

Aro nods slowly and then his expression changes from serious to light and he smiles as he sees Edward approach.

"Ah, nephew. You want a cognac too?"

"Sure." Edward's voice sounds odd. I hope he's not still worrying about Carlisle.

Some hours later, when we're in bed, I snuggle up to him, placing my head on its familiar spot on his chest.

"Are you okay?" I whisper in the dark. He's been uncommonly quiet for some time.

"Sure," he says, kissing my forehead. "Just really tired. Let's go to sleep, okay?"

**EDWARD**

_It's a week after my birthday. I'm in the living room of our apartment, playing Schubert's _Death and the Maiden. _Although unbearably sad, I love the piece. Today, it suits my mood. Things between Tanya and me have been growing worse over the past couple of months. Only last night I had a long talk with Alice on the subject, which ended with me drunk and in tears._

_I know, have known for quite some time now, that I never had any business _marrying _Tanya. I should have seen it. We're too different, and it's not just the gap in our ages. It's much, much more than that. But I was a fool in love and at the time, believed that she was The One. I was blinded by her beauty, her exotic lifestyle, and her temperament._

_I've been unhappy for a long time now, and I don't believe that Tanya is happy, either. We've grown apart, and I share my worries and fears with my sister instead of my wife. Often, I don't even know where she is, or who is with her. I worry, I do, but I've grown tired of the endless, fruitless discussions. She'll tell me I'm a prick and a bore, and I know she has no idea what my job means in terms of responsibility. _

_I'm so tired, not just from sleep deprivation caused by working long shifts in order to distract myself from my miserable marriage, but also from thinking and trying to find a solution. Deep down, I know there's only one way out._

_Tanya will be returning tonight from a three-week trip to L.A., where she had a few photo shoots and went to see modelling agents. She went to see her family in Alaska after that, and somehow I hope that her sisters had a stabilizing influence on her._

_I bought her flowers; they're sitting on the dining room table, a huge bouquet that only seems to underline the desperation I feel._

_She looks horrible once she's there and I get to look at her. Haggard and…broken._

_She thanks me for the flowers, putting a lifeless kiss on my lips and gets herself a tumbler of vodka on the rocks._

"_Tanya." I'm in the door of our cold kitchen. "You don't look too well, honey."_

_Her blue eyes resemble a look into a shattered mirror._

"_I guess that's because I feel like shit." Her voice is hoarse._

"_Maybe…" I put a hand through my hair. "Maybe you should take some time off…"_

_We've talked about it. Hundreds of times._

_Her eyes are narrow slits and the ice in her glass makes a clinking sound as she drinks._

"_I'm not convinced that a vacation would help." There's a bitter half-smile around her lips._

_That's when I know something is seriously wrong._

"_Tan?" I take a step towards her._

_She then fully looks at me, pale and barely there. _

"_I had an abortion, Edward. Two days ago."_

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**I know it's sort of a cliffie, but not really. It's just the answer to "what Tanya did last summer" and what made Edward finally leave, but he's going to explain it.**

**I'm in the process of writing the last chapters right now, and I can tell you there will be thirty-one, plus an epilogue. I'm working them over and will probably update a bit more frequently from now on.**

**Thank you all for reading – reviews are making me work faster, they really do!**


	20. Bad Times Just Around the Corner

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 20: **There Are Bad Times Just Around the Corner**

**BELLA**

Edward has been acting differently since we returned from Long Island. He's as attentive and sweet as ever, but something is off, as if he isn't really there sometimes. I can't quite put my finger on it, and when I ask him if there's anything wrong, he will kiss me and reassure me that everything is okay.

It's devastatingly hot, and the city is sheer hell, the subway a stinking, crowded oven. I don't understand why people seemingly don't bother to shower, because the smells you need to cope with are deadly. Everyone looks pained and exhausted, and I just want the summer to be over.

A few days ago, I met up with an agent, but I haven't heard from him yet. At the moment, I don't even care. I'm in front of my TV and have my feet in a bucket with cold water. Cedric hides beneath my small desk with all four feet spread out like a beetle that's fallen on it's back, trying to escape the heat.

Edward will be here soon. We're going to have dinner with his family.

_Great._

They still make me feel like a mousey little loser, especially Rose with her perfect looks and perfect life.

The five days at Aro's made me gain six pounds. Well, I like to attribute it to our stay, because the food and the wine were so good. In reality my frequent dates with Ben and Jerry while moping on the couch are more likely to have caused them.

"Well?" Carlisle's smile reminds me so much of his son's. "How was your stay with my dear brother?"

We're at the restaurant and everybody's chatting easily over our entrees. I can tell that Edward is getting irritated by his dad.

He cuts his steak rather aggressively, muttering, "Great. It was _great_."

"We had a lovely time, Carlisle," I say quickly. "And it was so good to smell the sea again. I loved the quietude, it was heaven."

My hand finds Edward's thigh under the table.

"Oh yes," Esme jumps in. "The city can drive you nuts in the summer!"

Everyone engages in small talk about the stifling temperatures and Emmett tell us how glad they are to be getting away for a few weeks. He and Rose and the kids are going to Canada for a month.

Edward is quietly sipping on his wine, and his hand doesn't join mine under the table.

"Bella," Esme's voice rings out. Her smile is warm and motherly, and I have grown to like her so much. "Edward told us that your dad and his wife would be arriving tomorrow to stay the weekend? You must be looking forward to seeing them again!"

"I am," I reply, and I know that my smile is huge. "I'm so excited! And they're going to meet Edward for the first time." I take a quick sip of water. "I'm quite nervous, actually"

This time, Edward's hand finds its way to mine, and his long fingers wrap around mine.

"I'm still debating on where to take them," I say, and Alice smiles happily, because this is exactly her kind of thing. Before I know what's happening, everyone is discussing which spots to show Charlie and Sue and what restaurants to take them to.

It's after midnight by the time we exit the cab in front of Edward's building. He's been kissing me hotly all the way, his lips and hands moving with a strange urgency. I'm not sure what triggered this. He had a few glasses of wine and almost started a fight with his dad over the check, but still, this is uncalled for.

"Baby – " His breath is hot in my ear while we're in the elevator. He's squeezing my butt through the thin silk of my dress, pressing himself into me.

"I need you… I need you…" Once the door of the apartment has closed behind us, his hands are on my breasts and his tongue moves hungrily against mine. I can feel how hard he is as he practically attacks me with his mouth and his fingers.

He's fumbling with my dress, pushing it up, desperate fingers searching out for my heat.

"Bella… baby…" His voice sounds stifled.

A moan escapes my throat as I feel his fingers, forceful and almost roughly. He's tearing at my panties, his hot breath fanning across my face. Once the panties are gone, I'm lifted onto the sideboard and Edward is frantically working the zipper of his pants. They drop to his feet alongside with his boxer briefs, and I feel him, hot and hard. He kisses my ear, my hair, my cheek.

"I love you so much, baby… so much… Need you…"

Entering me with one deep, powerful thrust, he groans, and I almost yelp with surprise, holding on to him. I wind my legs around his waist and an aggravated, needy sound leaves his throat.

"Edward…" I whisper… "Edward…"

I want to ask, "What's going on? What is it?" But I don't think this is the time to discuss it since Edward is fucking me so hard I'm sure I'll still be feeling it tomorrow. I cling to him, drowning in the sensations he creates, in his skin and in his fragrance. It's desperate, the way he mumbles my name into my hair, and I want to tell him I love him, but then, his fingers slide between us and he pleasures my most sensitive spot, causing me to tremble into my climax.

He thrusts a few more times and a sound between a sob and a moan leaves his throat as he spills himself into me.

We're a breathless, sweaty mess. Edward's face is between my breasts and I can feel his hectic heartbeat beneath my fingers as I run them up and down his back. I cradle his head in my arms, kissing his damp hair. He smells so good.

Once his breathing has settled, he pushes my dress down, covering me.

I can feel him swallow.

He lifts me up and carries me upstairs and into the bedroom, where he carefully undresses me, slowly kissing me all over.

**EDWARD**

_Yeah, great job, Cullen, going all caveman on her. Maybe you should have told her some shit like, "You're _mine_" to top it off._

I don't know what's going on with me.

Hearing Bella say those words to Aro did something to my insides.

_I'm not sure I see myself as a mother, at all._

The words literally haunt me, and I know it's ridiculous. We've been together for six months. Of course we haven't talked about children. We're not even living together – though I need to speak to Bella about that one of these days.

I'm thinking about Tanya a lot, too, lately. What happened back then was the last straw to a marriage that had basically been over for months. Not just the fact that she did what she did. But she did it without telling me. I never had a say in the matter. It's enormous to think that, had things been going different, I might by now have a little son or daughter.

I know that's very hypothetic, though. Tanya, for one, is certainly not cut out to be a mother, nor would our marriage have survived had she decided to have the baby. There's also the possibility…

I bite my lip. I've never wanted to think that, but the truth is that I don't know what Tanya was up to during her travels, but the fact is that there _were_ rumours, and half the time, she probably _couldn't_ be held fully accountable for her actions.

And even though I know it's idiotic, there's still this little voice at the back of my mind that tells me that part of it all is my own fault. I shouldn't have married her. My family and friends were right and I was wrong and it would have spared everyone a great deal of suffering if we just wouldn't have married. I was wrong for her, I couldn't help her and here we are.

Actually, here _I _am, standing in my kitchen on a Saturday morning, sizzling bacon and making pancakes to show my girlfriend that I am sorry for fucking her into the sideboard last night, which I don't think I did in a very gentlemanly way.

"Hey." Her arms are around me and she kisses between my shoulder blades.

"Hey." I take her hand and lift it. I kiss the translucent inside of her wrist. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah." She presses her small body against my back some more and a deep breath leaves my chest.

"Are you okay?" she murmurs against my skin, kissing my shoulder.

I turn around to face her. She looks tiny in one of my t-shirts; her huge dark eyes are guarded.

"I love you, Bella. You know that, right?"

She nods slowly. "I love you too."

I pull her close and we hold each other for a long, long, _long_ time.

I can feel her sadness. It's emanating from every cell in her body.

=====oOo=====

We're meeting Charlie and Sue in the lobby of their hotel. Bella is beautiful in a pale blue dress, and her eyes have been shining for hours.

"Excited?" I lift her hand that's entwined with mine and kiss it. Bella bites her lip and nods.

"It's just such a long time since I last saw them."

Before I can kiss her the way I want to, she seems to have spotted them and hurries toward the elevators.

"Daddy!"

My heart twists a little as a dark-haired guy in his fifties picks her up and swirls her around as if she were a little girl. I keep forgetting that Bella hasn't the sort of family that I am used to, and that, for a long time, it was only her and her dad.

I put a hand through my hair and walk to them. Next to Bella and her father is a beautiful woman about his age in a red blouse and white pants. The most distinctive features about her are her long, black hair and the amazing olive tone of her skin. She hugs Bella and it's clear to see how close they are.

Bella's smile goes from ear to ear as she takes my hand and pulls me into their little group.

"Dad, Sue. This is Edward Cullen."

I'm actually a little nervous, despite the fact that both of them look at me with open, smiling faces.

"Edward, this is my dad, Charlie Swan, and Sue Clearwater Swan, my beloved stepmom."

Sue's smile equals Bella's as she shakes my hand. Her eyes remind me of charcoal.

"Edward, it's so good to meet you at long last!"

Charlie eyes me as if he had a lie detector inside his skull. His handshake is crushing, but the smile beneath the moustache is friendly. His eyes are exactly the same as Bella's. Warm, loving, maybe a little shy, and strong.

Bella and Sue never stop talking for a minute as we walk to the nearby restaurant where we're supposed to meet Seth, Collin, Leah, and her fiancé Sam. It's refreshing to see Bella so relaxed and animated, chatting with Sue and squealing about something.

"So." Charlie looks at me as we follow our ladies. "You're a doctor, Bella tells me?"

"That's right. I'm a cardiac surgeon."

"That's an honourable occupation, Edward." He thoughtfully strokes his moustache. I can tell he's a man of few words, just like Bella said. I watch her as she laughs about something Sue has said, shaking her luscious little hips. I think that Bella has gained three or four pound, which I sure as hell am not going to tell her because, knowing her, she most certainly will not believe it when I tell her that I love it. But I do.

Charlie clears his throat. "Bella would have my head if she knew I'm asking you this barely twenty minutes after we've met, Edward." He looks at me with those dark, Bella-like eyes. He doesn't sound unfriendly, though. "But I feel I have to. What's that about you still being married?"

I swallow. Great.

"Well, uh, Bella and I met at a sort of crossroads in my life. The divorce will be through in a couple of months. It's just a matter of signing all the papers, and then it'll be final."

Unfortunately, I'm embellishing a little here. Tanya still hasn't responded to my attorney's requests, which means that I'm probably going to have to call her. But I guess there's no need to explain _that_ whole mess to Chief Swan.

Charlie nods his head.

"We have a prenuptial agreement," I add. "Once the divorce is through, that'll be it."

"Okay," Charlie says. He might as well add that Robert de Niro_ I am watching you_ gesture.

"I love your daughter. Very, very much."

At last there is a small smile. "And I can tell that she loves you… _Edward_. Tell me one thing, though. Why did your parents give you such an _old-fashioned_ name?"

I shrug. "Tradition, I guess. Actually I'm Edward the fourth."

"Wow." I can tell he's completely unimpressed, which I like.

Once we're at the restaurant with the rest of Bella's family, the mood is relaxed and easy-going. Bella is by my side and Seth by the other, and everybody is laughing and talking at once. As a matter of fact, it's a lot like my own family, except that no one talks medicine or real estate or lawsuits. Instead, Leah and Sam tell us about the wild life project they're working on and Seth explains the concept of the exhibition he is preparing.

I've grown to like and respect Seth very much. I know he's the closest Bella has to a brother, and sometimes, it's quite funny to see them bickering and fighting like kids.

Sue I adore immediately. She's beautiful and warm-hearted and has a deep and sometimes dirty sense of humour. She's talking about the little café she owns, named _Sue Me. _She serves cakes and ice cream.

"I tried introducing a few warm dishes," she says, "like soups and pasta, but somehow, it doesn't work. People only want the sweet stuff."

"That's because it's so good," Charlie smiles and kisses her cheek.

"Do you make them yourself?" I ask.

"Yeah," she replies. "I love cooking."

"You do? It's one of my big hobbies, as well."

We talk about our favourite dishes and exchange recipes, and after a few minutes, there's a small hand on my thigh, squeezing slightly. Bella gives me a little smile, mouthing, "I love you." Intertwining our fingers, I swiftly kiss her ear, whispering, "Love you." Then, I steal a bite of her lamb chops.

Collin is talking about the rehearsals of his ballet. He's a guest at the New York City Ballet, dancing a small part in _A Midsummer Night's Dream. _I can feel Bella cringe a little. I know she was devastated when she didn't get the part in that play.

Thankfully no one asks about her career. She'd hate to admit that, now that her play has ended, as far as work is concerned, hers takes place at Mike's Honky Tonk.

By eleven, everyone piles into their respective cabs and Bella and I promise to meet Charlie and Sue the next morning for some sightseeing.

She's silent on the ride home. I pull her close once we're in bed.

"You okay?" I kiss her nose.

"Mmm."

"I love you," I tell her.

"I love you," she says.

We make love slowly, tenderly, and I try to tell her through my actions how much I cherish and adore her.

**BELLA**

The weekend with Dad and Sue was great. Seeing them put some part within me right again. Also it was incredibly good to see that they and Edward get along. I wasn't worried about Sue; she knows quite a lot about Edward from our giggly telephone calls. Dad is a different thing, and after everything with Jake, I was afraid he might give Edward a hard time. But it was smooth sailing, all the way.

I'm on my way home after another audition. I don't even _want_ to play Laertes in an all-female cast of _Hamlet._ Well beggars can't be choosers and stuff. The agent I met last week finally called to tell me he wasn't interested as I was doing mainly theatre.

_Did he even _read_ my CV?_

I haven't seen a lot of Edward lately. He had to take a number of nightshifts because a few of his colleagues are on vacation with their families.

We met twice in the afternoon at his apartment before he left for work. Both times were devoted to hot, needy sex. Which was gorgeous.

And yet, sometimes, when I'm in a crappy mood, like now, I wonder. What if it is just sex, at the core? Apparently, we're incapable of spending more than a couple of days apart without pouncing upon each other the moment we're in the same room again.

On Thursday, we were in the kitchen and Edward was preparing a salad when we were being overtaken by this raw, animalistic _need_, and we ended up with Edward fucking me from behind against the kitchen island.

Is it just sex, masking itself to be something nobler? Chemistry? Two bodies working perfectly together?

But when I really follow that thought through, I know that it's nonsense. I love Edward, body, mind and soul, and I believe him when he tells me that he loves me.

But something… something's off lately, and I can't help but feeling that it's me. That it's me, heading towards an… episode, and that it might drive him away. I'm not talking about a panic attack. This one is slower in its approach, like a huge dark wave coming toward you so slowly you think you have all the time in the world to escape, and before you know it, it's smothered you.

I'm plain terrified of losing Edward.

**EDWARD**

"Ali!" I kiss my big little sister. "Thank you so much for coming!"

She shrugs. "Of course, Edward." She sits down next to me on our usual bench by the Bethesda fountain. It's hot, and the city is dying for a few drops of rain.

She hands me and iced Snapple Mango Punch.

"Thanks."

"What's up?"

I was a bit incoherent I guess, babbling to her over the phone last night about Bella and Tanya and me fucking everything up.

I sigh. I take a sip of the delicious goodness inside the can. I sigh again.

"I'm worried about Bella. She's been so… subdued for some time now. Just sad."

"And do you have any idea what might be causing that?"

"No, not really. I mean, her career isn't going very well right now."

"Did you tell her that you talked to Tanya the other day?"

Alice eyes me, already knowing my answer to that. She doesn't even wait for my reply. "Maybe you should, you know. Maybe Bella senses something wrong there."

"Why would she?"

"Edward, she's not _stupid._" Alice adjusts her shades. They are ginormous and red.

A ball rolls against my chucks and when I look up, a little boy of maybe six comes running after it. I hand it to him, and he thanks me with a huge smile, a gap showing between his front teeth.

"Shank you, shir."

"You're welcome, buddy."

His mom appears, her eyes the same hazel as the boy's.

"Sorry for that."

"No problem," I tell her. She takes her son's hand and they walk off.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes for a moment.

"When Bella and I were at Aro's," I say, "I overheard a conversation between them. Well, part of a conversation."

My sister watches me with huge bluish-green eyes, urging me to go on.

"Apparently, they were talking about children. I only got a bit of it. I heard Bella say that she doesn't see herself as a mother, at all."

"Oh, Edward." Alice hugs me.

"And, you know, I've been thinking about that so much. I mean, I know it's silly, but… It put me on a bad track, remembering. You know?"

Alice puts a small, cool hand on mine.

"I see."

We're both silent for a while, listening to the birds and the faint squealing of children from a playground.

"I really, really love Bella, Ali."

"I know."

"What should I do?"

Alice says what she always says.

"Talk to her."

=====oOo=====

Four days. It's been four long days since I last saw Bella. I'm trying to find a parking spot and then hurry through the rain to get to her building. The rain started this morning, and it's divine. At long last, the city's cooled down and the air is clean.

I forgot to bring an umbrella, and by the time I have reached the front door, the flowers and my overnight bag are drenched.

Bella smiles when she sees me.

"God, you're soaked, Edward!"

"I fucking am." I slip out of my shoes and socks. I kiss her and she squeals as I get her all cold and wet.

"Are the flowers ruined?" I peel away the soggy paper. They look okay.

"Thanks." She pecks my lips.

"You told me you liked freesia."

"I do."

I pull her close and Bella twines her arms around my neck, scrunching her nose as more chilly drops from my hair land on her skin. I kiss her.

"I missed you."

"Yeah," she murmurs. I can feel her nipples through my wet t-shirt. "I missed you too." Her warm, soft breath strokes my neck. "You know what?"

"What?" I whisper, my hands sliding down her back.

"I'll run us a bath."

"That sounds like heaven."

Once we're in the hot water, I wrap my arms around Bella, feeling her relax. I kiss her temple and ghost my fingers over her body, relishing every bit. Her thighs, her hips, her stomach…

She's uncommonly quiet, so I tickle her knee.

"Are you okay, my little lamb?" It's a silly term of endearment, but it usually cheers her. I pull her even closer, enveloping her body with mine.

"Yeah," she says, but her voice is low.

"You know you can tell me if anything is worrying you, right?" I kiss the soft spot under her ear.

"Yes…"

I kiss her ear, and her neck, and her collarbone.

"I love you," I murmur. "I love you so much. So, so much."

I can feel her smile against my cheek, but something is missing.

She turns round in my arms and we kiss, our lips and tongues moving in a practised routine. I carry her to the bedroom, leaving a trail of wet footprints that gets Cedric all flustered.

The lovemaking is as passionate as ever, but there's a hint of hunger and desperation that's strange.

Afterwards, I pull her exhausted, hot little body close to me chest and once again tell her I love her.

"I love you too, Edward."

She yawns and curls herself into a little ball in my arms.

I want my Bella back.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Sorry the update took me so long, especially when I said I'd be updating sooner **

**Your reviews are what keep me going! See you soon!**


	21. All I Believed I Knew

**I do not own Twilight. In my mind, werewolves don't **_**imprint**_** on babies, vampires don't get to knock up teenagers and bite their babies out of said teens' wombs, and… where was I?**

**Anyway, I love Bella and Edward, and I love the fact that they get to lead so many existences over here!**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 21: **All I Believed I Knew**

**BELLA**

"I like this one." I point to one of the images on Seth's computer screen.

We've just finished a photo shoot for his exhibition. The title of it will be _Greek Gods –_ _Then and Now_. I'm Hera, wearing a crown and veil. I like the pictures, and the dress Seth made me wear is fantastic. A turquoise creation with a low neckline, flowing around me like waves.

Seth pours coffee. We're in his large kitchen, sitting at the wooden table he bought years ago in Seattle from this tiny, white-haired old man.

"Is everything going right with the show?"

"Yep. I'm going to open on October 19th. Got the confirmation yesterday. It' really exciting!"

"I'm so proud of you." I kiss his cheek. "The Carvelli Gallery! It's just incredible."

"And your picture will be there!" Seth grins happily.

"Though I'm nothing like a Greek God. You should photograph Edward. He looks like one."

"Actually, I've been thinking about that, but I wasn't sure you'd be okay with it."

"Okay with what?" I take a sip of coffee.

"I'd like to take a nude shot. I already have a few of various guys, and… well, you probably know best what your boyfriend looks like…" Seth smiles disarmingly.

"All nude?"

"Well, not a full frontal, if that would make him uncomfortable."

"You'll never get him to do that."

"Why? The goods not worth showing?"

"The _goods," _I say, "are probably more than your camera's lens would be able to take. But knowing Edward, I'm absolutely sure he wouldn't want to do that."

"With his shirt off?" Seth suggests, like a little boy who has been denied ice cream and now bargains for cookies.

"Go ahead. Ask him." I shake my head. I can't help but imagine a nude Greek God Edward…

And then I sigh a little, thinking how I'm never going to measure up to him, physically or otherwise.

I wish I were able to lose those stubborn six pounds, but it's always so hot that I don't feel like running or dragging myself to the gym.

"What's up, babe?" Seth's black eyes are on me. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Mostly."

I look out of the window. The sun's been beating down mercilessly all day. I'm exhausted.

"Meaning?"

Seth moves to the fridge, maybe to give me some time and space to search for an honest reply. But I don't know what to say. I don't want to worry him. He's had his fair share of worries where I am concerned.

"Want a banana pop?" He holds one out for me.

"Thanks."

He sits down and we both suck our ice creams for a few minutes.

"I don't know," I say finally. "I haven't been feeling so great lately…"

"And do you know why that is?"

"Not working sucks."

"I get that." He takes my hand. "You're brilliant, Bella. It's just a matter of time till you'll find an agent, or a job that's going to be a breakthrough."

"Edward's been a little strange lately. Or maybe it's me."

Seth has his finger on his lips. "He's under a lot of pressure at his job, I guess."

"Hmm."

"Listen, Bells. Do you think you should see someone about this?"

"No! No. I mean… I don't feel too good, but I'm sure I'll be okay."

"You really should tell Edward."

"No."

"Why not? He's your man. He loves you."

"I don't…" I swallow. "I don't want to make him feel like it's Tanya, all over again."

"That's bullshit, and you know it."

"Do I? Edward is so perfect; his whole family is _so perfect. _What do I have to offer? I don't want to be his loser girlfriend who has mental problems."

"God, Bells! What you have to offer is a whole lot more than most women have! You're incredibly warm-hearted and talented and beautiful, and it's clear as day that Edward adores you! The only thing that actually could get between you would be for you to keep things from him!"

"Yeah, but Tanya –"

"_Bella_! You're not a drug addict! You're not anorexic or –"

"Well, that's rather obvious," I hiss.

"Whoa." Seth shoots me a look. "What was _that_?"

That's when the tears I have been holding for too long finally bubble up. Seth scoots his chair close and hugs me, letting me cry. I calm down after a few minutes, and blow my nose.

"You really should tell Edward how you feel, Bells. I'm absolutely sure he'll be great about it."

I sniffle.

**EDWARD**

Tonight I'm taking Bella to the annual hospital's charity ball. It's a big affair at the Waldorf Astoria with about seven hundred guests. I don't dig that kind of thing much, but to take Bella makes me oddly proud.

I'm in the shower, imagining her in the gown she described to me. She got it from Seth after wearing it for his photo shoot, and Seth received it from an up and coming designer who wants her stuff promoted. I can't wait to see her in it. I'm looking forward to dancing with her. Maybe have glass of champagne on the terrace overlooking Manhattan.

My Snow White. My goddess. My Bella. My beautiful Bella.

Meeting her has been the greatest gift, ever. Things have been going well for the last week or so. I've been thinking about Alice's advice to talk to Bella, but I don't even know how to start such a conversation. What am I supposed to say? "Well, Bella, so you don't want kids, huh? And could you please reconsider that statement?"

It's too early for that.

Bella is still a little subdued, and about that, we did talk. Bella basically put it down to her problems in finding an acting job, and I can understand that it is hard for her, waiting tables when she has a whole different life to live out there, on the stage. That, in combination with her disposition, is enough to make her feel depressed and on edge, but she assured me it's nothing more than that, and that she'd tell me if she thought things were getting worse.

Outside her phases of despondence, we're so _good_ together. Sometimes, I almost expect that magic to wear down, but it doesn't. My stomach dances and my heart flutters when I see her. The sex is mind-blowing, and I've never, ever, experienced anything comparable. It' getting better and better, our physical connection growing at the same rate that our mental one is. Bella can arouse me with a lift of an eyebrow, or a touch of her finger.

I'm a little apprehensive about the conference next month, or rather, the fact that I still haven't told Bella. I'll be gone for two weeks, which will be the longest we've ever been apart since the day we met. I know, I'm an idiot for not telling her.

Tanya still hasn't signed the necessary papers. I called her three days ago and actually got to talk to her. She was sober and civil and asked me to overthink the divorce, telling me she wanted to try again.

Again, and as patiently as I could, I told her there was no way we'd ever get back together. I begged her to just sign the fucking papers. I told her it was inevitable and that she was just making everything so much more difficult.

Tanya said she'd think about it. Whatever that may mean. My attorney tells me if she's not wiling to oblige, and if I still want the divorce after a years' separation, there'll be a court hearing. It's the last thing in the world that I want, and I can't imagine that Tanya would welcome the press that such a thing would bring in its trail.

_Why can't things ever be easy?_

**BELLA**

_Ugh._

I'm standing in front of the mirror in the dress that looked so beautiful on me ten days ago. What has happened since then? I look like a turquoise elephant.

_Fuck._

I can't go out looking like that. Not to Edward's thing. He'll hate the way I look, secretly wishing it was Tanya instead of Rumpelstiltkin.

_Okay. Breathe, Bella. Breathe._

"Seth?"

"Yeah, babe! Excited yet?"

"Seth, I can't go! I look like shit!"

"Why, what happened?"

"The dress! I look like I weigh a ton!"

"Stop that bullshit, Bells."

"No, really, Seth…" I'm nearly in tears.

"Bella, I saw you in that dress last week. You look marvellous in it! Sexy and adorable. Men are going to fall over themselves with that cleavage."

"But… but…"

"Go to the kitchen. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Are you doing what I say?"

"Yes," I reply meekly.

"Drink."

_Gulp._

"You. Are. Beautiful." He sighs. "Are you wearing the necklace he gave to you?"

"I always wear it."

"Do you have pretty boobs in that dress?"

"Yes." I smile and take another sip.

"Hair?"

"Looks okay."

"Makeup?"

"Good."

"Shoes?"

"Fuck me heels." I grin.

"Now go rock the house, babe. I love you."

"I love you too, Sethy. What would I do without you?"

"Cry like billy-oh. Now, are you good to go?"

"I think so. Thanks."

"Bye, Bells. Have fun tonight."

The party takes place at the Grand Ballroom. It's lavishly decorated, the walls sky-high and flower bouquets of enormous size are everywhere. Expensive carpets and chandeliers and gold-framed mirrors give the place an air of elegance. Waiters in white tuxedos pass around crystal glasses with champagne. Everybody and I mean everybody screams _money_. If someone told me this was the annual plastic surgery and botox gala, I would have no problem believing it. Some of these women could be working on the tunnel of horror, even some really young ones. Others are actually pretty, and there are many, _many_ beautiful and expensive dresses. The men are… rich. Only very few are even remotely attractive.

But maybe I'm spoiled by now. When I opened the door tonight to let in Edward Cullen, I nearly had a heart attack. Nothing had prepared me for the sight of Edward in a midnight blue Gucci suit. He literally took my breath away.

Funny enough, he acted as if _I_ were the astonishing beauty, spinning me around and kissing me, murmuring into my ear that he was not going to let me out of sight once because I was way too sexy.

Currently we're in a conversation with Edward's parents and a couple of Carlisle's colleagues. Esme is her usual sweet self, complimenting me no end, making me feel warm and welcome. She looks beautiful in a grey evening gown, her hair a piece of art. She smells like lipstick and Chanel No. 5. Like a mom.

We're chatting about this and that, and I can feel Edward's presence at all times. How could I not? Every woman, and quite a few men, in this room are drooling over him.

"Ben! Ang!" he says, making Esme and I turn.

Ben Cheney and his wife Angela are approaching us. She's hugely pregnant by now, looking pretty in a flowery pink and white dress. Edward hugs her and gives Ben a handshake and a hug. His eyes are sparkling.

"Ang, you look gorgeous!"

"Nah, I don't," she laughs. "I feel like a flowery, pink elephant." She smiles and turns towards us. "Hi Esme! Hello, Bella! Good to see you!"

Esme and I keep chatting while Edward is in an animated conversation with Angela. I can only overhear fragments of what's being said, and mostly, it's Edward asking Angela questions.

"… nervous… chosen a name… kick… a lot?... nursery?"

I think there's some strange out of body experience going on here and Alice Cullen has overtaken her brother's mind. It's the only explanation.

At one point during Edward and Angela's conversation, I can see Edward put his hand on Angela's round belly, and a smile crosses his face. He says something I can't hear because the people around us and the music are too loud.

The sight does something to me. Something feral, and possessive. And that's ridiculous, since Angela is very happily married to this lovely guy. They are expecting their first child, for God's sake! And yet, a primitive feeling stirs within me. I don't want Edward to touch her, to touch her baby.

_And now let us give a very hearty welcome to Cavebella._

I grab another glass of champagne and keep chatting. Soon enough, Edward and Angela join us and Edward pulls me into his side and kisses my eyebrow.

A little later, there's the mandatory charity auction, and after that, the band starts to play. I 'd really like to dance with Edward, but he seems to know every single person, and the introductions are endless. Considering how much I hate small talk, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. People keep flattering him, or asking his professional opinion, or both, and just when I'm trying to feel like a useless appendage, I tug at his sleeve.

"I'm going to get myself a drink at the bar," I say.

Edward softly pecks my cheek. "You want me to come with you?"

But I'm a little pissed and smile sweetly. "No. I'll be back in a second."

The bar is crowded and I'm beginning to doubt that this was such a smart move. I hate being trapped between people, and this is exactly what is happening here: I'm in the middle of a mass of drunken, loud people intruding on my personal space.

"Bella Swan, right?"

A skinny blonde eyes me from head to toe. It takes me a few seconds until I remember her. Edward's co-worker Lauren.

"Hi. You're Lauren, right?"

"Well." She raises one of her overly plucked eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with Edward."

"Pfft." She looks at me from head to toe as if I were crazy for saying anything like that.

Actually, she's quite pretty. A killer figure, tall, blonde… But _my_ boobs are genuine.

"So you're still together?" Her voice is like honey-tasting venom.

"Yes. Of course."

"Of _course_?" she shrieks. "You're really priceless, honey."

It's my turn to raise my eyebrows and look at her as if she's crazy.

"Girlie," she says, leaning over to me. "Edward _Cullen_ could have every single woman in this room. And you think he's going to stay with… _you_?"

She does not intimidate me. Anger is boiling up in my stomach.

"Um, yes. That's what I think."

She laughs shrilly. I grind my teeth.

"Is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me? Because I'm really –"

Her bony fingers claw into my arm.

"You don't seriously delude yourself that this is going to last, do you? Edward had women like _Tanya_. Like _me_."

My face must be betraying the shock I feel.

"Oooh. Did your sweet Edward omit to tell you he fucked me right after he and Tan split? _Well he did_. And I bet he also forgot to tell you that he and Tan are constantly on the phone."

I feel slightly nauseous. This can't really be happening.

"They're talking about getting back together," she sneers. "_Oops_. He forgot to mention that, right?"

_Breathe, Bella, breathe._

She shrugs.

"He's a fantastic fuck, and one hell of a man. No idea what he wants with someone as… lame as you are. Bye, Belly… oh, sorry, Bella. Have a great evening!"

=====oOo=====

I'm hiding in the ladies' room. If I went out, everyone would see my racoon's eyes. I tried to call Seth, but it went straight to voicemail.

_Is it true? Can it be true?_

I know Edward. He's my Edward. He wouldn't… He _couldn't_…

And the waterworks start again.

It takes me half an hour to calm down, repair my makeup and leave the room.

I'm still giddy as I return to the party. It's crowded, and I have to shove my way through the throngs of people, looking out for a familiar face. Everyone is laughing and celebrating. All I want is to go home.

That's when I see them.

Edward and Lauren, standing way too close to each other, talking intensely. She has a large smile plastered on her face, fluttering her eyelids and flashing her fake tits in his face. I can only see Edward's back, but even from where I stand, I can tell his posture is tense.

I want to vomit.

**EDWARD**

Gah. Can someone please take this skanky bitch Lauren away?

She's been blubbering for five minutes now as if we were best friends, constantly touching me, looking around as if she were looking for someone, while all I want to do is strangle her.

_And where the hell is Bella?_

**BELLA**

Esme slides her arm through mine, talking to me easily and completely oblivious to my dilemma. She's complimenting my dress. I want to destroy something.

Edward is still talking to this Lauren character.

"… amazing!" Esme is saying. "It looks like natural fur, but it's fake!"

"Wow." I'm eying Edward and the trollop. He's running a hand through his hair.

A few moments later, they part and Edward looks around. Once he spots us, he starts making his way through the crowd.

He kisses my cheek and smiles at his mother. I say nothing. Esme looks at us with a happy beam in her eye. She and Edward chat a little before she makes her excuses.

"You sure want to dance with your beautiful lady, Edward!" She winks at him and leaves.

"Are you enjoying yourself, love?" His green eyes are on me.

"Sure. You?"

I can feel the anger boil up again.

"Yeah, it's fun," he smiles.

"And did you have fun talking to Lauren? Reminiscing about the times you fucked? Do you want to do it again? Or would you rather talk to Tanya, discussing about getting back together?" My voice is icy, and my hands are shaking.

Edward's face falls and his expression becomes one of utter shock. He turns pale.

I feel so hurt. I trusted Edward with everything I have. I l_earnt_ to trust a man again because of him. And now, my heart is breaking… again.

Even though I am aware that a lot of my Jacob baggage is playing into this situation, I still am so, so pissed and disappointed, because even if not everything Lauren said needs be true, I'm sure that some part of it must be.

"_What_?"

Edward looks at me as if I'd lost my mind.

"You heard me."

"Yes, I did. What the fuck do you mean by that?" His eyes are like green fire.

"Just that, Edward. I had a chat with your charming co-worker and she shared some interesting information about you. Like the fact you had sex with her. Like the fact that you're talking to Tanya on the phone."

Edward cusses under his breath and his brows knit together.

"This is not like you think, Bella, please let me explain…"

My heart drops. Suddenly I'm cold.

"So it's true," I say tonelessly. I can feel tears prick behind my eyes. Slowly I make my way through the groups of cheering and laughing people.

Edward's hand is by my elbow as he follows me.

"Bella! Please!"

"No!" I turn to him. We're in the upper foyer, next to the grand staircase.

"No, Edward! You lied to me, big time! I thought… I thought I could trust you!"

I hurry down the stairs before he can see my tears, praying and hoping I won't trip in my heels. I make it safely past the reception desk and storm out into the night.

"_Bella_!" He catches hold of me once again.

"_What_?" Hot tears of disappointment and despair are coursing down my cheeks. Around us, Park Avenue is still alive with tourists and traffic and lights.

"So that's what you think of me. You'd rather believe that slutty bitch than hear my side of things?"

"Good to know you speak so highly of your conquests!" I spit. "What does that make me? The mousy loser who gives great head, massaging your balls _oh so good_ before you come?"

"You must have lost your mind." His face is ashen, and beyond angry.

"Oh yeah!" I slap my forehead over-dramatically. "The basket case! Another one! So why don't you just return to your precious Tanya already? She's your wife, after all! And really _skinny_!"

"I cannot fucking believe what you're saying, Bella." He looks at me from strange, dark eyes.

_Do I actually know this man?_

"Just go fuck yourself, Edward."

I walk towards the line of waiting taxis and don't look back.

=====oOo=====

_Bella_**,** his message reads. It's after four a.m. I'm in my safe haven, my bed, with Cedric curled up beside me, snoring ever so softly in his sleep. There are thirty-four discarded and tear-stained tissues next to my bed.

_I'm sorry. I should have been more open with you so something like this could never have blown up to such proportions._

_Yes, I talked to Tanya a couple of times. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you. I called her concerning some details about the divorce._

_Yes, I slept with Lauren one time. She was the one night stand I referred to during our protection discussion, remember?_

_I'm so sorry._

_Meet me for brunch at the cute little place across the street? (Forgot the name. I'm an idiot. But that, you know.)_

_I love you._

_E_

It's called _Caffeine Central_. Idiot.

**EDWARD**

It's six a. m. and I haven't slept yet. Bella is asleep, I suppose. She hasn't answered my message.

After she had left last night, I went back in to talk to Lauren, but I couldn't find her. My partying mood completely down the drain, I went to say goodbye to Mom and Dad and went home. For a moment, I considered stopping by at Bella's, but I figured she'd still be too mad to talk to me. I could imagine what Lauren had been telling her, anyway.

If I could kick my own ass, that's what I'd be doing right now.

_Always listen when your big sister tells you to talk to your girlfriend._

God, why didn't I just tell Bella about those two phone calls with Tanya? They were made so I can be free from her.

At least, now I am sure that Tanya and Lauren have been talking. Plotting?

When the clock turns seven, I know it's pointless to try and get back to sleep. I go for an early morning run and keep checking my cell phone.

Nothing.

Why would Bella believe Lauren that easily, not even asking me whether any of it is true? Doesn't she know, by now, that she can trust me? I don't get it.

By the time my phone beeps with Bella's response, I'm actually a bit pissed that she took that bullshit without thinking twice.

_Meet you there at 11._

_B_

**BELLA**

Oh, God, I'm such an idiot. Why would I give more credence to anything Lauren had to say than to Edward's side of things? Why didn't I let him explain last night? Instead, I yelled and screamed and made a complete fool of myself.

I put on the white sundress that I know he loves me in, but still, there's a sense of foreboding as I make my way to the café.

What if that's it for him?

What if he realised last night that I'm not his league? What if my accusations insulted him so bad he won't have me any more?

He's in the back of the little place, looking tired but still hopelessly beautiful, rumpling his already messy hair. His mouth is tense and I can see his jaw work.

He puts a little kiss on my cheek, making me shiver despite the warm temperatures. I am starting a cold sweat on my back as I sit down across from him.

"Glad you came," he says in a low voice.

"Look, I'm… I'm sorry. I was rash and irrational and…"

"No, no." He lightly shakes his head, searching for words. "Bella, I know I should've been more open with you. I think we really need to talk."

I stare at him, at the table, at the menus with the frayed edges. My mouth is so dry.

Those are the words I _never _wanted to hear from Edward's lips.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Okay, twenty-one down, eleven more to go **

**Thanks to all of you who read and review! Your words mean so, so so much to me!**

**See you soon!**


	22. In Me You See a Lonely Girl

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward. ("Ace of Clubs")**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 22: **In Me You See a Lonely Girl **

**EDWARD**

"Bella?"

She's white as chalk, her lower lip trembling.

"Bella?" I say again. "Are you okay?"

Her mouth is moving but she doesn't say anything. I'm actually starting to get a bit worried. She's breathing irregularly, and there's sweat on her brow. Her eyes are pained and she looks so vulnerable.

It looks like the beginnings of a panic attack.

"Baby." I put both of my hands on her bare arms. By now, I know that physical contact – with me, anyway, or Seth, for that matter – helps.

"Breathe, Bella, okay?" I get her to look at me, and I breathe with her.

"Air… out…" she croaks.

I quickly help her up and put my arm round her as I guide her to the front door. The sun is almost at its highest spot, but it has lost its aggressiveness. I pull Bella to my chest, drawing soothing circles on her back.

"Breathe, baby," I murmur. "Everything's going to be okay. Just breathe."

She calms down after a couple of minutes, and steps out of my embrace. Her face is oddly expressionless, and she doesn't look at me when she speaks.

"Just do it already, Edward," she says. "And get it done with."

"Get what done with?"

She looks at me, her eyes two dark, burning pools of… hurt.

"What are you talking about, Bella?"

"The whole breaking up with me part. Do it already."

A startled half-laugh leaves my chest. Bella looks at me as if she wanted to kill me.

"_What_? Bella, why the _fuck_ would I break up with you? Because we had a fight? Our first fight?"

You… you said you wanted to talk right now…" One lonely tear leaves her left eye and she quickly catches it with her finger, head held high.

"Yes, I did, and I think we should. Talk, that is. But that doesn't explain why you think I would want to break up with you. That's…" I snort. "That's ludicrous."

"I… I just thought…"

"Thought what?"

"That you'd think I'm not… your league…"

She looks so small and lost, and I do the only thing I can think of, and pull her close again.

"That's bullshit," I whisper into her hair. "I love you so much. Why would I destroy what we have? You make me incredibly happy, Isabella."

She swallows. Slowly, tentatively, her arms come around my waist.

"But… why would Lauren be so vindictive to spread out lies about you?"

"I don't know… But I think that it's actually being Tanya who made up that story about getting back together. It's what she wants."

"Oh." She looks up at me, worry written all over her face.

"Let's go back inside and talk over breakfast, okay?"

Once we both have a steaming mug of coffee in front of us, Bella is the first to speak.

"You've been acting weird sometimes lately," she says, "and I couldn't figure out why. I've been feeling bad myself, so when Lauren told me all those things… " She frowns and stares into her mug. "That you were on the phone with Tanya all the time… I thought…" She bites her lip. "I should not have believed her that easily. I'm sorry. She said you slept with her… and that made me snap…"

I reach over the table and take her hand in mine.

"I'm so sorry too, baby. But I'm a bit… confused, as well. Don't you trust me?"

"I do." Her voice is low. "I guess… I have some issues with that, though, which I didn't even realise I had."

"Well, you _can_ trust me. I love you, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you." I scratch the back of my neck. "I know I should have been more open with you, but I didn't want you to worry, so I kept things to myself. I did talk to Tanya on the phone. She is unwilling to sign the necessary papers, and has deluded herself that she wants us to try again. Which is moronic," I add swiftly as I see the shocked expression on Bella's face. "I just want this thing to be done with, and she's doing everything to hold it up.

"If she doesn't sign the stuff, we'll have to take the whole thing to court, and I can't imagine she'd want that anymore than I do. All I _want_," I say, hoping to take that anxious expression off her face, "is to be free. Free to be with you. Free for _you_."

I pause because our breakfast arrives.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I know I can trust you. I _do_."

"Good," I say. "I love you. So much."

"I love you too," she whispers.

We're silent for a few minutes, eating breakfast. I keep watching Bella. Her face is pale, and her lashes throw dark shadows underneath her eyes. She looks tired.

"Are you okay?" I say.

"Yes." She smiles, but it doesn't come from a place inside her.

"I'm worried about you," I say, unsure of whether this is the right approach. "You're unhappy, and I wish I could help."

"I'm okay."

"Sure?"

She nods, but I can tell she's not. I slide into her side of the booth.

"What did Lauren say?"

Bella cringes, confirming my suspicion that there's something Lauren said in order to insult her.

"Apart from calling me fat and unworthy of you?" She tries to say it lightly, but I know she's hurt.

"That bitch," I mutter under my breath. I scoot closer to Bella and twine my arms around her. "You're beautiful, Bella. So beautiful. I'd like to rip her head off for insulting you." I kiss Bella's cheek. "_You are beautiful_."

Bella relaxes a little, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Why did you sleep with her?"

"_Lauren_?"

"Uh-huh."

"I was… in a bad place back then. Sometimes, I would drink a bit too much, and that was one of those nights. I was lonely." I swallow, ashamed of this older version of me.

"She talked about it like you were still very close."

I can't help but snort.

"Bella. I was so fucking plastered that night I don't even remember most of it. And, believe me, that doesn't make me proud. I talked to Lauren a few days later and told her that nothing more would ever become of it. The only explanation I can offer for her behaviour last night is… well. Jealousy."

_I'm so having a long talk with Miss Mallory._

"Why would someone like her be …" Bella suddenly giggles. "Oh, I get it."

I smile and frown simultaneously, because it's great to hear her laugh, but I _don't_ get it.

"She's jealous because you're with me," Bella whispers in my ear. She twines her arms around my neck.

"I love you," I whisper back.

"And I love you," she replies before we lose ourselves in the sensation of our mouths moving with each other, breaths accelerating once our tongues meet.

I'm not sure that this is supposed to be the direction to go, but I'm also very helpless when it comes to Bella and her… everything.

Her hands are moving dangerously, delightfully close to where I am beginning to tingle for her.

_Thank God we have a booth in the back._

"Maybe we should transfer this discussion to a bed across the street," Bella murmurs against my lips.

**BELLA**

The second the door closes behind us, we attack each other with our hands and lips.

"Don't doubt me again, will you," Edward whispers. "I love you so much… so much…"

"I love you," I reply. My hands are in his hair, enjoying the feeling of silk while our mouths meet again.

Once we're inside the bedroom, I shut the door so Cedric won't feel invited to partake. I gently push Edward back onto the bed and crawl up so I am between his legs. Sliding my hands beneath his shirt, I get to feel his stomach, flat and hard and warm, the hair under his navel leading to my happy place.

I grab the hem of his t-shirt.

"Off," I murmur, and Edward moves so I can pull it over his head. Hovering above him, I plant dozens of tiny kisses on his chest, tickling his nipples with the tip of my tongue. He smells so good, clean and manly, the smattering of hair so soft against my face. Edward's hands are on my back, my shoulders, sensitive fingertips brushing against my skin as I kiss my way downward. I start to unbutton the flies of his jeans, and the feeling of his erection straining against the denim practically waters my mouth. I kiss him through the material of his grey boxer briefs, feeling him shudder. So hard. So warm. I hook my fingers inside his pants and pull them lower, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin. I love his thighs, strong and muscular. I love his knees. I love his ankles. By the time I am licking a slow trail on the inside of his thigh, Edward is murmuring my name, and I can't wait any longer. His erection is directly in front of me and for a second, I just look. He's so perfect. I don't think I've been thinking of a penis as beautiful before, but his is. I kiss it and Edward moans softly when I lick along the underside, putting a few small kisses on his balls, which causes another deep moan.

I take him into my mouth and Edward groans with joy. His fingers entangle in my hair as I begin to please him, my lips surrounding his hard flesh. I love the fact that the things I'm doing get him to make the sounds he's making. I suck a little harder and he moves his hands to my shoulders, gripping me. I never enjoyed doing this much before, but tasting, smelling, feeling, hearing, seeing him, him at his most vulnerable is a total turn on. Making him happy makes me happy.

"Bella… baby…" He's stilling my movements. He's breathing hard and I look at him and raise my eyebrows.

"You… need to stop," he murmurs thickly.

"Why?" I smile.

"Because I won't last if you continue…"

"Would that be a bad thing?" I kiss the tip of him, and Edward shudders and closes his eyes.

"N-No," he swallows and then hooks his hands under my arms and pulls me higher. "But this is supposed to be about you too, you know…" His hands are under my dress, sneaking up my thighs. "Come… take that off…"

Seconds later, I am naked and Edward is passionately sucking my nipple into his mouth while his long, beautiful fingers are working their magic further south. I'm trembling with pleasure, my arms around his neck and my lips by his ear as I murmur and sigh.

"You're so beautiful," he murmurs against my skin and licks a little circle around my nipple.

"Edward…" My lips search out for his once more and we drown in along, needy kiss. Panting, he positions himself by my entrance and we both moan aloud when I sink down on him. It's such a sweet relief to have him inside me.

I start to move slowly, watching his face as Edward's lips slide into a languid smile. We're watching each other while his hand travel to my breasts, thumbs caressing my nipples. My hands are on his chest as I move up and down. It feels so good. I feel safe, and wanted, and cherished.

"Bella…" His voice is low, eyes alight with pleasure. "I love you… You know that, right? I _love _you. You are the only one…"

"I love you," I echo him, moving in a slow, pleasant rhythm. We never stop looking at each other, and we go on and on. On and on, that is, until my thighs start hurting and I drop forward so our chests are touching and our lips meet in another slow, wet kiss. At this angle, my clit is rubbing him with every move and I am soon going faster. Edward's hands are on my hips and make my moves even more frantic, his fingers digging into my skin as he lifts me up and down.

The need in my belly is beginning to overwhelm me and I ride Edward harder, harder, until our moans become one while the sounds of his flesh slickly sliding in and out of me sends me over the edge.

I cry out as I come, and Edward follows with a drawn-out, deep groan as I ride out every spasm of pleasure. He shudders, and I can feel his warm release inside me.

Seconds later, I collapse on top of him, burying my face in his neck. He wraps his arms around me and hums with satisfaction. I close my eyes and relax into his scent and his warmth and safety.

We're silent, none of us moving, and I feel like myself again. Edward's heart is beating evenly against my ear and I can tell he's drowsing off. His breathing is slow and even, and I allow myself to fall asleep as well, falling into comfortable nothingness at first, and then, just falling.

Falling, falling, stumbling, trying to breathe, running after them and never getting to that safe spot.

"Bella?" Soft lips on my temple.

"Mmm?" I turn around. Edward is sitting on my bed next to me. The room is dim, the light fading outside.

"Are you hungry?" He puts a kiss on my temple. He follows it with one on my cheek, one on my nose, and one on my jaw. "I ordered some Thai…"

"_You _ordered in?" I smile sleepily.

"Yeah…" He kisses me, pulling my lower lip in between his. "I only woke up twenty minutes ago." He crawls back upon the bed so we're facing each other. He pulls me close. He put on his jeans, but his chest is naked.

"What's the time?"

"Just after eight."

"Huh."

"Guess we were exhausted after last night… and today."

Edward's lips are very pouty this close. Inviting. I kiss him.

"Are we okay?" I whisper. I know that we are, but I need to hear it.

"Yes. Please." One corner of his lips turns up into that crooked smile I love.

The only thing that interrupts our kissing is the doorbell. As I'm still completely naked, Edward leaves the room to get our takeout. We have it in bed, watching silly TV shows, feeding each other with our chopsticks.

At around eleven, I take our leftovers to the kitchen. When I return, Edward has his glasses on and is checking his phone. He doesn't look very happy. I climb back into bed and put my head on his shoulder. He acknowledges my presence by ruffling the hair at the back of my head. I know that something is off by the way he puts his phone on the nightstand.

Edward kisses my ear. Just when I'm ready to ask what's going on, he speaks.

"Um… Bella…"

And I don't like the sound of that one bit.

"Yes?" I look at him. He has taken off his glasses and is massaging the bridge of his nose.

"I've been meaning to tell you this… but… " He sighs. "I need to attend a conference that starts in ten days. I absolutely need to go, because Dad was meant to host this thing, and he won't be able to go. He is going mad at the hospital with the latest cuts, and he says he can't leave right now…"

"So you need to be there?"

"Yeah," he says slowly. "For two weeks. It's in London."

**EDWARD**

I can see the light giving way to Bella's dark the moment the words have left my lips.

Her anxiety screams out to me as she gets tense. A deep breath leaves her chest.

"So you'll be… gone?"

"If I could cancel this thing, I would. But, you know, it's Dad's project, and he'd be devastated if I didn't go to represent him. There'll be tons of important people. I just need to help him with that."

Bella is silent, her hand a fist on my ribcage.

"I'll be okay," she whispers. "Two weeks, right?"

I kiss her forehead.

"I'll miss you like hell, though."

She turns away. I kiss her shoulder, her neck. The slight tremble tells me that she is crying.

"Bella… Baby…"

"No..."

Her voice is strangled. "I mean it. I'll be okay. Really."

I twine both of my arms around her and pull her as close as possible. She's crying in earnest now, small sobs leaving her chest.

"Shh, baby…" I kiss her, kiss every spot of her skin I can reach. "I love you… so much… so much…"

"I know… I'm sorry…"

At last, she turns around to look at me, her tears wetting my chest.

"I love you," she whispers as the hot drops keep falling. "I'm sorry, Edward, I'm sorry. I love you…"

"Stop apologizing," I murmur, hooking my thumb under her chin so she has to look at me. "I know this is the worst possible timing. I'd try and get out of it, but the plain fact is that I can't…" I kiss her salty cheeks, her nose, her lips. "Do you think you'll be okay?"

"Yes," she snivels. She retrieves a few Kleenex from the nightstand and blows her nose.

I can't help but smile. She looks so cute with her pink cheeks and nose.

"I know I've been sort of off for a few weeks." She bites her lip. "But I promise I'll be okay."

At that, our lips meet in a kiss, tender and sweet at first, but turning into something much, much hotter after a few moments.

=====oOo=====

I don't want to wake her. It's bad enough I have to leave. I'm sure that a tearful goodbye will not be helping Bella at all. After my shower, I tiptoe out of the bathroom, my eyes resting on Bella's sleeping form.

We made love all night last night, as if I wasn't leaving for a couple of weeks but a year. She's been miserable for the last ten days, even if she tried to hide it in a brave effort. Time and again I debated with myself whether to just skip the conference, but I know that I can't. Maybe, somewhere in the depths of my brain, I also know that it wouldn't be right or helpful to take a path that might lead to some of the near co-dependency I had with Tanya.

I asked Alice and Seth for advice, and both told me the right thing was to go, and that they'd look after Bella. Still, I'm worried.

I'm in the kitchen, waiting for the coffee to get ready when I hear the patter of feet.

"Hey." She's leaning against the doorframe in one of my t-shirts, her nipples clearly showing.

"Hey." Crossing the short distance between us, I pull her close. I bury my face in her hair and inhale her scent. She feels so small. Precious. Fragile. I don't want to go.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I ask for the hundredth time.

"Yeah.." She kisses my throat. "Even though I'm already beginning to have withdrawal symptoms…"

I press her closer to my body.

"I love you," I say.

"I love you," she says.

"We'll phone and text and mail all the time," I say. "Right?"

"Yes."

She makes me sit down and pours both of us some coffee.

"Do you want breakfast?" she asks.

"No." I take her hand and pull her to my lap.

We chat about this and that to relieve the tension. We kiss and murmur and touch. She is my everything, my beautiful, my Bella.

By the time the doorbell rings, telling me that the cab is there, I am fully dressed and my suitcase is next to the door. Bella offered to come with me to the airport about twenty times. I know that she hates to say goodbye at airports or train stations, so twenty times, I told her no.

I kiss her one last time, and the apartment door closes behind me.

It's only when the plane actually leaves the ground that I start to have this bad, bad feeling.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**I know it's sort of a cliffie, but don't hate me! Rather review, and I'll update sooner! **

**Thanks to everyone who supports my story by taking the time to write a review! You can't imagine how much it means to me!**


	23. Music Has Gone Somehow

**Hi, everybody! Today's my birthday, and before I leave to celebrate the fact that I'm one year older, I'm posting this.**

**This is he hardest chapter of the story. Thank you to everyone who reviewed! It means so, so much to me!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 23**: Music Has Gone Somehow**

**BELLA**

I've been feeling off for too long now.

I know I should consult somebody about this. It's been weeks. The process has been slow. It started somewhere around our trip to Long Island I think, but it's impossible to pinpoint. Life just slipped away from me. At first I was cranky and sullen. Then I began to consider my shitty little existence. Then I started comparing myself to others. Then I began to realize that Edward and I truly must look like a complete mismatch to outsiders, just like Lauren suggested. I mean I don't wear expensive clothes, and you can clearly see that I don't spend money on high-priced beauty products. I would love to spend two hundred dollars on a haircut, but the fact is that I can't.

I started feeling insecure among people. That's new. It hasn't happened for at least six years.

Not returning phone calls and cancelling appointments or meetings with friends or colleagues is plain stupid, and I know that. Still, I do it.

Instead, I sleep.

Edward is one of the few people I do not shy away from. His proximity seems to be the only thing that helps these days.

Like three days ago.

_We're on my sofa and I am wrapped in the indescribable security of his arms, resting my head against his chest. Edward's hand is on my back, drawing slow, soothing circles. We're watching _The Shining_. Turned out we both adore that film. And tonight, it gives me ample opportunity to hide, literally, in Edward's armpit. When I do it for the third time, he giggles because I'm tickling him, and throws me back on the couch, sweetly smothering me with his body. _

_He kisses me, soft lips touching mine, moving tenderly. Putting my arms around his neck, I pull him even closer. Edward's tongue slides against mine, and my heart is beating harder. I drive my hands under his shirt, feeling the familiar planes of his back; it's strong and muscular. Our bodies move together, and it's good. So good. And when he's inside me, everything is okay. Edward loves me. Edward desires me. He whispers the sweetest words, kissing me, and the pain is gone for the moment._

Today, though, three days later, Edward is in Europe. And I am miserable as hell.

I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't expecting it would be… this. It's excruciating.

Life isn't the same. Not like I know it when I'm good. Everything is different. I can't stand people getting too close to me. They smell. I don't distinguish between good smell and bad smell. They smell, and I can't stand it. Every sensual experience is too much for me. The subway is unthinkable territory at the moment.

I can't.

I want out.

Out.

I think of Charlie, and how much he wants me to be happy, but that only makes me cry more.

I want him to be proud of me. Not to worry about a hopeless bundle of despair, trying to fight her way through… Trying to stay.

To stay alive. If I died, it would kill Charlie.

I need to survive, by whichever means.

And I am trying.

But it's hard. One day after the other. I know, you keep telling that to yourself, and everything will work out.

Edward knows about it by now. I told him about being on antidepressants, and that I went through years of therapy. But does he get what it means? That it can mean periods of utter hopelessness and sadness?

No longer wanting to live? Because that's what it can entail.

He's a doctor. Shouldn't he know what to do?

_Stupid, Bella. He's a cardiac surgeon, Leave the man alone. He needs to save lives._

**EDWARD**

What the fuck am I doing here?

I know that Bella is miserable. At first, I thought I could help her by just talking, being there over the phone. But I don't think it's enough. I have to attend meetings all day, and because of the time difference, it's simply not possible to be on the phone with her all the time.

She cried so hard last night that, after we'd ended our conversation, I called Seth. He said he was worried as well, and would be returning to New York in five days from his trip. I'm not sure Bella will manage five days on her own.

**BELLA**

But it got really, really bad a few days ago. My vision gets blurry at odd moments, like when I'm at the grocery store, trying to decide if another brand of cat food would make Cedric happier. He can't be really happy, living all alone with me in this smallish apartment. And I'm away all the time. Maybe he'd be happier somewhere else… without me.

The mere thought makes me cry again. I hate it.

It started two days before Edward left. The changes might not be noticeable to others, but they're enormous for me. I'm shaky and I feel horribly vulnerable. A day after Edward's departure I went on my period, and that' s never a good time for me, anyway. In combination with his absence, it's devastating.

I want to scream at random strangers. I want to beat people. Real hard.

Work at the bar isn't fun anymore. I hate everybody.

_What the fuck? I don't care if you ordered your fucking nachos without cheese! Get over it, woman!_

"I'm sorry to be complaining, but I'm allergic to cheese…"

_Fuck me. I'm just crappy at anything I do. I'm too stupid to even get an order of nachos right._

"I'm so sorry. I'll get you a new one."

_Can I have a new life, please?_

My tummy cramps. My boobs are freakishly tender. I want to really hurt someone, or smash something, or…

Just make the pain go away.

Advil will deal with the one in my tummy.

The other one is not so easily taken away. I know I should have told him, like Seth said. I was too chicken to do it, never wanting to disturb what we had, which is near perfection. Near.

I know.

It's my own fault.

I love Edward more than I can put into words. He is, literally, my life. That's why I want to spare him this.

Actually, in a way I'm glad he's not here to witness.

I just should have told him how bad it could get.

Sleepless nights, or sleeping all day. Junk food, or not eating anything. Crying, and crying some more.

Phone calls.

Sue's reassuring voice. She understands.

"We'll come, pumpkin. Whenever. We'll be there. You know that."

I don't want to disappoint them.

"I'll be okay, Sue. Love you…"

More and more tears at the thought that I'm disappointing them.

When Edward told me he would be attending a conference in London, I smiled. When he said that he'd be gone for two weeks, I nearly threw up.

To make matters worse, Seth is in Boston now to meet Collin's family.

There's nothing to do for me but mope around the apartment and scream at Cedric when he pees into the plants.

The smallest tasks overwhelm me, like going to the post office, or returning my library books, or collecting my stuff from the dry cleaner's. I'm just hiding in bed beneath the covers most of the time. The highlight of my day is Edward's call at around six, when he's on his lunch break. I can hear the concern in his voice when I answer his questions.

"And what have you been up to, sweet actress?"

"Nothing much… Reading… Taking a nap…"

I want Edward to adore me, to admire me, to want me. Not to pity me. But there's nothing I can say.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too. So, so much."

I sniffle and try to stifle the noise with my crumpled Kleenex.

"Baby, what's up? I can hear you're not okay…"

He sounds so sad. It's me that makes him sad. My useless, idiotic existence makes Edward Cullen sad. He doesn't deserve that kind of shit. He's been through that, right?

"It's nothing," I sob.

"Bella. What's going on? Do you think I don't notice that something's wrong? You've been crying the last couple of times I talked to you, and you told me everything's fine when I clearly can hear it's not!"

The tenderness and concern in his voice make me cry even harder. Who am I to steal this gorgeous man's time?

"Baby, talk to me. Please."

But I can only think that he went through this shit with Tanya already, and the last thing I want is for him to stay out of obligation to me.

"I'll be okay…"

"Bella."

His voice is desperate.

"I'll be okay. I promise."

I can hear him sigh, and I want to kick myself for causing him pain.

"I'll call you in four hours, okay?"

"Yeah…"

"I love you."

"Love you too."

The last words are stifled, because I end the call and throw myself on my bed and sob until my eyes and nose and lips are swollen.

**EDWARD**

Slowly but surely I'm going crazy with worry. I'm on a different continent while my girl is being very ill. I should have realized. I just should have realized.

**BELLA**

Our next conversation doesn't go much better.

"Do you want me to call Alice? I'm sure she'd love to come over …"

"No, I'll be good."

I am good, right? I'm feeding Cedric regular meals. I cleaned his kitty litter three days ago. I can function. I can.

I haven't seen anybody since Edward left, which is eight days. Also, I haven't showered since then. I did change my sweatpants, though. Yesterday.

Fuck. I'm so fucked up.

"Should I call Seth?"

"He's in Boston…"

And the waterworks start again. Great. I am a very attractive girlfriend, I am sure.

"Baby, what can I do to help?"

I hate it that it's me causing the sadness in his voice.

"I… I think I'll just go and sleep…"

"Sure?"

"Yeah…" I hiccup.

"I love you."

His voice is soft and tender, and desperate.

"I love you," I reply, and curl myself back up on my couch.

**EDWARD**

I'm running as fast as I can.

Fuck, I really should go to the gym more often. The bag's not helping, either. Once I'm there, I'm panting and yelping, but I made it.

**BELLA**

I groan at the noise that's waking me from odd, dark dreams. I turn around.

Gah.

It's the doorbell.

I'm not expecting anybody.

I curl myself back into my position under the sweaty sheets.

And the door rings again.

What the fuck?

Now, my phone starts ringing, too. It stops, and immediately starts again. Groaning, I pull it from underneath my pillow. It's him.

"Oh. Hey." I try to pretend I'm my usual self.

"Could you please open the door, love?"

I shuffle to the front door and peek out.

"Edward." I stare at him. One thought jolts through my hazy brain.

_Thank God I took a shower this morning._

"Bella."

I've never seen him this anxious. There are deep circles under his eyes. He shuts the door behind him and steps towards me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask numbly. "You're not supposed to be back until Thursday –"

And then I'm in his arms, and I'm safe. The relief floods my body and mind, and my heart unclenches. He's warm and strong, smelling wonderfully familiar.

"I took an earlier flight," he whispers into my hair. "I was worried sick, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"Nonsense," he says.

"No, really. You ended your trip early because of me…"

"Baby, you're _sick_. This is not your _fault_." He kisses my wet cheek. "If anyone's to blame, it's me. If I had just realised how miserable you are, I'd never left in the first place."

I look up at him through tear-stained lashes. His eyes are warm and worried. So much love shows from them.

A few minutes later, we're on the couch in the living room. I'm ashamed of the state this place is in, but Edward doesn't comment on it. He just holds me close and I can't even begin to describe how good it feels. It feels as if he'd been away for a month.

"Are you taking your medication?" His tone is soft yet serious.

I nod.

"Can you show me the package insert?"

"Sure." I get up and fetch it.

Edward pulls me back into his lap and puts on his glasses, reading.

"Hmm," he says once he's finished. "I'm no neurologist of course, but maybe you should be taking a higher dosage, or even try something different. When did you last see Dr. Banner?"

"In June."

"And you were okay back then, weren't you?"

"Yes."

Edward takes off his glasses and places them on the coffee table.

"We should get you an appointment."

"It'll take ages until she has any vacancies."

Edward purses his lips. "That won't do."

I shrug helplessly.

_God, I don't want to feel helpless and despondent anymore. I want to be me again._

"You're ill, baby."

"I know that," I spit, regretting it immediately. "I'm sorry, I murmur." "It's just... I'm so sick of feeling this way, of being so helpless about it, and I hate myself for it."

Edward kisses my temple. "You're ill," he says again, "and you need to accept that it's not your fault. It's your brain that's imbalanced. And there are ways to treat it. You'll be better. I promise." He pulls me a little closer still, his voice muffled as he murmurs into my hair. "I love you so much… I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help you."

I rest my face against his throat and close my eyes. I'm no longer alone. He's here. He's going to help me.

We stay like that for a long time, Edward's quiet breathing relaxing me completely.

"Bella?" he says softly. "Do you want to call Dr. Banner yourself, or should I do it?"

**EDWARD**

I knew that Bella was suffering from a chronic illness. There were signs of a depressive period, and I didn't see them. Instead, I left. I'm an idiot. People like me shouldn't be let anywhere near sick people.

She's tiny and pale and exhausted, as if all life had been sucked out of her. Like a pale carbon copy of the vibrant and luminous woman I love. She hands me her phone, already having scrolled down to Dr. Banner's number. After three rings, a female voice asks me to stay on the line and I'm in the waiting loop, where Doris Day croons_, Que sera, sera._

Bella looks at me with large, anxious eyes.

"Waiting loop," I say.

Cedric, who's been on the couch with us, jumps on the floor and leaves for the bathroom. Judging from the smell, Bella hasn't cleaned his litter box for a few days. Her apartment looks rather dismal, too. She isn't the tidiest person at the best of times, but at the moment it's _really _messy. I'm startled out of my thoughts by a brisk voice.

"This is Dr. Banner's practice, I'm Veronica, how can I help you?"

"This is Dr. Cullen speaking. I'm calling concerning a patient of yours, Miss Isabella Swan."

"Of course, sir. What can I do for you?"

"I just need an appointment for her. It has to be soon, this week, if possible."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but our waiting list is really full. The soonest I could offer you is… let me see… October third?"

"Um, no. It's really urgent, like I said. October is way too far ahead."

"I'm sorry, but… Is Miss Swan a patient of yours?"

For a second I consider lying, but I quickly decide against it.

"No, she is not my patient. She's my girlfriend. I _am_ a doctor though, and Miss Swan is very ill. I could get her to see someone at Lenox Hill, which is where I work, but since she's Dr. Banner's patient, I'd really rather have her consult with her."

There's a silence on the other end, and I can hear a muffled conversation before Veronica is back.

"Okay, Dr. Cullen. Would tomorrow at six p.m. work for you?"

"Yes," I smile. "Thank you very much."

Bella looks frightened when I tell her the news, but also relieved.

"Well," I say. "I'd really like to take you to my place now."

"I know," she says unhappily. "It looks like shit here."

"We'll clean up." I nuzzle her nose with mine. "But not tonight. Let's just go to my house, okay?"

Bella looks pained.

"Not okay?" I say. I she wants to stay here, so will I.

"I'd love to go," she says in a low voice, "it's just…"

"What is it?" I take her hand.

"I don't want to be without Cedric right now…"

=====oOo=====

Two hours later, the _Roll 'n' Clean Litter Box_ is installed in my bathroom and Cedric enjoys dinner at his new spot next to the fridge while his _Cosmic Alpine Scratcher _waits for him in the hall. We stopped by at Petco's.

Bella and I dined on pizza and are currently on the sofa I'm tired – it's three in the morning in London – but happy to have her in my arms. My love for Bella grows deeper with every hour. Even in her pain, she's beautiful and so much stronger than she knows. My need to protect her fills my heart. I've never felt this deeply for anyone.

"Edward?" she whispers.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to go to bed?"

"Are you tired?"

"A bit. And you've been yawning at least ten times." There's a tiny smile on her lips, and it warms my heart to see it.

"Yeah, it's the jetlag, I guess… I'm sorry…"

When Bella joins me in bed, she's freshly showered, smelling deliciously clean and girly. She snuggles up to me, kissing my neck, and I'm prepared to hold her, comfort her in case she has nightmares. The very last thing I expected was to feel Bella's hand slide inside my pajamas, stroking me gently.

I'm hard almost instantly; it's what her touch always does.

"Bella…" I whisper in the dark. "Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes…" her breath is hot on my neck. "So much…" She kisses my chest, her tongue brushing across my nipple. "So much… I want you… I need you…"

"I need you too… I love you…"

We turn around so I am on top of her, kissing her, my hands exploring her soft, divine body.

I've never felt so close to her. I'm inside her, and the knowledge that she is giving her vulnerable self to me makes it so much more intimate. Our lovemaking is filled with tenderness, small whispers and words of adoration. This isn't about getting off. It's about being close, as close as two people can get, about cherishing each other.

This woman completes me; she makes me whole, and I am going to do everything I can to make her better, to make her happy.

=====oOo=====

Bella is sitting between Seth and me in Dr. Banner's waiting room the next night. I called Seth this morning and he said he was on his way back already because he was just as worried as I about Bella.

Since I'm still on London time, I woke early, and used the time to call Carlisle. I'm not expected back at work until Monday, which is a good thing. My dad is no more a psychiatrist than I am, but he seemed pleased that I asked his opinion, and since he has about thirty years more of experience, I thought a call wouldn't hurt. I also spoke with Mom, who was as understanding and sympathetic as ever, telling me that everything would be okay, and that I would be able to cope with things because Bella and I just belonged together. It was good to get a bit of encouragement.

Bella's hand is in mine, as we wait, none of us in a very chatty mood. Seth seems to know very well how Bella works when she's like this. I've already learned that just being there for her, demanding nothing, is the best you can do, and Seth is confirming that it helps Bella the most to support her gently, tell her we love her and remind her that it's her illness when things look darkest to her.

All three of us get tense when the nurse calls Bella in.

"Do you want one of us to come in with you, Bells?" Seth asks.

She's chewing on her lip, a worried frown on her forehead as she gets up.

"Um… yeah. Would it be okay if Edward came in with me?"

"Sure, babe." Seth smiles reassuringly and kisses her cheek.

Dr. Banner's office is light and spacious. There's a huge mahogany desk and a loveseat and a group of chairs next to the window overlooking a backyard with trees and a sandbox.

The nurse gestures for us to sit down, and I take Bella's hand as we wait.

She rubs her brow.

"Such a fuss," she murmurs.

I kiss her hand. "It'll be okay."

A very business-like, brunette woman enters the room and introduces herself as Caroline Banner. She reminds me of Bebe Neuwirth with her black bob and stern expression.

The appointment takes an hour.

Bella is getting asked dozens of questions, from her eating and sleeping habits to her sex drive. At that, she blushes and says, "It's normal. Good, I'd say." Then, Dr. Banner asks about our relationship, happily not about my sex drive because I'd have to reply, "As far as your patient is concerned, I'm insatiable."

Finally, she gets to the circumstances leading to Bella's present state.

Bella is quiet and self-conscious, choosing her words with care, telling Dr: Banner how she has been feeling more and more upset and hopeless, losing any motivation to do things. Dr. Banner asks Bella whether the fact that I am still married is troubling her. Bella gets uncomfortable, but finally nods, saying that she'd be relieved if I were finally unbound. It pricks at my heart, and I feel so shitty I want to bang my head against the doorframe. More questions, and I'm ready to jump out of my chair and scream, "Just change her fucking meds," when Dr. Banner suggest just that.

Bella isn't too happy about it, having endured the side effects of the pills she's currently taking, but we convince her that it's worth trying.

"Is there anything else that you think might help, Dr. Banner?" I say.

"What do you think, Miss Swan?" She smiles encouragingly.

"I don't know." Bella shrugs helplessly.

"Maybe a vacation would do you good?" I suggest.

For the glimpse of a second, her eyes light up before they return to their despondent expression.

"I don't have the money at the moment," she says. "And I wouldn't like to go somewhere and mope on my own. I mean, Edward has to work, and so does Seth and everyone else."

_And now I know how I can actually help her._

Soon after, we say our goodbyes and Dr. Banner instructs the nurse to hand Bella a prescription and an appointment in two weeks' time.

Seth is waiting for us, kissing Bella's cheek when we leave the practice, but never asking any questions besides, "Was it okay?" to which Bella nods.

_I need to speak with Seth; he is so good with her, having been her best friend for almost twenty years and knowing what helps._

We all have coffee together, and Bella and I stop by at a pharmacy to get her new medication.

Cedric greets us when we get back home, and it feels so right to have him here, to have Bella here. This is not the time to broach the subject, though.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, pulling her to the kitchen with me.

"A bit," she says.

"Steak?" I suggest, glad that I went shopping for groceries in the morning.

"Steak would be heavenly," she smiles. She blinks her eyes, and my heart constricts a bit at how small and exhausted she looks.

"Lie down a bit, why don't you?" I say.

"Maybe I will… just a few minutes…"

I guide her to the sofa and she gets comfortable. I'm about to wrap her into a blanket when she whispers, "Stay with me…"

She stretches out her hand for me and I lay next to her, holding her as her eyes flutter closed. I let myself get lost in her scent and her warmth as my heart floods with love and determination.

I am going to do whatever I can to make this woman happy.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**This chapter was hard to write. Everyone experiences things differently, but just let me say that everything in this chapter is based on personal experience. Well except having Edward Cullen as your boyfriend, obviously. **

**Things are going to get better for our lovely couple now…**


	24. Sigh No More

**Thank you so much for all your reviews! It means the world to me to hear from you!**

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 24**: Sigh No More**

**BELLA**

I am woken by a soft kiss and the smell of coffee.

"Hey."

I slowly open my eyes. Edward is sitting on the bed next to me in his pajama pants with tousled hair and sleepy eyes.

"Hey," I mumble.

It's so quiet. The murmur of the sea is the only sound in the distance.

Edward joins me beneath the covers, embracing me with his whole body. His lips are on the back of my neck, and I entwine our fingers above my heart. I close my eyes again.

The day after my appointment with Dr. Banner, Edward informed me that he was taking me to his uncle Aro's Hamptons residence. He wasn't expected back at the hospital until Monday, anyway, and had been able to arrange another two days off from work so we'd be able to stay for six days. Aro would have his housekeeper let us in, since he was momentarily in Brazil. Seth had already agreed to feed Cedric. At first, I was a bit overwhelmed, but the idea of getting away from the city was tempting, and so, we arrived here two days ago.

The most part of those two days I have spent sleeping thanks to the new medication, but I'm getting used to them, and this morning, I actually don't feel hopeless and exhausted the moment I wake.

I know this is the turning moment, because I've been there before. It's as if a dark veil is being lifted, and I'm able to see the world as it is, with all its colours, without a dark tint to them. It makes me feel powerless, too, because I know that I have no control over my illness, and that I depend on pills so I can be okay and function normally again.

Edward and I have been doing a lot of talking. He's actually beating himself up internally because he didn't see it coming, but I think I could convince him that none of it is his fault. He wants to help, and he does, being there, physically and emotionally, never pressuring me into anything but gently guiding me back into my life.

He kisses my neck, and his breath is warm on my skin as he murmurs into my ear.

"How do you feel this morning, Miss Swan?"

"Better." I kiss the back of his hand. "Much better, actually. Your therapy is doing a good job, Dr. Cullen."

Edward chuckles. "Nothing could make me happier than this, Miss Swan" He puts another soft kiss on my ear. "You were sleeping better, too. No tossing and turning…"

"I'm sorry…"

"Nothing to be sorry for. You know I sleep like a log when I'm off duty."

"I was sweating so much, though. Hate that."

"It'll pass."

I take Edward's hand and kiss it again, one finger after the other. He has beautiful, long fingers. Large, sensitive hands. I kiss the inside of his wrist. I've never loved anyone as much as I love this man.

I turn round to look at him. His hair is sticking in every which direction, he looks a bit sleepy still, and there's a lazy smile on his lips. His arm is around me, and his hand is spread out over my butt.

"What?" His eyes twinkle in the morning sun.

_Why can't I have such long lashes?_

"I love you."

His smile deepens. "I love you, too. Very, very much." He kisses my nose. "Do you really feel a bit better?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Good."

I move closer to him and put a small kiss on his lips, and then another, and another. I pull his lower lip between mine. His stubble scratches on my skin. It feels good. Edward responds, our mouths moving slowly with each other, our breaths increasing. My heart is thumping against my ribs as his tongue slides against mine, caressing, teasing. My hands roam his warm body, relishing every hair and every muscle as if for the first time.

The bulge at his crotch is growing more prominent, and it makes my heart tingle to know that he wants me. Edward's hand moves underneath my sleep shirt and I gasp when it finds my breast, fondling me tenderly. He's loving me slowly, kissing my face and neck, whispering words of love and adoration.

Two hours later, we're on the beach, and the warm sand is engulfing my toes. Edward is next to me in the roofed wicker beach chair, looking delicious in his swimming trunks. I'm wearing a light chiffon tunic over my bikini, as I'm still a bit unhappy over the weight I have gained. I know that Edward doesn't care about a few pounds, which would make him rather superficial, anyway.

I put my head on his shoulder and he twines his arm around me, kissing my hair. The weather is perfect, not too hot, with a soft breeze in the air.

"This book is boring." Edward pouts his lips and wriggles his toes in the sand.

"What is it about?"

"Some guy driving around in his limo. He wants to get his hair cut or something." Edward shrugs and shuts the book. "Wanna play in the water?" he smirks.

He takes my hand as we walk into the water, which is a bit chilly. I squirm once it touches my hips. Edward laughs and pulls me close, his body a pleasant, warm contrast. He nuzzles my ear with his nose.

"Come, let's swim." He tries to pull me further into the sea.

"No, Edward, it's cold!"

"I'll keep you warm. Come." He lifts me up and I giggle, twining my legs around his waist.

"See?"

He walks us into the water and I squeal when it hits my belly, clinging to Edward. He kisses me, and the sensation of his lips distracts me from the chill as we get in deeper. Edward's hands are on my buttocks, squeezing slightly. Our lips melt together and his tongue begins to play with mine. It's slow and sensual and my body is heating up despite the cool water. My hands are in Edward's hair, massaging his scalp, which earns me a contented moan. I can feel him harden and I press against him, running my hands lower until they are on his butt. Edward walks further into the sea and I squeak when the coldness hits my nipples. I catch Edward staring down on them as they're straining against the thin material of my bikini.

"Like what you see?" I raise an eyebrow.

Edward kisses my neck, sucking softly.

"Do you think people will notice if we fuck underwater?"

I tremble at his words, which are shooting straight between my legs.

"We can't do that, Edward…"

"We've done it on the beach…"

"Yeah, at night, when we were the only ones around. There are kids out there…"

His fingers travel from my butt, teasing me lightly through my bikini.

"Edward…" I swallow. "We can't…"

Devil that he is, he continues his sweet torture for a few more minutes before he gently bites my neck. "Okay… But this is a rain check…"

We spend a few more hours on the beach, and Edward actually swims for a bit, mostly because he clearly couldn't get out of the water with me directly after our activities. We read and nap and relax from the awful weeks behind us.

"Aro sent me an email," Edward says over dinner. He's barbequing seafood, sipping on a glass of white wine.

"What did he say?"

"He'll be back in about three weeks. He wants to visit me – us – is New York. "

"That's nice." I smile, thinking of Edward's uncle. "I'd love to see him again."

"He'll be ecstatic when I tell him that. He absolutely adores you. As do I." he leans over and kisses me.

By the time we're in bed that night, I feel better than I have in weeks. I don't know if it's the new medication, or this place, or Edward, but I know that the cloud has passed.

"Bella?" he whispers in the dark. His body is spooned around mine after love.

"Hmm?"

"I love you. So, so much."

A sleepy smile crosses my face.

"I love you too. So, so much."

**EDWARD**

Two weeks later, Bella is so much better that it makes me want to sing. She has returned to being the quirky, humorous woman I first met, and even though I love her whatever state she is in, I'm just so happy that the black cloud has gone.

Our stay at Aro's house did her good – it did _me _good, as well, and we have slipped back into a blissful routine of her spending the nights at my house during the week and me going over to hers on weekends. When she's at my place, she sometimes brings Cedric, and I love having that little guy around. I built in a kitty door so he can go out on the terrace whenever he wants. I secured the balustrade with chicken wire. So far, Cedric seems to enjoy himself, lolling in the sun or using the hallways as a racing course.

_To me, it is so obvious, but I'm not one hundred per cent sure that this is what Bella wants too._

She's back on track, auditioning whenever she gets a chance. We had a long talk the other night and she explained to me how essential it is that she finds a good agent. She's constantly making phone calls, sending out her CV and photos. I feel a bit useless, since I can't help her at all, but Bella ensures me that my encouragement means everything to her. She's doing a lot of shifts at Mike's, most of which are luckily during the day. I can't help but think that she could cut back on them if she needn't pay rent…

It's Friday night and I'm at Bella's place, preparing dinner while my phone is wedged between my ear and shoulder and my maniac of a sister rambles on about Bella's birthday.

"… and we might set up a bar on the terrace! I know this guy who…"

"Alice," I groan. "I know you mean well, but no. No band, no bar, no deejay, and I certainly will _not_ jump out of a cake!" I roll my eyes at Cedric, who is watching me from his usual spot on the windowsill. "Twelve guests, and I'm cooking dinner. This is what Bella wants."

"You two are plain mean," Alice sighs good-naturedly.

"Yeah, yeah," I chuckle.

"What are you giving her, Edward?" Her voice is filled with girlish longing.

Bella's phone starts to ring from the hall and I wait for the answering machine to pick up.

"It's a secret, Ali," I smirk, knowing just how that will drive her crazy.

Down the hall, the machine picks up but nobody leaves a message. Cedric jumps to the floor and gives me a few head bumps, telling me he's bored, or hungry, or both.

"Edwaaaaaaaard," Alice whines.

The phone starts ringing again. I try to placate my sister, but by the fourth time the phone begins to ring, I tell her I need to go. I normally wouldn't answer Bella's phone, but if someone calls four times in a row, it's probably important.

"Hello?" I say. "This is Edward Cullen speaking."

There's a click as the other person hangs up. At the same time I hear Bella's key turn in the door. A big smile is on her face, and as always, my heart flutters a bit at the sight of her.

"Hey, baby."

I cross the short distance between us and kiss her. She looks especially pretty in a dress and heels, having met up with an agent.

"How was it?" I mumble against her lips.

"Okay…" She twines her arms round my neck, pulling me close, kissing me. "Mmm, spicy… What are you cooking?"

"Penne all' arrabiata…"

Our tongues touch and Bella's hand sneaks underneath my shirt, tickling my belly.

"Do you have to work tomorrow?" She kisses my throat.

"No…"

"Good." Her eyes are big and dark and luminous. After another long kiss, she kicks off her heels and we go to the kitchen. I pour her a glass of Sancerre and turn on the stove.

"So, tell me all about it."

Bella sighs and hops on the counter, dangling her legs as she watches me mince chillies and garlic.

"He was very nice, but he told me he wasn't really representing stage actors and that he hasn't a lot of contacts in that department."

I frown sympathetically and kiss her nose. I never imagined this to be so difficult.

"But," Bella continues cheerfully, "he is willing to recommend me to a friend who has a small but very renowned agency."

"That's great, love."

"Yeah, I told him how hard I have been trying, and he seemed to like me." Bella grins happily as she takes a sip of wine.

Drying my hands on a towel, I step between her legs. "That's fantastic, baby." I peck her lips "I'm so proud of you."

Bella slides her arms around my neck. "I couldn't have done it without you. Without your encouragement. Thank you…"

"Nothing to thank me for." Our foreheads are touching.

"Oh yes. If you hadn't made me, I probably wouldn't have gone to see Dr. Banner."

Bella visits Dr. Banner for an hour every two weeks, and in combination with the new meds, it's doing wonders for her.

We eat in the kitchen, soft piano music playing on the radio. Bella's naked toes tickle mine now and then. She feeds me a piece of avocado from the salad I made when I remember the phone call and tell her about it.

"I wouldn't have answered it, but I figured it might be important since the person called four times."

She cutely shakes her head.

"Of course you can answer my phone." She bites her lip. "And no one said _anything_? That's odd, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Do you… Do you think it might have been… um, you know… your ex?"

"_Jacob_?" her eyes grow even larger as she considers it. "No. Why would he do that? I haven't spoken to him in well over a year."

"Maybe…" I hesitate. The thought has been at the back of my mind for the past hour. "Maybe he wants to get back with you?"

"God, no!" Bella looks almost comically disturbed. "Certainly not!"

I quickly kiss her. Maybe I'm losing my mind, making up things because Tanya still has not signed those fucking papers.

"Just tell me if it happens again, okay?"

She smiles. "Yes Dr. Cullen." She feeds my another piece of avocado because she knows I love them, and I suck on her finger, watching her eyes grow darker. She swallows when I release her finger.

"Care for a dessert?"

I'm woken in the middle of the night by the sound of Bella's phone ringing in the hall. It's three a.m.

_What the fuck?_

The ringing stops and the machine picks up. There's a _beep, _signifying that no one left a message.

Luckily, Bella hasn't woken, sleeping soundly next to me, her head on my chest, and my arm around her. She has this sweet pout on her lips as she sleeps, making her look like a little girl. Her hair is all over the place, and she has one leg hitched around me, her knee close to my junk. I shut my eyes again and draw her a little nearer. I kiss her hair, enjoying how it smells so like her, like powder and roses, clean and girly. I kiss her brow. Bella moves in her sleep, humming contentedly. Her hand wanders lower from its residence on my stomach, until it's covering my stirring penis.

"Edward…"

I open my eyes, seeing that Bella is still asleep. I gingerly take her hand and place it on my chest. She sighs and makes a sound like, "Mmm…" Ten seconds later, her hand is back to where it was. Since we fell asleep naked, things are shaping up pretty quickly.

Suddenly, Bella moves, her eyes fluttering open.

"Edward," she sighs.

"Yes, baby." My voice is gruff.

She snuggles closer to me, kissing my chest. Then she realises where her hand is. I can feel her smile.

"Hello there," she murmurs. "Was I… doing that in my sleep?" She sounds sleepy but flirtatious.

"Uh-huh…" I sigh as her fingers close around me.

"Well, see, even in my sleep, you excite me…"

Her tongue draws a small circle around my nipple.

"I'd rather say you turn me… oh, God… on while you're asleep… oh, don't stop…"

_I have no idea how she does it. I'm thirty-six years old. I shouldn't be able to get it up after three previous rounds, should I?_

"Baby…" I moan as she licks a path over my tummy, kissing me, licking me, humming as she takes me into her mouth. So warm. So wet. It's the best feeling in the world, her lips tightening as she moves me in and out, loving me.

"Bella… oh my God…yes…"

Her hand starts playing with my balls while her mouth works its magic, and I'm thrashing about, one hand clinging to the sheets, the other in her hair. I can feel the pressure build and she picks up her pace at my garbled sounds, moving rapidly until I tighten, moaning her name as I come in her mouth.

"Ung…"

"Yes, Edward?" She giggles and puts her head on my stomach, wiping her mouth, her breasts close to my now-soft dick. She kisses my belly.

"You… that… brain calls died…" I tickle the back of her neck.

"Pity…" She puts another, smacking kiss next to my navel.

"Come here…" I pull her up and she put her head on my shoulder. "I love you…" I kiss the top of her head.

"I love you too," she murmurs.

"There'll be payback for this… in two or three minutes."

I feel her smile. She softly bites my earlobe.

"You know, that wasn't my motivation…" Her kisses are small and tender and I have to will myself not to fall asleep. I cup her scrumptious breast in my hand, lightly running my thumb over her nipple. Bella sighs.

And then – and I have no idea where it comes from – the words leave my mouth.

"Bella, what do you think about moving in with me?"

**BELLA**

The day at Mike's has been tiring, but the second I see Edward come in, my heart begins to dance. It's been two weeks since he asked me to move in. We had a weekend full of talks and discussions following his suggestion, which ended with me finally agreeing by Sunday night. I argued that it was too soon and that we were both just out of previous relationships…

Edward said that we spent all our time together anyway, and that our previous relationships each had ended over a year ago. And that Cedric loved his terrace.

Edward won.

"Hey, Bella," Jessica says. "Your man just came in." She points to the bar, where Edward is chatting with Mike. My bar buddies have gotten used to Edward, and they like him.

"Yeah, I saw that." I hand Jessica the keys to the changing room. "Can you put that back for me?"

"Sure. Have a great night, birthday girl!" She winks.

I've actually grown to like her over those past weeks. I think something's going on between her and Mike, and I invited them for my birthday dinner tomorrow night. I was tipsy when I did it, but still, they're nice people, and I'm only slightly concerned about how they'll mix with the likes of Rosalie. Edward beseeched me to invite her and Emmett to extend an olive branch. Since he used the most _unfai_r methods in order to convince me, I agreed.

"Hey." His lips are on mine.

"Hey, yourself." I trace his scruffy jaw with my finger.

"Ready to go?" His hand is at the nape of my neck.

He promised me a dinner for two at his… our… apartment. I'm not getting out of my lease until the end of next month, but we've started transferring stuff. Cedric is already living permanently at Edward's apartment. Yep, he's an Upper East Side cat now. To me, it still feels unreal, but I'm also excited.

We say our goodbyes to everyone and step outside into the New York night. Temperatures have dropped and though it's still nice, there's a chill in the air. Edward opens the door of his Volvo for me.

Once we're at his… our… place, we have the dinner he promised. Edward serves us steak, baked potatoes, and salad. It's delicious. When we're finished, he takes my hand and walks me into the living room. There's a bouquet of freesia and a cooler with champagne on top of his piano. He makes me sit on the bench and opens the bottle of Roederer, pouring two glasses.

"It's not midnight yet," I say.

"I'll still drink to you, my love."

We have a sip, and then Edward sits down next to me and opens the lid of the piano.

The moment he starts playing, I'm immersed in the tunes he creates. The melody is soft and rich, quirky at times, and a little melancholy, and so beautiful my heart expands and every cell in my body responds to the sound.

I don't recognize the melody. The last notes are still in the air when Edward's fingers no longer touch the keys.

"Wow." I look at him. He looks so sexy my heart stutters. His eyes are on me and there's that small, lopsided smile I love so much. He runs a hand through his hair. He looks the tiniest bit nervous.

"That was beautiful," I say. "What was that?"

"Your song." Edward smiles and kisses me. I think I'm melting in his arms, my heart beating frantically with love and excitement. The clock in the hall strikes twelve times.

"Happy birthday, love."

That night, I dream my dream again. As always, I'm alone in the woods and follow them into the fog. At one point, though, the misty figure stops and turns, extending a hand towards me, and it's Edward's hand.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Couldn't leave you with that last, sad chapter, could I? Please review!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	25. Every Note is True

**Hi, I'm back! Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your reviews! They make all the work worth it! **

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**I needed to borrow the phrase "a woman's right to shoes" from **_**Sex and the City**_**. **

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 25: **Every Note is True**

**EDWARD**

„Oh my GOD!" Bella is literally holding her stomach as Seth finishes his story. So far, her birthday dinner is going more than well, and I'm not talking about the _gnocchi con salmone _I made. We're eating dessert and everybody is laughing and chatting. This is one of the most peaceful and perfect evenings I've experienced in a long time. My hand is on Bella's thigh as I watch her, and I can tell she's just as happy as I am.

Things have been going well since she finally agreed to move in. We've been getting a lot of her stuff over here and Bella spends most of her free time packing up. We haven't been apart for one single night since I returned from London. Well, one night, but that doesn't count because I had to work. Master Cedric Swan has taken permanent residence over here, and at the moment, he's lounging on Mom's lap. When I talked Bella into inviting Rose and Emmett, she suggested inviting my parents as well, which made me incredibly happy. My mom adores Bella. She cried when I told her that Bella's own mother left her family when Bella was only nine. Ever since then, she's been doting on Bella, trying to give her what she thinks Bella missed out on. It's nice to see everyone together, and the sound of laughter and cheerful voices fills the apartment.

Mom is giggling with Collin, Dad is in a discussion with Jasper, and Alice and Jessica are chatting about fashion. Emmett and Mike are talking baseball, and Seth is working his charm on Rose. She's laughing about something he said, slapping his arm and taking a sip of champagne. She's been nothing but polite to Bella all night long, and I know she's trying. She notices me watching and looks at me. Her large blue eyes connect with mine. She's my sister, my big sister, whom I love. I know we're okay, and I think that one day, she's going to see what a beautiful person Bella is. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will. Rose smiles and winks at me. I smile back.

Emmett has been the one of the two of them to show Bella his affection, and it's cute to see them interact with each other. Bella is always ready to laugh at his childish jokes, and Emmett likes to listen to her stories from the acting world.

Bella's talking to my mom right now, and I catch a bit of what's being said when I refill their glasses.

"No, and luckily, I don't have that much stuff… though I don't think Edward would agree with me…"

She smiles and turns to look at me. She looks so sexy tonight I almost find it impossible to keep my hands off of her. She's wearing a low-cut, midnight blue silk dress that hugs her curves in such a tempting way that I constantly have touch her.

"You're right." I kiss her shoulder. "I disagree. But it doesn't matter, since we have enough room upstairs for all your books… and _shoes_…"

She shrugs cutely, and puts her head on my shoulder.

"Edward doesn't understand a girl's _need_ for shoes," she sighs comically.

"You're right, Bella," Mom chimes in. She looks so happy, and I know it's partly because I am happy, too. The whole business with Tanya was weighing hard on her as well. It's strange really, that she's always a bit overprotective with me, where Rose and Ali are clearly her very grown-up daughters she is proud of. Maybe it's because I'm the baby, and I came as the surprise she and Dad never expected anymore. Or maybe it's because Rose and Ali have been in stable relationships for as long as I can remember, and I just fucked up my marriage.

"To a woman's right to shoes!" Bella, Mom and Alice are clinking their glasses, and I am pulled out of my reverie.

Jasper and Seth are carrying the plates into the kitchen and I swiftly follow them with a few glasses, leaving the ladies to their shoe fest. We load the dishwater and put the leftovers away, sharing a beer while we're at it. Everyone is in the living room when I return, lounging on the couch and in the armchairs. The doors to the terrace are open, but it's a bit chilly so we stay inside. Collin is outside, smoking a cigarette and discussing something with Alice. Emmett tries to teach Cedric to give him his paw, and I sit with Bella and Leah and Sam, who are talking about a trip to Seattle to visit with their families. My fingers travel to the back of Bella's neck, caressing her softly. I know she misses her Dad and Sue, and I wish they could be here tonight with the rest of us.

Alice comes back inside, clapping her hands, crying, "It's time, it's time!"

Bella ducks her head when, moments later, Seth comes from the kitchen with a huge cake with twenty-eight candles. I kiss her ear and murmur, "Happy birthday," before everyone starts to sing precisely that.

We clink our glasses again and Bella is showered with heaps of gifts, which she unwraps slowly, thanking everyone profusely. The gifts are all lovely and thoughtful – books and DVDs and a rather spectacular turn-of the century chest of drawers for her "new home" from Mom, Dad, Rose and Emmett. Bella hugs each one of them with moist eyes, murmuring all the while, that "this is too much, you guys are crazy..."

We all settle back down and Bella grins like a happy child, snuggling up to me. She's already wearing the small diamond studs I presented her with at midnight, but she doesn't know that another surprise is waiting in our bedroom…

"Well," Seth says eventually, and I can see my little pixie sister grin from ear to ear. "There's another one, you know." He hands Bella a small package.

"No! I can't take anymore! You're killing me!"

"Oh, you'll love this," Alice laughs.

"This is from Collin and Alice and Jasper and me," Seth says. "And I think you'll like it too."

I have no idea what they have gotten her, so I'm almost as excited as Bella when she unwraps what's inside. It's a small wooden picture frame with a picture of Bella and me. Seth must have taken it one Sunday afternoon in Central Park. I have my arms around Bella and we're looking at each other like no one else existed, her hand intertwined with mine on my chest. The love practically pours out of that photo. Instead of the Bethesda fountain, though, there's a white comic castle in the background, and Seth has also photo shopped Bella and me so we have Mickey and Minnie Mouse ears on our heads.

"Well… " Bella looks a bit confused. "This is lovely… Are you doing an exhibition on Disney next?"

I can see that my sister is close to combusting.

"No, Bellaaaa!" She grins like a maniac. "You're going to Disneyland!"

"What? No! When?" Bella's eyes are as big as saucers.

"We left that open, so you can go whenever you want."

"Ohmygodthankyouguys!" Bella jumps up and hugs Alice, and then Seth, Jasper and Collin.

"I know you love roller coasters, and Donald, and Winnie the Pooh and parades…" Seth explains to the rest of us. I wasn't aware of any of those facts.

Bella squeals alongside with Alice, and jumps into my lap.

"Edward, we're going to Disney!" She kisses me and then draws back slightly. "You like roller coasters, don't you?" Her face drops.

"I do." I kiss her. I can tell that going to Disneyland will show me a whole new Bella.

The rest of the night passes pleasantly. Rose and Emmett leave soon after, Rose being slightly nervous because Dale is watching his little sister. My parents follow soon, and Mike and Jessica, who have been very pleasant company, depart an hour later since Mike has to close down the bar.

I'm talking to Seth, a part of me enjoying the party while another part wants to get Bella alone. She's next to me, her hand on my thigh, and her head on my shoulder again. For a second I have difficulty in concentrating on what Seth is saying. We've been chatting about his art show, which will open next month at the Carvelli Gallery.

"Actually, Edward, I would like to ask you to contribute," Seth says.

"Contribute?" I look at him, raising my eyebrows in confusion. "How?"

"You know I shot Bella as Hera a few weeks ago, right?"

"Sure," I nod. "She looked fantastic."

"Yeah, I… I want to photograph her again, as a modern day Hera this time." Seth takes off his glasses. "And I want you to pose as Zeus with her…"

"_What_?" I laugh. "I'm no model, Seth. I'm sure you'll find someone more qualified to do that!"

"Edward," Bella says, her hand in the hair at the back of my neck, tickling me pleasantly – she knows _exactly_ what that does to me. "Please think about it. I think it would totally work, you know?"

"You… you two have been _scheming_ this?" I'm not even pissed, I'm just amused.

"We've been talking about it," Seth says. "And Bella already told me I needn't even ask you about a nude shot…"

"_What_?"

_This keeps getting weirder. Next he'll ask me to pose as a naked Mickey Mouse._

"Please think about it," Bella murmurs, kissing the side of my mouth. She's a little tipsy, which is always adorable. "Just think of how good we look together in that picture…" She points to the small frame with the photo where we already are mice.

"Okay," I groan, running a hand through my hair. "But I'm keeping my clothes on. And no funny hats or ears!"

Seth laughs good-naturedly. "Deal."

Alice tells me that the camera loves me, whatever that may mean.

An hour later, our guests have left and Bella and I are alone.

"Thank you," she says, taking my hands. She took her heels off at some point, and she seems so tiny now. "That was a great party." She smiles and stands on her tiptoes. "Thank…" She kisses me. "You." She kisses me again.

"You're more than welcome," I mumble against her lips. "Actually, there's another present, waiting for you upstairs."

"You're completely mad, do you know that?"

"About you."

"I love you… You're my best gift, ever… Now if I can only get you naked…" Her tongue strokes my lower lip, and the arousal I've been keeping at bay for hours finally overwhelms me. We lose ourselves in a long, sensual kiss. Her ass in round and firm under my hands, and I want nothing more than to bury myself inside her.

"Upstairs," she sighs. "Unless you want to do it here…"

"I don't mind…"

"I'd rather have you fuck me on a soft surface," she murmurs, moaning softly when I touch her, my fingers teasing her slowly through the smooth material of her dress, and –

"Fuck, Bella… Don't tell me you're not wearing any panties…"

"It's silk," she moans in my ear. "They would've shown… oh…"

At that, I grab her and throw her over my shoulder, growling, "_Now_ you're in trouble, Isabella…"

**BELLA**

By the time Edward has set me down on the bed, I have somehow managed to open the majority of his shirt's buttons. Our kisses are frantic, our hands searching, touching, pleasing each other, our heartbeats increasing.

Edward's hands are pushing up my dress, and I gasp when his fingers come into contact with my slick flesh.

"Mmm," he whispers, his tongue tracing the shell of my ear. "I love the way you feel…"

He knows my body so well by now, his thumb applying the perfect amount of pressure while he enters me with two fingers, making me whimper with want. I fumble with his shirt and he shrugs out of it so my nails are able to softly scratch down his back. I can feel how hard he is, pressing into my thigh, and I love the feel of his weight on me.

He bites my neck, groaning my name, and my hands run lower, grabbing his perfect ass. I open his belt and unzip his pants and my hand finally finds him, warm and hard and perfect. I massage him for a few moments, but it's not enough.

"I need you," I'm fumbling between us, but the angle is a bit difficult. "Take your pants off… please…"

Edward makes quick work of them, as well as his shoes, socks and boxer briefs, kissing me hotly once he's naked.

"Take your dress off," he whispers, echoing my earlier words, and together, we pull it over my head and throw it on the floor alongside with my bra. I realise I'm completely naked but for the sheer, satin stay-ups.

Edward's eyes roam my body. I can see him swallow. His arousal is… impressive.

"You like that?" I murmur.

"Fuck…" He covers me with his body. "I think I'm coming from the sight alone…" He kisses a wet trail down to my nipple, where he starts to suckle and bite and lick and kiss until I'm moaning aloud.

"Edward… please…"

"Hmm?" He enters me with one finger.

"Fuck me… Now…"

Groaning, he positions himself at my entrance. He's teasing me with his tip, driving me crazy.

"Edward… stop torturing me…"

With that, he lifts my legs, one after the other, and places them over his shoulders before he enters me forcefully, pounding into me so deep it almost hurts. Almost. I hold on to the headboard as I meet his thrusts, watching him as he watches himself, sliding in and out of me. The sound of his body driving into mine mingles with our groans and grunts, and our mouths meet in a wet, hungry kiss.

It's rough and needy, and totally hot. I can tell that Edward is trying to hold back, his face constricting.

"Edward, this is… ah…oh… my… God…"

He goes on and on until I'm a trembling mess, crying out, my whole body aglow and alive while my belly tenses in small explosions and my brain goes numb.

"Ah…" Edward utters a low, guttural moan as he comes, his features relaxing as I feel his hot release inside me.

We're panting, our bodies sweaty as we cling to each other, slowly coming down. Edward kisses me, his weight now sweetly heavy.

"Happy birthday," he chuckles, rolling off of me and pulling me to his side.

I twine my arm around him and put my head on his hot chest. I kiss his salty skin.

"See. I love rollercoaster rides…"

"Yeah, so do I." His finger is drawing lazy circles on my back.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He kisses my temple.

We're silent for a few minutes, and it's peaceful and perfect.

"Oh, hey," Edward says suddenly, struggling out of my arms. "There's another gift for you, remember?" He 's already on his way to the closet, leaving me to ogle his divine backside.

He returns with a white shoebox. Placing it between us, he lies back down next to me, propping himself up on his elbow. His hair is all over the place, and his eyes sparkle in the warm light from the bedside lamp.

"Open it."

It's a Jimmy Choo shoebox. Inside is a pair of high-heeled, strappy sandals in dark blue, tiny pearls decorating the front of them. I gasp.

"Edward, you truly _are_ mad."

"Mmm…" He thoughtfully scratches his chin, but there's a smirk as well. "I believe there's a campaign called _a woman's right to shoes_ out there. I wanted to donate."

"It's appreciated." I attack him with my mouth, my tongue sliding in between his lips. Our breathing is heavy when we pull apart.

"Put them on," Edward murmurs.

"_Now_? I'm naked!"

Edward's eyes get dark with longing. "Yeah, that's kind of the point…"

He sits up and takes my left leg, still covered in satin sheers, and grabs one shoe, slipping it on. He meticulously fastens the strap before he does the same to my right foot.

He devours me with his eyes as I lie back on the bed.

"That's the hottest thing I've ever seen," he murmurs, and his voice is thick. He crawls closer and puts a kiss on my breast.

I don't think either one of us is going to get much sleep tonight.

EDWARD

It's a rainy Tuesday, and I am having a remarkably taste-free piece of chicken for lunch at the hospital's cafeteria. Ben has been showing me photos of their baby boy, Conner, who was born six weeks ago. He's cute and chubby-cheeked with lots of dark hair.

When I tell him that Bella will be moving in with me, he smiles. "She's so good for you, Edward. I haven't seen you this relaxed in ages."

"She is," I say, grinning like a goofball.

"How's the divorce going?"

I push my plate away, partly because my lunch wasn't very good to begin with and partly because the subject makes me lose my appetite.

"Tanya still refuses to sign the papers. My lawyer suggested a mediation."

"Is it money she wants?"

"No! If it were, I'd give it to her! No, she insists that we should _try again._ Really, it would be funny if it wasn't so sad."

Ben nods, his kind eyes filled with concern. "Do you think, you know, she's on drugs?"

He knows a little of Tanya's and my history, having always had an open ear for me during our worst times.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she is."

"Don't get me wrong," Ben says, "but this… is kind of worrying. I mean she's _totally _deluding herself into that, right?"

"Yeah. She's never been the most stable person. I'll see her at the mediation. I hope she's doing okay. Hell, I hope she'll be making an appearance."

Ben starts to say something else, but then his pager goes off and he is summoned to the ER. I should be going back to my office, but I lean back for a few moments and look out of the window, watching the raindrops course down the glass. I feel awful about the divorce, and I'm terrified that something could go wrong and prolong the whole wretched thing even further. I feel awful for putting Bella in this situation, and I want nothing more than to be free a free man for her.

My phone rings, and the display lights up with her picture. My heart jumps a little.

"Hey baby… I was just thinking of you."

"Edward!" She sound very agitated. "Edward you will never imagine what happened!"

I sit up, unable to discern if her excitement is of the positive or negative variety.

"What is it?"

"Remember the agent I told you about? He called this morning after you left. He said he needed to reschedule our meeting because he needed to go to Philadelphia for a week. Then, he suddenly asked if I could drop by today, and I did, and we talked and _he wants_ _to represent me_!" She laughs happily, and a big grin spreads over my face. "I have an agent, Edward! _I have an agent_!"

"Oh my God, that's… That's wonderful news!"

"He's really nice too and he's already handed me a contract but I haven't signed anything yet of course oh Edward I'm so happy!"

"So am I, baby. Wow, that's… I'm so proud of you." I run a hand through my hair. "Jenks can look through the papers if you want," I say, referring to my lawyer.

"That would be great! Oh, I'm so happy! I have a feeling that things are really looking up! And I'll be moving in too, this weekend!"

Of course she's only technically moving in. We're together every spare minute. But, on Saturday, we're going to collect the rest of her stuff and she will return her keys to the landlord. We also had a little discussion the other night after Bella insisted on paying me rent. She knows that I own the apartment, and her suggestion was equally cute as it was ridiculous. It took me an hour to convince her otherwise.

"Yes," I say softly. "I can't wait for it to be _our_ home. And we'll celebrate the great news tonight, okay?"

We say our goodbyes a few moments later and I get up to put my tray away.

"So your little _actress_ is moving in with you, huh?"

_Lauren. Great._

Things haven't been exactly rosy between us since the night of the ball, especially after my suspicion that Tanya and Lauren were apparently thick as thieves had been confirmed.

Her eyes are cold as she looks me up and down.

"Moving fast, aren't we? Considering you're not even divorced yet…"

"I fail to see how that's any of your business."

"You're such a fucking hypocrite, Edward. What are you going to do when you grow tired of her? Dump her, like you did with Tanya? Who, by the way wants nothing more than to try again."

"I don't have to listen to this shit," I mutter, making my way out of the cafeteria. "I don't know what Tanya told you, but I certainly did not dump her. As far as Bella and I are concerned, that's really none of your business. You did enough harm the other night. Have a nice day, Lauren."

With that, I turn on my heel and leave.

The encounter leaves a sour aftertaste, and the idea of Tanya and Lauren talking behind my back, getting all worked up over crazy fantasies is not exactly comforting.

If only I'd never made that mistake last year with Lauren! I knew she held a grudge against me for never responding to her advances, and her behaviour at the ball proved me right, but her and my almost-ex-wife together could equal dynamite.

Once I'm in the car, I try to shake my mood, and Bella and I celebrate her big news over dinner at Weber's Steakhouse. She is so happy and excited it's infectious.

"His name is Laurent. Laurent Franklin. He's in his fifties and very… well, funny, and totally to the point. He has this no-nonsense air about him. He's very charming, and he represents loads of stage actors, like Annabelle Katz, and Simon Cork, and Victoria Tracker and… and he's having a party at his house next weekend and he wants us to come. He especially said he'd love to meet you as well, and I know you'll love him!"

Her eyes sparkle and her cheeks are pink when she stops her little, Alice-like rant, and takes my hand.

"This is wonderful news, love." I swiftly kiss her knuckles. "Of course I'll come. If only to meet all the VIPs he's sure to invite."

Bella giggles and lightly slaps my arm. She's so vibrant, so happy and alive. We linger over dinner, chatting easily, simply enjoying each other's presence.

Saturday arrives sooner than expected due to a busy week. Seth and Collin are coming over to Bella's apartment to help, and so do Mike, Jessica, Jasper, Alice, Leah, Sam and Garrett, Bella's co-actor from the play she did. He brings his girlfriend, Katie, and among the lot of us, things are moving smoothly, the guys carrying the heavier pieces while the girls busy themselves packing some last boxes, cleaning up and putting the lighter objects into the rented u-haul. Around noon, everything is loaded up and we have a break in Bella's empty living room, eating sandwiches that Alice brought.

There's an odd fluttering in my stomach when Bella and I sit in the vehicle on our way to my house, where everyone is meeting us to unload her boxes and furniture.

"Excited?" I say, watching her from the corner of my eye.

Bella rolls her eyes. "Absolutely. It's strange, too, don't you think?"

"Very." I stop at a red light and quickly scoot over to kiss her. "But in an entirely good way." 

**BELLA**

"Fuck," Edward groans as he drops the last of my boxes in the hall leading to the bedroom. He plops down on the little chaise beneath the window. Every surface is littered with boxes, suitcases, bags and pieces of furniture. It's even worse downstairs. I'm putting down the lonely plant I've been carrying and sit down next to him. The rain is drumming heavily against the windowpane, and it's grown dark outside.

"It's your own fault, you know," I say with a frown, "for never letting me carry anything."

"Bella." He opens his eyes. "Those boxes weigh a fucking ton. What have you in them anyway?"

I crawl on top of him and pull a damp strand of hair out of his face. Our friends left about an hour ago after we all had pizza and beer. The guys offered to help more, but I think that both Edward and I felt the need to be alone. He looks delectably messed up as I hover above him, planting a line of slow, soft kisses from his scruffy jaw line to his neck.

"Mmm," he protests. "I'm all sweaty and gross…"

"Well…" I softly pull his earlobe between my lips. "It just so happens that I like you all sweaty and gross…"

Sucking a little, I feel him relax. His hands come to rest on my buttocks and we kiss and snuggle and fool around for a while. I'm happy and thrilled and nervous and elated. Suddenly, everything is so real. I'm living on the Upper Eastside with my beautiful boyfriend. Eighteen months ago I was in Seattle, pretending to be happy in a relationship that was long dead.

I could drown in Edward, in the feel of his rough stubble as it grazes my neck, his silky strands of hair beneath my fingers, his scent stimulating me like it always does. He's right, he's sweaty after a day of carrying stuff, but it's Edward and I like it. He smells like Edward.

"I love you, I whisper thickly, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. "I love you Edward."

He pulls back a little so he can look into my eyes.

"I love you too, Isabella. More than you can imagine."

We kiss more, but at some point Edward suggests that we take a bath, and I start running it while he potters around downstairs. I'm already waiting for him in the steamy, orange-scented water when he comes back. And the sight was well worth waiting for.

Standing in the door, Edward is stark naked in all his glorious perfection, carrying an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. I watch him set it down on the floor next to the tub, devouring him with my eyes. He's marvellous, as if God had made him as a prime example to show to all other men, telling them, _that's how I meant you to be._

"Want to get wet?" I smirk, making room for him so he can join me.

"Definitely," he murmurs, sighing happily as he relaxes into the warm water, snaking his arms and legs around me while my head comes to rest on his chest. I love the way his body enwraps mine. The feeling of security he gives me never gets old.

I lazily run my fingers up and down his forearm, slowly tickling the wet hair. For a few minutes, we're both silent, enjoying the quiet and warmth and intimacy after a long and exhausting day. And then, Edward pours us two glasses of champagne and kisses my lips before we clink our glasses together. I notice the way his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows, and his voice is low and loving when he says, "Welcome home, Bella."

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**As always, thank you for reading. You see, your response makes me type quicker, and I hope you like and maybe review! See you soon, much love!**


	26. This Little Dream of Mine

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Time and Again")**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 26: **This Little Dream of Mine**

**BELLA**

October brings the warm colours of fall, surprising us with a good amount of fragile, golden sun. We take walks in Central Park, strolling hand-in-hand or fooling around like teenagers.

Living with Edward is so easy. Not that I expected it to be exactly difficult, since he is generally a very relaxed person. It feels natural, and I already feel at home in his apartment. The concept that he owns this place still feels a bit foreign, but Edward never for one moment gives me the feeling that _I _am living at _his _house – it's _our_ home, and everything I brought into it is equal to his possessions. My books are next to his on the shelves, Grandma Marie's armchair is by the fireplace, and he made lots of room in his closet for all my shoes.

I've never really lived with a man before, but when Jake and I used to spend four of five days together at his or my place, it always became a bit suffocating. With Edward, it's sheer bliss, and the most mundane domestic details seem lovely and important. Standing side by side in front of the sink when we brush our teeth, shopping for groceries and discussing dinner, or doing laundry, sorting his socks from mine – everything is a precious proof of our reality.

Right now, we're doing neither of those things. We're in the back of a taxi, on our way to Laurent Franklin's cocktail party, or should I say _my agent's_ cocktail party? Edward's lawyer Mr. Jenks went through the contract and once he gave me the green light, I signed. After this afternoon's cocktail party, Edward and I will be going on to the opening of Seth's exhibition. We're two busy New Yorkers today.

Edward takes my hand. He looks devastatingly handsome in a navy suit with matching tie, and if I wouldn't already have had my way with him when he came out of the shower earlier, I'd want to do it now. Hell, I do, I always do, but I guess that will have to wait.

"You look beautiful," he says, and his eyes crinkle as he smiles.

I'm wearing a little black dress and the Jimmy Choos he gave me for my birthday. I've finally lost the pounds I gained over the summer, and though I still think I should be skinnier to further my chances as an actress, I feel okay again in my own skin.

Edward's breath is warm on my neck as he whispers, "Even though you're killing me with those shoes…"

I grin and kiss him, knowing we remember the same night.

"Can't wait to kill you some more later," I murmur against his lips, my fingers stroking the inside of his thigh. Edward lets out a tortured groan.

Fifteen minutes later, we're in the middle of Laurent's party. His apartment is huge but not as pretentious as I expected it to be, and the guests are refreshingly down-to-earth. I recognize a few faces, but it's not an it-crowd, and everyone is relaxed and laid back. I introduce Edward and Laurent and they chat for a few minutes. I can see they like each other.

"He seems nice," Edward says, handing me a glass of champagne. His arm is slung around my waist as we cross the room. Soon enough, we're woven into various conversations, and even though I don't know anybody yet, I'm having a good time. Across the room, I can see Edward by the window, talking to a red haired woman. He looks my way, and I can tell he is a little bored by the way he rumples his hair.

"Bella!" Suddenly, Laurent is next to me. He's hugging the guy I've been talking to, and then pulls me with him into a quieter corner. His thick black curls have streaks of grey in them, and his dark eyes are humorous and intelligent. He's not a big guy, maybe five foot eight, but he has a presence, and an authority that make him seem taller. He's impeccably dressed, casual but elegant, always wearing a white scarf. He has a couple of flashy rings on his fingers and a golden bracelet. His shoes are made of crocodile leather.

"Bella, I think I got you a job!" He gives me a white-toothed grin. "It's some shit on TV, and I know you're not too hot on doing TV, but we gotta get you back into business, right? Will probably be paying quite decent too."

"Are you kidding me? I'd read the telephone directory if people would pay to see that. I just need to work!"

"Audition's next week, I'll send you the text once I get it. The part has potential; it's a mother who's in an accident with her baby or some shit. How does that sound?"

"Great," I say, feeling a little overwhelmed.

"Don't worry about preparing, I'll do that with you."

He's bossy, but I trust him.

"I didn't know you were an acting coach as well," I smile.

He smiles back, again flashing a row of super-white veneers. "Used to be, Bella. Trust me. I know what casting directors want. And I can tell you," he lowers his voice, "that there may be coming up some very interesting stage parts for you to audition for, but I need a bit more time."

His eyes are funny and honest, and I like his no-nonsense approach.

"Gee," he chuckles. "There's that man of yours. Goodness gracious, Bella, he is some piece of hot –"

He trails off as Edward comes to stand with us, wrapping his arm round my shoulder. I bite my lip to hide my amusement.

"Edward! Sure you don't wanna get into acting? I'm sure I could arrange something… Do you know that Clooney only got his break with E.R. when he was already in his thirties?"

"That's very flattering, Laurent," Edward replies, "but I'm actually quite happy doing what I do."

"Well, what _do_ you do?" Laurent raises his eyebrows.

"I'm a doctor," Edward says, running a hand through his hair. I can see he's close to laughing as well.

Laurent does. "Good for you, boy. And if you ever wanna switch… _doing_ what you _do_…" At that, he raises a single eyebrow and looks me up and down, "Or _whom _you do, give me a call."

He gives both of us another pointed look.

I'm still laughing by the time we're in the back of a cab.

"I cannot believe that my new agent is fancying my boyfriend!"

Edward shakes his head and smiles. "I'll never live this one down, am I right?"

I kiss him and giggle.

Seth's opening is much grander than I expected, lots of loaded art collectors, gallery owners and artists cramming the space. Seth looks exquisitely happy and I'm almost bursting with pride.

"God, Bells," he whispers as we get a moment to speak alone. "People want to buy my stuff like, big time! And I got about fifty requests for photo shoots, and one of them is from…" He lowers his voice and wrings his hands. "_Vogue_!"

"Oh my God, I'm so proud of you, Sethy! That's great!"

"Have you seen the shot of yourself and Edward yet?"

"No," I reply, "I sort of wanted to wait for you to show us."

"Okay!" Seth's smile literally reaches from ear to ear as he pulls me through the crowd, collecting Edward and Collin on our way. Seth leads us around a couple of corners, and there, in a rather secluded corner of the gallery, hangs our photo, entitled, _Zeus and Hera._

I gasp. It's absolutely enchanting. We look modern and sexy, yet somehow elusive and otherworldly. Edward is staring directly into the camera, and it seems as if he is looking directly at me from behind the glass. His expression is enigmatic, neither friendly nor hostile, his green eyes two bright magnets that draw you in. I'm curled into his arm, looking up at him in wonder. Somehow, it is an adequate vision of how I feel for him.

"Look!" Seth squeals. "There's a dot! Oh my God, guys, this thing has been sold, too! I made two thousand dollars with that! You're so getting a crate of champagne!"

"Amazing," says Edward. "And that is considering I behaved like a moron when you took the pictures."

"Nah," Seth says. "You were just a bit shy. Yeah, it turned out well. I need to find out who bought it!"

"I'm so proud," I say again, hugging Seth and kissing his cheek.

The next day, a Sunday, is rainy and we spend it in bed. We read, nap, cuddle, talk and watch TV. Around six, Edward makes grilled cheese sandwiches and we play a game of Scrabble which he wins. We end the day on the sofa, watching Hitchcock's _Rebecca_, which is one of my Laurence Olivier favourites. Somehow, Edward's mood has shifted. The change is minute, but I can tell something is bothering him by the way he frowns sometimes and pulls at his hair. I kiss his fingers, which are on my shoulder, and he acknowledges it by nuzzling my ear with his nose.

"Hey," I murmur, turning to him. "Are you okay?"

_On screen, Maxim is telling Mrs. De Winter about his marriage with Rebecca, and how it was nothing but a huge farce. He runs a hand through his hair._

I swallow, for suddenly I guess I know what's bothering him. I could kick my ass for being so insensitive as to suggest this movie - a movie about a man whose life is overshadowed by the memories of a terrible marriage. The mediation that Edward's lawyer suggested is coming up, and I know it's on Edward's mind a lot of the time.

"Yeah." Edward kisses my neck.

"Are you worried… about meeting her?" I don't look at him, toying with the little anchor on my necklace.

"A bit," he says, his voice muffled by my hair.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

Edward raises his head. "What for?"

I gesture in the direction of the TV.

"Oh baby." He kisses me softly. "You're so sweet. It's not the movie."

"No?"

"No." He pulls me a little closer and buries his face in my hair once again. "You smell so good… Like spring, and strawberries…"

I close my eyes and my heart speeds up at the sensation of his touch. His lips go lower, to my neck, caressing me softly, and those lips tell me that I'm his, and he is mine.

Later, when I'm snuggled to his chest, already dozing off, he kisses my temple.

"Only you, Isabella," he murmurs, and I can feel the steady beat of his heart. "Only you."

**EDWARD**

This mediation thing is bothering me more than I'd like to admit. The point is: Tanya is unpredictable. For all I know, she might do anything – freak out, throw a tantrum, or come up with a bunch of made-up stories. I called Kate a few days ago, just to get a picture of Tanya's general state, and what she had to say was not very encouraging. Tanya's not in a good frame of mind, she said, working hard and partying even harder.

"She's not used to hearing the word no," Kate said, "and she's obsessed with this idea of you two getting back together."

I'm not looking forward to meeting her.

The week prior to the mediation is drab and rainy, but there are things to divert me from brooding too much. Aro is coming to New York, and Bella will be auditioning for the TV part Laurent told her about. She's nervous the night before, going through her lines for the thousandth' time, eating hardly anything at dinner. We go to bed early and I'm out like a light after a fourteen-hour day at work.

I wake once during the night, sleep muddling my brain. At first, I think that Bella is awake, but I realize she's dreaming, talking in her sleep.

"No," she mumbles. "Just him… don't…" She sighs softly. "Yes… safe…" With that, she turns around and snuggles up to me, sighing again. Her breathing gets low and quiet and I soon go back to sleep as well.

I leave her a little note the next morning, telling her good luck and that I love her. I put it on the kitchen island and place the little talisman I bought her on top. It's a Steiff toy swan from the sixties, which I stumbled across in an antiques shop in the Village a couple of months ago. It's small and cute and fuzzy, looking a bit geekish, rather like a drunk duck than a swan, but I think Bella will love it.

_Edward,_ her text message reads three hours later, _have I told you lately that you are the sweetest man on earth and that I have done nothing to ever deserve you?_

_I love you with all my heart & soul._

_Always yours_

_B._

I smile throughout the day and by the time I am locking my office she has informed me that everything went well and the casting director told her that her chances are good and that they'll call her within the week.

When we make love that night, the little swan watches from her bedside table.

Two days later, the picture Seth took of us, and that I bought without either his or Bella's knowledge arrives and she almost freaks out, kissing me all over. I couldn't bear the thought of it hanging in some stranger's house.

By Friday, Aro has arrived in New York, as always residing at the Four Seasons. My parents have decided to throw a family dinner, which surprises me considering the difficult relationship between him and Carlisle. I believe that Mom is behind that enterprise, always wanting peace and harmony.

I have some trepidation as Bella and I arrive at my parents' house, but she keeps telling me that everything will be fine, and I want to believe her.

"Relax, Baby." She squeezes my hand as we walk up to the front door.

My heart constricts as I look at her. She's so beautiful, with her cheeks pink from the brisk autumn breeze, her large eyes shining in the glow of the porch lights.

The door opens.

"Edward! Bella!"

Mom hugs and kisses me, rumpling my hair. Her scent is the one I've known all my life, smelling of lavender, and home. She greets Bella with equal exuberance and once we've hung our coats, we follow her to the living room.

"Edwaaaaard!" Squealing, Lily hugs my right leg and I lift her up while everyone says hello. Aro is already there, looking his usual boisterous self. When he greets Bella, it is with an extra-friendly kiss, and for a second, I'm jealous of my sixty-nine year old uncle.

Dinner goes surprisingly well, maybe because everyone is super careful and on their best behaviour. Conversation flows easily, and it's like a well-balanced composition with everybody adding his or her own special tune. Bella and Jasper talk about a play he and Alice have seen, Rose and Dad go on about the economy, and Emmett and Alice are thinking up party mottos for Halloween. Mom and I are chatting with Aro. For the past five minutes, he has been enthusing about my girlfriend, who, just now, is putting her chin on my shoulder. We've eaten dessert and I'm pleasantly full after two helpings of Esme's legendary cranberry pork.

"Aro," Bella smiles, "I've been hearing my name one time too often now! What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, sweetness," Aro's full baritone resounds. "Just telling this little f…" He remembers Mom's presence. "… fluff head to take good care of you!"

"Oh he is," Bella says sweetly and kisses my cheek. Her hand is on my thigh, which makes me want to take her home soon.

_Home._

It's _our _home now. The feeling that spreads from my stomach to my chest is warm and light, and once more, I realize how different this relationship is from any earlier ones I had. Before Tanya, I had three serious relationships, the longest of which lasted for five years and was with Julia during my residency. There were other girlfriends and I had a wild phase in college. I also fucked around a little too much right before I met Tanya, but none of that comes anywhere near to how I feel for Bella. She's the kindest, gentlest person I've ever known, and she gives me things I didn't even know I wanted, or needed. She makes me feel complete.

_She sees me._

"Edward?" Bella squeezes my thigh, startling me out of my little time travel.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"Nothing, you dickhead!" Aro laughs throatily. "Just telling your girl she can visit me whenever!"

Bella shakes her head and smiles. "Sorry, Aro. I have no reason whatsoever to part with my man."

I quickly peck her lips, because hearing her say that makes me deliriously happy.

=====oOo=====

Soft, soft lips on my shoulder. A soft, small hand passing down my body.

I have no idea what the time is. It's still dark outside.

She's fondling my belly, slowly going lower, and kissing my back. I shudder with pleasure when her hand enwraps me. I'm still half asleep, but, as always, my body reacts to her touch.

"Bella…"

"Yes…"

More kisses, warm and tender. She starts moving her hand, softly biting my shoulder when I grow harder under her fingers. I can feel her hot breath on my back.

"I love you, Edward… So, so much…"

"Mmm…"

She kisses the nape of my neck, hooking one leg around my thigh.

"Baby," I mumble, "let me… let me turn round…"

She pulls away and I turn towards her. It's dark in the bedroom, but the faint light of the moon illuminates her eyes, making them shine as we whisper and kiss.

"I love you so much, Edward," she repeats. "I want… I want to be with you… always…"

My heart brims over with love as I kiss her, her lips, her cheeks, and her eyelids.

"I love you, Bella. Always…"

Our lovemaking is slow and tender, and I feel so, so close to her.

I'm woken way to early the next day considering it's a Saturday. Our nightly antics left us with little sleep, because after that first time, there was a repeat performance.

"What the fuck," I mutter into the pillow. Bella's phone won't stop ringing. Then she answers it, her voice rough from sleep.

"Oh, hey," she says and I grumble, needing to go back to sleep. Seconds later, she softly closes the bedroom door behind her and I fall back into deep, satisfying nothingness.

"Edward…" She's climbing back into bed on my side of it. Her voice sounds tiny. I open my eyes. Bella is kneeling next to me, wearing my shirt from last night. Her hair looks wild and her eyes are huge. For a moment I can't decipher whether she's happy or not, anyway, I'm still so sleepy.

"What is it, love?" I rub my eyes.

Bella's lower lip quivers as she looks at me.

"Edward… I have the part! The TV thing with the mother and the baby and the airplane and… oh, God!"

A smile as luminous as the sun spreads over her face, and I think my expression must be mirroring hers.

"Bella…" I pull her close and she tumbles against me, beaming.

"It was Laurent. Shooting begins in a few weeks!" She kisses me. "I'm so excited!"

"God, baby, I'm so proud of you. This is… wow, this is incredible!"

"They're sending the script later today. I'm going to have eight days of shooting… Edward… I'm so happy!"

"So am I, my love…"

We kiss for a long, long time before we make love again.

Later, after we've showered together, I'm in the kitchen making coffee and omelettes when the house phone rings.

"I'll get it," Bella calls softly from the hall, and my heart lurches a little. It's _our _home. Not that I would have minded Bella answering my phone before, but the fact that it's so natural feels good. The fact that the plate beneath the doorbell reads _Swan/Cullen_ makes me happy every time I see it.

I return to my omelettes, adding a sliced tomato and feta cheese because I know that's Bella's favourite. She comes into the kitchen a moment later, looking delicious enough to eat in one of my sweaters that reaches down to her thighs, and grey woollen socks, which I believe to be mine as well. There's a frown on her face, though, and I cock my head in a silent question.

She shrugs.

"Wrong number, I guess. The other person just hung up."

Except for the fact that it's the third time in two weeks that this has happened.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Sorry for the cliffy… I guess I'll make myself a nice salad from all the tomatoes you'll be throwing at me **

**Next chapter, Edward will meet his still-to-be-divorced wife. **

**As you know, reviews make me type faster…**

**Thank you for reading!**


	27. The Call of Life

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Bitter Sweet")**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 27**: The Call of Life**

**EDWARD**

_I'm thinking about you, my dearest love. I'm certain everything will turn out well. See you tonight. I love you. –B._

Bella's text makes me smile for the first time today. It's her last day of filming. She's been enjoying herself so much, even though the part isn't very big. Today is also the day of my mediation date with Tanya. Jason Jenks and I will be meeting her and her lawyer at his office, where we'll be going to try and find an agreeable way out of our marriage. There will be a mediator – a lawyer who will act as the neutral party. I am not sure what to think of the whole idea, since the only reason we're having this meeting at all is the fact that Tanya is refusing to sign the papers.

Jenks and I meet in front of an office building at a quarter to five, and I finish my cigarette. We make small talk on out way upstairs, but then Jenks, who is a tall, serious guy with grey hair and a grey suit in his early sixties, clears his throat.

"Edward, whatever happens in there, please keep your calm, okay?"

"Yes. I'll try."

"And if you really want to find out if it is her who has been calling you and hanging up, please remember that this might not be the time and place to do it."

I nod my agreement and we enter the office. A secretary welcomes us and guides us through a corridor. I think I need a cigarette. This will be the first time I'm going to see Tanya since her breakdown in February.

The door opens, and everyone is already seated around a conference table.

Seeing her is like being kicked in the guts. She's thinner than ever, wearing a black dress, which accentuates her pallor. Her eyes are rimmed with heavy black makeup and have dark circles under them. She's cut her hair, wearing it in a wavy bob now. What strikes me most is the expression in her eyes, an expression I have never seen. She looks like she's ten years older than she really is, but not just for her haggard look, but also because of her eyes. They're bitter and desolate.

Guilt washes over me, and I need to remind myself that I am no longer responsible for her. It's a heartless thought, but one I need to stick to if I want to make it through this.

Everyone shakes hands and introductions are made, and Tanya finally looks at me, nothing but hurt and resentment in her eyes. We sit down and the mediator, Mr. Goldenbluth says some introductory words before he asks both of us to state what we expect from this conversation. Since Tanya keeps up her tight-lipped stare at something behind my back, I clear my throat.

"I hope we'll be able to come to an agreement concerning our upcoming divorce. I don't want to drag it out any longer. It's very painful. Doesn't it feel that way to you, too, Tanya?"

Jenks told me beforehand that the concept of mediation is to talk to each other instead of about each other, so I figure it's best to address her directly.

"Don't you think it would spare us a lot of time and hurt and money to get it done with?"

She raises her eyes, her nostrils flaring.

"I don't want your fucking money, Edward," she spits.

"I know," I say, "and I'm very glad we don't have to argue about that. So can I ask what it is that keeps you from signing the papers?"

"For better or worse," she says. "Her voice is eerily quiet. "For better or worse. That's what we promised each other." Her eyes drift off into the distance, and I'm beginning to wonder if she's on some kind of tranquilizer. I know she used to take Valium before big fashion shows. Of course, back then she combined it with champagne and coke.

I take a deep breath. "Tanya. You know that we're over. We've been separated for over a year by now. There's no going back…" I look at Jenks for help but he just nods imperceptibly, urging me to go on. "And even before we were separated, we weren't happy for a long, long time."

The room is silent as everyone waits for Tanya's reply. This is worse than I expected. I thought she'd try to talk me into some sort of agreement in order to procrastinate further, but her ongoing silence is scary.

"We can…" Four pairs of eyes are on her when she speaks. Her voice is low. "We can try again. I miss you, Edward. I need you."

She's breaking my heart.

"No, Tanya. We can't."

"We can." She's a bit louder this time, her skinny fingers digging into the arms of her chair. "We can," she repeats like a mantra.

"No, we can't." I swallow because I know what I am going to say is horrible but I need to do it. She's in complete denial, and I need her to face reality. "We can't, Tanya, and what's more important: I don't _want_ to. I want to be divorced from you."

Maybe, I think, I should have met up with her much earlier. She seems to have deluded herself into believing we could work it out and return to how it used to be. She must see that I have changed. I'm not willing to be her rescuer any longer.

Her eyes fill with tears.

"Please, Edward. Please."

The lump in my throat gets thicker.

"Please. I'll quit modelling… I'll… I'll quit the drugs… We can… we can have a baby…"

I feel nauseous. I take a sip of water and force myself to face her.

"Tanya. _I don't want to be married to you any longer_."

"It's because of her, isn't it?" Suddenly, there's some kind of fire in her voice. "You met her, and you didn't want me any longer!" Her voice trembles.

"No, that's not at all true. You and I were finished fifteen months ago, and we were unhappy long before that, and you know it."

"You're living with her, aren't you?" I can see her hands shake. She claws them harder into the armrests.

"Yes."

"I knew it!" Her face is flushing. "You're cheating on me!"

"I never cheated on you, Tanya." I'm surprised at how calm I am. We've had this sort of discussion dozens of times, her accusing me in a paranoid way of being unfaithful. Time and again, I flew off the handle.

"I met – " I bite my lip. Somehow, I don't even want to bring Bella's name into this. "I met my girlfriend eight months after our separation. "

"You live with her." Tanya's getting louder again, and her tears have stopped. "You're fucking her while you're married to _me_!"

I can tell from the expression on the faces of the other three men that they don't envy me. It's obvious that Tanya has huge, _huge _mental problems. I wonder how her solicitor copes with her? Actually, he looks rather shocked, as well.

"Please, Tanya. Let's stay sensible." I say it as gently as I can since Tanya seems close to hyperventilating.

_How I wish I had been able to help her. _

She seems to have everything – beauty, success, money – and yet she is one of the most unhappy persons I know.

"Mr: Goldenbluth speaks up. "Would you like to take a break, Miss Denali?"

And then, she freaks.

"My name is Cullen!" Tanya screams, jumping out of her chair so suddenly it lands on the floor with a loud crash. "Tell you what, Edward: I'll sign your fucking papers so you can live happily ever after with your fat little whore! _But you'll be sorry for that!"_

**BELLA**

I'm a bit concerned. Edward's meeting was supposed to be at five and now it's close to nine and I haven't heard from him. I've been home for a couple of hours, talking with Seth and then with Alice on the phone. I'm pretty tired after I had to get up at five a.m. every day for the past week. I don't know how Edward does it.

It was worth it, though, because shooting the film was great. My part isn't very big but quite important, and the director and the other actors were fantastic. And, I might add, so is the pay, which takes a load off my shoulders. It's nice to live rent-free, but sometimes it makes me feel awful. In addition, Edward won't let me pay for_ anything_. "But I like to take care of you," he'll say, "and you don't have that much _right now._ It'll even out at one point. You can buy me a boat when you're rich and famous."

Well, I can't buy him a boat from what I'll be getting for the film, but it still makes me feel much better and before I went home tonight, I bought Edward a pair of beautiful antique cufflinks.

I'm so glad to have found Laurent. He's brilliant at what he does. I went to a number of auditions before I started shooting, and all of them were for prestigious projects.

I was especially excited to get invited to an audition for a production of _Cat on a Hot Tin_ _Roof, which_ is going to be directed by Cornelius Clapp, who in the stage world is a sort of god.

I don't delude myself that I'm going to get the part. I saw the other contestants while waiting, and there were all sorts of beautiful and sexy actresses. One looked like Angelina Jolie. I don't look like Angelina Jolie.

_Who wants Brad Pitt when they can have Edward Cullen, though?_

Anyway the mere fact that I was invited to the audition says something about the magic Laurent is able to work, and working with Clapp, even if it was only for fifteen minutes, was enlightening.

I'm idly walking through the apartment while I think and wait for Edward, whose phone went straight to voicemail when I called just now. It's still strange to know this is home, but in a good way. It's home because of Edward, because I feel at home with him.

We get to know each other better with every day, and there are so many things I love about him. The way he meets everyone at eye level, be it the doorman or a snobby socialite, the waiter who is serving him a drink or the owner of a three star restaurant who flatters him. I love that he's always funny in a self-deprecating way, I love how his eyes crinkle when he laughs. I love that he hides an ashtray on the terrace, and how he sighs with satisfaction when I massage his feet after a long day at work. I love –

"Hey."

I put down the stash of magazines from my bedside table that I've been trying to sort through. I go to him. I can't read his expression. He lets out a heavy sigh and stretches out his hands for me, pulling me close. My arms immediately find their way around his waist as I try to decipher his mood. His eyes are dark and tired.

"Edward?"

"I love you, you know that, don't you?"

"Yes…"

_Oh God I hope nothing went terribly wrong!_

Edward puts a soft warm kiss on my lips.

"I love you," he whispers.

I think I smell something.

"Edward? Did you drink?" I say it with an amused undertone, because even though Edward likes to have a glass of wine or sometimes three, it would be so completely out of character for him to go drinking by himself at a bar.

"Yeah. I had three shots of vodka at Lexington Bar and Books." He smiles exhaustedly, apologetically. "And boy, did I need them."

"Why?" My stomach constricts a bit. "Did… did anything go wrong?"

He slowly shakes his head.

"No. She's going to sign the papers."

He doesn't look happy though.

"Then what happened?"

"It was just very, very unpleasant."

He kisses the side of my neck, his hand sliding to my ass. His stubble is scratchy, and his lips are so soft.

"I'll tell you later, okay?" he whispers into my hair. "For now, please just let me love you…"

And he does, undressing me slowly while he walks me to our bed, pulling the last article of clothing, my panties over my feet once I've fallen backward onto the covers.

"Mmm…" He's kissing my ankle, his tongue flicking over the sensitive pulse point. The inside of me knee, my thigh – every bit of skin is being cherished be Edward's lips. I'm pulling at his shirt, needing to touch his skin, and after a second, Edward has thrown it on the floor alongside with his tie.

"Ah…" I tremble when he gets close where I desperately want him. His tongue darts out to lick and then his lips begin to suck and I feel vulnerable and good at the same time because I trust him completely. All I can do is moan and sigh, my fingers in his hair, while he proceeds to pleasure me. I cry out when he enters me with his fingers and he continues doing incredible things with his mouth until I'm a shaking, panting mess, constricting and trembling once my orgasm washes over me.

Slowly, I descend back to the world while my chest is still heaving and setting like I'd just taken a run. Edward kisses my belly, feather-light sensations that make me feel revered.

"So good…" He eyes me with that crooked grin as he kisses his way upward.

"You're telling me…"

"Yeah…" He kisses my ear.

I can feel how hard he is, and my hands begin to roam his body. I begin to unzip his pants and open them. I love the feel of him once I have pulled them lower, hard and hot and all mine.

Moments later, he's naked, crawling back on top of me. I love his weight on me, love the fact that he's strong and masculine, love his smell. His chest hair tickles my breasts as his lips ghost over my face. He's murmuring words of tenderness and adoration. Both of us let out a deep groan when he enters me slowly, and we keep looking at each other, and it heightens the intimacy of it all. Right now, we're as close as two people can get, I suppose.

"It's so good to be inside you," he whispers, his warm breath caressing my neck. "I never want to be anywhere else again… So warm…" He kisses me softly. His eyes are a deep green, and his hair is a crazy mess after my hands went through it earlier. In his eyes, I can see the pleasure he feels, and it's so sexy.

I twine my legs around his waist, and Edward groans at the deeper access. I cling to him. This is the closest to being one we'll ever get. His thrusts are slow and deep. Once more, I slide my hands into his hair.

"I love you," I whisper, and Edward's eyes crinkle as he smiles.

"I love you too," he murmurs back. He kisses me again. "So much…"

He goes on and on until I'm ready to burst and my heart is beating like mad. Every nerve end is tingling with the need for release. I dig my hands into his back.

"Edward, this is… I need you to do it faster… oh my God… oh… ohmygodyesyes…ah…"

Once again, I dissolve into a million little shooting stars, shivering and constricting as fulfilment hits me like a wave of warm water. I feel him so deep, and for a millisecond it is as if we're truly one. I watch him in his own climax, his face aglow and angelic. A long, low moan ripples through him and he gives a few more shallow thrusts before he stills.

"Oh…" Edward sighs happily. His cheeks are flushed. He kisses me and I open my mouth so our tongues can find each other again, celebrating our love, our lust and our divine connection.

Half an hour later we're in the kitchen and Edward is eating a sandwich while telling me all about his _afternoon from hell_, as he calls it. It does sound horrible, too.

I stretch out my hand over the table and entwine it with his.

"I'm so sorry," I say.

Edward nods slowly, his eyes sad and unhappy.

"I wish I could help her," he says. "She is very, very ill."

"Maybe you should call her sister," I suggest.

Edward smiles. He squeezes my hand and then lifts it up to kiss it.

"I love you," he says. "Instead of jumping up and down, throwing a party because Tanya agreed to sign the papers, you think of ways to help her."

"That doesn't mean I don't still want to jump up and down," I reply, passing one finger over his cheek. "But I can imagine how you feel."

Edward kisses my finger.

"Thank you."

=====oOo=====

"Oh my gosh," Alice sighs. "That was awful!"

"Yes," Edward agrees as he swings our hands between us.

"Why does everyone undress on stage nowadays," says Jasper, "and all the time too?"

We went to see a production of _The Crucible_, which wasn't very good to say the least.

I shiver a little. I'm not yet used to the fact that temperatures have dropped, and I forgot my gloves. Edward pulls me into his side and rubs my arm.

"Just a couple of minutes and we'll be there." He kisses my cold ear.

I'm glad when we reach the warm restaurant, and only now do I notice how hungry I am. Everyone chats about the awful production as we study our menus, laughing and joking.

"Do you want to share an appetizer?" Edward asks, his hand on my knee. "They have a fantastic _bruschetta _here."

"Sure." I place my hand on his, and for a moment, we just look at each other.

"Let's order a whole plate," Alice suggests, "and have one of every kind!"

She's fussing with her iPhone – her latest addiction. It reminds me, though, to turn my phone back on after I switched it off hours ago.

"Sorry," I say. "Seth wanted to text me once he heard from Sue." Typing in my PIN, I turn to Alice and Jasper. "She fell down a ladder this afternoon and Dad took her to the hospital because they were afraid she might have suffered a concussion."

Edward kisses my temple. He knows I'm worried, even though in his opinion, the symptoms don't indicate anything serious. My phone is on and I'm surprised to see three missed calls, all by Laurent, and two texts. The first is from Seth.

_Ma is good – a slight concussion but everything's fine. Love you, Seth._

The second one is by Laurent.

_Bella call me ASAP._

"What is it?" Edward says, probably having noticed my frown. I recount both messages and then excuse myself so I can call Laurent, feeling mighty nervous. The urgency of his message could mean either very good or very bad news. I find a quiet spot in the hallway.

"Bella!" he shouts. "Jesus Christ where've you been? I have the most important news of your life and you won't answer your fucking phone!"

"Sorry… I … What… what is it?"

"He wants you, Bella! Cornelius fucking Clapp wants you to play Maggie in his play! This is fucking huge!"

"No…" I feel dizzy. I lean against the wall. "Oh my God…"

"Yeah! Rehearsals start in January. Fuck, Bella, you're gonna win a Tony or something!"

My heart is beating frantically as I return to the table, and I guess I still look shocked as I sink down on my chair.

"Bella? Is everything okay, baby?"

"Yeah." I nod. "It's… oh my God this is incredible…" I giggle. "I have the part! I'm going to work with Cornelius Clapp! He said I was the best! Can you believe it?" I can't stop laughing as Edward kisses me and Alice and Jasper come over and hug me and everybody congratulates me.

After that, the evening passes in a happy blur. Edward never stops kissing and touching me, saying how proud he is. By the time our desserts arrive, we're well into our third bottle of champagne. I'm happy, and a bit tipsy, and my hand that used to be on Edward's thigh is continuously moving further upward. He and Jasper are in a heated discussion on the US healthcare system, which makes Alice roll her eyes and ask me to accompany her to the bathroom.

"You and my brother," she tells me, ferreting through her purse, "are so cute together, and you think you're so discreet with all your touching under the tablecloth, but you're not!"

I look at myself in the mirror, noting that my cheeks are really rosy. I wonder how I'm going to look as Maggie. Maggie the Cat. I need to call Seth.

"Uh," Alice zips up her handbag with a sound of frustration. " Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have a tampon?"

"Sure." I start to dig through my own purse and hand her one… and freeze.

"Bella?" Alice looks at me worriedly. "What's the matter, sweetheart, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"Alice," I say numbly. "When did we have brunch at your parents?"

She thinks.

"It was a week after my birthday, right?" I say.

"I think so. Why?" She cocks her head in a ways that reminds me of Edward.

I do the maths.

"Bella, what's going on? You're beginning to scare me!"

"I'm late, Alice." My voice is toneless. "I'm never late. And now, I'm five days late."

And then, I stumble to the toilet and lose my dinner.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**I'm sorry!* ****runs and hides in a faraway place***

**Please bear in mind that not everything is always what it seems!**

**Thank you so, so much to all my reviewers, because you make me feel it's worth going on with this!**


	28. Let the Angels Guide You

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Tonight at 8:30".)**

Chapter 28: **Let the Angels Guide You**

**BELLA**

"What's going on, love?" Edward's voice is soft and a bit worried as he watches me change into my nightdress. "You've been awfully quiet for the last hour or so."

I sigh, slipping into bed next to him. I've been deep in thought since my moment earlier tonight. Alice bombarded me with questions once I had revealed to her that my period was five days late, but I refused to talk about it any further. Needless to say, I haven't been able to think about _anything_ else, confused and chaotic thoughts jumbling through my mind.

It's hard to even think the words.

_Pregnant._

_I might be pregnant._

I know that I need to tell Edward, and soon, because I am close to flipping out. Of course he's noticed my strange behaviour. I should be singing and dancing, celebrating the fact that I've been given a wonderful part in a production of one of the best directors in the city. Instead, I'm silent and depressed, closing in on myself.

"Hmm?" Edward kisses the top of my head. "Is it about the play? I'd understand if you felt a bit daunted by it, but I know you'll be brilliant."

"No, it's not about the play."

"But I can see something is bothering you. Did I say something?"

"No, it's – " I bite my lip.

Edward waits for me to go on.

"I'm late, Edward."

"You're only twenty-eight, people have had their breakthrough as an actor later than that…"

I say nothing, and after a second, Edward's eyes widen. He swallows.

"You mean late as in…"

"As in missing my period, yes."

"For how long?"

Edward tends to get all calm and doctor-like and in control when there's a problem.

"Five days."

"Usually you're very regular, aren't you?"

"Like clockwork. Especially since I'm on the pill again."

"And you always take it, right?"

"Of _course_!" I bite my lip. "Though there was this one day, you know, before the audition, when I was so nervous I had the runs… it always happens when I'm nervous before an audition or a first night and I…" I stop my ramblings. I should have told him. We should have been using condoms, just to be safe. I didn't consider it.

"Do you think… you are…?" His voice is as anxious as his eyes.

"I don't know!" Finally, I burst into tears. "This is… I mean… I can't be! This is like a bad dream!" I'm sobbing, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. "I can't be pregnant, Edward! I _can't_! I mean I'm in no way prepared to be a _mother_! And I've just been offered what's probably the biggest chance of my life!"

"What do you mean?" Edward looks at me with a shocked expression. "You mean if you indeed _are _pregnant, you don't want to have it?"

His eyes look unhappy… haunted. I've never seen him look like that. He's devastated. I'm crying even harder, sobbing and trembling. I don't know what to think anymore.

"I have no idea, Edward!" I nearly scream through my tears. "I have never even thought about the possibility of having children… not yet, anyway… I'm… I'm not made out to be a _mother_!" I spit the last part, and immediately know that I've hurt him. I'm crying so hard now I won't be able to get out any more words, anyway.

Edward scoots closer and puts his arms around me. He doesn't speak, just holds me quietly as I cry, trembling and sobbing for minutes and minutes. This is too much, too soon. I've never, ever, even considered having children with Edward. Hell, we've been living together for only a month! I'm completely confused, and the more I think, the worse it gets, as do my tears.

"Shh, baby," Edward whispers in my hair. "It'll be okay… Whatever happens, we're in this together."

"I'm so afraid..."

"I know." He kisses my ear, then grabs a Kleenex from the nightstand and hands it to me. I blow my nose. Edward dries my cheeks with his fingers. He looks incredibly sad, his beautiful green eyes deep and dismal.

"So," I say slowly, my voice husky from crying. "If I were… you'd want it?" I snivel. "You'd want a baby?"

He doesn't look at me, running a hand through his hair. His voice is hoarse when he says quietly, "Yes."

A long, long silence follows, and it's heavy and tense.

I try to think about it more calmly, but I can't, and I start to cry once more, tears dropping down on my neck and my nightdress.

Edward lets out a deep sigh.

"Is that a no to having children, at all? Or is it the timing?" He sounds devastated.

"I've honestly never really thought about it. It never was a subject with Jake, because he doesn't want any. And I… I don't know. My role model was a pretty dismal one, so maybe that's why I've never thought of myself as a mother. Mother - to me that's someone who uproots your life. I mean when she left, Dad was inconsolable, and I, well you know that I had nightmares for years, and went into therapy. I went through all the grief and loss with Dr. Banner again recently, and it just made me realise, again, how much she took when she left.

"And even before she left, she wasn't exactly Mother of the Year. It was always Dad who did everything. Cooking, attending plays at kindergarten, driving me to school… She was absent long before she left. So, I have no idea what being a mother is supposed to be about. "

Edward pulls me close once more. He kisses my wet cheek. "She didn't come to see plays in kindergarten?" He sounds seriously shocked.

"No."

Edward sighs again. He kisses my hairline. "I understand where you're coming from," he says. "Still, I think you'd be a wonderful mother – should it ever be the case."

I utter a doubtful "Hmm."

"Yes," he murmurs, and his voice is low and tender. "You have a large heart. You care about people."

"Yeah, but I'm not good with children," I return. "Look at me when we're with your family. I can deal with Dale, but he's nearly grown up. I never know what to say to Lily, though."

"She still likes you."

I look at him, my brows knitting together. "She does?"

"She thinks you look like her Snow White Barbie."

That makes me giggle. Edward smiles as well, and it's good to relieve the tension for a moment. The warmth of Edward's body relaxes me a little. He kisses my temple, and then sighs again, a small sound that breaks my heart a little.

"So you want children," I conclude.

"Yes." He looks at me, and his eyes are completely honest. "Not necessarily right now," he adds, and a small smile appears at the corner of his mouth. "But if it were to be so, I think I'd be very happy."

"You're good with children," I say.

We're silent again, both of us in deep thought.

"So… if you're pregnant… you wouldn't want to have it?"

"I don't know." Suddenly, I feel very exhausted. "I can't imagine having a baby." I swallow. "But I can't _imagine_ having an abortion, either. I mean… this would be a little piece of us, _right_?"

Edward nods slightly.

"I'm scared," I say.

"I know." Edward kisses me. "We'll find a way. It's going to be okay."

A thought occurs to me. "Could I keep taking my medication at all?"

Edward looks surprised.

_It's just a theoretical question. I did not say, "Woo-hoo, let's have a baby!"_

"If not, you could switch to something less harmful, I think."

"What do we do now?"

"Sleep on it. Get a test in the morning."

"You're a doctor. Isn't there a way you can tell?" I cock my head and smile helplessly.

Edward gives me a lopsided grin. "I could give you a pelvic exam. I mean I once learnt how do that…"

"That would be weird."

"I agree. I'd rather have you pee on a stick. Anyway, I think it'd be too early to tell."

"Oh."

I can feel Edward swallow.

"You know… Tanya had an abortion last year."

I'm unsure what to say, so I stay quiet, running my fingers up and down his chest to show him I'm listening.

"She didn't tell me she was pregnant. She went on a modelling job in L.A. and visited with her family in Alaska afterwards. She told me about it on her return. I never had a say in the matter." His voice is a bit shaky. "I mean… this would have been my baby too, right? She never even told me. Just got rid of it." There's a long pause before he continues sadly. "Not that Tanya would have made a great mother." He laughs humourlessly.

"Was that the reason you split up?"

"It was the last straw. We'd been drifting apart for ages before that, though." He falls silent for a moment. "I felt so left out."

"What did you do?"

"I think I cried and got drunk for a few days. And then I moved out. Because I knew that there was no way we'd ever be able to mend everything that had been broken."

He puts a small kiss on my shoulder

"Best decision ever, because it led me to you, my little lamb."

"I love you," I whisper.

"And I love you. Let's go to sleep and get a test first thing in the morning and then we can think about it further, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward switches off the light and puts his arm around me, snuggling against my back as he always does. We whisper a little longer, inconsequential words of tenderness, and after about ten minutes I can tell he's asleep by the way his breathing gets low and even.

Sleep eludes me until the morning hours. There's just too much to think about.

There's a little blood in my panties the next morning and strangely, the relief I feel is joined by an odd sense of emptiness.

**EDWARD**

"You're downright mean!" Bella complains again.

"Hey, it's not my fault my crazy sister forces us all to do this," I say, kissing Bella's nose. "And you look fantastic."

Bella grumbles.

When Alice and Jasper invited us for a Halloween party with the motto _Screen Couples,_ I immediately knew who Bella and I were going to be.

"Thanks. But it still is a fact that I am wearing this bit of_ nothing_ while your whole 'costume' consists of that ridiculous fake moustache!"

"Which itches like hell, by the way."

"Serves you right." She sticks out her tongue.

She looks good enough to eat in a tight-fitting, plum-coloured dress that shows of her sumptuous curves. She has a sort of water wave, her lips a deep red and her eyes huge and dark. I'm in a grey suit; my hair is parted and gelled so neatly I'm sure Mom would be grinning from ear to ear with glee. I look very dapper.

We're Nick and Nora Charles. I found the choice very obvious because we both adore those films, and it keeps us from dressing up as Dorothy and the Tin Man, like Alice and Jasper.

Ten days have passed since Bella's pregnancy scare. I guess it's for the better that it was a false alarm. Bella was right of course about the play, and her medication, and I'd really have the divorce finalised before starting a family with Bella.

The good thing about it is that we've been talking a lot about the subject, simply because we see our future with each other, and I guess it might get difficult at some point if I want children and she doesn't. It turned out that Bella isn't completely against it. She's just never given it serious consideration due to a number of facts, and she's afraid she'd be a bad mother. Which I think is ridiculous.

We'll keep talking about it, I guess, but there's no pressure. We have time. And because I'm a retarded, romantic, chauvinistic sucker, I'd like to be married by the time we have babies.

_Babies…_

"Edward?" Bella is waiting for me, already in her coat, holding the two bottles of wine we're bringing.

"Sorry." I shake off my thoughts about a faraway, or maybe, just _maybe_ not _that_ faraway future. I kiss her and tell her I'm ready to go.

Alice's parties are always a bit wild, but this one tops everything. The place is absolutely crowded, and people are shouting and dancing and drinking. Seth, who has become great friends with Alice as well, is immediately pulling Bella away and I can see them whisper on their way to the kitchen aka the place where the drinks are. Jasper greets me with a friendly hug. He looks pretty funny as the _Wizard of Oz's_ Tin Man, his face covered with silver makeup, a funnel atop his head. He hands me a Heineken and we catch up on each other's lives. Bella and I decided to keep the whole pregnancy thing among ourselves, but she also admitted she'd told Alice, so it's safe to assume that Jasper knows.

"Alice is working on a new play," he says. "A modern version of _The Tempest_. From what I've seen, it'll be completely crazy."

"Yeah, she mentioned something like that."

"She's not happy with it. She wants to concentrate on her own stuff, you know. Designing fashion."

"Can't she do it as a side-line?"

"You know how intense it is to be working on a play, don't you?"

"Yes, I guess you're right." I take a swig of my beer.

Somewhere, a girl screeches with laughter.

"Um… Jazz?"

"What's up?" I always feel he's looking through me with those wise, grey eyes.

"I was wondering. Have you and Ali ever thought about getting married?"

"Sure." He shrugs. "It does come up at one point when you're together this long. Momma Whitlock would love to see the day."

"But?"

"But neither of us really believes in the concept. I love Alice. She's my soul mate. I don't need a piece of paper for that. We've been together for over a decade without being married, and it worked just fine. Why change that? Anyway, I have been married, as you know, and my time with Maria was about as enjoyable as your last year with Tanya. Why do you ask?" He raises his eyebrow.

"I was just thinking about it the other day."

I know that Jasper knows I'm avoiding giving him an answer.

"How's the divorce going?"

"Tanya's lawyer told Jenks that she's signed the necessary papers, but he hasn't received them back yet." I sigh and scratch my ear. "It's a fucking nuisance."

I want to ask Jasper some questions, but then Alice and Collin join us, and I don't get the chance.

The party is actually rather nice. Em and Rose arrive later after they had to attend a business dinner. They're not dressed up, but Em is wearing a cowboy hat and says he is John Wayne. Bella and Seth are giggling over their gin and tonics, talking about God knows what.

I'm chatting with Emmett when she joins us. He greets her with a big hug before Bella leans against me. It takes me a bit of self-control not to roam her satin-clad body with my hands. I settle my fingers on her hip. We talk to Emmett about this and that until Rose joins us, yawning and telling him that she wants to go home. It's just after eleven and Em seems a bit disappointed, but he knows better than to argue with her. She does look dog tired, by the way, and I notice she's also rather pale. After we've said goodbye, Bella and I are alone for a moment and I use the opportunity to pull her close.

"It's a bit like the night we met, isn't it?" Her brown eyes are huge and filled with warmth as she looks up at me.

"I thought of that, too," I say.

"So much has happened since then…"

"Mainly good things," I add.

"Yeah…" She wraps her arms around my neck and pouts a little.

"What?" I smile.

"Can't mess up your hair with that stuff in it," she grumbles.

"Then maybe we should get home soon," I murmur.

"Hey guys!" Alice cries. "Who wants a shot?"

We both smile like idiots, because this is exactly what happened the night we met.

"You want one?" she grins.

"For old times' sake…" I kiss her soft lips.

Everyone is cheering and we drink a shot of tequila. We both decline a second one and I want to suggest leaving when a guy I vaguely remember having met starts talking to me about his dad who suffers from a stomach ulcer. I try to help him a bit by sharing information and recommending a specialist. Around us, everyone is getting plastered and I cannot _fucking_ believe it when I see this guy walk up to Bella who was pestering her the very night we met. Once again, he looks the worse for wear, checking Bella out. She gives him a tight-lipped smile and says something I can't hear because of the din of people and music. The guy doesn't take the hint, blabbering on and getting way too close to her. I know she hates that when it's by people she doesn't know, or doesn't like.

I make my excuses to the guy I've been talking to and whose name eludes me. I walk over to them.

"So great to see you," Bella's fan boy says, staring at her cleavage. "You look real hot, you know." Bella's smile is now bordering on being painful. "You wanna go out after this? I know this club, not far from here, they play great techno, and the prices are real cheap…"

"No thanks," Bella says, and for a second I try to imagine her going with him, drinking cheep beer and dancing to techno – _not_ Bella.

The idiot steps even closer and she takes a step back – right into my arms. She flinches shortly but then recognizes that it's me. She relaxes as I put my arms around her.

"Hi." I nod at the guy. "I'm Edward."

"Raoul…" He looks confused and I can tell he's stoned as well as drunk.

"Nice to meet you, Raoul."

Bella turns slightly and looks up at me with a semi-amused expression. She entwines her fingers with mine, right beneath her breasts.

"You ready to go, love?" I can tell she's trying not to laugh.

"Mmm-hmm. Let's go home. Bye, Raoul."

Once we've told everyone goodbye and are in a cab, I think of that night back in February again, and how right Bella was: so much has changed since then.

Then, I was lost and bitter and scared. Now, I'm happy, I'm safe, and I know that the most beautiful woman in the world loves me. Warm love fills my heart, soul and body. I can physically feel it spread through my veins.

For the remainder of the drive, I'm just grateful, thanking God for all of this.

For Bella.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**I know some of you will be disappointed that Bella's not pregnant, but I needed to do it this way. Soon, you'll understand my reasons.**

**Please leave a review if you liked it! Five chapters and an epilogue left!**


	29. The Earth Became Heaven

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("You Were There" from "Tonight at 8:30: Shadow Play")**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 29:** The Earth Became Heaven**

**BELLA**

Usually, November isn't the best month for me. The days become short and dark, messing with my mental balance.

This November is different, which has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with Edward. I guess it sounds clichéd when I say it, but I didn't know one could be so happy.

He has been working a lot over the past weeks, taking over night shifts because a co-worker fell sick. How a doctor can work twenty-four hour shifts is still beyond me, but he can, and he does.

I've been occupying myself with more work at the bar, knowing I probably won't have the time or the energy once rehearsals start. Well, technically, they have started, because Cornelius Clapp has this system of holding weekly read-throughs prior to the actual rehearsals, which will start in January. So far, there have been three, the last of them today, and each one has been a revelation. He has so many ideas and so much wisdom, sharing all of it in his unique way, welcoming each and every idea or opinion the actors have. He's strict, but a total darling. He's rather small and grey-haired, wearing glasses that look like they were from the seventies. His eyes are hazel and they are piercing and gentle, knowing and curious.

I have already learnt so much during those read-throughs, and I can't wait till we start rehearsing! Every Monday I wake up with a jittery stomach, knowing I'm going to be in that rehearsal room with my battered copy of Williams' play, looking into a fountain of wisdom.

Edward always listens with fascination when I tell him about these encounters, and I know he's happy because I am happy.

"Bella?" He smiles at me and I realize I was completely zoned out, staring at the flames inside the fireplace.

"Sorry… what did you say?"

"Nothing." He laughs quietly, running a finger down my arm. "Where were you just now?"

"Thinking about today… Cornelius Clapp is a genius."

I take a sip of the hot chocolate Edward made earlier. It's not very hot anymore, but it still tastes great because Edward uses real chocolate to make it, melting it in the milk. I've lost the weight I gained over the summer, so a bit of chocolate won't hurt me.

It's getting dark outside, and we have it nice and warm and snugly. Edward takes off his glasses and put his book on the coffee table. _Cardiac Electrophysiology._ Uh-huh.

He puts his arms round me and grazes my neck with his lips, sighing slightly.

"It'll be so strange not to have you around all the time," he murmurs. "I've grown used to that."

"Me too…" I turn a bit so our lips can touch and we fall into a series of long kisses, which get hotter and hotter.

My hands are well on their way underneath his sweater, and I'm beginning to get lost in the feel of his muscular back when Edward's phone starts to ring.

"Fuck them," he mumbles against my lips. "I'm officially off duty. I had a sixteen hour shift and I don't want to know…"

His hands sneak beneath my pullover and his tongue does frivolous things to mine. I'm just about to start pulling up his sweater when the phone starts ringing again.

Edward groans. "Sorry…" He pecks my lips. His face gets tense when he sees the caller ID.

_And I am having a déjà vu._

But in contrast to that night back in February, he stays with me, answering the caller with a low voice.

"Hello, Jason."

He doesn't look at me, staring at his bare feet, but his hand comes to rest on my leg.

"Yes?" He listens for a few moments, and then, suddenly, his face relaxes and a tiny smile plays around the corners of his mouth.

"Okay," he says. "Thanks." He runs a hand through his hair. "Of course… Me too… Okay." He rumples his hair again. "Yes… Yes. Okay… Yeah… Thank you so much. Okay, see you."

Edward shuts his phone and looks at me. I can tell that he is extremely aggravated. My stomach tenses a little.

"Bella?" He takes both my hands in his. He swallows. His eyes are so _intense. _"This was Jason Jenks, my attorney. The divorce is through. He has it from one of his 'sources', he says. I'll be receiving the papers during the next week."

"Oh my God," I gasp.

Edward's face shows a gamut of emotions – hope, regret, relief, guilt, joy.

"I'm free." He's shaking his head to and fro as if he'd received the greatest gift. "I am no longer married, Bella!"

He stares down at our intertwined hands, and I can tell that he's simply overwhelmed by the news.

"It feels… surreal…"

"I can imagine that." I give his fingers a soft squeeze.

"Huh." He shakes his head again. "I guess I was beginning to believe the day would never come, you know. And now… it's like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And at the same time, it's so sad…" He looks at me. "I don't mean to say that I question my decision. It's just… sad…" He trails off.

"I understand," I whisper. And I do. He spent a period of his life with that woman, and now, it is irrevocably over.

"But most of all, I'm relieved." His eyes show it too. He swallows again.

"So am I." I nudge his shoulder with my forehead, and Edward responds by kissing my hair.

"What are you going to do now? Will you… call her, or something?"

"I don't believe that would be good right now. I'll call Kate to make sure she's okay, though." A deep sigh leaves Edward's chest. "But not now."

"So what do you want to do?" I kiss his chin. I feel so relieved too. I know that Edward loves me and I know that he and Tanya have been over for a long time, but the fact that he is no longer married is enormous.

"Mmm," he murmurs. "I think we should just get back to where we left off, what do you think?" The last words are hot and seductive in my ear and when his lips touch the tender spot beneath my ear, I shudder. I'm slightly surprised that the news of his divorce gives him the desire to have sex. But maybe it's some sort of reassurance, or bonding, that he needs right now. And who am I to deny him?

His kisses are tender and needy, his hands exciting me in ways that are familiar and still surprising. By the time I am naked, so is he and both of us are breathing hard, our moans and sighs mixing with the crackling of wood from the fireplace.

"I love you," he whispers when he enters me. "I've never loved anyone like this…" Our lips meet in another, breathless kiss. "You complete me…"

He murmurs away and I groan against his neck as he fills me, and completes me.

Later, we make dinner – well, Edward makes dinner and I sit on the counter and watch him while we chat about our respective days. Moving in with Edward must have been the best decision I ever made.

He steps between my legs and, as is his custom, feeds me bits of the ingredients, kissing me between a piece of parmesan and a cherry tomato. We linger over dinner, listening to Duke Ellington, touching all the time while I occasionally run my foot up and down his leg.

When we are in bed, we make love again, slow and mellow this time, Edward watching me eagerly as I move on top of him, his hands on my breasts, on my hips and my thighs. I watch him as well, loving the way his face looks in pleasure, his hair dishevelled, sweat on his chest. We climax together, and I feel so close to him, physically and emotionally.

I collapse on top of him and he holds me while our heartbeats slow down, our salty bodies clinging to each other. I kiss his chin before I lie down next to him and place my head on his chest. Edward kisses my brow, and for a few minutes, the world stops turning, and it's just us, silent and warm.

When Edward speaks, though, he sounds sad.

"You know," he says, "I used to think it was my fault. That I fucked up because I couldn't help her." There's a long pause before he continues. "But I know that's only partly true. I couldn't help her, that's a fact. But we weren't meant to be. That's true as well." He sighs, a small, sad sound, and kisses my forehead. "Sorry. I didn't mean to crash the mood."

"No," I whisper, drawing little patterns on his chest with my finger. "You didn't. I get what you're trying to say. You were very close to her, at one time. That's got to mean something, right?" I kiss his chest. He smells so good. "What I mean is… I can relate to that. When Jacob broke up with me, it was like my world had ended. We open our hearts to someone, and I think that it leaves an imprint. Those we loved, in that sense, will always be with us."

I can feel Edward swallow. "That's a beautiful thought."

"Well, I think it's true. My mom, Jake, my grandparents… they all are people who touched my heart. I can't erase that."

"He hurt you bad, didn't he?" Edward's voice is gruff as he stares at the ceiling, and I know to whom he is referring.

"Yes he did. To the core. But you know, with hindsight…" I pause and look up at him. Edward watches me with patient, gentle eyes. "With hindsight," I sigh, "I realise that I could have noticed things weren't going well. I just didn't want to see it. He was never The One. Never the missing half."

"What…" Edward's voice is low and careful. "I mean you needn't answer me of course, but what… made you realise that?"

I prop myself up on my elbow so I can look into his eyes.

"You," I say quietly.

Edward's green eyes are filled with love.

"How so?"

"Because you are my missing half, Edward."

At that, he pulls me close, almost crushing me in a fierce embrace, kissing my face and whispering that he feels exactly the same.

**EDWARD**

When I left the house this morning, a tall, skinny strawberry blonde hopped into a cab just a few feet away from me and for one dreadful second I thought it was Tanya. But I know it can't have been her because I talked to Kate a couple of days ago. She told me Tanya was managing surprisingly well, and at the moment, was shooting for a perfume campaign. She was working a lot, Kate said, and probably partying a lot, too. But then, that's what we all did at her age, didn't we?

December has come and it's frigging cold. I've been working a bit too much, which makes me feel constantly tired, but that is the deal I made with the big boss, Demetri, so I can have a few days off over Christmas. I won't have such luck when it comes to New Year's Eve, and I'm already pissed off that Bella and I will have to spend that night apart from each other.

Every single day with her is better than the last one. Our connection gets stronger all the time. It's strange to think we met not even a year ago. So much has happened since then, and I like to think that it brought us even closer together.

I'm glad the Christmas season has arrived, even though the stream of invitations to Christmas parties and dinners seems endless. I was having some trepidation about the hospital's party, but Bella was very gracious about it. Lauren was there, of course, but never said a word to either Bella or me. Our relationship is strictly professional now, and I'm relieved that Lauren seems to have understood that this is the way I want it.

The Christmas party at Mike's bar was fun and rather wild, which resulted in some inappropriate behaviour with my girlfriend in the back lot. Ah well…

Finding a perfect gift for Bella isn't as easy as I thought, and then, there's this other thing I need to purchase, and Bella seems to have a sixth sense for that, because every time I'm staring at my laptop and try to figure it out, she comes into my office or the living room and I have to shut it hectically, probably only alerting her that something is going on.

I'm finishing off for today, and the moment I've changed out of my scrubs, my phone rings. I'm buttoning my flies while I answer it.

"Edward," Bella says in an anxious voice, "I'm afraid that something is wrong with Cedric! He's breathing strange, and he's trying to touch his throat. I'm really scared!"

"Oh, shit. Did you call the vet?"

"Not yet, I mean he's been like that for a few minutes only…"

"I'm finished here," I say. "I'll be right home and we can get him to the vet's, okay? Can you call them already so they know we're coming?"

"Yes. Hurry, can you?" She sounds so frightened.

Luckily the way home from the clinic is short. I can't even imagine anything happening to Cedric. Bella loves him, and I have to admit, so do I. She's awaiting me with a tense, pale face. Cedric is in the living room, making miserable little coughing, or retching sounds, pawing at his throat.

"I don't feel good about this, Edward," Bella says in a small, panicked voice.

"Could he have swallowed something? To me, it looks as if he's choking on something." I throw my coat on the sofa.

"What should we do?"

We're both watching poor Cedric for a moment as he frantically tries to breathe. I'm almost certain that he's choking on something, so I decide to take a chance.

"Okay, I'm going to try something." I slowly make my way over to where Cedric hovers, and lift him up as carefully as I can. He doesn't protest. Obviously, I am no vet, but if something is blocking his breathing channels, there may not be the time to take him to the vet. I sit down on the coffee table with the large, ginger cat between my legs. Pulling his body up so he's on his hind legs with his back to me, I give his chest three quick squeezes with the back of my hand. Cedric makes a pathetic whiney noise and then splutters up a small, shiny object. He mewls softly and then hops down from the table, strutting away, presumably to have his dinner.

Bella and I are speechless.

"He was choking on a_ cufflink_? How did he even get that?" I say incredulously.

"Oh, God." Bella drops to her knees and hugs me passionately, even though the angle is rather awkward – basically, she's pressing her boobs directly against my junk.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You saved his life!"

I kiss the top of her head and pull her up into my lap. She's crying happy tears of relief. Over the next weeks, Bella keeps telling everybody how I heroically saved her cat's life, which is a little embarrassing and totally cute.

Christmas is approaching with giant steps, and one afternoon after work, I visit Mom. Bella calls while I am there and I have to make up a story about being held up. I feel a little guilty about lying, but Mom, who heard my part of the conversation, gives me a conspiratorial grin, and I know it's okay.

**BELLA**

Shopping with Alice tends to be fun but immensely exhausting. _Especially_ if it's right before Christmas, and the city is sheer madness. I've been traipsing through endless shops and department stores for the past four hours, and Alice is dwarfed by the magnitude of bags she's carrying, but she insists of dragging me to the fashion department of Saks Fifth Avenue.

"I need something to wear for Christmas dinner!" she claims.

"Alice," I snort, getting impatient because my feet are hurting. "You have more dresses than anyone I know! It's dinner at your parents', not the Queen of England!"

"Still, I want to look nice."

She takes my hand and starts ooh-ing and ahh-ing, while she rifles through the exquisite materials of Marc Jacobs, Oscar de la Renta, and Stella MacCartney. She tries on various dresses and I watch her, happy to be sitting down. Well, the champagne that the pretty young man offered us isn't bad, either. I check my phone for the time. It's after six, and Edward called earlier, asking if I'd be home for dinner. I want to remind Alice of the fact, but she's gone missing somewhere between Proenza Schouler and Diane von Furstenberg. I'm just typing Edward a message that I'll be late when she suddenly appears in front of me with an excited squeal that almost gives me a heart attack.

"Bella!" She's holding a blue dress in front of my face. "Please, please, _please _try this on! I just know it's made for you!"

It's a dark blue silk wrap dress. I check the price tag.

"Alice, what's the point? I am not going to buy a dress that costs four-hundred dollars."

"Please! Please! Just to prove me right!"

"If you like it so much, why don't you try it on yourself?"

"Oh _no_!" She looks at me sternly. "You need tits for that one!"

Five minutes later I'm in the changing room, just to shut her up.

_Wow. I must say this suits me mighty fine._

Alice goes ape shit when she sees me, almost jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

"Yes it's nice," I admit. "But I'm just not willing to spend this much money on a dress, Alice."

"Can I give it to you for Christmas? _Pu-lease_? I still need a gift for you, anyway."

Of course, she doesn't stop until I have the dress, and I feel happy and embarrassed in equal parts. I keep thanking her on our way outside, but she just waves it away.

"Just promise me to wear it tonight," she says enigmatically when we say goodbye in the icy cold outside. It's started snowing again, and we're both taking a cab back home.

"Tonight?" I smile. All the Christmas spirit seems to have messed with little Alice. "You mean tomorrow, for Christmas dinner!"

"No, tonight." She grins happily. "Trust me, Bella." She puts a kiss on my cheek. "See you tomorrow!"

And with that, she's gone, her cab vanishing into the white turmoil. I step into the next one that's waiting in line, musing on what Alice's plans are on the way home. I'm freezing when I exit the taxi, running into our building and almost running into a tall blonde woman. I quickly apologize, but she's already gone.

Edward greets me with a smile and a long kiss. He looks very elegant in a crisp white button down and black dress pants, which is quite unusual for him, since he usually wears jeans and t-shirts or sweaters at home.

"Wow," I comment, hanging my coat in the closet. "Are we going out?"

"No." He shakes his head nonchalantly. "But considering we'll be holed up with my folks tomorrow, I thought I'd make us dinner." He kisses my ear. "I've made reservations for two in the dining room. What do you say?" His voice is low and seductive.

"That sounds perfect…" I close my eyes, leaning into his touch for a moment longer. "I'll just run upstairs and freshen up. I'll be back in a second."

Once upstairs, I swiftly change into my new dress and I can't help but suspect that Alice knew of her brother's plans. These two are just too cute. I take my hair out of the ponytail I've been wearing and put a brush through it. I slip on the Jimmy Choos Edward gave me. Checking myself in the mirror, I must say that Alice was right: the dress looks as if it were made for me, accentuating my curves in a way that I know Edward will not be able to resist.

From the look he gives me when I enter the dining room, I'm proven right. He smiles crookedly, his eyes shining. His Adam's apple bobs up and down, and he slowly licks his lips.

"You look stunning."

"Thank you," I say as I step close to him. "You clean up rather nice as well, Dr. Cullen."

He kisses me, his soft lips playing with mine, conveying all the love and tenderness we feel for each other. I want to drown in his scent, in the feel of his stubble that tickles my cheeks, in his taste, and in the pure Edward-ness of him. No man has ever made me feel the wayhe does.

When I take a look around, I gasp. The dining room is decorated with endless flower arrangements and candles. The table setting could equal the Ritz. Soft piano music floats through the air.

"You're crazy," I murmur against Edward's lips. "And I love you."

"I love you too." He kisses me once more and then makes me sit down, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Our _primi piatti_," he says, setting down a plate in front of me, "will be _conchiglia di capesanta gratinata_." He put a soft kiss on my neck. "Roasted scallops, salmon and lobster, seasoned with olive oil and lemon juice."

"It looks so good," I say, feeling my mouth water.

Edward takes a seat across from me and pours each one of us a glass of chilled white wine. It feels almost formal, the way we're all dressed up and the dining room is decorated so lavishly. The entrée is divine, and I tell him so after every bite of tasty, tender fish that almost melts on my tongue.

We talk easily about our respective days and the upcoming holidays. Edward is so happy that he has three whole days off of work, and his cheerful mood is contagious. Once we're through, he gets back to the kitchen and I relax, feeling a bit tired, but in a pleasant way. It's only now that I notice something.

"Have you seen Cedric? I haven't seen him all night," I say when Edward returns with two plates filled with steaming delicacies.

"Um, yeah… he was asleep on top of his scratching thing." He gives me a small smile. "Now, Miss Swan. This is our s_econdi_: grilled lamb chops with roasted abalone mushrooms and polenta."

He has a different wine for this course, a red this time, and everything is so delicious that I want to drop to my knees. Edward chuckles when I tell him as much.

"I certainly won't mind, love."

Our dessert is a decadently yummy chocolate soufflé that almost _has_ me on my knees. All the time, our conversation is light and amiable, and it's one of the things I love most about Edward – his relaxed attitude. He's easy to be with. He 's entertaining and funny, and listens as much as he talks. His opinions on things are mature and down-to-earth. He has impeccable manners. He's just this beautiful, good-natured man I have the luck to be living with. There's still so much ground we have to cover, which means that conversation never runs short, and we both love throwing ourselves into discussions on any imaginable subject, ranging from the arts to politics, food, films, childhood accidents – the list is endless.

I'm still laughing about some silly joke he made when Edward stands and collects our plates.

"Just going to take them to the kitchen," he mumbles, and once again tonight, I find that something is… _odd._ He stays in the kitchen a little longer than I anticipated, so I get up and wander to the living room, standing by the large French doors leading to the terrace. It's snowing heavily by now, and a white blanket is already covering the balustrade. Millions of tiny snowflakes are dancing through the black night, and New York's skyline looks like it is enchanted with all the glittering lights.

I think of the days ahead. It will be strange not to spend Christmas with Dad and Sue and Seth and Leah, but I'm also looking forward to being with Edward's family. He offered to come to Seattle with me, and it was a tough decision to make for both of us, since none of us was willing to spend the holidays apart. We ended up agreeing that it was more practicable to stay here, as Edward only has three days off.

I hear him return to the room and walk toward me. He stands behind me and slides his arms around my body.

"Bella," he murmurs. "My beautiful Bella…"

I put my hands on top of his and relax into his embrace.

"Do you know how much I love you?" he says, his voice so soft, so serious. "I love love love you. I want to be with you always. Always…" He kisses my neck and his warm lips make me shudder.

"I want that too, Edward…"

"When I'm old and all wrinkly, I want to sit on our porch with you, drinking ice tea." A small sigh leaves his chest, and it touches my heart. He pulls me closer, and I can feel him swallow.

"I want that too," I whisper.

His voice is husky when he speaks, so full of love and longing that it sends waves and waves of bliss through my body.

"Marry me."

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Hey, lovely readers! **

**This can only be categorized as a cliffie if you doubt what Bella's answer will be.**

**Okay, I googled a lot, and it is actually possible to perform a Heimlich manoeuvre on a cat. You can even find a video of a vet demonstrating on a very bewildered-looking cat. You shouldn't do it, though, if you're not sure what's going on. (Not that I'd dare trying it on my cat…)**

**Thanks to everyone for reading…**

**See that blue button? It says ****review****… And I'm always so happy when you do!**

**xoxo, hp**


	30. Life in the Morning

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward.**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 30: **Life in the Morning**

**BELLA**

"Marry me."

He whispers the words again, his velvet voice warm while his breath strokes my ear.

I know that I'm wearing a huge smile when I turn in Edward's arms. His expression is tense and open as he stares at me from deep, green eyes.

"Yes," I say, and my own voice sounds strange in my ears.

"Yes?" The corners of his mouth go upward.

"Yes." I stand on my tiptoes and twine my arms around his neck. "Yes. I want to marry you."

Because the only future I can imagine is with him. Because the only man I will ever love is Edward. Because he gives my life reason.

"Bella…" A stifled, sob-like giggle escapes his throat as he lifts me up and kisses my face all over, and I know that I will never forget this moment, the music and his lips and the way he smells of vanilla and spice and Edward, and I know that I want this, I want him, every day of my life. We kiss for endless moments, and I'm surprised when he suddenly stops.

"Just one second," he murmurs, setting me down. He pecks my lips and lets out a funny sound, something between a coo and a whistle.

I stare at him and I'm sure I look at him as if he'd lost his mind. A second later, I hear the sound of Cedric's paws, galloping across the floor. When I look down, there's my large ginger cat with a huge white bow around his neck and Edward pats him, muttering, "Good boy," while he feeds him a treat from his pocket.

"Oh," I laugh. "Hey, cat." I look at Edward, who straightens up, standing next to me.

"He would like to… ahem… _deliver_ something," Edward prompts.

I probably still look at him as if he's a total moron. Edward grins and nods in the direction of Cedric. I have no idea what is going on, but I crouch down and tickle the cat's ear… and become aware of a rather sparkly object that is fastened to his pretty silk bow.

A ring.

Edward kneels down next to me, carefully freeing the cat of its accessory. He unfastens the ring and takes my left hand. His eyes pose the question again, and my huge smile is answer enough. He slides the ring on my finger, and we both look down on it in wonder. It's a beautiful ring, an antique golden band with an emerald surrounded by dozens of tiny diamonds.

"Edward…" I look at him. His eyes are like that emerald, green and shiny. "This is so beautiful…"

We're still kneeling on the floor, and Cedric is giving us little head bumps.

Edward kisses me softly before he takes my hand in his.

"It belonged to my grandmother Elizabeth. She received it from my granddad for their engagement, and he had inherited it from his mom. Esme kept it, and…" He swallows.

I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him tenderly, reverently. I love him, completely.

"I love you," I whisper in between kisses. "I love you so much, Edward…"

"I can't… I can't believe it…" His breath is hot against my lips. "I'll be your husband…"

"I'll be your wife…"

For some reason, this is a total turn-on for both of us and it takes us mere minutes until Edward is on top of me on the floor. Our hearts are pounding and our breathing is heavy as Edward pulls away an inch or so. His cheeks are flushed, and I can feel how hard he is, and how hard he is fighting for control.

"Bella," he murmurs thickly, green eyes dark with longing. "I absolutely refuse to make love to my new fiancée the first time on the floor!"

He is so serious that I giggle breathlessly. I kiss him. ""Okay," I whisper. "In that case, we should get upstairs…"

After we've undressed each other feverishly, we fall onto the bed, kissing hotly, skin upon skin, heartbeat against heartbeat, fondling and caressing until I think I'm going to explode. He slides into me, and we both moan at the sensation. Edward's lips are on my face, going to my neck, while his fingers play with my breast, teasing my nipple between them so I arch my back, pushing myself further into his hand. He licks a wet path down to my other breast and a soft whimper leaves my mouth when he begins to suck, gently but passionately.

"So beautiful," he murmurs, going on to the other one while his dexterous fingers roll the now neglected, wet nipple between them. I close my eyes and float on the waves of pleasure he is giving me.

"Baby…" I can feel his hot breath on my lips and open my eyes. He looks breathtaking, his lips swollen and pouty, his cheeks pink and his hair chaotic. I love to see him like this, taken apart and vulnerable and open.

His tongue strokes mine and we melt into a rough, urgent kiss. I twine my legs around his waist and hold him close as he thrusts into me so deep… so deep… I love the connection of our bodies. It always feels like we're truly meant for each other. I love the sounds we make, and the feel of Edward's back under my hands, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. His eyes are warm and fiery, and I never want to do anything else again.

I think of the fact that he is going to be my husband, and it spirals my emotions into overdrive.

"Edward…" My hands on both sides of his hot face, I pull his lips to mine once more. "I love you… I'll be yours… forever…"

He responds by kissing me violently, pushing into me even more forcefully, moving us higher on the bed until he needs to protect my head with his hands so it doesn't get knocked into the headboard with each thrust.

The pressure in my belly is getting stronger. I hear my own moans mix with his, and I know we're close, his rhythm increasing.

"Edward," I cry, "oh… yes… God… ah… ah…ahh… "

My body trembles as I fall over the edge, and for a few seconds, there's nothing but the most intense pleasure and I feel connected to the universe, and we're one. I'm still shaking and throbbing when Edward utters a long, guttural moan, driving himself into me a couple more times, and then stills, trembling as I can feel his hot release, and his face relaxes into divine fulfilment.

He collapses on top of me, both of us panting for air. His body is damp with sweat, as is mine, and he softly chuckles into my hair, still fighting for breath.

"Spectacular…" His voice is muffled. He's still inside me, which feels good. So close. He kisses my neck. "Am I crushing you with my weight?" His voice is rough and tender.

"No." My arms are around his neck and I kiss the top of his head as Edward rests it between my breasts.

"Mmm," he sighs. "So good… Best place in the world…"

I smile. I'm spent. I stroke Edward's hair and kiss his brow. After a few minutes of glorious silence, he props himself up on his elbows and kisses my lips, pulling himself out of me. I miss him immediately. He hisses softly at the sensory overload to his tender flesh, and then lies on his back, pulling me close. I rest my face on his stomach, putting little kisses on his skin.

"I love you." Edward's voice is thick with emotion. "I can't believe you're going to marry me."

"I can't believe you want me to marry you." I look at my hand, which is proudly displaying the ring – his ring. Edward notices and entwines our hands.

"Do you really like it?"

I look up into his eyes. He has a small, shy smile around his lips.

"Are you kidding me? I love it. It's incredible!"

"I thought about giving you something brand new. I looked around like a man on a mission, but nothing seemed to suit you. And then, I told Mom about my plans, and she offered that I take her mom's engagement ring, and this is so… you."

I swallow.

"So your mom knows?"

"Just her," he says quickly. "I needed to talk to_ someone_… I was so afraid you'd say no…"

"Why would I say no?" I kiss the soft, bronze hair on his stomach.

Edward shrugs. "I thought you might think this is too soon… Or that you were unsure…"

"I'm sure," I say. I put a smacking kiss on his belly and move higher, putting my head on his shoulder so we can look at each other.

"Do you want to set a date yet?" His eyes twinkle with delight at the reality of our plans.

"I don't know, do you? Do you want to do this really fast?"

Edward grins. "I always want to do it really fast with you." he slowly turns us round so he's hovering above me. "No, wait, I also like to do it slow with you…" he puts a gentle kiss on my breast. "But I wouldn't mind waiting a bit… living in sin for another year or so…"

"Yeah…" Somehow I feel relieved. I want to marry Edward, I definitely do, but everything has happened so fast. "I'd like that too."

"So if we want to live in sin," he growls softly, "I need to make sure we always do sinful things, right?" He puts another kiss on my breast.

"Yes…" I whisper, closing my eyes and losing myself in the delight of Edwards' hands, lips, and tongue.

=====oOo=====

Every family has its own Christmas traditions. One of the Cullens' is to gather around Edward at the grand piano after a late lunch to sing _every_ verse of _The Twelve Days of Christmas._

Everyone has already had a glass of eggnog or punch, and we're laughing as much as we're singing. I consider each member of my soon-to-be family, and my heart warms as I see all the love that surrounds me. I notice Esme watching me, and she gives me a wink and a big smile, telling me that I am welcome.

When the last notes quietly dissolve in the air, Lily pipes up. "Are we opening the gifts now?"

"Yes, Lilysweets," Esme says and takes her granddaughter by the hand. "Now we're opening the gifts!"

I'm really glad they don't do this over breakfast or brunch, because Edward and I slept rather late after a night of… little sleep. We stayed in bed for another hour, celebrating our news, and then had breakfast in our pajamas next to the Christmas tree while we exchanged our gifts. Edward gave me a black _La Perla_ nightgown made of silk and lace so soft and seductive that even_ I_ would lust after a woman if I saw her in it. He also presented me with a collection of rare Laurence Olivier movie programmes. He smothered me with kisses as he unwrapped my gift, an antique fob watch that I had had engraved_, To Edward, my one and only love. Always your Bella. _I also gave him a green apron with his initials, E.A.C. in front. He decided to wear it after his shower. _Just the_ _apron._ It almost made us get late.

So it's probably better we have those gifts out of the way now that the whole Cullen family is sitting by the enormous Christmas tree, opening gifts while Handel's _Messiah _plays in the background. Lily is in heaven with her Barbie mansion _and_ the Sweet Talking Ken doll. Alice has her nose in a fashion book and Carlisle is inspecting his new pipe. Rosalie and Emmett are holding hands in the loveseat, whispering about something.

Conversation is happy and carefree, and Esme is offering more punch and sherry and port. Though we're talking with everyone, Edward and I have this little bubble around us, and I love the way he keeps touching me, small gestures that make me idiotic with bliss.

The afternoon passes pleasantly, and I'm surprised to notice that it's getting dark outside. I'm cuddled into Edward's side, listening to a story that Lily is telling us about her adventures at school and the trip they made to the zoo, when Alice suddenly clears her throat.

"Okay everyone. Seeing that we're all together, I need to tell you guys something. I wanted to wait for the New Year, but you know me… I have _no _patience."

Her eyes are shining, and I can feel Edward get tense by my side. He's probably thinking the same thing that I am. Across the room, Jasper smiles proudly and squeezes Alice's hand. She takes a sip of her wine and says, "I am going to open up my own label!" She beams at us. "You know that it is what I always wanted and I got to talk to Perrine Bruyere a couple of months ago and I showed her my designs and she really, really encouraged me and said she'd support me and –"

Everyone cheers and hugs her and Alice truly has never looked happier.

"Who's Perrine… what? Brulée?" Emmett asks, looking sheepish.

"A designer, Em," Rose finally says. "Who is very well-known. She's famous for her evening gowns and…" She kisses his cheek. "Never mind." They exchange a glance, both smiling slightly.

Conversation centers on Alice's announcement for some time, and I feel Edward's hand on my thigh. When I look at him, he is wearing that cocky, crooked grin and he raises an eyebrow.

_He wants to tell them._

It's slightly intimidating. I know that Alice and Jasper, and Esme and probably also Emmett, will be delighted, but I worry about Rose and Carlisle, even though Carlisle seems to have come to like me, if I believe Edward.

I smile, and Edward kisses the corner of my mouth. Once conversation gets back to other things but Alice's career plans, Edward gets a bit tense and I know he is trying to find a loophole to make our announcement. He's clearing his throat just now, his fingers squeezing mine, when Rosalie's clear voice resounds through the room.

"We also have something to tell you," she says. She looks at her husband, and Emmett's answer is an expression of such love and devotion that I have to swallow. Everyone is silent. Dale looks embarrassed, and Lily is happy with her Sweet Talking Ken doll by the tree.

"We're having another baby," Rose says, and Emmett buries his face in her blonde curls for a second, whispering something in her ear before all hell breaks loose and everyone is rushing over to hug and congratulate the expecting parents, asking about the due date and names and genders, and telling them how happy they are.

I watch Edward as he wraps his arms around his older sister, speaking quietly to her. His voice is so low I can't hear, but his face is filled with tenderness and love, and my heart constricts a little.

An hour or so later, when everyone has calmed down, I'm sitting with Esme, who has dug out a photo album, claiming that "all this baby talk" made her sentimental and reminded her of how happy she and Carlisle were when she became pregnant with Edward when she never expected it anymore.

"Look at that!" She points to a picture of baby Edward, maybe ten months old, being cuddled by a three-year old Alice. They're sitting on a lawn, a huge pink ball with white polka dots at their feet.

"Oh my God! They look so alike, Esme," I say. And they're so cute… Edward is so cute…"

And he is, his eyes big and inquisitive, his hair much more on the reddish side than today, but just as wild. He's chewing on the ear of a teddy bear, looking right into the camera while his sister hugs him protectively.

"They were inseparable," Esme recalls. "They really were like twins." I grin some more at the picture, and for a second, I think nothing of it when Esme's right hand touches my left one. Until her thumb runs over the ring.

_Shit. I forgot._

I freeze for a second, but Esme chuckles.

"Sorry that my daughters walked all over _your_ big news tonight," she says in a low voice. "But as I can see, there _are _big news. I'm so happy, Bella."

"Mom, you're not!" Edward has sneaked up behind us, peeping in between our shoulders at the photo album.

"Of course I was," Esme replies feistily. "I can show my future daughter-in-law all the baby pictures of you I want!"

"But –" He's silent, noticing how Esme's hand still holds mine.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Mom…"

"It's okay, sweetheart." She takes his hand and cradles it to her cheek. "Still trying to upstage you, aren't they?" Her smile is lovely. "Can you image how hard I had it with those three?" she addresses me. "Rose, the eldest, bossing her way through, while Alice was always in her dreamland, putting up Edward to no good. And he, being the youngest, always trying to measure up."

Edward smiles and looks embarrassed. And a little sad. I can tell he's really disappointed he didn't get the opportunity to share his big news.

I guess so does Esme, because a second later, she clinks her coffee spoon against her glass.

"Hey, everyone! Edward and Bella have some news to share!"

=====oOo===== 

It's six a.m. on January the 9th and the sound of Edward's feet padding across the wooden floor and into the bathroom wakes me. I yawn and turn around in bed, pulling the sheets closer around me. I'm so tired. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was so nervous about today. The first day of rehearsal. I shouldn't be that nervous, since we had the luxury of all those read-throughs, and I already know the other actors and Cornelius, and Tia, the assistant director. But nervous I am, though in a good way. I'm totally looking forward to the next ten weeks. Cornelius is a magician, and I trust him implicitly. I know he's fond of me, too and after the last rehearsal he told me he thought I was going to be great as Maggie.

The bathroom door opens and moments later, Edward slides beneath the covers behind me, sighing softly as he stretches his tired limbs.

"Hey," I whisper.

"Hey…" He sounds surprised that I'm awake. He moves closer and puts an arm around me, kissing the back of my neck. He smells fresh and soapy.

"How was work?"

"Awful. We had a heart transplant that took us almost seven hours. I'm wiped out."

"Poor baby…" I twine my fingers with his and kiss his knuckles.

Edward responds by pressing his nose into my hair, his warm breath tickling me pleasantly.

"When do you need to get back?"

"Tomorrow morning." He yawns.

I turn round in his arms because I know he'll be asleep in a few minutes and I want to kiss him before I leave. He looks tired, with small bags under his eyes. He's pale and scruffy, and his hair is damp from the shower. I move closer and bury my face in his naked chest, my head fitting perfectly underneath his chin. His skin is warm and his familiar smell makes me feel as if my heart were made of cotton candy.

"I love you," I whisper against his collarbone and kiss him.

"I love you too," he murmurs into my hair.

We're silent, and after a few minutes, his breathing is steady and even and he's asleep. I stay with him for another hour or so, dozing on and off, basking in the security of his arms.

It takes me all the strength I have to leave the bed, but I do, taking a shower and dressing and going downstairs to have coffee. A sheet of paper is propped up against the coffee machine, and it makes my heart flutter.

_Baby –_

_I already fed Cedric, so don't let him misguide you._

_Break a leg – you'll have so much fun, I'm sure._

_See you tonight._

_I love you._

_- E._

Sure enough, Cedric is giving my shins little head bumps, meowing noisily in order to alert me to the fact that he's starving. I shake my head at him and he sits down and stares at me. Once I've had coffee, I run upstairs to do my makeup and hair and get my textbook.

It has been snowing relentlessly for a week now, and I can see from the hall that the city has become even whiter overnight. Gustavo, the doorman greets me with his usual friendly smile and we chat for a few moments. He asks me whether he should call a cab, but we both agree that I'll be better off with the subway, because with the snow and the rush hour, there'll be no getting through.

It's icy cold as I start making my way. The mixture of snow and grit creaks noisily beneath my feet, and I can see my breath, the cold hurting my lungs. There are steps behind me, gradually getting closer, reminding me that I'm not the only one who's freezing and in a hurry. I have almost reached my destination when someone's hand grabs my shoulder. I flinch.

"Hey –" I turn round.

Pale, icy blue eyes are boring into mine. She's so tall, so skinny, and so blonde. Her lips are scarlet and one corner of them pulls up in disgust. My stomach cramps and my throat gets dry because even though we haven't met, I know who she is.

_Tanya._

"So you think you can waltz into his life and take him away from me, do you?"

Her voice is colder than the snow around us and the expression in her eyes scares me. I can tell she is in a different world. Probably a world where Edward is still her husband and everything is okay, and I am the intruder.

"Just so you know," she goes on, "Edward and I belong together."

I take a step back. Her eyes are freaky. Possessed.

She takes a step forward, and I take another step back. If it were choreographed for a play, it would probably look good.

I fumble with my purse without looking at it, hoping she won't notice. I need to find my cell phone, because I might be in danger.

"I've been watching you," Tanya says, shaking her head. "When Lauren told me that you had moved in with him, I didn't even believe her at first. Why would he, when he has me? I love him. Always have. He knows that." She laughs, but it's more of a cackle than a laugh. "Look at you. You think you are worthy of an Edward Cullen?"

Somewhere at the back of my mind I realize that yes, that's exactly what I think. I used to believe I wasn't, but I _know _now that I am. That Edward loves me for who I am.

I know I shouldn't voice these thoughts right now, because the woman in front of me is crazy, or on drugs, or both, and I also know that I need to find my phone and call Edward.

She's taking another step forward, and we've finally reached the top of the stairs leading down to the subway. I put my hand on the railing. A couple of businessmen pass us by, eagerly discussing their latest deals.

I can't very well cry, "Help, this woman is talking to me and she's crazy!" because, well, talking isn't a criminal offence, and New York is full of crazy people.

_God if only I could find that fucking phone!_

"Edward belongs to me," Tanya says, getting closer, and my heart is pounding against my ribs.

_I am truly afraid._

I try to think of something to say that might calm her. An elderly couple walks down the stairs, eying us curiously.

"Look, Tanya," I begin in a shaky voice. "Let's go grab a coffee somewhere and talk where it's warmer…"

"He's mine," she says. Somehow it reminds me of a petulant child. And then it doesn't, because of her eyes. Her crazy, possessed eyes.

She takes another step towards me, and I take another step back.

It's true when people describe some traumatic experience like it happened in slow motion. Like when you drop a glass or something, and you know it's going to happen milliseconds before it does, and you try to prevent it, even though you know it's too late, and that it's going to happen.

As if I was watching a scene, I notice everything that's happening: my hands, trying to grab hold of the railing, hold of anything. My feet, loosing the solid ground beneath them. Tanya's eyes as they widen in shock.

And finally, the sharp pain as my body hits the concrete of the stairs.

I fall deeper and deeper, and everything gets blurry. I know this, it's like the dream I haven't had in months. I always sleep so soundly with Edward's arms around me.

_Edward._

_Who's going to inform Edward?_

And then, there's nothing but darkness.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Gaaah… I know a lot of you hate me right now. I'll do my best to post the next one as soon as I can! And I've been very prompt lately, if I say so myself.**

**Loved it that so many of you made remarks about Cedric – I'd never let anything happen to him. If you like him as much as I do, you might be happy to hear that there will be a short Cedric's point of view outtake!**

**Oh, and I changed Perrine Brul… oops, Bruyere's sex, because it's not really a man's name, is it?**

**Thank you for all the great reviews, you're the best!**

**xoxo**


	31. Never Again

**I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("The Dream is Over".)**

Chapter 31**: Never Again**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**EDWARD**

I am so tired. Sleep is so delicious. I won't – I can't – wake. But the fucking phone doesn't stop ringing.

_Damn them. I am off duty._

Sighing heavily, I turn round and bury my nose in Bella's pillow, in her smell, so clean and all powder and girl. My Bella…

Sleep sucks me in again.

The phone rings.

_I can't believe this._

It stops. Starts again.

Groggily, I turn around and grab it from the nightstand, checking the caller ID, which tells me nothing.

"Yes?" I croak.

"Am I speaking to Dr. Edward Cullen?" a male voice asks.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Dr. Cullen, this is Officer Santiago, NYPD. We got your number listed as a contact address in case of emergencies from the wallet of one Miss Isabella Swan. Do you know Miss Swan?

I sit up in bed. I feel sick.

"Yes." I hope he heard me because I didn't. "Yes. She is my fiancée."

"Dr. Cullen, I am sorry to have to tell you that Miss Swan was in an accident about an hour ago. "

"Where… where is she?" I'm already putting on jeans and a sweater.

"Lenox Hill, sir. It was the closest hospital."

I know I won't be able to drive; my hands are shaking too much. Once I'm in a cab, I call the ER. The nurse on duty tells me that a Miss Swan has been admitted, and that she's currently being prepared for surgery.

"Mom?"

"Hi, sweetie." Her voice is cheerful. "How are you?"

"Mom… Bella…" My lips tremble as I try to take a deep breath. The cabbie pulls in at the curb by the front entrance of the hospital and I and him a twenty, jogging into the building.

"What is it, Edward?"

"Bella… she… There was an accident. I don't know what happened, I just arrived here…"

"Oh my God! I'll be over as soon as I can!"

=====oOo=====

Waiting.

I am going to lose my mind.

The only positive thing is that this is my workplace, so I'm constantly being told the latest developments. Ben is operating on Bella, who apparently fell down the stairs leading to the subway. She has numerous broken bones, but they will heal. The problem is that her spleen is ruptured. Presently, they are trying to stop the internal bleeding. I wanted to go in there, but they wouldn't let me.

"Edward." Mom sits down next to me and hands me a bottle of water. "You need to drink something."

"Thanks." I gulp down the water. I had no idea I was so dehydrated. I look at the clock over the door again.

Three hours have passed since I arrived here.

Mom takes my hand, her small fingers wrapping softly around mine.

Seth has been silent all the time since he arrived. He's tapping his feet on the linoleum.

I want to scream at him and tell him to stop, but I know he's just as close to freaking out as I am, so I bite my lip and try to concentrate on Bella. The mere notion of anything happening to her, being in pain, constricts my throat. I'm so tense that my knuckles are white as I look at my hands, balled up into fists.

"Edward…"

"Mom… She needs to be okay… I need her…"

A fat teardrop lands on my jeans.

I'm used to being in control when I'm here, but this… I can't handle this.

Mom puts her arms around me and I cry into her shoulder, her motherly touch, her lavender scent, comforting me a little.

She hands me a tissue, which I gratefully accept. When I look up, my boss, Demetri is standing in front of us.

"I heard what happened." His dark eyes are sympathetic. "Hope she'll be okay. Ben and Steve are working their asses off in there."

"I know." I blow my nose. "Thanks."

"I arranged for you to have the next couple of days off."

I look up. He's thoughtfully stroking his beard.

"Thanks."

"Just tell me if there's anything else I can do."

"Yeah… Thank you."

"No problem." His bushy, black eyebrows knit together in a frown. "Edward, there is this officer who wants to speak with you."

"_Now_?"

"He's very… eager to see you. We'll call you the second anything happens."

I can tell he's not happy about it, either.

A heavy sigh leaves my chest. I kiss Mom's cheek and get up, following Demetri down the corridor, where a uniformed man waits for us. He is Hispanic-looking and around my age.

"Dr. Cullen." He shakes my hand. "I'm Officer Santiago. I have just a few short question for you, sir."

I'm aware of the fact that I look like shit and I couldn't care less. I just want this done with and get back to where I'm close to Bella.

We've arrived at a quiet area of the floor, where there are a few seating arrangements. Demetri squeezes my shoulder.

"Call me if you need anything, Edward."

Officer Santiago pulls out a notepad.

"I'm sorry to put you through this, sir, but –"

"Just ask me what you want to know so we can get this done with."

"Isabella Marie Swan is your fiancée?"

"Yes."

"A woman called 911 this morning, saying that there had been an accident on the stairs to the subway Lexington and 63rd Street. The woman wouldn't say her name, but we have been able to track her down as to being Miss Tanya Denali. Further investigations led us to the fact that, until recently, you and Miss Denali were married. Is that correct?"

"Yes." My throat is so dry. I can't think properly. What did _Tanya _do there?

"Unfortunately, we have not been able to find Miss Denali. We wouldn't normally give this much attention to someone who's been calling an ambulance. But the fact that Miss Denali is your ex-wife, and the victim of the accident is your fiancée, combined with Miss Denali's criminal record –"

"Criminal record?" My head bounces up.

"Drunk driving…" He's checking his notes. "Usage and ownership of illegal substances…"

"Okay, okay," I hiss. "So what is it you want me to tell you?"

"Please calm down, sir. We just would like to question Miss Denali further on the circumstances of Miss Swan's accident, since she seems to have been the only witness. And…" Officer Santiago considers his thumbnail. "The fact that she's been unavailable since she called 911 this morning has us a little worried."

_Oh my God don't let this be true._

"If you don't mind: how are relations between you and Miss Denali?"

I feel hot and cold. The floor seems wobbly beneath my feet. I haven't eaten in twenty hours and only slept for two. There are white dots in front of my eyes.

"Sorry… I think I need to sit down…"

I stumble in the direction of one of the plastic chairs, burying my face in my hands. I feel as if I'm on a swaying ship.

"Okay," a male voice booms. "I believe this is enough for the moment."

I open my eyes. I didn't even realise I had closed them.

_What a fucking nightmare._

Emmett is talking quietly to the police officer, his expression stern and earnest, and his eyes strong and blue. Officer Santiago nods and vanishes, mumbling something in my direction.

"Hey, buddy." Emmett sits down next to me and his presence is strangely comforting. He nudges my shoulder with his and I can tell how worried he is and that he's overplaying it in order to help me.

"Never talk to the cops without your lawyer," he growls, and I respond with a weak laugh.

"You're not my lawyer. And I didn't do anything wrong."

"Just kidding. I only told that clown to come back later. You're in no condition to deal with that shit right now. "

I don't reply, thinking of Bella. Bella who is unconscious and on an operating table, cut open and bleeding. I know exactly what's happening because I see it every fucking day, but the idea of Bella…

I just make it to the toilet, dry heaving over the bowl. My stomach hurts and hot tears run down my cheeks.

"Hey." Emmett is behind me. "Edward. I know… I know how you feel… If this were Rosie…"

He doesn't finish. He awkwardly pats my shoulder. "It'll be okay. I'm sure it'll be okay…"

I rinse my mouth and a few minutes later, we're back with Mom and Seth in the waiting area. Alice has come as well, hugging me so hard I almost can't breathe.

"Edward… I'm so sorry… Have you heard anything?"

I shake my head. I just want this nightmare to end.

Sitting down next to Mom, I bury my face in my hands.

"What did that cop guy want?" Seth asks. His voice is hoarse and when I look at him, I know that he's been crying, too.

"Apparently, it was Tanya who called 911 this morning," I say.

"What?" Everyone looks at me in various states of horror and surprise.

"Yeah, and they can't get hold of her…" A deep, deep sigh leaves my chest. "She told the police that Bella had fallen down the stairs to the subway… She was on her way to her first rehearsal…" A strangled sob escapes my lungs and I bury my face in my hands, shaking and sobbing, wishing I could be in that operating room with her right now, wishing I had been with her, had been able to protect her.

An arm comes to rest around my shoulder, and it's Seth, and he's sobbing and I hug him and we cry together until I think I am strong enough to take action again.

"The play," I say. "They have no idea what happened. We need to call them."

Since Bella's belongings are probably in some bag and I'm not even sure her cell phone made it, I figure it'll be easiest to inform Laurent. Only when I type in his number after Emmett googled him, I find that I can't do it, so Emmett takes the phone and does it for me, for which I am immensely grateful.

"He's taking care of everything," he says when he finishes. "And he said to call him when we get to know anything. Said he doesn't care what time."

I have to grit my teeth so I don't start bawling again, my nails pressing into my palms until it hurts. I've never been so afraid in my life.

"Hey," Seth says. I didn't even notice him standing next to me. "I'm going to call Charlie and Sue. Do you want to talk to them?"

"I'd rather not… not until we know if she…" I can't go on, feeling my lips starting to tremble.

"Sure," Seth says softly, touching my arm.

Mom comes and hands out sandwiches, and even though it might be cardboard I'm eating, I wolve mine down.

The clock above the door is ticking.

Ticking.

Ticking.

Ticking.

Emmett needs to leave because he has to collect Lily from kindergarten, Rose being held up with a client.

Collin arrives.

I go outside and smoke.

I'm numb.

I'm on autopilot.

My chest is tense, and I still feel nauseous with fear.

And then, when the clock moves from 4:22 to 4:23, the door opens and Ben comes out, looking exhausted but relatively calm. I jump out of my seat.

"Edward." He gives me a hug.

"How is she?"

"She's going to be okay."

My legs become jelly as the relief floods my entire body.

"Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you."

Everyone is hugging me and it takes a moment until Ben is able to explain. He uses simple words so that everyone can understand what's going on.

"She lost a lot of blood, and we had to give her a few transfusions." His voice is matter of fact, but I know he feels with me. "Her spleen was ruptured, and it took us a long time to repair that. Steve wanted to take it out, but we just made it." Our eyes meet and I know what Ben is insinuating. Steve always tends to choose the path of least resistance, no matter if that is the best for the patient. I can't thank Ben enough for insisting on doing this his way.

"She suffered multiple rib fractures and a fractured collarbone. There's traumatic brain injury, and heaps of cuts and bruises. She's going to hurt for a few weeks, but she'll be okay."

"God, Ben…" I hug him again.

"We want to keep her sedated for another twenty-four hours, so her body can heal from the trauma."

I nod.

Ben pats my back. "Go to her."

I quickly make my way to the ICU.

Bella looks tiny in the hospital bed, side rails protecting her. Needles mar her small white hands; her face is hidden under the respiratory mask. There's a gash on her forehead, and her left cheekbone is bruised and swollen, the skin scraped and bloody.

The room is silent but for the sounds of monitors and machines. I sit down and put the side rail down. I wish she would be awake, but I know it's right to keep her sedated for another day. Her body needs all its strength to heal, and being awake will put her in so much pain.

I touch her uninjured cheek. Her skin is soft and cool. She's so pale. Her lashes form dark sickles on her face. I watch her for a long time, and my heart hurts so much it feels like a lump of lead in my chest. If I could switch places with her, I would without a further question.

Laying my head on the mattress next to her, I can feel her body, feel that she's there. Everything smells like antiseptics and medicine, smells I am used to, but I hope to discern a slight fragrance of Bella underneath it all. I carefully touch her hip, and my heart breaks a little further as I think of the pain she'll be in.

Why wasn't I with her? I should have been protecting her… I should have known Tanya could not be held responsible for her actions. Is it really likely that Tanya was there by chance at precisely the moment Bella had an accident?

I swallow.

_And what if it wasn't an accident?_

The mere thought makes me sick.

I scramble up from my weird position and put a small kiss on Bella's good cheek, a tear running down my own one.

"Little lamb," I whisper, "get well… Please, please get well. I love you so much. I need you so much…"

Two hours later, I'm home with Mom and Alice so I can collect some clothes, shower, and feed Cedric. He can't know what happened, but I imagine that he looks a bit downtrodden when I tell him that his Mommy is in hospital. Seth is with her right now, and I'm glad she's not alone, even if she's unconscious.

Mom tries to talk me into staying at home and having a good night's sleep, but she also knows it's pointless. I will be where Bella is, and I can sleep in one of the staff rooms, like I have done hundreds of times in the past during long shifts.

When I return to the hospital, Seth is still with Bella, looking just as devastated as I do.

"Charlie called," he says in a hoarse voice. "He's taking a flight tomorrow morning."

"Good."

"Will you stay with her tonight?"

"Yes."

Seth sighs deeply.

"She will be okay, Edward, won't she?"

"Yes." I swallow. "She will."

Over the next twenty hours or so, I stay with Bella as much as I can, sometimes dozing off with my face next to her arm. Around two, I drag my tired butt to the staff room and actually manage to sleep for four hours.

I drink coffee.

I smoke.

I talk with Mom and Dad on the phone.

Seth and Collin return, and Collin forces me to eat a bagel at the cafeteria.

Everyone has heard about what happened, and my co-workers stop by and tell me that they think of me and that everything will be okay. I see Lauren at the other end of the room, but she pretends not to notice me, which is uncommon.

Charlie arrives in the afternoon, looking tired and worried. Seeing him with Bella tugs at my heart. He looks down on her, carefully touching her hair.

"You need to get well, my little girl. We all love you." His voice breaks, and I can only imagine how hard this is for him. She's the only family he has. I leave the room to give them some privacy.

Later in the afternoon, Ben stops by and we do an evaluation of Bella's progress. I truly love him for asking my opinion. He knows, of course, that I am biased, and still discusses the subject with me. I'm caught between wanting Bella awake and sparing her the pain this will mean. Dimitri joins us and the meeting ends with the decision to lower Bella's sedation, and administer more painkillers.

I sit by Bella's side and wait for her to come back to me.

**BELLA**

I'm squealing, and Edward's arms are safely around me as the wave hits us, and we're floating on it, arm in arm, in the smooth, warm water.

=o=

It's dark. I want to open my eyes, but I can't. Everything feels heavy. Heavy and numb. I'm flying away.

=o=

I'm about five. Mom is pushing me on the swing in our backyard and the sun is warm on my face. I laugh, and Dad waves at me from the door.

=o=

Cold. It's so cold. I'm aware of something chilly on my belly, and then on my chest. And warm, warm hands. Large and warm. A velvety voice.

"Relax, baby. You'll be okay. I promise."

=o=

Darkness surrounds me, and then I'm in the bright lights of a stage. There's applause. It's warm. I'm happy.

=o=

I'm giddy, even though I'm lying down. I am lying down, right? Something hurts the back of my throat for a moment, but then it's gone, and there are those hands again, and that voice.

"Shh, my love. Everything's fine."

=o=

"Bells." Calloused fingers on my cheeks and a hoarse voice I've known forever.

"Bells, my darling."

I try to open my eyes, but I'm exhausted.

I drift off again.

=o=

Cedric tickles my toes with his soft, warm fur and he purrs. He smiles and tells me not to worry.

=o=

I'm thirsty. God, I'm so thirsty. I wish I could move and have something to drink. I think about opening my eyes, but my lids are too heavy.

=o=

"Her eyes were fluttering just now."

"Yes. She's waking."

Warm skin on my cheek, making me feel secure.

"You'll be back with us in a few minutes, won't you, my love?"

=o=

Someone is calling my name. Something is beeping all the time.

I'm heavy and dull.

Darkness, and peace.

=o=

A coughing sound wakes me. The beeping gets loud and hectic.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe. Everything's good. Relax."

A strong hand holds my head.

There's this mewling sound, like Cedric when he wants his dinner.

I try to open my eyes.

Almost.

=o=

"Ah."

The light is blinding, hurting my eyes,

My head feels as if it's full of marmalade.

"Baby." A warm breath on my neck. "Hi."

=o=

When I open my eyes again, minutes or hours later, the light isn't blinding my anymore.

Green eyes, filled with tenderness. A warm hand around mine.

He smiles, an incredible smile. It looks like sheer love. His voice is husky.

"You're there."

I try to smile but my throat feels like sandpaper.

"Drink," I croak. At least I think it's me.

Seconds later, he helps me to lift my head and guides a plastic cup with a straw to my lips. I drink greedily, and it hurts a bit. When I sink back into the pillows, I feel as if I'd just climbed the Mount Everest.

My eyes close again, but I'm afraid he might go away, so I try to squeeze his hand.

"I'm here, love. Sleep a bit. I'll be there when you wake up."

The next time I wake, there's something warm and wet by my hand. I open my eyes. Edward is still by my side, his face buried in the sheets. He's trembling slightly while his tears wet my hand.

"Ed… ward…" My throat is still so dry.

He looks up, his eyes red and his cheeks moist. His hair looks as if a crow had been nesting in there. It's heart-wrenching.

"God, Bella." He puts a careful kiss on my chin. "I'm so glad. So glad… I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too," I whisper tonelessly. "Can you get me some more water, please?"

He snivels and smiles and helps me drink again.

"Are you hurting?"

"I feel like I'm on a cotton-cloud…"

He kisses my forehead, and I am enwrapped by his warm, familiar smell.

"You're probably high as a kite from the morphine."

"Oh." I try to smile. Edward helps me have another few sips of water.

"I'm tired…"

"I know you are. Sleep, sweet Bella."

"Don't go away, will you?" I'm already dozing off.

"Never," I hear him say. "Never again."

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thank you to everyone for reading! **

**Two more chapters to go… I can't believe it.**

**Hope you're all happy with the outcome, there are some nice surprises to come. I think **

**Show me the love…**

**xoxo**


	32. Sweet Wonder in Her Eyes

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Little Women", from "This Year of Grace".)**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 32:** Sweet Wonder in Her Eyes**

**BELLA**

"Okay, Miss Swan, could you please tell us exactly what happened on the morning of January, 9th?"

I find this Officer Santiago very annoying. He has a brusque way, and considering it's been only two days since I woke, he might at least ask how I feel. Edward, who is sitting on the side of my bed and holding my hand isn't really helping either, giving off this air of extreme protectiveness.

"I left the house to walk to the subway and when I arrived there, Miss Denali accosted me. She seemed very confused, and talked about how she and Mr. Cullen belonged together."

I sigh. At first, I was so muddled I didn't remember anything, but over the last two days, the memories returned. I was able to leave the ICU yesterday, and though I'm still on strong painkillers, I'm slowly beginning to feel like myself again.

"How did you react to that?"

He's feeling so important.

"I didn't say much, I think. I tried to calm her down, suggesting a coffee to warm up."

"Did she threaten you at any point?"

"No…"

"But you _felt _threatened," Edward says.

"Yes, I did. I don't think she was very… clear."

"You mean she was under the influence of some substances?"

"Yes." I sigh again. I know this must be breaking Edward's heart. He looks at me, silently urging me to go on.

"I couldn't say whether she was drunk, or on drugs, but she was definitely weird, and I was scared."

"What happened then?"

"She kept getting closer, and I kept stepping backwards. I must have lost my footing. That's all I remember."

"You say you _must_ have lost your footing. So you're not sure about that?"

Both Edward and Officer Asshole look at me expectantly.

I want this to be over. Every bone in my body hurts.

"She did not push me, if that is what you're insinuating."

"And you're sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Did you and Miss Denali ever meet before that morning?"

Edward almost growls because the officer's questions won't cease.

"No."

I'm really getting tired. It's been two days since I woke, and slowly, the impact of what happened is dawning on me. I was unconscious for a little over thirty hours after I fell down the stairs leading to the subway. Tanya called 911 and has gone missing. I will have to stay in hospital for at least two more weeks, and I won't be able to do anything for another three weeks after that. I have broken ribs and a broken collarbone and my spleen was ruptured, which caused me to lose tons of blood.

A sharp pain rips through me, causing me to flinch.

"Are you finished here?" Edward barks. "Because as you can see, or as you might be able to see if you were paying any attention, Miss Swan is in considerable pain. So, if there are no more really pressing questions, I'd suggest you leave so my patient can rest."

This is a lie. I wanted Edward to be my assigned doctor, but he refused, telling me this was not a good idea, as he would be completely biased.

"Okay," Officer Idiot says. "But I might be back with more questions."

I let my head sink back into the pillows once he's left.

Edward sighs, wearing a painful expression. He has been with me almost non-stop, and will be going back to work only tomorrow. I don't know what I would have done without him.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I nod.

I am, mostly.

Everyone is always around, and my room looks like a flower shop. Dad flew in and visited me a lot. He needs to go back the day after tomorrow because he has to work. Alice is there a lot, and Seth of course. I'm surrounded by so much love, and I know what a lucky girl I truly am.

And I am, but I still will be an invalid for at least a month, and I still will not be able to play the part I wanted more than anything else in the world. I know I shouldn't think this way, because I could have died. But I can't help the fact that I _do_ think about it.

Laurent called earlier today, saying he'd stop by to visit soon. He had informed Cornelius of the accident immediately, and Cornelius said he'd get back to him with the latest news.

I don't kid myself that I will _not_ be replaced. Everything is set, including the date of the first night, and I'm a no name. Clapp is probably holding auditions this very minute.

"How do you feel, love?" Edward looks at me with a tender, worried smile. My love for him is growing impossibly stronger with every hour. He is patient, caring and simply wonderful. He humours me when the pain gets bad, and I become despondent. Well, the pain he has under control. He calls Nurse Patty who administers more meds.

The fact that my face looks like a truck had run over it doesn't make me exactly happy, either. I almost vomited when I looked into the mirror for the first time yesterday. The right side of my face is swollen and blue, featuring a gash above my eyebrow that needed stitches. The right side of my body is dark blue as well, but that I could only see with a hand mirror, because there is a brace around my shoulders for the fractured collarbone. The operation wound looks good, Edward says.

I have never felt so unsexy as when he changed my bandages this morning, putting on his glasses to view the incision marks, 'hm'ing and 'haw'ing. He wouldn't let anyone else do it though, bribing me with the prospect of a sponge bath. Tonight.

"Don't think about that idiot officer." He kisses the side of my mouth.

"But I do," I reply. "I know that I was scared like hell, but I also know that she didn't push me or anything!"

Edward sighs. "It's still very disturbing."

"Yes," I whisper, and a tear escapes my eye.

"Baby," he whispers. "Please, please try and worry not too much. Relax a bit. You need to heal."

=====oOo====

The only, only positive thing about being trapped in this hospital bed is the fact that this is Edward's workplace. He comes in to check on me before he starts, sometimes having breakfast with me, and stops by as often as he can during the day. He joins me during his lunch break, bringing yummy treats – at least I_ think_ that most patients don't get sushi for lunch. When he's finished work, he spends the evening with me until at around nine, I conk out from the meds.

The moment they start wearing off, the pain gets really hard to stand. The painkillers make me dopey, which I don't like either, but I'm going crazy without them. Breathing hurts, and laughing is impossible. The operation wound burns and puckers and the fractured collarbone makes it impossible to move properly. I need help with everything, and it is going to stay like this for at lest two more weeks. It's very frustrating even though Edward is doing his best to distract me, and he succeeds.

But he can't do anything about the disappointment.

Laurent called me yesterday, saying that Cornelius had started auditioning again. I cried for an hour afterwards. He might at least have told me in person.

Dad left three days ago because he needed to get back to work. It was great to see him, if for all the wrong reasons. He sat by my bedside for hours, chatting about everyday stuff, or watching TV with me. He's such a warm and quiet spirit, and so easy to be with. I'm sad he's returned to Seattle, but we talk on the phone and he cheers me up with his silly jokes, which I try not to laugh about because laughing hurts.

I've been dozing off over an episode of _True Blood. _I'm startled awake by a knock on the door, and seconds later, Edward peeks in.

"Hey," I mumble. "What time is it?"

"Quarter to eight." He smiles and shuts the door behind him. He comes over to the bed. He's wearing a white, v-neck shirt and jeans. In his hands is a bag of popcorn and a DVD.

"Hi, baby." He kisses me. " How do you feel?"

"Why Dr. Cullen, I tease, "is this the standard greeting routine for your patients?"

"No," he chuckles, kissing my nose and sitting down on the side of my bed. "Only those I intend to marry."

"Oh. How many are there?"

"Only one. A very beautiful lady." His hand sneaks under the covers and rests on my thigh.

"She's a very lucky lady," I say.

"On the contrary. _I_ am the lucky one. And can you believe it, she and I have a movie date tonight!"

I grin happily, but play along and raise my eyebrows.

"A movie date, huh? What theater?"

"EAC Entertainment. Room 1918. It's a private showing of one of her favourite movies."

He tickles my thigh, which makes me giggle, which hurts. I wince slightly.

"I hope it's not a comedy."

"No! Drama all the way. _Spartacus_." He grins. "I figured there would be something in it for both of us. You know, Kubrick and fight scenes and semi-philosophical discussions for me and… naked Laurence Olivier for my lovely lady."

"Half-naked!" I frown playfully.

"Yes, okay, you see, I have this problem: I want to be the only guy she sees fully nude."

"I bet she enjoys it thoroughly." I bend forward to kiss him, but it hurts and I fall back into the pillows with an exasperated sigh.

Edward moves closer and kisses me, thoroughly and sweet, and then slides the DVD into the player, kicks off his shoes and joins me on the bed. He carefully puts his arm around me.

"Is that okay?" he asks.

"Perfect." I rest my head against his shoulder. He's warm and strong and his shirt smells freshly washed.

The movie starts and we watch and chat and feed each other popcorn.

It is so good, so relaxing, to be with him. I can allow myself to relax in a way I've never known before with Edward. Because I know he would protect me, should the door open and aliens would bust in.

_Yeah. That's how bad it is._

"You know," Edward says during one of the less spectacular sequences, and his voice is low and guarded. "Kate called me earlier tonight."

"What?" I turn to look at him, well, as much as I can turn my head right now.

Edward is scratching his ear.

"She came here yesterday, worried sick about Tanya, because the could get no hold of her. She's taking her up to Alaska, and she'll be staying with Kate and Saul. Tanya's in a very bad shape."

"Oh my God! When did you intend to tell me?"

"I _did_, just now! This only happened an hour ago. I'm sorry. I guess I needed a second to process it myself. Apparently, Tanya spent the days after your accident partying like mad around town. When Kate found her, she was sitting on her couch, wearing nothing but a thong, stating that she would meet me for cocktails later."

Edward lets out a deep sigh, and pinches the bridge of his nose. I can tell how hard this is for him.

"Kate knew of your accident and that Tanya was somehow involved because I called her while you were still unconscious. She tried to ask Tanya about it, but she claimed to remember nothing. She then went on and on about how happy she was to have me in her life, and how we were a perfect match. At one point, Kate became frightened and called a doctor, because she wasn't sure whether Tanya was just on drugs or losing her mind. She's presently at the neurologic department of the Presbyterian."

"Oh no."

"In a way," Edward says, "I guess it had to come that way, and I'm glad she's being forced to do something, go into rehab or whatever." His eyes are so sad. "I just hope to God this is going to happen. Kate will call me when she knows more."

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." I take his hand. "I hope she'll be okay."

"Yeah," he says softly. "I hope that too."

I kiss Edward's fingers and we're silent, both lost in our thoughts I guess.

We half-heartedly return to the movie, and although Edward is obviously sad about the news, I can also tell that the fact that Tanya will get the help she needs at long last has somehow lifted a weight from his shoulders.

=====oOo=====

It's day eleven of my stay at Lenox Hill, and I'm bored and frustrated beyond words.

I still can't do much by myself, depending on Edward or Seth or Alice for the tiniest moves, like washing or brushing my hair – which my crazy fiancé seems to enjoy very much doing for me. Both, that is.

Edward keeps telling me that everything is healing beautifully and that I'll be able to go home in a week or so. The prospect thrills me, but what doesn't thrill me is the thought of starting the whole auditioning circus again. Unfortunately, I have all the time in the world to brood whenever I am not being distracted by visitors or Hot Doctor Cullen. He took his shirt off for me last night, after I told him that seeing his chest would greatly improve my mental and physical health. How can you not love that man?

Every morning, he shows me a photo of Cedric from the night before, and some of them are truly hilarious: Cedric standing up on his hind legs as Edward holds up a picture of me– and, I am sure, a treat. Cedric in his usual sleeping position: on his back, with all four feet in the air. Cedric and Edward watching TV, Cedric with his toy mouse. I can't help but giggle, which still hurts, at today's piece of art: a photoshopped Cedric with curlers. Edward left three hours ago for his shift, so I send him a message.

_C. looks interesting – I wonder how he's going to look with curls. Love you!_

A minute later, there's a knock on the door, and my heart jumps.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?" I call. "Can you help me with that terrible itch I am feeling?"

There's another rap on the door before it opens slightly. And I blush from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toed.

Rosalie Cullen McCarty.

I don't think my face has ever been this crimson. My scalp is tingling.

What's she doing here? We've been okay lately, but we're nowhere to being close.

Oh my God, I just hope that Edward didn't put her up to this. If he did, he's in for it.

"Hello, Bella," my beautiful future sister-in-law smiles. "May I come in?"

"Um, sure…"

_Man, am I glad that my face is almost back to normal. I wouldn't want to talk to her with my eye and cheek all green and blue._

She closes the door behind her.

"Hi." She crosses the room. "Here, I brought you something." She hands me a gift box that says Agent Provocateur. "It's a tunic. It's easy to put on… I figured it might come in handy once you're home." She shrugs. "Edward said you had difficulty moving your arms…"

_Is she nervous?_

I'm almost speechless.

"Thank you. Thank you so much…"

"No big deal." She smiles and points to the visitors' chair.

"May I?"

"Uh, sure, of course."

She takes off her four thousand dollar coat and hangs it over the back of the chair before she sits down. She's showing a bit, there's a tiny swell visible under her elegant woollen dress.

"So… how are you?"

"Getting better, I suppose." I grimace. "At least, that's what Edward tells me."

"Oh, well." She smiles again, and for some reason it reminds me of Edward. "He would know, wouldn't he?"

"Yeah… I'll probably be able to go home in a week or so."

"That's good." She nods, her hand unconsciously on her belly.

"How are _you_, then?"

"Better. Up until a week ago, I did nothing but puke. It wasn't funny. Ask Emmett."

Though I find it very noble of Rose to pay me a visit, I'm still in the dark as to her purpose, and keeping up the smalltalk is getting tricky. We're both silent for a few moments.

"Look, Bella…" She frowns a bit as she thinks. "I'm… I'm sorry for the way I behaved towards you in the past. Especially that first time when you came to visit. I know I can be a bitch sometimes, and… Just that. I'm sorry."

Her admission leaves me dumfounded, and I stare at her with my mouth agape.

"Thanks… That's very thoughtful of you."

"You see, I love my brother immensely, and I tend to get a bit over-protective where he is concerned. I've seen him pull some dumb stunts, and marrying Tanya Denali was probably the dumbest. You should have seen him during the last year they were together. He was a mess, totally unhappy. It was like a dark cloud was travelling over his head with him wherever he went. When you came into the picture, I just saw that you were young, and when I heard that you are an actress, trying to make ends meet by working at a bar, I put two and two together. To me, it was clear as day that you were motivated by Edward's status and money."

She looks into my eyes. Hers are blue and clear, but somehow, I am no longer intimidated.

"I'm sorry for that, Bella. Back then, I didn't know what I know now."

"What do you mean?"

"You love my brother, and you're good for him. I've never seen him as happy as he is with you. As I say, he was miserable after that Tanya debacle, shutting himself off, drowning in his work. You make him happy."

I smile at her words.

"And when I see the way he looks at you, the way he is around you, I see how much he loves you. You're his entire world. Emmett told me how he freaked out when you were in surgery. I'm glad he found you."

She smiles, and it's totally genuine.

"So… you're going to be my sister-in-law," she says, easing the tension. "Have you set a date yet?"

"Sometime next summer," I say, marvelling at this new person in front of me, wondering if it's the pregnancy hormones that make her softer.

We chat a little about the wedding, which to me is so distant it's completely unreal, about her pregnancy and how happy she and Emmett are to be having another baby. Over the space of the next half-hour I come to believe that my future sister-in-law does actually not hate me.

There's a knock on the door and I call out, "Yes?"

Rose smirks. "Not the greeting you were using earlier, Bella? It was much more… entertaining…"

Once more, I flush a deep, beetroot red.

"What's entertaining?" Edward says, greeting his sister with a hug and kiss before he sits down next to me on the bed.

"I'll tell you later," I say hurriedly. "What's in there?" I point to the container in his hands.

"Dr. Cullen's homemade spinach-and-salmon lasagna," he announces proudly, lifting the lid so a mouth-watering smell escapes the container.

"Ugh, Edward," Rose cries out. "Shut that! Immediately!"

He does, and Rose is pressing a hand over her mouth.

"Sorry, guys," she mutters, "I really thought I was over the worst. That _smell_…"

Edward cocks his head, looking a bit sheepish.

"Sorry, Ro."

"It's okay." She gets up. "I need to leave, anyway. It was good to see you, Bella."

"Yes," I say. "You too. Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome." She kisses my cheek. "See you soon, okay?"

She pecks Edward's cheek. "Bye, little brother. Be good to your lady here." She gets into her coat. "Enjoy your lunch."

"What was_ that_?" Edward says the moment the door closes behind her.

So, over a very delicious lunch, I tell him about Rose's visit, and he doesn't stop shaking his head in wonder. I can tell how happy this latest development makes him.

He leaves at half past one, reminding me that I still need to tell him what Rose found so entertaining earlier on.

I ready myself for another boring afternoon once he's left, opening up my laptop to check on some of the acting sites I mostly frequent. I talk to Sue, and read a little, but I must have dozed off, because I am woken by a knock on the door. I look at the alarm; it's after five.

"Come in!"

A huge bouquet of yellow poppies is pushed inside before the person follows. My heart stops for a second when Cornelius Clapp shows up from behind the flowers.

"Bella!" He comes inside. "Glad to see you!"

I nod because I can't think of anything to say. It's nice of him to stop by, and of course there's always the chance we still might get to work together sometime in the future, but I'm still so disappointed he never called to tell me he was giving my part to somebody else.

He hands me the flowers and sits.

"Thank you."

"Yellow poppies." He clears his throat. "They're supposed to be the symbol of wealth and success."

"Uh-huh."

"Bella, I'm not one to beat about the bush. I'm frightfully sorry about how things went, and also ashamed. When we got to know that you'd be unavailable for at least six weeks, the producers made it very clear that I needed to re-cast you. At first I tried to convince them that we'd be able to make it even if you had considerably less rehearsal time than the other actors. They wouldn't hear of it. I've been watching people audition for almost six days now."

Why is he doing this, twisting the knife inside the wound?

"But… I'm not happy with what I'm seeing. We've been working with each other long enough for me to know that I want you in the part. You're the one I see in the it. The chemistry between you and Leonard is just right. Again, they wouldn't listen. So, last night, I decided to pull the big guns." He pauses, and I'm getting more confused by the minute.

"I told them that, without you playing Maggie, I wasn't going to do it at all."

I make a sound like "bah", I think.

"And surprise, surprise, they called this morning and acquiesced. The first night will be re-scheduled from March 25th, to April, 23rd."

There's an endearing twinkle in his eyes.

I don't speak.

I think this is the most surprising afternoon I've ever had.

Cornelius' lips turn into a happy grin.

"I hope that will give you enough time to prepare for your Broadway debut, Isabella Swan."

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Only one more chapter to go…**

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! Each and every one warms my heart – vikinglvr, you blew me away.**

**Okay, one more to go. I'm starting to feel teary already.**

**I love your reviews, so keep them coming!**

**Xoxo**

**hp**


	33. You Were There

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Shadow Play" from "Tonight at 8:30".)**

**So this is it… the last one.**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

Chapter 33**: You Were There**

**BELLA**

"No, I'm perfect," I say for the second time. "Please stop worrying."

"Just wanted to make sure," Edward says, and I'm sorry immediately for being brusque with him. He's been nothing but patient over the last months.

I've taken a step outside the stage door to have a short moment for myself. Inside, madness and first night jitters are taking over. In three hours, I will be on the stage of the New Theater, one of Broadway's most renowned ones, playing the female lead in one the twentieth century's greatest plays. Deep down, I know I don't need to be _that _nervous. The dress rehearsal was fine, just good enough to make sure everyone knows what they're doing, and imperfect enough for everyone to put in an extra effort tonight.

I know my role inside out, in a way I've never known a part before. I've grown close to Maggie, so close that, a couple of weeks ago, Edward commented on the fact that I had been adopting a slight southern drawl when I was acting seductive with him. I wasn't even aware of it. Jasper has been a fantastic coach on that – the southern, that is, not the seduction.

Never before have I experienced rehearsals so intense and enlightening as these. Never before have I been this deep into a role. A few days ago, Cornelius said to me that he was sure that by now, I'd be able to play Winnie the Pooh like Maggie. He also told me that he was planning a production of _Macbeth_ at the Barrymore and that he wanted me to play Lady Macbeth. I almost fainted. The current production has not even premiered, and he already offered me a part in his next one?

_Hell, yes!_

"Bella?"

"Sorry, I was thinking…" I take a sip of water. Already, my throat feels dry, which it never does under normal circumstances but always before a first night. It's my routine. Drinking water, running to the toilet, sucking throat lozenges.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you," he says. "I love you."

"I love you too." I close my eyes for a second.

Without Edward, without Edward's love, I don't know how I would have made it through the past seven or eight months. First the depression, then the accident, and my unhappiness about not finding an acting job… I guess I wasn't the easiest girl to be around, but he never once complained, always assuring me in the sweetest ways of his love.

We say our goodbyes, and I lean against the brick wall at the back of the theatre for a minute, enjoying the late afternoon sun. Spring has arrived in Manhattan, and it's glorious to be outside and not have to wear thick clothes and boots any longer.

When I first told Edward that I would be starting rehearsals a week after being discharged from hospital, he was sceptical, but finally accepted it.

"As a doctor," he said, "I need to tell you that I recommend you to wait another two weeks at the very least." He kissed me. "As the man who loves you, I want you to know that I'm enormously proud of you. And that I want you to take it slow and not over-strain your body."

And I did, during those first weeks of rehearsal, until I was so pulled into the story and into my character that, even though my bones still hurt, I did everything I could to make it work. Everyone was extremely supportive, from Leonard, who plays my husband Brick, to Tia, the assistant director, and Bernie and Maura, who took the roles of Big Daddy and Big Mama. It's a wonderful cast, and over the last weeks, we all have grown pretty close.

"Bella!" Leonard greets me with a hug. "Nervous yet?"

"You could say that," I reply, taking the chair next to him in front of the makeup table.

"But it's always a good kind of nervous, isn't it?" He smiles, showing his perfect teeth.

If I wasn't so completely happy with the sexiest man of them all, I could certainly fall for him. He's handsome and funny and has a way so charming it's easy to see why he is as popular as he is in the business. He's also married to a very sweet lady named Joanna.

Kit starts putting the foundation on my face, chatting easily while she chews on her gum. She asks me about Edward, whose picture she saw on my cell the other day. She's now a bit smitten with him, and looking forward to meeting him tonight.

Once the false eyelashes are on, she starts with my hair. Leonard is finished and gives my shoulder a little squeeze before he leaves the room.

"How are your ribs?" Kit asks.

"Perfect," I say. It was awful to rehearse in the beginning, because I could hardly move and everything hurt. Because of the broken collarbone, I also had to wear a brace around my shoulders for an eternity. But I've been feeling much better over the past month, and it's fine by now.

To be correct, most everything has been fine over the past weeks. I never knew one could be so happy with a man, or that the love could still grow with every day, but it can, and it does. All the stuff we've been through only brought us closer.

About six weeks ago, Edward received an email from Tanya. She had been in a clinic in Alaska after leaving New York with her sister. She actually went into rehab and is currently seeing a counsellor. The doctors told her that it was a close call, and that she had been one step away from killing herself over her addiction to alcohol, cocaine, appetite suppressants, and whatever else she used to take. She is now also being treated for her anorexia, and she wrote to Edward that it was really hard to put on weight. She still has a long way to go, but her sisters give her a lot of support. She's even thinking about leaving the world of modelling and working as an agent.

She also told Edward how sorry she was for all the bad things that happened between them, and wished him all the best for his future with me.

Edward cried with relief.

Once Kit has finished my extravagant hairdo, I go to my dressing room. I do various vocal exercises, and go through a few of the trickier text passages. There's a knock on the door, and when it opens, it's Cornelius, holding a small box.

"Bella. You look marvellous. How are you feeling?"

"Nervous. Excited. I can't wait to get on the stage."

"You're brilliant, my girl. You're gonna kick some butt tonight. Rumour has it that Ken Nanty will be attending."

"Oh my God! _Now_ I'm nervous! Did you really have to tell me that the most important theater critic in the US is coming?"

"Just so you'll be extra-good." He smirks, and hands me the box. "Here. My first night gift."

"Thanks."

I take the box and grab my own present for him – a cigarette case with his name inscribed on the outside, and the nickname the cast have given him on the inside of it – _Coach Clapp._

He laughs and kisses my cheek and I can tell he really appreciates it. Opening the box, I find a small broche in the shape of a cat.

"You're a fabulous Maggie the Cat." He cocks his head. "You'll show them all."

Over the next hour, more gifts are exchanged and then we all gather for Cornelius' first night speech, which is encouraging and a bit sentimental.

Twenty minutes later, it's time to get in the wings. It's dark as I stand there, and it smells of dust and paint, and I can hear the audience come in, the sound of chatter getting more pronounced as the auditorium fills.

The butterflies in my stomach are more like giant airplanes by now, and my throat is so dry that I can't imagine how I'm going to get out a single word.

I need some water.

I need a Valium.

I need to throw up.

The curtain rises, and it gets quiet, an expectant silence enveloping the audience,

I step out into the glistening lights, every fibre of my being concentrated and alive, and I know that I am back to where I belong.

**EDWARD**

Bella was very quiet on the phone just now, but I know she's nervous. Hell, if I had to be on a stage in front of six hundred people, having to remember those tons of text, I'd shit my pants!

Bella laughed when I told her that I admire her for being able to memorize all those pages and pages.

"I've heard that so often," she said, "but believe me, remembering your lines is one of the easier parts of the profession."

And then, she kissed me, and we made love all afternoon.

Thank the Lord we _can _have sex again. The weeks after her return from hospital were maddeningly frustrating. Of course, in the beginning she felt very bad and couldn't do much but lie in bed, and sex wasn't really an issue for either of us. Four weeks after the accident, we tried, both of us hungering for one another's body. Bella insisted, but I could see she was hurting in whatever position we tried, and I refused to continue. I went down on her instead, and she went down on me, and we fell asleep a happy couple.

Now, we're back to normal – whatever normal is in that context. I thought that maybe, after more than a year, the desire to be with her continuously, to be inside her, to touch her, to taste her, would wane.

I was wrong.

I want her in every possible way, and every moment of every day.

The last few weeks were a bit hard in that respect, since she was constantly away rehearsing. Seeing her as happy as she is though, was somehow worth it. She's glowing, and alive and cheerful, and I almost can't reconnect this Bella with the unhappy woman she was seven months ago. I love both of them, and I know that there are going to be periods when her illness will resurface. I don't doubt we'll get through them, though. As long as we're together, everything can be managed.

Today, I'm home earlier than usual, Ben having taken over for me since it's Bella's big night. Stepping out of the bathroom, I take her gift out from the bottom of my sock drawer and look at it for a moment. It's a bracelet with two very tiny charms, not even half an inch, in the form of a golden lion and a platinum lamb. I know it's corny beyond words, but I saw it and _had _to buy it.

I dress, putting on the navy suit that I know Bella loves, and try to tame the mess that is my hair. I also apply some of the anti-fatigue eye cream I bought the other day. I asked Alice for advice on which brand to use and she was more than happy to accompany me on a trip to the cosmetic department at Bergdorf Goodman's. Bella laughed her ass off when she saw it one morning in the bathroom, but I sternly explained to her that I was going to be thirty-seven in less than two months, while she has a year and a half until she even turns thirty. The evil woman still laughed, pulling off the towel I was wearing after my shower and biting my ass. Okay, she then told me that no matter what, she found me beautiful – _every part of me._

Cedric greets me with a few head bumps as I come downstairs and I tickle his belly, telling him that I'll leave in a moment to watch Bella in a play. He yawns and hops on the sofa.

My phone beeps and it's Rose, announcing that she and Emmett will be at my place in ten minutes.

When we arrive at the theatre, there's still time for a drink. Jasper and Alice are already there, as well as Seth and Collin. I'm nervous, which is idiotic because it's not me that will be on the stage, but I can't fight it, and the gin and tonic only helps minimally. Mom and Dad arrive and soon it's time to go inside and take our seats. The chatter and bustling of the audience dies down when the curtain goes up and Bella, my Bella, enters the stage.

I hold my breath.

She is earth-shatteringly beautiful and sexy, wearing a dress that shows off her delicious curves. It's tight and red and I want to jump on that stage and have my way with her. I know that things will be getting rather heated later on, and I must admit I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that Bella will be having fake sex on this stage during the next two hours.

_Fake sex, I remind myself._

We talked about it. I told her it wasn't easy for me to accept that side of her job. Bella told me that acting in a sex scene was probably the most uncomfortable and awkward thing you could be doing.

"You're so very vulnerable in that situation," she said. "Because you always tend to feel that people might think, '_okay, _this_ is how it is for her_?' And you try to do it like the part you're playing would." I grumbled and she saw I wasn't satisfied. "Leonard is a very happily married man," she tried to assuage me. I pouted, and by then, it had become a game. It ended with Bella taking both of my hands and placing them on her boobs, saying, "There. All yours. Happy now?" And I was. Very.

The production is set in the present day. The stage design shows a bedroom, and the lighting suggests a humid afternoon. Bella has absolutely perfected her southern drawl, and Leonard, the guy that plays Brick, is a handsome and very talented actor. They're great together, and I can clearly see why Cornelius wanted no one but Bella for the part.

She's astonishingly _different._ I know that this is her job, and I know it's naïve of me to still be surprised, but I am. The woman on the stage is a bitchy, manipulating, desperate vixen, none of which applies to my Bella. Her body moves seductively as she undresses, and by the time she is left in just a tiny, lacy slip, I'm shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

_What is it with me having erections when I see her on stage?_

_And always sitting between Mom and Alice… Gah._

The production is fantastic, every little action, every inflection pointed to underline the tragic relationships that are at the heart of the play. The tension on the stage is almost palpable, and I can catch little glimpses of why Bella was so enraptured during the rehearsal process. It's terrible and moving, entertaining and tragic. The other actors match Bella's brilliance, and I can't help but feel incredibly proud that this fantastic actress, this beautiful and talented woman chooses to spend her life with me.

**BELLA**

I knew we have a good production, but tonight's experience is almost otherworldly. A power greater than the sum of all the components of acting, directing, stage design and so on, has taken over, and what is happening is sheer magic. I'm floating through the play, adding nuances and facets to my character I wasn't even aware of. I finally understand not only my part, but also the whole play, the dynamics and the sheer, desperate core of the story we are telling.

There are several moments, when I'm waiting in the wings or changing my costume, when I think of Edward. Knowing that he's out there watching gives me such a kick. I know he's going to like the sexiness of the part.

By the beginning of the second act, it's clear that the audience loves it. The atmosphere is thick with suspense, and we all can feel the 'good vibes' from the auditorium. They're completely with us, and I want to capture the magic of the moment forever.

A collective gasp leaves the dark body of people before me after I've said my last words.

I've never experienced applause like this before. It's frantic. People are getting out of their seats, clapping and cheering. We keep taking our bows, and I'm overwhelmed by the reception. Leonard and I bow together, and then Bernie and Maureen and the rest of the cast. When the time comes for each of us to go on the stage alone, people go wild with enthusiasm, and from where I am standing in the wings, the sound of applause sounds like the distant rumble of the sea.

"Go, Bella," Cornelius whispers, squeezing my hand. I'm second to last, that honour belonging to Leonard, whose part is bigger than mine. The applause gets louder as I step into the bright lights that dazzle me. There are calls of "Bravo!" It's completely surreal, and I've never felt more alive.

A red rose lands by my feet.

"Was that you?" I say a few hours later. The after show party is being held at a club/restaurant, I'm not sure which. The food was extraordinary, and the drinks are way too yummy. Thank God tomorrow's a Sunday.

Edward and I are on a couch in the back, chatting with Cornelius and Leonard and his wife Joanna. I can see Alice and Jasper at the bar, talking to Laurent.

Laurent. He's been wonderful over the past weeks, and nothing but supportive. He got me a part in a TV show before we start work on Macbeth. No matter what the outcome of tonight will be, things have already changed. He presented me with a humongous flower bouquet after the performance, hugging me tight, telling me that "a new dawn will be breaking" for me.

"The rose, you mean?" Edward grins, running a hand through his hair. He has taken off his jacket and tie, and the upper buttons of his shirt are open, making some bronze hair peak out. I could lick him from head to toe. And I will, later tonight.

I nod and sip on my white wine. I had a margarita when we got here, but I know how I am going to feel tomorrow if I drink cocktails all night.

"Yes." Edward's eyes crinkle sweetly. He pulls me closer and I hitch one leg over his. It's after two, the official part of the evening is long over, the speeches have been made, and I figure I can make out a bit with my boyf – fiancé – if I want to. And I always want to.

Maybe I should be careful, though, not to show my bum to everyone present, because the blue velvet dress I'm wearing is really, really short.

"That was cute," I murmur against his lips. They feel so soft… his stubble scratching me so sexily.

"You deserve it," he whispers, and his breath is warm on my mouth. "You deserve tons of roses for tonight. You were mind-blowing." He kisses me, our lips moving together in a practised yet always exciting rhythm. "When we exited the auditorium," he murmurs thickly, "all I could hear was people praising you, right and left. I'm so fucking proud of you… My little lamb…"

I sigh, touching the bracelet he presented me with earlier. It's one of the sweetest gifts I ever received. My heart swells with love and I pull him even closer, and with that, our kiss grows passionate, giving me everything I've ever wanted. It's warm and wet and loving. Edward's hands roam my waist, and I know that if we weren't in public, they would be travelling to my breasts now…

"Bella!" It's Alice's excited voice.

Edward lets out a small, frustrated groan.

"Bella!" She's clapping her hands excitedly. "Come, come!"

Reluctantly, we get up and follow her to the bar, where Laurent has set up his laptop. Pretty much everyone has gathered around it, staring at the monitor.

"What's going on?"

"It's Ken Nanty's review," someone says.

"Oh, God." I daren't go any closer, but Edward gently pushes me forward, his hands on my hips.

It's the website of the _New York Times_.

_Isabella Swan, 28-year-old newcomer, is definitely a talent to watch out for. Her rendition of Margaret is as heartbreaking as it is brilliant. Catching every nuance of that wayward character, Swan manages to equally move and entertain the audience, which clearly fell in love with her. Clapp's production greatly profits from her unusual and very original interpretation. She oozes sex appeal, but her delicate beauty will keep her from taking that road. I see a great career for Miss Swan, and if it wasn't so tacky, I'd almost like to say A Star is Born._

The article, of course, says a lot more than just that, but I'm too dizzy to follow the text.

"Wow." Alice is the first to speak.

Laurent turns to me, a slow grin spreading on his face.

"So," he says. "You made it."

My heart is beating wildly. I can't believe this is real. I can feel Edward's hand at the small of my back.

"You think…" There's a huge lump in my throat that keeps me from going on.

"You made it," Cornelius repeats, and kisses my cheek. "And deservedly."

I'm overwhelmed, and everyone is hugging and congratulating me.

After that, the party gets wild, and I'm glad that Edward's parents left hours ago. Rose and Emmett went home directly after the show, because with just a month to go until the birth of their daughter, Rose didn't feel very much like partying. It's getting a bit too noisy and chaotic for me, as well.

"D'you want to go home?" Edward closes his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck.

"You're a mind reader," I reply.

By the time I've gathered all my first night gifts and flowers, and we've said goodbye to everyone, an hour has passed. We get into the taxi and I rest my head on Edward's shoulder.

"I'm going to sleep all day tomorrow," I inform him.

"Mmm," he murmurs against my forehead. "Will you not even wake up for a little ding-dong?"

"I think I'll manage to slip in a little ding-dong," I laugh.

"The way you say that, it sounds all wrong," he chuckles, softly biting my earlobe.

"You're right," I whisper against his neck, breathing in his delicious scent. "We'll have several monumental ding-dongs, and what is going to be slipped in isn't little, at all… okay?"

Edward responds by tickling his finger upwards on my thigh until they're reaching the hem of my dress.

Once we're home, I put all the flowers into vases and take the gifts to the living room. I'm glad I'm out of my heels, and looking forward to joining Edward in bed, not opposed to having the little 'ding-dong' right now.

A cool breeze hits my legs, and I turn to see that the door leading to the terrace is open, and that Edward is outside.

"Hey." I join him. It's a bit chilly but refreshing.

"Hey." He pulls me close. Our bare toes touch.

Edward's eyes glisten in the moonlight as he smiles his crooked smile.

"I love you," he says. "Completely."

"I love you too," I reply. "Always."

"I'm so glad you're well again. I've never been so afraid as I was on the day of your accident, you know." He kisses me. "I need you."

"I need you too."

I wrap my arms around his neck. "I don't know how I would have managed if it hadn't been for the fact that you were there."

"But I was, he says softly. "And I'll always be."

Our lips meet in a long, tender kiss, filled with so much love that my heart is close to bursting my chest. Edward's soft lips move softly with mine, and I melt into the safety of his arms.

As we stand there, under the black but moonlit sky, enveloped by the New York night, I know that there's nothing to be afraid of any longer. Because Edward will be there.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Oh. My. God. **

**I cannot believe I did this. **

**This little sucker is longer than ****Twilight****, by the way. I'm referring to that lemon-less vampire story you may have heard about.**

**Thank you, thank you, ****thank you**** for all the support. Every single review means so much to me!**

**Okay, here comes the epilogue, and then it's goodbye… for now **

**xoxo**

**hp**


	34. Epilogue

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Chapter title belongs to Noel Coward ("Together With Music".)**

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

EPILOGUE**: AT LAST THE GODS HAVE SAID OKAY**

**B**

I'm woken by the sensation of soft lips on my shoulder, slowly going lower, kissing my chest. Never opening my eyes, I sigh happily.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," he whispers against my skin.

A ridiculously wide grin spreads over my face.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen."

Still not opening my eyes, I feel his hair tickle me. He puts one tiny kiss on my nipple, and I twine my arms around his neck.

"I'm hungry," he murmurs, licking little circles that make me squirm.

"We can go out for breakfast…" I moan softly as his tongue continues teasing me.

"Mmm, I don't think that cappuccino and a _bombolone_ will satisfy my needs…"

His fingers tickle the inside of my thigh and his tongue leaves a moist path on my tummy as it travels south. I'm in honeymoon heaven.

Later, after we have both satiated each other's deep hunger, we have breakfast on the terrace overlooking the Tuscan fields. I love the view of the cypresses in the distance. The sky is so blue here.

**E**

Showing Bella Florence is one of the best things I've ever done. She's totally getting off on the whole Europe experience, and the next time, I'm taking her to London. Yep.

She can't stop staring and admiring everything. The Boboli Gardens, The Uffizi Galleries, Michelangelo's David. She soaks it up like a sponge.

She keeps asking me for the Italian words for everything, and fuck, she's a quick learner, and more often than not, I have to admit how much I've forgotten over the years.

The _ponte vecchio _is crammed with tourists, but we don't care and stroll along. I buy Bella a heart-shaped charm to add to her tiny anchor. She giggles and bites my ear as we make our way over the old bridge.

I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that, for twenty-one days, I have been married to this gorgeous creature.

**B**

I'm in a deck chair by the pool in my rather skimpy bikini. It's after six, which gives me enough reason to sip on a Negroni. I brought my laptop and just opened the file Seth has sent me.

The file with the wedding pictures.

I can hear Edward pad towards me. Oh, no, not towards me. He's taking a dive into the pool.

Our private pool.

Since he is my husband, I figure it's okay to ogle him as he takes powerful strives, crossing the pool several times. I also watch him as he lazily towels himself off, coming to sit next to me on the tiles. He uses his towel as a pillow, putting his head on my knee, drops of water running down my leg.

"Hey." I kiss his wet hair.

Edward kisses my knee and works his way to the inside of my thigh.

**E**

After we've had a little honeymoon celebration by the pool, we view the wedding pictures Seth has sent. Bella is snuggled up against my side, the sun is setting over the endless planes surrounding us, and since we're in the region, we have a glass of chianti while we look at the pictures on her laptop.

Bella seems to be more than happy with them, repeating over and over again how sexy and perfect I look. I think I'm grinning like an idiot in most of the pictures, but it's okay. Who wouldn't if they finally got to marry the most beautiful and wonderful girl in the world?

I'm really glad that Bella never wanted a big white wedding either. I had it and it was a farce, and Bella told me she'd never envisioned herself in a white dress, and that she didn't really want it.

So we were married in a quiet and peaceful ceremony. Me in a classic suit and Bella in the most adorable dress mankind has ever seen, which Alice made for her. She was so beautiful I almost forgot to say the words.

**B**

Holy moley Edward looked so hot in that suit. The pictures Seth took are beautiful. Everyone looks so happy.

It was a perfect day. The ceremony was small and modest, and the party afterwards mostly a family affair, held in Esme and Carlisle's garden.

"Look at that!" Edward points to a picture of Lily stuffing her face with a big piece of cake, Sal staring at her from amber eyes. The next photo shows Lily holding out a bit of cake to the large black cat.

A shot of Alice and Jasper dancing, her face on his chest, both oblivious to the world.

"Ali is silent. Wow." Edward chuckles.

Sue chatting with Emmett and Collin, everyone laughing.

Charlie in deep conversation with Dale, who was permitted a glass of beer.

"There." Edward pulls me even closer as we look at the pictures of us, cutting the enormous cake, the next one showing us as we feed each other.

"That cake…" I murmur dreamily.

"So sweet…" Edward's lips are on mine. "But you are so much sweeter…"

**E**

"Try that one!"

Bella holds out her fork for me to try her pasta.

"Fuck that's good…" I shake my head. I've been in culinary heaven for the past four weeks.

Bella giggles, scooting closer to me. She wipes the corner of my mouth with her thumb and then licks it.

"Tomato sauce," she says.

She's beautiful, her hair flowing around her shoulders, a happy glow on her face. Behind her are the endless Tuscan planes. I'm glad I listened to our landlady when she recommended this family restaurant; it was well worth the drive.

Bella looks at me with a small smile.

"What?" I smile back.

"I love you," she whispers.

"That comes in handy, Mrs. Cullen," I say. "Because I happen to love you, too."

**B**

"Edward!" I giggle.

"What?" He keeps nuzzling and kissing the side of my neck, his arms around me, our fingers still intertwined over the cutting board.

"I am never going to learn how to cook if you keep distracting me..."

My last words are subdued by a drawn-out moan.

**E**

These past two and a half years with Bella have been the best of my life, and I can't thank God or the Universe or whatever forces hold our little lives together, enough.

Bella has been the greatest gift, ever.

And now, she is my wife.

My wife. My wife. My wife.

I keep repeating the words in my head.

"My wife," I whisper into her ear, still trying to teach her how to slice a tomato without reducing it to mush.

"My husband," she murmurs back, turning in my arms so she can kiss me.

B

_Ohh…_

Honeymoon kitchen sex is just as good as honeymoon pool sex. Or honeymoon shower, bedroom, garden, carpet, hallway, terrace... um, I'm getting distracted. There is a man next to me on the couch, and he does those things with his lips and hands…

Honeymoon is my new favourite occupation.

**E**

I watch Bella as she tries to converse with the little woman in the market stall.

Bella wants to buy artichokes, but for some reason, the old lady won't understand. She keeps telling Bella that the tomatoes are great.

"Pomodori?" Bella's expression is cute beyond words.

"Si, si!

When she joins me at the little _trattoria, _Bella is carrying a large bag filled with tomatoes.

"I believe she told me some family recipe," she says, shrugging. "But I have no idea if it's a cake, or a soup or a sauce."

I lean over and kiss her.

"Never change, will you?"

"What if I do?"

"Then I'll change with you."

**B**

Turning round in bed, I watch Edward's sleeping form. His face is relaxed and his cheeks are rosy like a boy's.

My heart swells with love. I never knew it was physically possible to be as happy as I am right now.

I look at the golden band around my ring finger. It still feels strange on my hand, but I love to feel it, to look at it. It confirms our bond.

I look at Edward's hand, stretched out on the pillow next to his face. His ring is wider than mine, and I love to see it on his long, elegant finger.

Moving closer, I kiss the back of his hand. He doesn't wake, but makes a small sound that reminds me of Cedric when he is asleep. I hope he's doing okay at Seth and Collin's, but from what I hear, the cat has a big time.

"Mmm…" Edward sighs, slowly waking. His eyes are sleepy and his smile is goofy.

"Hey," I whisper.

"Hey…" He pulls me close.

**E**

Bella is so beautiful in her post-coital slumber. Her hair is fanned out across the pillow, her lips set in a cute pout.

Every day, I'm falling in love with her a little more, even though I thought that would be impossible.

She's everything I ever wanted, everything I never even knew I wanted. She's my sunshine and my rain, my conscience, my joy, my reason to get up in the morning. She nurtures and grounds me, she sets me free and makes me whole. Her smile makes me smile, her laughter makes me laugh, and her tears break my heart. She's my soulmate, and I'll be wherever she is. Forever.

**B**

Edward has fallen asleep as we lay in the grass by the little pond we discovered a few days ago. It's incredibly peaceful, and so, so quiet.

My world is good.

The sun is shining through the leaves of the tall trees surrounding our spot, illuminating the bronze highlights in his hair. His face is relaxed, and his lips are pursed as he dreams.

He sighs softly, turning towards me and throwing one arm around my hip. My heart is close to bursting with love.

Thinking back over the past two years, I can't help the huge smile that spreads across my face.

Did I ever imagine my life to take this road?

Hell, no.

When I moved to New York, I was simply hoping to get on with my career. I never expected the drama and heartbreak and sheer bliss that the time with Edward has given me.

It was a bumpy road, and there were hard times, and I have learned a lot about myself, and life in general. And I'd never change a moment of it.

Because every single thing that has happened led us to where we are.

Right now.

Together.

**oOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thank you from the very bottom of my heart to everyone who stayed and read my version of Bella and Edward. You cannot imagine how much each and every comment means to me. This is my first fanfiction, and it's very dear to my heart. This story has been with me every day for six months, and it's BIG to finally let it go.**

**Thank you especially to ****dellaterra** **who knows how to set my words so they don't sound like a stumbling mess. You will recognize the chapters she beta'd, but just in case you don't it's mentioned in the A/N s. Hopefully, we'll be back together the next time around. Hugs and kisses to her!**

**Thank you to DarkBlueBella for her encouragement!**

**Thank you to all my readers, thanks for the alerts and adding YWT to favourites, but especially to those who reviewed regularly and made me ridiculously happy- ****you know who you are!**

**I don't think I can let these two go just yet – so watch out for the sequel! If everything goes well, I'll be back sometime in August. **

**See you soon!**

**Much love,**

**harperpit**


	35. Chapter 35

HELLO GUYS,

This is not a new chapter; I just wanted to tell those of you that had put _You Were There_ on story alert that chapter one of the **sequel** is on.

It is called _Wake Up and Dream_ and will have around 25 chapters.

Here's a short summary:

_Sequel to You Were There. Bella and Edward have been very happily married for three months, and both have thriving careers – there's bound to be jealous minds._

_And then, there's also Edward's deep longing to have a family with Bella…_

_AH, canon couplings._

I'd love to hear from you!

Xoxo

harperpitt


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